Track 10: Future- Xanax Damage

February 9, 2023
9:37PM

Cara sat on the hood of Arianna's car while taking a sip from her cup. Ari and Katie dragged Cara out of the house to this street party Booka sent to them. Cara had just gotten back from her weekend vacation with Michael and her mind was so wrapped around that well needed time away that she didn't even take a second to think that there would be a possibility that she would see Dee.

"Im just saying girl. Free trips on the private jet, wined and dined and shopping sprees" Ari whistled and toasted her cup with Cara. "I aint mad at ya friend. Milk these men for whatever they got"

Katie smacked her lips. "It's always about money with you Ari. Look Cara you got two good dudes that you like so just date them both"

Cara side eyed Katie "You know I actually thought you were going to say something better than what Ari was saying"

The friend group could hear Booka's loud ass voice approaching them, causing Ari and Katie to look back. Cara instead kept her eyes straight forward looking at the crowd of people.

"It's plenty of females out here man you trippin'. Better grab you one for tha night" Booka nodded at Ari "Wassup Ari? When you gone let me-"

"Never!" She cut him off before he could even finish. Making everybody laugh even Dee cracked a smile as he leaned on the side of Ari's car.

Dee stopped smiling and regular back to his natural mug "I'm cool on that. Ian tryna fuck with none of these hoes out here"

"Hoes?!" The three girls said in unison.

"Hoes, sluts, Eaters whatever the fuck they wanna be called" He retorted and Booka just shook his head. Every since Dee found out Cara went on a trip with Michael he hasn't been the same since. He was taking his medicine but the shit he would say out of his mouth was so disrespectful and made him sound bitter.

"You so disrespectful that shit is sad" Cara glanced over her shoulder at him and then turned back around.

Dee looked her way "You gone be mad if I tell you what you are Cara"

"I know I'm alive and well..Cant say the same about your other bitch" she mumbled the last part.

"Cara stop talking to me before I air this bitch out" Dee pushed his self off of the car and walked around to the front so he was now standing in front of her.

Katie tapped her friend "Uhh please stop talking to him. I don't have on my good running shoes"

Cara waved her off and stared up at Dee. She was getting real tired of him with this back and forth that they were doing. She already mentioned it to him before and she hated repeating herself. "Okay so do it then" She edged him on.

To her surprise she managed to quickly grab his hand when he reached for his waistband. "Wait!" She held his hand while scooting her body closer to his so that he was now standing between her legs. "You were really going to shoot me?" she looked up at him with a slight pout.

"Yall ass be tweakin' one minute yall arguing and the next minute yall cool. I would hate to see yall get married. Damn wedding gone turn into a shootout" Booka shook his head. "Come on let me show yall somethhing" he gestured to Ari and Katie.

Ari hesitated walking away from her friend. "You good Cara?" she looked between her and Dee.

"Yeah she good" Dee spoke up. Dee always thought that Ari was always in Cara's business but really Ari was just being a good friend making sure she was okay at all times. Something that was genuinely rare.

"I'm not talking to you Deion" Ari rolled her eyes before flipping him off. Ari was starting to see a side of Dee that she did not like and was kind of worried for her friend.

Dee just watched her with a blank stare as she started to walk off. Cara's hand found it's way to his chin as she turned his head so he was now facing her again. "Don't be rude to my friends. I'm not rude to your friends"

Dee was glad that it was just the two of them. He missed Cara real bad, her not talking to him made him feel a pain in his heart that he had never felt before. "My bad, why she always mad?"

Cara sighed "I mean...You did just call all of us hoes so that could be a reason why" she ran her hand down his chest, getting a good feel of his build. Her hand continued down and stopped right below his belt buckle.

"I wasn't talking about you though" His hand moved to her neck where it honestly belonged. He loved the way she looked up at him gracefully.

Secretly Booka, Ari, and Katie watched from a distance with nothing but confusion and concern. They had been watching them since they walked away just to see what would happen. It was nice to see them back talking but the way they would just snap at eachother randomly was alarming. Booka knew about Cara's other side since he helped get rid of Brittany's body,however Katie and Ari didn't know about Dee's other side.

This is what raged Arianna the most she felt like Dee was keeping a secret from her friend and she was down to do whatever to expose him of it. She figured she would just need some time and an opportunity for this.

Cara smiled widely as Deion wrapped his arm around her shoulder. The two of them heading in the direction of his car. "You need to go see a therapist or something" she looked over at him. A loud laugh left his mouth, he couldn't believe she was the one suggesting therapy.

"Yeah we can go to therapy together" He smirked and opened the passenger side door for her to get in. He made sure to close it and looked in Booka's direction to let him know that they were leaving. He could see Ari was still frowning at him.

Cara on the other hand pulled out her phone to text her friends that she was going to go back to Dee's place for the night. She put it in the groupchat and thought to herself how just a few days ago she didn't want anything to do with Dee and now here she was ready to go home and be his slut.

Her eyes shifted to the top of her screen where a message from Michael appeared reading 'I NEED to see you Cara. I want you and I'm willing to do whatever'

February 10, 2023
11:02AM

Dee watched Cara walk in a out of his closet pulling out different clothing items. He wasn't sure on why she thought she could be a stylist but he let her have at it for the day. "Hurry Up Cara" he looked down at his watch and back up at her. She now stood with a Black and Orange Off White Jacket. He shook his head again "Nah"

Cara just nodded and sat the jacket next to him before going back in the closet. "I just said no Cara so why you put it right here?" He looked beside him to eye the jacket again to really see if he would change his mind.

Cara appeared back in the room "I know. I put it right there because I'm going to wear it I have a cute outfit to go with it but here" she extended her hand out handing him the hanger with a Black and white Amiri sweatshirt. She then brought out the matching sweatpants. Dee nodded in approval.

"You're so basic it's always Amiri this, Amiri that" she walked past him to go get dressed.

"I'm basic but you wanna take my basic ass clothes home with you" He stood up and chuckled cockily since he knew Cara was watching him get dressed. The both of them had a strong admiration for each other's body.

"Hush. I'm only taking a jacket..and a hoodie.. and two shirts but that's it" She slid on her leggings. Her day would consist of going in the office for a few hours so she knew she would have to go rush and get dressed.

The way Dee felt about Cara was starting to make his body feel different. He wanted it but didn't want it to happen at the same time. His mind went back to Keisha, the first time they fell in love was such a big feeling for him.

"I'm glad to know that I still cross your mind. It's been a long time Dee."

His mood changed so quick, his eyes darkened and he was pretty sure his blood was boiling on in the inside. He had tuned Cara's voice out as his ears fainted out the sound around him letting a silence take over.

"Dee you hear me?" Cara's voice slowly started to bring him back as she waved her hand in front of him.

He looked at her with the meanest scowl ever. "What Keisha?"

Cara furrowed her eyebrows together and looked around the room to make sure he was talking to her. "Keisha? Your ex? Dont call me no other woman's name Dee" Cara started to gather her things so she could go.

"Don't get mad now. You thought moving on was really going to work huh?"

"What are you going to do now Dee? It looks like she's leaving you, just like everybody else in your life did"

"You not fucking leaving me Keisha. Not again" He followed behind Cara and grabbed her arms. The items Cara once had in her hands were now on the floor as she jerked her shoulders back and forth so she could free herself of his grip.

"Deion what the fuck are you doing? Cut it out" her voice started to crack. The person she was opening up to was gone and this person she was seeing was obscure. He was able to push her body onto the bed as he hovered over her.

The constant voices in his head continued with threats, humiliation, greed, envy and most important sorrow. "Why you tryna leave me in this world alone? Just like everybody else? You know I'm fucked up without you. You know how much losing you means to me!" He stared deep in Cara's eyes.

Cara was so aghast that her body stopped moving. She couldn't even believe the person that just unfolded in front of her. All of this was too much for her it was purely triggering. Although Deion was seeing Keisha, Cara was seeing her mother. The nightmares of her snapping out of character like this had finally come back.

After remembering how to do his own calming strategies, Dee took two deep breaths. He was completely mute yet he kept his attention on Cara. His eyes were now back to their normal color. The hold he had on Cara was loosened as he moved away from her body. He didn't have anything to say he was honestly embarrassed she even seen him like that.

Cara looked up at the ceiling still laying on her back as flashbacks on the rages her mother went through and the amount of effort he dad put in to try to avoid her seeing it. She slowly sat up and got out of the bed.

Dee sat at the edge of the bed with his face in the palms of his hands. Cara tried her best to move his hands away from his face but he wouldn't budge. He wasn't crying or anything he just needed a moment to reflect. "Dee just look at me. I'm not mad at all" Cara wasn't going to give up so she just sat next to him. "The way you just snapped I recognize that all too well. You probably don't believe me but I do"

"No you dont" Dee felt the spot next to him shift a little as Cara brought her legs up and sat criss crossed now. He wished she would just go home and let him be but he also was blinded by the fact that he really needed her here.

Cara sighed " You asked me about my mom a few weeks ago..well when I was around maybe eight or nine I got ready for school like a normal day you know and was waiting for my mom to come in the room and do her regular morning lecture. I heard her voice in the other room so I just continued waiting and waiting. Then my dad opened my bedroom door he looked so drained but he still managed to put a smile on his face when he seen me"

Although Dee wasn't looking at her, he was closely listening to her to see where she was going with this.

"So he tells me that everything is okay and that he would take me to school. I didn't think too much of it until I walked past my parents bedroom. The door was slightly cracked and I could see her just sitting there in the bed. She was mumbling something to someone she was apparently seeing in the distance" Cara looked down at her hands and began to play with her nails. This was something she'd never expected to tell anyone outside of her close circle.

Dee looked over at Cara as she stopped talking. "What happened after that?" he hadn't met anyone to ever go through the same thing he was going through.

Cara continued looking down "My dad just rushed me out of the house and I went to school like nothing happened. Once I came home she was back to her normal self cooking dinner, cleaning, and even put me to bed. After that day it was a repeated pattern until it wasn't anymore. I slowly started to see her transgress beyond her normal state."

Cara's memory was clear as day. She could think of every single detail, word, and emotion her mom went through. It was so memorable because she feel so connected as feel like she went through them herself.

"First there was therapy, and then there was the medicine. After the medicine she calmed down a little but then she was reluctant and didn't want to take it since she said it only made her worst at times. After a long fight for another eight years she just gave up and took her own life, leaving me and my dad distressed. That's when I retreated to harming either myself or..others" Cara really struggled to get the last part out without any tears.

She forced a smile on her face "And now here I am with the same shit going on in my head. Only this time I sometimes hear her voice and see her face. Most of the time it's negative things and very rarely good things. I just wish it all went away but it's the only thing I could hold on to from my mom so I just deal with it. How about you how long have you been like this?"

Dee looked up as he tried to track when was the first time he felt himself changing. "Since I was a kid. Everybody just deemed me  as a menace but ain't never really see what was wrong beyond my behavior. My mom tried her best to understand but was forcing me to take them pills and shit Ian like it. I stopped taking em but my nights got worst."

Cara scooted closer to him while she stared at his side profile. Dee was truly a work of art to her, he was handsome and had this energy that just happened to gravitate her to him everytime. She couldn't shake the feeling of why they couldn't just walk away from each other. "So what helped you calm down at the time?"

Dee shook his head "Honestly. I ain't calm down till a few years ago when I took my music shit serious. When I was about fourteen my mind was completely doing it's own thing. I went to the streets and found some type of peace there but I wasn't doing shit but causing hell. In and out of the Juvenile system and then when I turned eighteen I did some dumb shit and went straight to jail nothing new. This time I ain't have nobody there for me besides Bari. Even the person I was in love with left to go fuck with another nigga"

Cara poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue while she took in his words. "Where is she? You want me to go handle her?"

Dee wasn't sure why that made him smile but it did. "Nah it ain't even shit to handle because she's dead"

Cara rested her head on his shoulder "Oh...What happened to her?"

Dee felt like he was oversharing and didn't want to tell Cara he killed the love of his life so he just put a little twist to his truth. "Ion know. When I was in jail she ran into the wrong guy and he stalked her and shit. A few weeks later she was drugged or something like that. Every since then I ain't been the same. It's hard to trust when everybody eventually will leave"

Dee knew what he was doing. He felt bad playing the emotional role with Cara but hearing what she been through let him know that she would be easily manipulated into being with him.

Cara looked on the side of the bed where her items were on the floor and picked up her phone. She unlocked it and went to Ari's contact so she could call her. The line rang two times before she picked up. Dee couldn't really hear the other person on the phone but just whatever Cara was saying.

"Can you just send them to my email. I'm going to stay home today"

...

"Because I don't feel good and just want to rest"

...

"Wait..He did? Oh Okay can you just tell the receptionist to leave them on my desk. Thanks"

...

"Alright bye" She tossed her phone to the side and then turned back to Dee. "Well now you can't say 'everybody' because I'm not leaving you"