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WARNING: Mentions of hickeys, trauma and a little fluff <3 Ik, weird combo.

A/N: Today's chapter is dedicated to this-is-the-way !!! This marvelous being's birthday was on Monday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY TAURUS BABY <333 i love you so muchhh, I don't deserve you!!

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Y/n's POV

Just like he promised, Anakin made us some hot cocoa. I even taught him to do it just the way I liked it: with exactly twelve marshmallows and whipped cream, with fluffy foam. He mocked me for it, saying that he couldn't believe I hadn't died from a sugar overdose, but he still complied, replicating my cup to see what all the fuss was about.

We grabbed some sandwiches for breakfast at the cafeteria, then headed back to my chambers and enjoyed our meal on my balcony. He may have a big window in his room, but nothing could top the amazing view I had. It got especially better when the sunlight hit his face, making me admire his beautiful smile better. I highly enjoyed watching him like that, his smirk was sexy and his wicked grin was annoying, but his real smile? Such a treasure to see. His laugh? Such a melody to hear.

The wind refreshed us under the sun's intense warmth; the perfect weather for our outside picnic, although my loose hair couldn't stop waving freely in the wind, ripping a light chortle from us from time to time. We sat on the edge of the terrace and ate while telling old battle stories; we found out that we shared a mutual hate for wookies, those furry fucks. We laughed, joked and fought (things hadn't changed that much), but not once did we mention the little moment we shared in bed.

I could see his doubtful stare whenever I would say something remotely sentimental. I was confused as well, because even though getting to talk to him that morning was easily one of the sweetest experiences I ever had, it was also terrifying. We didn't even dance around the topic, it was just like we straight up tossed it in the past, like a mirage caused by our sleepiness. And it made me glad, to keep it buried like an old body, because I didn't know how things would turn out if anything we said was real.

When we finished eating I tried to drag the harmonious moment as long as I could, afraid that we would never have another situation where we would get along like today. However, against my will, I had to remind him that we had to get ready for the arrival of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan; they would be here in about an hour and we couldn't miss it.

—Okay, c'mon Skywalker, it's time to move. —I sighed and got up, feeling like my legs weighed a ton. I stretched my arms and my back, enjoying the amazing feeling of my muscles relaxing.

—You can't wait to get rid of me? —He laid on the floor, his hands behind his head. When he saw I was marching away, he grabbed me by my calf and stopped me.

—I just don't want to miss their arrival. That would give us away pretty quickly, dumbass. —

I said in a tone that hinted obviousness and rolled my eyes ironically. Anakin raised an eyebrow completely offended by my action and opened his mouth incredulously.  My whole body stiffened in warning. There was no need for my gut or the Force to tell me that I screwed up; I could very visibly see it.

Anakin stood up like thunder, charging up against me. Thanks to the Maker, my reflexes acted quickly and my feet didn't disappoint me by getting me to my bathroom to hide out, my heartbeats racing at the expectation that he would catch me. But before I could reach the door, I felt a pull from my waist and Anakin twirled me around, only to land on his hard chest.

—You want to go down that road? —Anakin pressed me against him and approached me in a threatening manner, making me breathing heavily after our little race.

—A-Anakin, I don't think we should waste any- They are on their way- —Anakin interrupted me by grabbing my jaw and tilting his chin up.

—On the contrary, sweetheart. I think we should put these last minutes of solitude into good use and teach you a lesson on how to respect your general. —He kissed me urgently, backing up his promise of hurrying up, as he groped my body lustfully. — I will not tolerate those eye rolls unless you have my dick buried inside of you.

A moan floated from the depths of my throat at the comment, showing him how I was melting right there on the spot. Anakin encouraged me to walk backwards, never breaking our desperate entanglement, finishing off the trail to my shower. Our clothes dropped with each step we took until my back hit the marble wall.

—We don't have much time. You sure you're up for the challenge, Skywalker?—My question came out loaded with fake innocence, putting in doubt his habillitaties of making me cum in so short notice; something I knew he was absolutely capable of. I whimpered when I felt the tip of his shaft teasingly rubbing against my folds.

—You fucking brat. —He hissed, annoyed, and grabbed my leg to his hip level. —Don't worry baby, I don't need much. —And he plunged in, ripping out a scream that would definitely let people know what was happening behind closed doors.

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After Anakin and I took advantage of our last moments alone, he went to his bedroom to get dressed, while I stayed in mine and planned my outfit. Those were the type of moments where I regretted not controlling myself around him; I had tons of bite marks and hickeys around my neck, chest, thighs and some areas of my abdomen. Fortunately, my suits would be able to cover up most of them, however, there was no way I could hide the one's near my face. So I had to take a good portion of my time solely dedicated to applying foundation on my skin and praying to the Maker that Qui-Gon wouldn't notice them. Because the color of them was so potent and Anakin got extremely enthusiastic last night, I was now running out of time to finish them up correctly and still arrive at the hangar to welcome them.

As I hid them with the brush, I couldn't avoid stopping and analyzing them. As much as I liked seeing them, a constant proof of how passionate our encounters were, my mind wouldn't stop alerting me of how dangerous they were. If Qui-Gon would see any of them, it would all be over; our "frenemy relationship with benefits", our time as Sith Lords, my life. I had reflected on this before and it was impossible to escape Anakin. If I was sure of something, it is that we had this connection that would always pull us together. But there's no makeup for feelings.

Marks and bruises were not so easy to hide, trust me, I know. However, if they were already a challenge... how in the stars would I hide my emotions from any of the guys, if I allowed them to grow?

My hand unintentionally brushed against one of the bandages, remindiming how fresh they still were. I didn't want to hold it against him any longer, but if I learned anything in Hoth, it was that the consequences of my actions were suffered all by myself.

I meant what I said earlier that morning. With Anakin, it sometimes felt like I could have what I always dreamed about back when I was young. I would fall asleep, looking at the stars while gently hugging and rocking myself, thinking that someone, out there in the galaxy was meant to be with me. To cherish me and prove to me that all of the pain and the misery was worth it...because all those roads would lead to him. That I just had to push a little longer, live one more day, until we met; because he was coming as fast as he could.

Was Anakin him? How would I know?

But just like back then, I was still alone. And I couldn't turn my whole life around just for a simple, yet perfect line.

"... Since I've met you, I've had less nightmares because now I spend my nights dreaming about you."

My heart crumpled up in adoration and I felt the heat in my cheeks and the tears in my eyes. My image in the mirror showed me the same broken person I saw everyday, but today... She was different. She was glowing. And even with tears in her eyes and bruises all over her skin... she has never looked so alive.

That led me to wonder...

If this didn't work out, if this was just another chapter in my horrific life...

How would I survive it?

I shook my head and dismissed my self-talk. It was so me to create this whole scenario in my head, drowning myself in a glass of water, when the reality was... I didn't even know how Anakin felt. I didn't even know if I was anywhere near ready to embrace those feelings for him.

Would I ever will?, was whispered inside my head.

I hurried up and decided to just wear a turtleneck suit, like last time, a practical solution for desperate times, and just run to the other side of the building. While putting my black suit, it made me feel much more Phoenix and a little less Y/n (Suit #6) . Here I had my armor and nobody could go through it. So I just needed to get in character and forget about the whiney bitch  that I left behind in the bathroom.

Ugh, I hated to be already ten minutes late. That would only put me at a disadvantage against Anakin.

My feet tried to power walk not to look like a crazy woman around the halls, but in the end, I decided to just straight up run, totally risking my makeup. The troopers from outside my room wouldn't stop sending me strange looks. I glared at them, as a warning of my low patience and they immediately started to walk side by side, in a lazy attempt to act like I didn't catch them. My legs sped up when I saw the time in one of the walls. Shit!

Something Qui-Gon was not very fond of was the bureaucratic processes and all types of measures that would risk efficiency over dense, meaningless procedures. I guess that's why he was labeled as reckless by the Jedi Order, but for me it was just common sense. You have to analyze each situation and act accordingly. Nevertheless, the only thing Qui-Gon absolutely required from us in that matter, was to participate in these kinds of traditions in honor of the Emperor; he appreciated them because they were a demonstration of respect and loyalty. So to miss one... I wouldn't like to be on the other end of that; that's why I've been so hysterical about being on time.

To my very luck, when I reached the big metal doors from the hangar the cruisers hadn't arrived. The clones were expectant of the entrance of the Emperor, already aligned in long formations at every side, creating an enormous aisle for him to parade. My eyebrows knitted in confusion when Anakin was nowhere in sight.

The tingle of the Force inside of me murmured to turn back around, and of course, he was there. Dressed with his usual black robes, with his arms crossed, lazily leaned back against a column.

Mother of moons.

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Anakin 's POV

—I came first. —I smirked victoriously.

—I wouldn't brag about that if I were you. —She chuckled and raised her eyebrows as she strolled to me. My smile dropped to be replaced by a vexxed glare. One that didn't last that long. I was not in the mood to fight her.

Now that she was all suited up, she looked so different from this morning... when she was breezy and carefree. When I could see the real her. And she was funny. And chatty. And clever. And joyful. And liberating. And gentle. And everything I never realized she was because I was too blind by my own jealousy to notice all of the reasons why everyone liked her. Now I was under her spell as well.

The difference is that no one had seen her like I have. They didn't see the way her eyes lit up when she drank hot chocolate. Or how her body relaxed when she felt warmth, that simple gesture taking fifty pounds of emotional charge off of her. Or how much she liked to rub herself on the sheets, like a lazy cat, subtly smelling my pillow. That was something I simply adored, but would never say because I knew she would stop.

And now she was here, so different from before, but not any less beautiful. Her radiance was still there, buried under tons of confidence and sarcastic walls. But it was okay. Because it would make seeing it all more special.

When she got to where I was, Phoenix leaned to the wall only with her shoulder, able to look at me without twisting her head. She was biting her lower lip, but not in the usual confident way she used to, quite the contrary, she was nervous.

—Don't sweat it, they aren't here yet. — I tried to calm her down. She was looking at a lost point in the hangar.

—Oh, yeah... —She blinked rapidly, it seemed like my voice pulled her out of a trance. —That's weird, isn't it?

—I guess... Maybe they found something on their way here. —I shrugged my shoulders and very slightly furrowed my brows. She seemed... off.  I lowered my eyes to her outfit and a playful grin broke out of my lips when I saw her shirt. —I remember this... it's just like the one you wore the day after we fucked in the training room.

Her head snapped and she put her hand on top of my mouth, trying to shut me up. My laugh was muffled by her palm pressed against me, something that she didn't share, her eyes widening at the comment. Her head turned to see side by side, making sure no one heard.

—Shhh! What the hell do you think you are doing? —She whispered-yelled near my face.

—C'mon, if they didn't hear that, they definitely heard you screaming in the bathroom. —I rolled my eyes while laughing and she released her hold on me to slap me in the arm.

—Ever since I left my room, troopers have been looking at me... I put makeup on top of my hickeys, do they still show? —She asked me, worried.

—They're pretty sexy... I wish you wouldn't have to hide them. —That way that nosy bitch Fives would get once and for all that she was mine. Mine to fuck. You know what? Scratch that, mine. Period. I hooked my fingers around the collar of her shirt and pulled it down. No sight of them. —You did a great job, they disappeared. —She let out a long sight.

—Good, good... —She whispered, fixing her shirt.

—I can give you more if you want... —My lips seeked her soft skin, lowering to trap the covered-up area. I declared myself an addict; nothing tasted like her.

—Anakin, I wanted to talk to you about that. —She put her hands on my chest and pulled away, while deviating her eyes and looking around the room. Mmm, I knew this phase of her: The regret.

—What is it? —My hands that were previously on her hips were retrieved, wanting to give her some space.

—I was thinking... that maybe... —Her fingers played nervously with each other, carefully not to damage her  perfectly black painted nails.

—You want to stop. —I finalized with a long sigh. I knew it. We had a good run, double the days I first expected before she chickened out again. I wasn't happy about it... but if it was what she wanted, I had no choice but to accept it. The only thing I regretted was that I would never have the chance to see her like today again.

—No. —She immediately answered. I looked up hopefully from her hands and we locked eyes. —I don't want us to stop sleeping together. —I knitted my eyebrows in confusion. Then what was she so nervous about? Her usually and beautifully tanned skin now kind of pale, her bottom lip damaged from all of the anxious nibbling.

—Then what is it? —I rubbed her arm as a sign of comfort to encourage her to speak to me. —I swear I'm gonna tell R2 to be kinder to you. But I can't make any promises. —She let out a chuckle and I didn't know how long I was holding my breath, but I inhaled deeply after hearing the sweet melody of her laugh.

—I was thinking and I think it's for the best if we just forget what we said earlier in your room. — That felt like a kick on the balls, but on my heart. My hand unconsciously stopped its movements and I stared at her waiting for some kind of explanation. After what I told her...? Was it too much? —We shouldn't be doing what we are doing... but I don't want to stop. However, what you said there-

—What we said there. —I interrupted her rudely. I knew I wasn't imagining things. I knew she felt it too.

—Y-yes, what we said there...it crosses more boundaries that we can count- I-I don't know the repercussions of going down this road- It's too risky. —She stuttered her way out.

Why? What's the worst thing that could happen? To fall in love with me?

I think there's worst things in the world. I'm really easy on the eyes.

And I'm not saying I'm in love... I'm just not afraid to try.

—What's the worst thing- —I began to say when she shut me up.

—I don't know if I meant what I said. —She blurted out with guilty eyes and blushed cheeks. Phoenix looked away with a proud stance, but I didn't buy the act for one second.

After realization hit, my hurt features changed to mocking ones.

I never thought of her as a coward. Or a liar.

—So you didn't mean it, huh? —I raised my eyebrow and crossed my arms across my chest with fake understanding.

—I think it was the promise of hot cocoa... — That answer made me cackle.

And just like she was all the things I described, she was fragile.  And sensitive. And scared.

—Okay, I can understand. —I nodded reassuringly. with a smirk — Of course, we can forget about it. —I shrugged my shoulders, resting any importance on the matter.

—You sure? —The light in her eyes shutted down a little. I nodded fervently.

—Yeah, sure. This morning I woke up in my bed and you were in yours. And we ran into each other in the kitchen and you yelled at me for touching your cereal. And one stormtrooper got caught in mid fire. Does that sound okay? — I wasn't sarcastic or mean. I was genuinely asking. If she wanted to play this game, I would follow.

—It 's perfect. —She smiled but the spark in her eyes never returned. In fact, she gulped harshly, like my words affected her. —So... we're good, right? Just like before, just fucking? —She put her hand in front of mine, waiting for me to shake it. I complied and took hers, moving up and down in agreement. Her whole body relaxed and seeing her like that almost made it worth having my feelings stumped.

—Just fucking. —The sound of hyperspace-speed approaching indicated to us that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had arrived. We looked up and she instantly pulled her hand from mine, making me miss her touch.

—I guess it's time to go. —She backed away one step and nodded awkwardly. She was about to walk away and leave me behind when she turned around. —Why the dead trooper?—She questioned and scrunched her nose funnily.

—Because that will explain that dead trooper over there. —She knitted her eyebrows and turned around to where I was signaling, and in the blink of an eye, an armored trooper dropped dead.

—Wha- Why would you do that?—She scoffed.

—He was looking at your butt. —I shrugged my shoulders and she laughed, throwing her head back.

—So I see you tonight? —She whispered and I chuckled.

—I'll be there, sweetheart. —I grinned and she returned the smile, this time strolling away to meet up with the clones. I saw her walk away and I couldn't help myself but to stare.

I was willing to wait for her.

Even if it meant keeping these emotions bottled up in the back of my chest, killing me slowly from the inside.

I was willing to keep up acting like I hated her.

To discover what other surprises I would find underneath all those hardened layers.

To see if Tatooine's twin suns would warm up Exegol's cold surface.

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A/N: Sorry for the waiting! <3 Not Anakin being rejected twice lol

I'm about to enter my first exam season in college, so my writing time will be significantly reduced. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL STOP UPDATING! dw!

I will just post once a week until further notice! (let's pretend i do follow my schedule, but at least now I will not be stressed about posting twice a week lmaooo) (I will probably go back to normal in two weeks, three tops)

ALSO HUGE THANKS FOR BEING PART OF PHOENIX 10K!!!! I'm so honored and grateful for this huge milestone, it wouldn't have been possible without every single one of you! Thanks to all my readers, I'm so humbled by your support! I hope you stay to see this book hit its next milestone!

Until next time! See you later, alligators!

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