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𝑹 𝑬 𝑴
❝ 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚍, 𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚗𝚎𝚛 ❞

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ㅤ"𝐃𝐀𝐃, 𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐄?" Jack asked, a pout on his lips and a forlorn look in his eyes as he looked up at his father who was holding his hand as they walked. The Hotchner boys both decided on spending the day together, just the two of them, in their local park.

But for Aaron Hotchner, it wasn't just because he wanted to spend some time with his son, it was also because he felt he needed some time alone, away from everyone but Jack. He thought, if he and Jack were away from everyone else, he could've escaped the mess that he and Alina were in. But Jack, sweet little Jack who was normally so oblivious to everyone and everything, seemed to have picked up on the fact that his father and Alina weren't talking. And being the impressionable child that he is, assumed that it was because of him.

Aaron paused in his steps at his son's words, looking down at him indecisively, unsure whether to broach the subject to the little boy. But with an expression on his face so similar to that of Alina's, coupled with eyes that remind him of Haley, his resolve crumbled.

He sighed as he knelt in front of the boy so they were eye-level. With his hands wrapped gently around Jack's arms, he asked, "Why do you think that?"

Jack merely shrugged, replying, "You and Alina are best friends. But you haven't talked to her in a week. Did I do something wrong?"

The way Jack spoke broke Aaron's heart in two. Not only because of the fact that his son was blaming himself, but also because somehow, the way he spoke was also becoming similar to how Alina spoke. It was like Jack was becoming her little clone, and he didn't know what to feel about it.

He hesitated, thinking of the best words to use, words that can both reassure his son, and take his mind off it. He finally settled with: "Alina's just very busy right now, remember? Back at the compound, she had to..." He paused, pursing his lips in slight agitation. How do you explain to a child what a biophysicist, biochemist, geneticist, and biomedical engineer does? "To help save us, she had to break one of her machines, and now she has to fix it."

"What do you mean?" Jack tilted his head in question.

Tilting his head like his son had done—he was sure Jack had gotten that from him—he said, "Well, you love Legos, don't you?"

"Yeah!" Jack giggled slightly.

"When you want to build something new but ran out of bricks, what do you do?"

Jack hummed, thinking for a minute, before nodding. "You get bricks from the other stuff you've already built to make something new. You make it better." He nodded a little more firmly. "I understand."

With raised eyebrows, Aaron asked, "You do?"

"Mhmm. Alina's taught me all about analogies," he slightly stumbled with the word, still getting used to words that are four syllables long. "She says it helps understand things better, even if they're already easy to understand. She says analogies are for people to understand...com-pli-ca-ted...topics." He had to say the word 'complicated' per syllable, and Aaron couldn't stop the grin that came upon his face.

The older Hotchner felt a tug in his heartstrings as fondness grew in his chest. He knew that Jack was smart, gifted even; the boy was a fast learner who loved to read, and was curious about things that most kids don't even care about. All this makes the man painfully aware of just how much Jack loves Alina, the one person who knows how to satisfy his curiosity.

"That's very good, Jack," Aaron still praised despite the sinking feeling in his stomach. Now, he just felt guilty. "You're very smart."

"Thank you," Jack nodded firmly again. Aaron thought it was the last of their conversation about the woman who'd captivated his entire being, but as he stood up, Jack tugged on his arm, and asked, "But why hasn't she called? She always calls."

"Jack," Aaron sighed, kneeling back down again, uncaring of the state of his trousers at the movement. "Alina doesn't have the time--"

"But she always has time, dad. She makes time. For me." His eyes were welling up with tears as his lower lip trembled. Aaron didn't hesitate to pull the boy in his arms, eyes fluttering close as regret blossomed from within him. He picked the boy up and hugged him tighter.

Why did he have to develop feelings for the young super genius? Why couldn't he have just followed rule four? Now, his son was heartbroken, and he wasn't that far behind.

He placed a comforting hand on his son's back, rubbing gentle circles on it as the boy cried, eyes trained on the sunset as he tried to keep his composure intact. He could feel Jack's tears staining his shirt, and he tried his hardest not to cry too, because the last time he ever saw Jack cry, was during his mother's funeral.

Aaron felt relieved when he reached his apartment and saw Jess waiting for him by the steps. He had called the second Jack calmed down. Said boy was already asleep in his father's arms.

With a smile that was clearly fake, he greeted Jess with a "hey."

Jess, who's known Aaron for many years, gave him a slightly scolding look; a look that said that she knew something wasn't right, that she thinks he should talk about it. But she knew Aaron wasn't one for words, and simply asked, "Is Jack okay?"

"Not really," Aaron replied, before he pressed his lips into a straight line. He wanted to say more, but decided that it would be better if they spoke in private, so he asked, "Can we take this upstairs?"

"Of course," Jess replied, her voice soft and unwavering. She knew, for once, that she has to be the stronger one right now, because despite how Aaron was trying to show an unbothered disposition, that he wasn't as emotional as his son, she can tell that something was wrong. And it scared her, because seeing Aaron so discombobulated was unsettling.

They walked up to his apartment, and the blonde watched as Aaron settled Jack into his bed, tucking him in as gently as possible as to not disturb him. She let out a shaky breath, several scenarios running through her mind as to what could have possibly affected the Hotchner boys so bad. She went from serial killers, to stalkers, to everything; she didn't know what to expect.

So, as soon as Aaron gestured for her to sit on the couch with him, she immediately asked, "What's happening, Aaron? Is someone after--"

"It's...it's nothing like that," he cut her off and sighed, hands clasped together as he leant forward on his knees as he began to explain. "It's not related to anything related to the BAU."

Jess frowned. "Then what is it?"

Aaron took a deep breath, and let it out shakily, rubbing his lip with thumb before replying, "It's Alina."

"Did- did something happen to her? Is she okay?"

"She's...ignoring me," he admitted, shifting his position so that he was leaning back against the couch, arms crossed as he clenched his jaw. "I messed up, Jess, and now she's ignoring Jack too. I-I don't know what to do."

Jess let out a breath. "Oh...I-I...what did you do?"

"I just...I messed up." Aaron closed his eyes and threw his head back, looking as dejected as he could be. His eyes then fluttered open, and all he could do was stare up at the ceiling. "I assumed...I...this is my fault. And now, Jack's...he's not okay, and it's all because of me. I shouldn't have..."

The blonde beside him didn't what to do. Just like she thought, she really did have to be the strong one, but she didn't realize she had to be even stronger, especially now that she was seeing how affected Aaron was. She hesitantly placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and licked her lips in thought. She quite honestly didn't know what to say, but she had to say something.

"Aaron..." She began, looking down at her lap. "I...can't say I know what you're feeling because to be honest, I really don't. I've never been in that situation. But I know...I know I was one of the people who told you that you and Alina will be good together. I don't regret it, and I don't feel sorry for it, because I still do believe that. But..." she sighed. "What I do regret...is making you feel like you had to do it now.

"Alina...she's really scared. And even though she and I have only been friends for a while, I could tell. It was obvious, really. All her words, all her objections, it was clear...it painfully obvious that she's just terrified of having feelings. I don't know what could've possibly happened that made her so scared. It could've been one thing, or several things that made her build up that wall. But...I could tell that she really wants to have one of those cliché romances, that she likes you...but she needs time."

"I know that," Aaron interjected, looking back down at his sister-in-law, his closest confidante, the person he trusts the most outside of his team. He placed his hand on top of hers—the one that was on his shoulder—and used his thumb to rub circles in it to reassure himself. He then pulled his hand away and sighed. "I just..."

"I get it."

"No, I..." He scoffed at himself. "I'm supposed to be a profiler. I'm supposed to know, yet the moment I needed my expertise the most, it failed it. It wasn't supposed to be like this, Jess."

"I know," she gave him a small smile, hoping it could help ease his nerves, but it didn't. "But you're not perfect, and neither is she. People make mistakes, so do you. So does she."

"But why do I feel like this is unfixable?"

"Most things can be fixed, as long as you want it to be. Do you want it to be fixed?"

"Absolutely."

"Then talk to her."

Aaron paces in his office, ignoring the eyes of his team through his office window. He had half the mind to shut his blinds as he hated unwanted attention, but he was too preoccupied to notice. All he can think about was Jack practically begging him to call Alina the night before.

But he couldn't.

He was a coward.

For the first time in...forever, really, Aaron Hotchner couldn't bring himself to do one basic, simple thing. He couldn't pick up his personal phone, knowing that the second the phone lights up, Alina's face would be staring back at him. He knew that it was stupid of him to complain—he could just easily change his phone's wallpaper—but he couldn't; he couldn't let go, he didn't want to let go. Despite how it hurt, seeing Alina's face there, every time he opened his phone, brought him both pain and happiness. But he didn't care.

After all, he was a bit of a masochist anyway.

He sighed as he looked down at his phone again, unlocking it. And there it was: Alina's face, her playfulness obvious even through the unmoving image. The way her eyes shined, her lips quirked, and her tongue teasingly jutted out; it was an image of vivaciousness he longed to see in person.

But every time he thought about seeing her again face-to-face, all he can imagine is the sight of that same vivaciousness leaving her eyes, the same way it did on that fateful night.

He ran his hand over his face, before settling to pinch the bridge of his nose in contemplation. He then placed both hands on his hips right as he made his decision. He walked over to his blinds, made eye contact with his team, before shutting them close.

Picking up his phone, he found her contact number, and pressed call.

He half-expected her to ignore him, when suddenly, she picked up the call with a simple, "Hello?"

"Hey," he replied, sitting down on his office couch.

"Aaron?" She sounded confused, and that's when he knew that she really was working—just like he told Jack—to the point where she was barely looking away from whatever she was working on. "Why'd you call?"

If he hadn't been a profiler, trained to pick up the littlest of things, he wouldn't have noticed the slight tremble in her voice. He sighed a little. "Can we talk?"

He can only imagine her sitting on her desk chair, back suddenly going rod-straight. She often did that whenever faced with a problem she wasn't ready to confront, a habit he knew well enough.

"About what?" She asked. Now, he can imagine her with her lips pursed, or maybe even pressed in a straight line, just how she always did when she was serious.

He frowned; he hadn't realized just how many of her habits he's picked up on. But he dismissed all of that with a shake of his head, and said, "Lina, you know what we need to talk about." He sighed. "Honestly, right now, my priority is Jack, and he misses you. Nearly cried himself to sleep last night because you..." He took a deep breath, "haven't called in a week."

There was silence on the other end, and Aaron could only assume-- no, he shouldn't assume. That's what led to this mess in the first place.

Finally, Alina spoke up, "Fine. Let's meet. Where?"

"Remember that restaurant? Where we ate together that one time?"

"Of course."

"What time are you free?"

"Well--"

A knock came upon Aaron's door, and he looked up just in time to see Strauss walking into his office. He clenched his jaw, annoyed, but he couldn't do much when it's his boss. So, he regrettably looked down at his desk as he said, "I'm sorry, I'll call you back."

"Wait, Aaron--"

But he'd already ended his call. His shut his eyes for a moment, knowing that what he did might've just made everything worse, but he had no choice, as Strauss walked forward with her usually stoic face, and handed him a manila folder.

He frowned as he took it from her hands and began sifting through the file.

"What is this?" He asked, his frown deepening as he processed what was written in the folder. "I don't understand."

"You're being reassigned, Agent Hotchner. To Pakistan."

It was at that moment when he realized that he might not even get a chance to fix anything, glaring at the papers in his hand.

"Is there something wrong, Aaron?" Strauss asked with a tilt of her head. If she wanted to piss him off, she wasn't gloating about it. Her face remained emotionless. "Because of certain...changes, you're going to be leading an investigative task force," she explained. "It's only going to be for several weeks, I'm sure you won't be missing anything significant. Your team will still be here."

He pursed his lips. "It's not them I'm worried about."

"Is it Jack?"

But Aaron shook his head. He didn't want to tell his boss about his problems. So, he changed the subject. "When do I leave?"

"Two days," Strauss answered. "Should be enough to get your things in order."

He scoffed as he muttered to himself. "Not nearly enough." He shook his head and finally met her eyes. "I...I'll talk to my team."

"Good," she nodded. "I think this would be good for you, Aaron."

"I..." He shook his head. "I really don't think so."

author's note: first time writing a chapter entirely in hotch's pov and it was actually fun. might actually do it again, but i'm really happy that i decided on doing this. i love hotch a lot and he deserves to be more human, so i hope he wasn't ooc.

took me a while to write this up (again) but planning the upcoming chapters were kinda difficult (tbh i haven't even finished planning everything so it might take me a while to update again). BUT i hope you guys all like what i'm gonna publish soon, because yeah.

 hihi.

anyway, i really hope you guys are as excited as i am for 6:30 which will soon be up as well, maybe right before i finish this book. like, around the last few chapters??? but yeah, i missed writing for gwen, so i'll probs breeze thru it sorta like how i'm breezing thru this. 

hope you're all happy and healthy!! i'll see yall soooooonnn <3