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𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗞

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
honestly, who are we to fight the
alchemy?

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REAL LIFE

MARY JANE FELT like her heart was about to completely burst out of her chest as she walked out of Tina's room.

She had cleaned up the mascara under her eyes and touched up the rest of her makeup, including her lipstick. Luna had stayed with her the entire time, maybe as a comfort thing or to boost her confidence. She didn't even say anything when Mary Jane repeated to herself in the mirror that she got this (she did not got this, by the way.) Nevertheless, Mary Jane was grateful for her company. It did make her feel a lot better.

Yet, now, as Mary Jane climbed up the stairs to go join the party again, she started to have second thoughts. What if this went south? What if everybody else was wrong, and he was just acting nice towards her? Getting her feelings off of her chest would be beneficial, she knew that, but she also didn't know if she could handle getting rejected by him. It would ruin everything, and letting go of their friendship they had built the past two weeks she had been here would break her, probably.

She locked her hands behind her back nervously as she navigated her way through the party, glancing around for Ellum. It wasn't exactly that hard to find him since he was so fucking tall, and when she did, her heart went boom. He was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter next to Noah in all his black v-neck glory, a drink in his hand. His sunshine that usually radiated off of him seemed dim, and Mary Jane felt a pang go through her chest. There couldn't be any other reason for the clouds rather than her running away. She paused for a second, her breath feeling like it was caught in her throat and her mouth suddenly feeling very dry.

Luna placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. "You've got this. I believe in you."

"What do I even say?" Mary Jane asked, her eyes still trained on him. She couldn't look away, not even if she tried. "I don't . . ."

"The words will come," Luna reassured him. "They always do. Just talk from the heart. Pretend you're writing a song, that's what I do. No matter what, he'll understand." She let her shoulder go. "Come on. I'll get Noah to move away from him while you take Ellum somewhere quieter."

Luna led the way, looking as confident as ever. Mary Jane held back for a moment, closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. Whatever happens, I'm letting it. She opened her eyes back up and followed Luna. Noah had instantly brightened a bit once he saw Luna, extending an arm out to her. Luna sunk into his side comfortably, looking up at him with stars in her eyes as she greeted him warmly. She then looked up at Ellum, giving him a quick wink before glancing over at Mary Jane — something subtle, but something to announce Mary Jane's presence. Luna gave Mary Jane a small nod before turning her attention back to Noah.

Mary Jane slid up beside Ellum, their arms brushing together. Ellum looked down at her, blinking slightly in surprise. She didn't say anything — all she did was extend her hand out to him, palm up. Ellum glanced down at it for a quick second, and without any further hesitation, he slid his hand right into hers. Mary Jane reveled in the comfort of it for a moment before turning around and walking out of the kitchen, taking him with her.

She brought them all the way to the room Ellum was staying in. Once they were inside, Mary Jane let go of his hand. Ellum stepped forward slightly into the room while Mary Jane turned around and shut the door. She stared at the wood of the door for a second, taking another deep breath. It was truly now or never. She spun back around, pressing her back to the door and looking right at him. Ellum had placed the drink he was holding on the nightstand and was now sitting on the bed, the very same bed they had almost kissed once before, staring at her, almost waiting.

"Hi," Mary Jane greeted, not really knowing what else to say.

Ellum tilted his head slightly. "Hey." He glanced around at the room for a second. "You brought me in here for a reason, I presume."

"Yeah." She stared at him for a second longer. "We have to talk, you and me."

He nodded a bit. "I think so, too. I wanted to come find you, but I didn't want you to feel . . . more overwhelmed."

Her heart sank a little, and her voice quieted. "I'm sorry. I know you're upset, and probably mad at me—"

"I'm not," Ellum quickly cut in. "I'm honestly more worried about you than I am mad. I mean, I'm a bit confused, but you just looked so panicked."

"It's 'cause I was." She shook her head. "Still am, honestly."

"MJane—"

"I just — can I just speak for a second, please?" Mary Jane pleaded. "I think I just need to get everything off of my chest."

Ellum immediately stopped. "Okay. Go ahead."

Mary Jane gave him a quick smile, her heart pounding so loud she could hear it in her ears. "I don't know if you can tell, but every time I'm around you, I just . . . lose it. I know we're friends, and I know we've developed our dynamic, but you have no idea what goes on inside my head when you're near. I've never . . ." She trailed off, swallowing nervously. "The way you make me feel . . . I've never felt the same way with anyone else." She let out a small laugh, one that didn't really have any humor in it. "You've got no fucking clue what you do to me."

"What do I do?" Ellum questioned, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

She absentmindedly twisted one of her rings around her finger. "You make my head spin, you make my heart race, you make my stomach feel weird, you make me forget all of the words in the English language. It's like at any given moment, I could just spontaneously combust. Nobody has ever made me feel like that before. And . . . it scared me, I guess. It's still scary."

Ellum, for once, was silent. He just continued looking at her, and even though saying all of this was making her feel way lighter after carrying it around for months, she was still anxious as fuck. Even though everything was still freaking her out, she continued.

"Kissing you so out of the blue wasn't part of the plan," Mary Jane explained. "It all just happened so fast, and I wasn't thinking. I should've talked to you first — I should've done literally everything differently. I ruined everything, and that's why I ran away. Now I'm just here to clean up my mess I left behind."

Ellum cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, what exactly did you ruin?"

"Us," she answered before gesturing in between them. "This. I thought that I would be able to ignore my feelings for you, because you're . . . you're everything, but I can't. Not anymore. They've become too much, and I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm sick and tired of pretending that they aren't there, when in reality, they're all I can think about. You're all I think about."

He stood up from the bed, his gaze locked on hers. "MJane."

She barely registered that he took a step closer to her. "Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but there's something there. You have to feel it, too."

Ellum took another step closer to her. "MJane."

"If I got it all wrong, let me know, and I'll fuck off."

He took another step, which she still didn't recognize. "Mary Jane."

"Just—" Mary Jane was suddenly cut off by Ellum taking yet another step closer to her, so close that she was right up against the door with him right in front of her. She tilted her head back to look up at him, and there was a certain look in his eyes — one that she had never seen from him before. Mary Jane suddenly felt all of her breath leave her, and she could've sworn she felt her heart stop. "Oh."

"I know you asked me to just let you explain, but I can't," Ellum said. "This is extremely rich coming from me, but MJane, sometimes you talk too much."

She nodded, although the fact that he was so, so close to her made her mind go blank. "Okay. Noted."

"I don't mean it like that. I love hearing your voice and listening to you talk. It's just . . . you started something earlier, and didn't give me a chance to do anything." His eyes then glinted. "I'd like to finish it."

Jesus fucking Christ.

Mary Jane blinked a couple of times, trying to register what the hell he just said — her brain felt like syrup, and it was like she was short-circuiting. "Um . . ."

"MJane." He reached up, his hands sliding to hold her waist. "Tell me to stop." His voice was low, and she felt it everywhere. "Tell me to stop, and I will."

All thoughts were really out the window now. He was practically holding her entire waist from how big his hands were, and since she was wearing a cropped shirt, part of them were touching the bare skin of her stomach. Mary Jane's skin felt like it was on absolute fire. Her breath hitched in her throat. Even if she couldn't think, she knew that ending this right now was the last thing she wanted.

"Please don't," she replied, her voice barely a whisper.

Ellum then leaned down, and for the second time that night, connected their lips together in a searing kiss. This time, however, there was no interruptions, no nothing — it was just them in Ellum's bedroom with Mary Jane backed up against the wall, the sound of the party and Nonsense playing from the kitchen drowned out from the closed door. Mary Jane felt electricity run throughout her entire body as her hands moved to rest on his arms.

Honestly, she couldn't believe this was happening. Mary Jane was surprised she was still alive — especially when Ellum moved her in a bit closer to him. She rose up as far as she could go up onto her toes, her arms reaching up to wrap around his neck. Yet even that wasn't enough because he was still to tall, and something about that just made her feel like she was going insane. In turn, Ellum had to lean down more, practically crowding her against the wall with his body so there was no way out — not that Mary Jane wanted to go anywhere else.

Making up for lost time, maybe.

Mary Jane pulled away momentarily, breathing heavily. "I think you might kill me."

"Same." Ellum shook his head, his gaze going right back to her lips. "What a way to die."

She tugged him back down, kissing him again, but it wasn't as urgent as frantic as the first one. This time, it was much gentler, yet meant just as much. Ellum's thumbs ran back and forth gently underneath where her shirt ended, making her stomach feel all fluttery. And Mary Jane — well, Mary Jane fucking melted. She sighed into him, a smile overtaking her lips in the middle of the kiss.

"IT'S TIME FOR HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Ludwig's voice suddenly screamed, echoing throughout the house. "MEET IN KITCHEN!"

The two of them broke apart. Mary Jane, still on the top of her toes, glanced back over her shoulder at the door. The chatter immediately got louder in the house, moving towards the kitchen. Mary Jane, who was still trying to catch her breath, looked back up at Ellum. He was looking down at her with a soft look in his eyes and a fond grin on his face. Mary Jane smiled softly back at him, practically basking in the afterglow, before she looked at his lips and started to giggle.

"What?" Ellum inquired, laughing slightly with her. "What happened?"

She moved her hands to rest on either side of his face. "It's just . . . you've got some of your lipstick on your mouth."

He pulled her in even closer so that their bodies were practically pressed against each other's. "That's where I'd like it to be."

Her cheeks flushed red. "You're ridiculous."

"IF YOU'RE MISSING THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU HATE TINA!" Ludwig yelled.

Mary Jane's thumb ran against his cheek. "We should probably go."

"Yeah, we should," Ellum agreed.

Mary Jane — even though she didn't want to and did it with a lot of regret — fell back onto her flat feet and removed her arms from him. Ellum also slid his hands off of her waist, and Mary Jane instantly missed the feeling. She cleared her throat and tucked some of her hair behind her ear. To be honest, Mary Jane didn't exactly know how she was going to act normal after that, but whatever.

"You're gonna hang out with me the rest of the night, right?" Ellum asked.

"No place I'd rather be," Mary Jane responded truthfully. "But if we're not careful, we might just start kissing in front of everyone."

"I mean, I'm not opposed to that."

She rolled her eyes, her face flushing even more as she opened the door. "Shut up."

He couldn't see the smile on her face, though.

The two of them blended in with the crowd as they walked into the kitchen. Tina was standing behind the counter, watching as QT lit the candles on the cake she had made. Ellum went up to stand beside Thio while Mary Jane, catching his eyes on the way, moved to stand by the fridge, where Luna was comfortably wrapped in Noah's side.

Noah raised his eyebrows up at her. "Where have you two been?"

Mary Jane hesitated for a second. ". . . around."

Before Noah could say anything else, QT counted down from three. Mary Jane focused on the cake and the song, not really wanting to get in the specific details. She could keep that to herself.

"Happy Birthday to you," they all sang.

Luna leaned her head closer to Mary Jane's. "Your lipstick's smudged."

"Happy Birthday to you."

Mary Jane elbowed her side. "Shut up."

"Happy Birthday dear Tina, Happy Birthday to you!"

-ˏˋ ✩✩✩ ˊˎ-

god FINALLY (I'm the author I very well could've made it happen sooner)

another double update week 😎