boredom

Frank's show started in ten minutes and he felt nothing. The jitters that celebrities tell their fans about to establish some sort of fake emotional connection was not there what so ever. He felt numb.

The stage was being re-checked and his band was sweating and nervous as they waited for the okay to start.

"You feelin' okay?"

Frank turned around to face his manager. He nodded and sighed looking out over the large crowd.

"You look. . . uninterested." He said, Frank could hear the disappointment in his voice.

He should've felt guilty for it, for not being enthused and happy for what he had set up for him. All of his manager's hard work was right in front of him and he could barely keep his eyes open.

"Is that what this is? You're bored of all your success?" He said.

"I'm always fucking bored." Frank said with more attitude than he intended.

Derek shook his head and sighed looking at his watch.

"The show is about to start and you've got fans that paid to come see you pour your heart out. I don't care if it's sincere or not but you've got a job to do."

Frank wanted to be annoyed but he understood the dissatisfaction Derek felt towards him. He wasn't a brat but he bet he looked like one right about now.

He walked out onto the stage taking his seat in the stool placed in the front behind a mic, that was unsurprisingly too high up for him to reach comfortably when he sat, he adjusted it to his liking and pulled his guitar over his chest.

From the moment he came into view the crowd was going with this screams of adoration and applause. Each screech of "I love you" went right threw one ear and out of the other, not even giving him the butterflies that used to appear in the beginning of his career. He didn't even look up at the audience as he looked behind him to ask his band if they were ready. Once he got a nod from the guitarists and a thumbs up from the drum dude he didn't know he reached for his mic.

The place seemed to grow 100 times larger when it was filled to the brim with excited teens and young adults. He felt suffocated looking at them all, with their cameras out, flashes blinding him as they stared at him as if he was a caged animal. He smiled softly at them and spoke into his mic. He introduced the first song they would be playing and thanked everyone for coming before he started. From the first second of he and his band starting the crowd once again flared up with screams and claps this time for the well known song. Frank used to get emotional when playing it, it being the first song of his that made it to the radio but now it was the same as all the others. He played it with no issues barely thinking as his lips and fingers moved with ease. When he was done with the first few songs it felt like a pause button had been clicked, his eyes opened and he could hear everything now and not just himself. The band took a break for water and for the drummer to bandage his now injured hand.

The fans mingled with each other and shouted nonsense at the stage to get Frank's attention Frank chuckled and responded to some of their random comments but ignored most of them.

before starting the next half of the show Frank noticed a familiar face in the crowd. His eyes lingered for longer than he thought and he heard the guitarist ask him if he was alright he nodded and apologized before they started again though the whole show Frank could barely concentrate.

•••

The show was over and Frank couldn't be more glad. His face was practically pouring sweat and he probably smelled like shit. His band was even worse, practically dripping with sweat through their clothes.

While everyone else decided to celebrate by taking a trip to the bar and flirting with any of the half naked girls that showed up for band members, Frank was still on stage pretending be busy with his guitar. He kept an eye on the slowly shrinking crowd trying to find person that had been on his mind the whole time but the room was dim and the loudness of the bar didn't help his concentration.

Almost everyone had emptied out and Frank felt close to pouting. His heart ached as he desperately looked around trying to see if they're was still a few lingering people but the club was pretty much empty aside from the people who were involved with Frank and the owners. He sighed and packed up his guitar.
He looked over to his band considering telling them that he was leaving but decided against it. He wasn't currently in the mood for human interaction.

"Frank?" Derek asked.

"Yeah?"

"You did good up there."

"Thanks."

There was a pause when no one said anything before Derek sighed and placed a hand on Frank's shoulder.

"Look, kid, you know you can talk to me right? Because you're not okay and this can't go on forever."

"Derek," Frank started but was cut off.

"No, Frank, cut the bullshit for once. You're fucked up right now and you're unhappy. You need to fix this."

"I will." Frank answered.

Derek nodded, no doubt, not believing him.

"By the way, theres a guy outside, Nick I think is was?" Derek said, "I told him that this wasn't a meet and greet but the guy kept insisting you knew him. I'd suggest you go out the back if you aren't feeling like meeting fans."

Frank's eyes widened at the name from his childhood. "Yeah, thanks." Frank rushed out before leaving.

Outside it was dark, almost pitch black. There where a few guys smoking around the building and some trucks loading up equipment. On the side of the building next to the door there was a gut who stood out. His outfit gave him away the most, his jeans were completely intact and he wore and nice shirt and a jacket, dressed for a date or something.When he turned Frank saw his worried face and smiled like a kid.

"Nick!" He yelled. The mans eyes grew and he smiled nervously. Frank jogged over to him and hugged him tight which was unusual for him. "Fuck, man, i haven't seen you in almost."

"Like four years maybe?" Nick chuckled.

"Holy shit." Frank smiled. His brain was racing with one million memories. It felt like he had grabbed chunk of his childhood.

"I missed you man, and I heard one if your songs on the radio and I just had to come see you. You've come so far." Nick said.

"Thanks for coming." Frank said with a big smile. One that wasn't fake for forced for the sake of his career. "I missed you too."

Nick bit his lip like he was about to cry so Frank hugged him again.

The year that Gerard left was one of the hardest in Frank's life. He lost way too many people due to his behavior and unfortunately Nick was one of them.

"Do you maybe want to hang out tomorrow? Or something."
Nick said hopefully.

"Yeah of course." Frank said.

They exchanged numbers and Nick made Frank call him just to make sure, terrified of losing him again. Frank promised to call and so did he.

•••

The next morning Frank did call. It honestly surprised him when he did it. They met each other at a diner to have breakfast and catch up and Frank showed up early just to make sure that he wouldn't let himself bail because this was what he needed. To get better and having friends was "getting better."

"So you never left Jersey?" Frank asked. He found it hard to believe since the last time he talked to Nick he had plans for leaving the "god forsaken state"

"Oh no, I did." Nick said with a smile to himself. "I moved to Indiana for a little bit, it was weird to just up and leave but thats what I needed."

Frank nodded. Maybe thats what he needed. To just run away like a dumbass and abandon everything he had made. "How was it? I don't know shit about Indiana." He said truthfully.

Nick laughed, "It was nice. Probably the most important era of my life."

"That's a bold statement."

"Bold don't mean bad. It's true." Nick said, "I learned a lot about myself that I don't think i would've ever gotten to know staying in Jersey. Fuck Jersey." He laughed again.

Frank tired his coffee around with the little silver spoon. "Like what. . . What did you learn?"

Nick sighed, smiling down at his hands softly before looking back up. "Well, I learned about my love of writing. Not even music just. . . writing. I feel like I limited myself to music directly my youth because," He paused looking to Frank, "No offense—but because you likes music."

Frank looked at him on disbelief for a moment.
He had that much of an impact on Nick's life?

"I uh, I also found my first love there." Nick added.

"Really?" Frank asked happily, still taken back by Nicks words before, "What was she like?"

"Not a she, a he." Nick said with a fond smile, "Definitely a he."

"You're gay?" Frank said with confusion. Nick had dated nothing but women all throughout their lives so this was definitely a surprise.

"No, No, I'm still one hundred precent into girls. I'm bisexual, it's just—I didn't know until I met him." Nick explained.

"What was he like?" Frank asked, wanting to know what kind of guy had the charm to make a guy realize he liked men.

"He's a photographer and he makes a living from it so you know he's amazing." Nick started, his eyes already glowing with admiration for this unnamed guy, "He has the appetite of someone ten times his size but he's also an amazing cook to make up for it, He's adorable and kind and just feisty enough that you don't fear him but you also don't want to have to, you know?"

Frank nodded with a smile, Nick's happiness was definitely contagious. "He sounds amazing, is he still in Indiana?"

Nick frowned a bit, "Yeah, I miss him like crazy and he needs me alot right now."

"Is he alright?" Frank asked.

"Yes and no, He just started testosterone and it's fucking with his mood, He's really sensitive recently and I wish I could be there for him." Nick said, before pausing and looking up at Frank, "Did I mention that he was trans? I forget myself sometimes to be honest."

"Oh, well no you didn't mention that in the essay you just recited about him but i'm sorry he was to go though what he does." Frank joked.

"Me too." Nick said with a smile, thankful that Frank didn't have anything negative to say about his boyfriend, not that he expected him to anyways, Frank had anyways been a good guy.

"So I assume you didn't travel all this way and abandon your true love in their time of need for lil' old me." Frank said.

"Well, yeah you're right." Nick laughed, "I was already in the state for work so I came into town to see you. I even got to hang out at a bar near the venue for a bit."

Frank titled his head a bit, "No offense, Nick, but you don't seem like the type to 'hang out' at a bar."

"None taken, I'm really not." He chuckled."But I get to talk to a really. . . interesting guy while i waited on your show to start."

"You spoke to an 'interesting guy' at a bar." Frank said with a raised eyebrow.

"I swear it's not as bad as it seems! He was cool as fuck," Nick said defensively.

"You do you man." Frank teased.

"Shut up, I even plan on coming back again to see him." Nick said.

"He must be pretty interesting then, huh?"

"Definitely, I think you'd like him." Nick said honestly.

"Maybe." Frank said, downing the last of his slightly cold coffee, then gagging as Nick laughed.

---
in a perfect world, i update on a schedule and not doubt myself.

-serrae