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WARNING: Angst. Cigarette smoking.

A/N: Enjoy this Obi-Wan chapter! It's truly one of my favorites so far. <3

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I was agitated. 

The air in short supply on my lungs. I pushed my head back, focusing on calming down, but the sweat didn't stop dripping from my forehead. I moaned at the pain, my muscles completely sore. I couldn't move without whimpering but I pushed myself to keep going. 

Fucking Anakin.

I didn't know how but I managed to arrive at the nice little terrace on the rooftop of the old Senate building. It was a lovely garden, with a fountain in the middle and thousands of flowers around. It smelled like summer and felt warm like it.The reason for my visit was not only the incredible view but also to feel the fresh breeze on my tired body.

It was Sunday, Anakin and I had started our training sessions just three days ago, however, I was totally beaten up. My daily routine consisted of a morning and night stretching session to improve my flexibility. I could bend my body in any way I wanted and my muscles were strong enough to hold me, but I never faced a challenge quite like Anakin Skywalker. 

He definitely kept me on my toes. 

My mind was starting to wander a little too much when I saw Obi-Wan right next to the edge of the terrace. He was meditating  with his eyes closed, almost like he was hoping to isolate himself from the real world. 

Before I could leave, he opened them and turned around.

—Hello there. —He smiled politely, which I returned.

—I'm sorry Obi-Wan, I didn't know you were here, I'll leave- —He paused my speech by raising his hands, ordering me to stop.

—Nonsense, stay, you don't disturb at all. I was finishing anyway. —He shrugged his shoulders.

—Okay, thank you. I just love it here. —The relieved sigh that left my mouth showed him how happy I was to stay. —I can look at this forever and never get tired. —We both stood in silence, taking in the calming view. 

It wasn't awkward, it was soothing, just enjoying not feeling alone. After a couple of minutes, he spoke.

—Shouldn't you be training? —He asked curiously.

—Yeah, well, I should be back in a few minutes. We are on a break. —I explained, drinking a sip of water.

—Alright then —He simply said. —You know? You can try to hide it all you want, but I can sense it. How you and Anakin feel about each other. —He implied, raising an eyebrow and chuckling.

The shock on my eyes clear as day, cheeks heating up at his words.

—W-What... What do you mean? —I asked, failing at hiding my nerves.

—"W-what?" —He mocked me, laughing. —C'mon Phoenix, you two want to bone so hard. —His laughter increased. —I can feel your libido from across the building. Shields cannot hide that.

I stayed quiet for a moment before bursting into laughter, him joining me.

—What can I tell you? It has been some time...—I shrugged my shoulders, taking another sip of refreshing liquid.

—Yeah, yeah, I get it. But you can stop pretending like you hate him, when we know, you don't. At least not fully. —His lips turned to a line when he moved his hands up and down with a dubitative gesture.

—Oh but I do. That's the problem.

—Why?

—Why? He is annoying as fuck, and he mocks me 24/7, and he is the one that started the whole problematic situation between us, ugh, and he is always pushing my buttons...

—And you don't do the same? —He squinted his eyes. I stayed in silence, giving him all of the answers he needed. —You like it. The bickering. It's fun, isn't it? —It looked like he was remembering something, almost like talking to himself.

—I guess it is...but why are we talking about this? What if I find him attractive? I shouldn't do something about it anyway. It's against the rules. —I stated my case and he just laughed. 

Coldly. Sarcastically. Bitterly.

—Rules... rules. Such a funny concept. Made to keep us centered, but they make us lose control instead. —He stared at the emptiness of the city, the noises not loud enough to cloud his voice. —Let me tell you something about rules, Phoenix. Something I should have known a long time ago... They can all go to hell.

Silence reigned once more and I stared at him, totally shocked at his statement. Qui-Gon had always said that Obi-Wan was a strict follower of processes and rules. 

He reached something in the pocket of his brown robe and took out a box of cigarettes. He offered one and I happily took it, then lit both of them.

—You talking from experience? —I asked, puffing the white stick.

He looked back at me, taking his sweet time to answer. Obi-Wan inhaled heavily, sucking all of the nicotine in.

—Rules took everything from me. —He let out the smoke, creating a gray cloud.

—What do you mean? —My eyebrows furrowed.

—Some time ago, I... —He let another dark chuckle out. —I was... you can say, in love, with a woman. —He put the cigarette between his lips once more and puffed. Like retrieving strength to tell the story.

—Obi-Wan, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to...

—No, no, it's fine. I want to. I could never tell this to Anakin or Qui-Gon, they would be very disappointed. —He sighed and stared at the floor. —We were young and naive, but very much in love. I was still a padawan and she was in line to ascend to the throne of Mandalore. There was so much at stake... For the longest time, we tried to hide it from everybody, even from ourselves. But there's so much a heart can take. And mine was ready to burst for her. 

I thought I was hallucinating when I saw little tears forming in his eyes. 

—We were young. So young. We didn't know anything about love. So we let it go. —we puffed at the same time, sinking into the heavy silence, only broken by the sound of our blows.

—What was of her? —I asked, praying that I wasn't crossing any boundaries.

—We reunited years later. I was a Jedi Master and she was the Duchess of Mandalore. It was more impossible than before.—He dropped a stiff laugh. —But seeing her again was like balm on an aching sunburn, so refreshing, relieving the pain on my wounded heart. I punched myself over and over again, punishing myself for letting her go once. Even after years of distance, I felt as connected to her as the first day. Our love remained through everything.

—Did she feel the same?—At this point I was too invested in his story telling, basically on the edge of the terrace just to see his reactions as he narrated the story.

—Yes, yes she did. —He smiled adorably, making my heart ache. — She was passionate, fearless, determined, smart, but overall, true to her duties. To her vision of the world and her rules. —He grimaced at the words. —I told her once that if she would have said the word, I would have left the Order for her.

I gasped mentally, not ready for the confession. 

—Did she? —I blinked repeatedly. 

Obi-Wan gave me a side look but didn't answer my question.

— I asked her again, ready to renounce my Master status and leave everything behind just to be by her side, but now knowing everything about love. —He pressed his lips together, trying to calm himself down. 

I thought he was going to stop there, but he continued. 

—However, she said no. That she couldn't manage a relationship and her duty to Mandalore. But above all, she couldn't be associated with a resigning jedi, be the responsible one for a Jedi to betray the code. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself. —He spit the words with hate, face shaking at the memories. 

His skin was red and eyes glossy due to the tears, one escaping from his left eye, that he quickly cleaned. 

—I started to hate everything: The Council, the Code, the Order, everything that bound me to this ideal of perfection and structure. Everything that prevented me from being with her. —The Force around him became thicker, like heavy slime. I could sense his hate, his pain. It almost reached me, stepping up my empathy for him. —And I don't know when, but I started to hate her...I was willing to leave everything but she couldn't? Just because she cared what other people thought? She cared more about others than me? —He laughed dryly, smoking up. — I couldn't bear the thought of her, how badly she hurted me. I truly sank into the dark side, just in time for Qui-Gon's revolution. And here I am. A Sith Lord. —He shrugged without emotion.

That's when realization hit me. The Duchess of Mandalore. —Wait, is she the current Duchess of Mandalore? The blonde one that is constantly speaking against the Empire on the news? —He nodded and my eyes widened. —Wow...

—There was a time when she wouldn't have done that, in the name of peace. —He said sarcastically. —In a different time, when there was a different us...But I guess she really hates what I've become.

He looked so empty, so incredibly sad. I couldn't stop myself from sharing his pain, from feeling sympathy towards him. Ever since I have arrived, he has made me feel welcomed, always greeting me with a polite smile and letting me know he was available for anything I needed. And our friendship definitely grew after that day in the hangar, now we have breakfast together daily and take walks around the building, taking the time to tell me stories and me showing him some cool dark side tricks. Without me realizing, Obi-Wan had become such a close friend that I even revealed to him some stories about my past. I couldn't hold the next question back.

—Do you regret joining the dark side? —Hoping with all of my soul that he would say no, that his loyalty lied on the Empire, on the Sith, on us. Because else...

He stared at me, looking for the answer.

—I have been having my doubts for some time now... —I knew there was something he wasn't telling me, but I didn't push him. —But no, I don't think I regret it. My family is here. The people I love are here. Where else am I supposed to be if not here to support them? —He let out the smoke from his last puff. —Also, I didn't have anything else left. So the answer was pretty easy.

—Right...—I expressed shyly, taking his answer gladly but not really knowing what else to say.

—I guess what I'm trying to say, is that you shouldn't do something just because of stupid rules or someone else's desires. The only thing that should be stopping you from getting what you want is yourself. If you don't want to try it out with Anakin because you don't want to, that's fine. It's your decision, nobody should make you feel guilty. But if it is Qui-Gon, or your worries about other people's opinion, send all of that to hell and go for it. —He threw the remaining tip of the cigarette out of the balcony, angrily and kept his gaze focused on the city.

—What if I'm scared of getting hurt? —I whispered sheepily, looking at the floor but looked up to him when he turned around. 

I let myself be as open as he was with me. Just this healing moment of vulnerability, where nothing else mattered. Just the real Y/n, the one behind the confident mask, no fancy tricks, no shields, no cockiness. Just a woman scared of starting something with a man only to get suffering out of it. A trauma victim hoping that she was not about to enter another cycle of pain.

—Especially do it then. Because no matter what, you are gonna get hurt anyway. —He sighed, defeated. We both leaned ourselves back to the little wall, our gaze meeting the garden and just staring in silence. I put my head on his shoulders, hoping that my gesture would show him the support my words couldn't. —At least you could get some good dick out of it, Phoenix. —We bursted into laughter and for a moment, the weight of our shoulders dissipated.

—Call me Y/n. —His head turned around and he smiled surprised, chuckling.

—Okay, Y/n. —and we stared into the relaxing water until it was time for me to go.

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A/N: Let me know what you think! I love writing angst and Obi-Wan's character is perfect for it :) Do you like Obitine?