HWANG HYUNRIN

I opened my eyes to see the same ceiling I'd seen for the past weeks. I tilted my head to see, to my surprise, my brother-in-law.
     "Jun-ho?" My voice was hoarse and barely a whisper. Yet, he must have heard me because he leaned towards me with big eyes.
"Doctors!" he yelled to the hallways before turning to me with a relieved expression. I cracked a small smile as I tried to sit up straight.
Shibal that fucking hurts.
"Easy, nuna!" Jun-ho urged, reaching for me to help. As I took in Jun-ho, my thoughts wandered to my husband.
"Where is my husband? Where is In-ho?" I questioned. Once I sat up, I noticed Jun-ho couldn't look me in the eyes. I knew something was amiss. "Jun-ho?" I said in a firm tone. A tone that my husband always admired.
     "He left, nuna," he whispered.
     ...
     ...
     ...
     ...
     ...
     No...
     No.
     "He cannot be," I whispered in utter shock. My heart raced in my chest. "Why?" I grasped the golden locket while tears started forming in my eyes. He couldn't have left. Why did he go? Where did he go?
     "He went to get money for your surgery," he replied. His answer eased the ache in my heart.
     "Which means he succeeded, I got the surgery," I sighed in relief and dared to chuckle. "Why did you need to scare me so much?" My chuckle faded once I saw tears in his eyes.
     "Nuna, I haven't seen him for weeks," he sobbed. My heart shattered as his words settled.
     ''No,'' I sobbed. ''No, you are lying.'' Jun-ho started to cry as well, telling me he was not lying. I clutched my stomach as a heart-wrenching cry rippled from my throat. I cried until no tears were left to shed.

I sat alone in the house my husband and I owned—well, I wasn't alone. I glanced at my eight-year-old son, playing with his trains.
     My son.
     In-ho's son. Yet In-ho is not here.
     In-ho is not here.
     Even though that news has been out for years, it still cuts deep, like a wound that never heals. Every memory, every thought rips that wound open. Life has been nothing but difficult since then. I searched for my husband—damn, I searched everywhere. But every time, I was met with nothing but disappointment. Min-ho started asking about his father, and he had every right to. But I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. I just couldn't.
     I got to my feet to fetch the mail from the mailbox. Just moving around this place hurts. This house is filled with memories, and even lying in bed feels unbearable, with his scent still lingering in the air. I don't know what hurts more—fighting cancer or losing my husband, with no answers as to why.

I stood on the porch of our house. I suppressed my feelings, took a deep breath, and opened the door. I wanted to visit the house alone, so I could take in everything before I brought my son. He stayed with his grandma and uncle while I was here.
     I slowly stepped inside the house. It felt hollow without his presence, yet full of memories. I walked to the kitchen, remembering how In-ho would always wrap his arms around me while I was cooking. He would turn me around to kiss me.
     I headed to the bedroom, imagining us spending a Sunday morning in bed. I laid down on the bed, imagining his closed eyes while sleeping or the way we would just look at each other. Tears roll down to the sides of my face. I rolled over to his side and his scent filled my nostrils. I curled into a ball and wept.
     ''Nuna?''
     I opened my eyes, realizing I must have cried myself asleep.
     ''Jun-ho,'' I said, my voice hoarse. ''I don't know if I can do this.'' He rushed to my side and held me.
     ''It has been two years,'' I whispered. ''And no sign of him.''

A letter addressed to me catches my attention. A letter that only has my name. No address, no stamp, nothing. I changed my name to Hwang Minsoo because "Hyunrin" had become too painful to carry.
     My fingers brush over the name on the envelope before I open it. Inside is a handwritten letter, and as my eyes scan its contents, I glance at the sender, but the name offers no clarity. It's from someone anonymous.
     As I read the letter, a heavy weight settles in my chest. The truth becomes clear: this person is the one who covered the costs of the donor and the surgery. Now, they're demanding repayment—90 million won.
     I sink to my knees in disbelief. I don't have that amount of money. There is no way I can pay such an amount.
     ''Mommy?'' My son bends through his knees and hands me his train. I hold the train and send him a smile. Once he sees my smile, a smile plays on his lips. I lay my hand on his cheek, caressing his cheek with my thumb.
     ''Hi little guy,'' I smile and pull him in an embrace. ''Shall we visit grannie?''

''Dearest, come in,'' Mal-soon urges. My son and I walk in, only to be coddled by my mother-in-law.
     ''Min-ho, go look for your uncle,'' I smile. Min-ho laughs and happily searches for his uncle. I feel Mal-soon's eyes on me, knowing I should tell her about my debt.
     ''How are you doing, dearest?'' she questions cautiously. I send her a smile before looking down at my hands.
     ''I'm in debt,'' I whisper. ''An enormous debt.'' I watch Mal-soon reaching for my hands and she holds them.
     ''For what are you in possible debt for?'' she questions in disbelief. I sigh a chuckle before looking her in the eyes. Perhaps she can see the despair in my eyes, I don't know.
     ''Living,'' I answer. ''The man who ensured my donor and operation demands his money returned.'' Her expression goes into shock.
     ''How can he ask that of you?'' she shrieking. ''In-ho wouldn't have—''
     ''In-ho is not here,'' I interrupt harshly. My voice cracked at the mention of his name. Mal-soon falls silent, as if in shame. She was right nonetheless. In-ho would have found a solution, he promised me.
He promised me he would find a way.
     ''I am sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned his name,'' she apologizes. I send her a compassionate look, yet couldn't wave it away as if it is nothing.
     ''I need to double my hours at work if I wish to repay this debt,'' I continue. ''Can Min-ho—"
     ''Min-ho is always welcome, he will have a roof above his head in this house,'' Mal-soon pledges. ''He will be cared for.'' I send her a soft smile.
     ''Thank you.''
     ''He looks a lot like him, doesn't he?'' Mal-soon questions with a small smile on her face.
"He does."

While Min-ho is safe and well with his grandmother and uncle, I am heading to work. I wait at the train station, thinking about how I pull myself out of this mess.
     Jun-ho had wrapped his arms around my shoulders as I hid my face in his chest.
     "Don't you worry, my moon and stars." His voice felt comfortable and familiar. I lifted my chin, only to look into the eyes I fell in love with.
     "Nuna?" His eyes disappeared, only for me to look into Jun-ho's eyes.
     "Excuse me, would you like to play a game with me?" A rather handsome man in a suit pulls me out of my thoughts. He was quite tall and carried a brown, leather briefcase with him. He looks like a salesman.
     "I'm sorry?" I apologize.
     "Would you like to play ddakji with me?" he questions with a smile on his face.
     "What is in it for me?" I question, suspiciously eying the salesman. His smile grows, which causes more suspicion.
"If you beat me, you win 100,000 won," he starts.
"But if I lose?"
"Ah. Then I get to slap you." My eyebrows furrowed. That is it?
"No jokes?"
"No joke."
"Deal."

The salesman extends his hand with a red and blue envelope. I get a hold of the blue one before he drops his envelope to the floor. For a moment, I stare at the envelope before slamming my envelope on top of his. The envelope of the salesman flipped, meaning I had won. I received my money and agreed to another round.
     After a few rounds, he gave me a small card before walking away. I watch him leave before glancing at the card. Three shapes are on it: circle, triangle, and square. I frown and flip the card.
     8650-4006
     It looks like a phone number. My attention is drawn away from the card because the train arrived. I put the card behind my phone in the case.
That card kept lingering in the back of my mind, the whole time I was working. It was curiosity that filled my veins. It was odd that he wanted to play a game and give me money if I won. What kind of information is hidden on that card?
     At some point, I couldn't stand the tension and decided to call the number. It takes a few rings before I hear a voice, a robotic voice.
"If you wish to participate, please state your name and birthdate."
"Participate in what?" I question.
"The Squid game," the voice replies. "A game with childhood games and a handsome prize to win."
What the fuck.
"If you wish to participate, please state your name and birthdate."
I think back to my debt. I don't know how much the prize holds, however, every bits are closer to repay this debt.
     "July 26, 1984."
"Hwang," I pause for a brief moment before finishing my name. "Minsoo."
     "Please pay attention to further detail," the voice tells me and adds the date and place where I have the stand ready. After that, it broke the connection. It sounds like a prank, however, my curiosity is not eased. If there is indeed a prize, it will be a solution to repay my debt.

I told Mal-soon about it at home. Not the entire thing, but how I got an offer for more money. Jun-ho was busy with his job as a policeman, meaning he wasn't at home. He has changed since returned home with a bullet in his shoulder. Jun-ho distanced himself from me, why I didn't know.
"Min-ho," I call. Soon, I hear his little legs running towards me. "Mommy!"
"Hey, little guy," I smile and open my arms for a hug. "Mommy needs to tell you something." He looks at me with big eyes.
"Mommy got an offer at her job to make more money," I explain. "But, I am placed elsewhere. Not here in Seoul, which means you get to stay with grannie!" I watch his eyes lit up but also sadness flashing across his face.
"I'll be home before you know it," I smile.
"When will you be back?" he questions.
     "I'm not sure when," I reply. "However, I promise I will come back to you."
I promise.
"Okay, I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too, little guy."

ᵀᴿᵞᴵᴺᴳ 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎