STAGE THREE REVIEWS: PART 2

THE CHALLENGE/HARD REVIEW STAGE
THEME: MYSTERY

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CONTESTANTS

001 AYINKUS

003 YOURCRYPTIC GREY

005 A.B CLEO

010 FIYINFOLUWA

013 ORIANNA

015 ZIRACHI

019 BLACK ROSE

021 NETSUKE WRITES

027 CY

PEN NAME: AYINKUS

SERIAL NO: 001

TITLE: PRESAGE

There was something about a lifeless body that no matter how many times you gazed upon one, you still couldn't get over the shock. The way death came and who it fell upon was always startling.

As I stared at the red blood surrounding the suspended body in the pool, hidden memories sprouted up. Memories that pulled me in whenever I saw anything related to him. Closing my eyes briefly, I rubbed my forehead. Already feeling a headache building up, I pulled out my shirt from the hold of my jeans and leaned back in my chair.

Swiveling towards the glass panel across my home office, I gazed at the startling blue sky and canopies of forest trees, which formed a picturesque image that always gave me peace. Suddenly, the ambiance of calm shrouding the room was shattered by a pound on the door. Swiftly, I swept the pictures strewn across my oak table and slid them into my briefcase the same instant the door swung open.

"Sorry to disturb you, mum." Joshua started as he walked toward the table, with a notebook in hand. His brown eyes flickered to my briefcase before he grabbed one of the grey armchairs in front of my desk."I know you're busy. But, I need your help with an Essay. I don't have a gripping case."

Considering his untrimmed beard and the cereal-stained t-shirt he wore, I knew he had been thinking hard. It reminded me of when I was in Law school like him. A second after his sister walked in after him. 

"Mum, Sorry to intrude, but I need your permission." 

"Okay. Shut the door." She carried out my order, her braids flailing around her as she moved to take the empty seat beside her brother. They both knew I would always answer them. Just to stall, I pulled open my laptop and saved the case notes on what I've been working on. 

I knew Joshua was eagerly waiting for me to address him, considering the way I could feel his stare burning my cheeks. But what could I tell him? The memory, which I've been trying Valiantly not to recall, flashed like lightning behind my eyes instantly.

Involuntarily shuddering, I decided against it. Lord, pull me through this. I shut down the laptop and decided to tackle the youngest first."What did you want Ayo?"

She took in a deep breath then rushed out."Mummy, one of my classmates is throwing a pool party this evening at the J'laud hotel. And she invited us all, Can I go?"

My spine locked up. I didn't even need to think of it."No."

"But why? Everyone is going. Mum, please."

Fear and anger whirled through me, creating spirals of torment in my mind. She was sixteen and emotionally unstable. Denying her this would hurt her. But it had to be done. "Ayo, I have my reasons. I'm not changing my mind."

Her eyes welled up." No! Mum, Every time, it comes to anything pool you refuse, Why?"

Closing my eyes briefly, I drew in deep breaths. Don't get drawn in."Drop it."

"Mum!"

"I said drop it!" I yelled, pounding the table. 

"Please. I'm begging you with everything I have in me." 

Anguish was evident in her voice and it seeped into me,breaking down my barricades, allowing the emotions to drown me. Drawing in a calming breath, I decided it's best if she knew why. Steeling myself, I fixed my gaze outside and watched as the trees swayed in rhythm to the breeze. Here goes nothing.

"Ayobami, listen. Let me tell you why. It happened years ago..."

During the period of my final exams, I was always found in the library, sometimes with Lanre my childhood friend.

One particular day, I was deep in analyzing a question in the library when a call came in from Lanre's mom. She sounded concerned about Lanre's whereabouts. Mind you, I hadn't seen him that day and this was around four pm.

But I wasn't bothered. As lanre usually went swimming at times So, I assuaged her fears and told her he went swimming and that I'll call to check up on him.

I dialed Lanre's number. It rang for a long time. At that moment fear should have blossomed in my heart, but as at then, the aspiring lawyer in me decided not to jump to conclusions until my phone rang again. The person at my left was displeased with the disruption. I muttered an apology and picked up the phone.

It was Adigun, Lanre's elder brother. His words were incoherent. However, I was able to pick up some phrases .Lanre wasn't at his usual spot and he had left the house since morning.

A sense of urgency gripped me. Lanre never went awol. What was wrong? My mind was in a frenzy when out of nowhere Lanre's familiar deep voice rumbled behind me. Heart swelling with relief, I whirled to face him. "Where were you?"

He had fixed me that familiar lazy look of his."Something's happened, Derinsola. I came to tell you goodbye." 

" Where are you going?"

Unwaveringly, he stared into my eyes. Uncomfortable, I made to rebuke him when a tap on my shoulder, made me pivot.

The man I had apologized to earlier had a worried expression on as his eyes roamed my face. "Are you okay? You've been talking to that wall for some couple of minutes now." 

Confused, I whirled back to face Lanre. Only Lanre wasn't there anymore. Just a red brick wall. I was trying to grasp what was happening, when my phone vibrated in my hands.

Trembling, I didn't glance at it before picking it up. A weak hello had escaped my throat and seconds after, noise, followed by Adigun's voice, then that of my brother, flooded into my ears  "Derin, please don't scream when you hear this." One said, the other continued."We just got back from Atoribi's pool after searching three different ones. Lanre is dead."

My phone toppled to the floor and I stood, unmoving like a block of ice. 

"Jesus have mercy!"

"How did he die?"

Their question snapped me out of my reverie and drew my attention to them. Ayobami was wrapping her arms around herself. Joshua, on the other hand, had been jotting down everything. It seemed he had found his case.

"After watching the pool's CCTV, we realized he had dived in but didn't resurface. Only he and a guy were swimming that day. In the video, the guy had jumped in after noticing he hadn't come up for air. The video was time-stamped: 4:40 pm." My voice quaked, this was always the hardest part to say."He had appeared to me in the library, at 4:37 pm."

The room darkened. I glanced at the windows to see dark clouds rolling in. An imminent sign of rain. 

"Did he drown?"

"That's the thing. If he did his body would have floated up. They concluded he must have struck his head when he dived in." My eyes moved to meet my son's whose own glowed with interest." But, here's the thing there was no indentation on any part of his forehead."

Joshua blinked, clearly taken aback." So no one knows how he died."

"No one." My chest weighed down before I continued, "Some say it was his time." 

JUDGE'S REVIEW

Your punctuation was good and I liked how you played with your words here and there.

The story however seemed to be missing something vital, perhaps suspense or tension, and that just seemed to make your story go off the genre.

You could have embodied the prompt differently, how about starting the story with the death of the friend and trying to tackle who killed him or if it was a suicide or just a great mistake that you might choose to or not reveal to us at the end.

Make everyone a suspect, build tension, and throw in a few clues in secret corners of the story, like in the dialogues or random descriptions. This story had a lot of potentials only if you looked at it from another perspective.

Now it didn't even look like a mystery story to me, maybe to the end statement where what happened at the pool that caused his death was never known. That was where the story ought to have started.

I liked your use of words, the way you started the story and descriptions, and the story too but not so much.

PEN NAME: YOURCRYPTIC GREY

SERIAL NUMBER: 003

She flipped the knife absently in her hand, watching as it tumbled end over end in several flips, before she caught it between her fingers and threw it again. 

Her eyes darted to the clock on the wall.

6:57pm. 

It was almost time. 

Time for her to take what she rightfully deserved. 

Her blood spiked with the thought of what she was about to do, her spine tingled with the promise of what was to come, and her hand tightened around the tip of the blade in excitement, until she felt something running down her index finger. 

The blade had pricked the tip of her finger and blood was now running down it.

She hadn't even felt it.

Bringing the finger to her lips, she licked it clean, her eyes darting to the clock again and this time when she looked at it, her lips stretched in a cold smile. 

7:00pm. 

It was time for her to collect her pound of flesh.

Rising from the bed, she crept out of the room and closed the door behind her without bothering to lock it. She wouldn't have any use for it after today, anyway. 

The unnumbered car sat idly by the curb. It, too, would not be useful to her after today. If the activities of the day went as planned—which they would—then she had to leave all traces behind. 

She couldn't risk anything leading back to her. 

Stealthily, she unlocked the car and got in, reciting the location of the club she'd been told that they would be going to in her head. 

How easily they went about their usual lives without worry, having fun like they deserved to. Like they didn't deserve to be burning in the hottest depths of hell. 

Her blood boiled hotter as she thought about how unfair life was to her and her hands tightened around the steering wheel, wishing that it was one of their necks she had her fingers around. 

She made an effort to calm herself and soothe the rage inside her. 

Soon. 

When her car pulled into the street where the club was located, she caught sight of two familiar black SUVs up ahead, their close range telling her that they were together.

She maintained a safe distance behind them, her regular blending in with the other cars. She'd specifically chosen a car that wouldn't bring much attention to her and the black Toyota Camry did exactly that. 

Parking a few feet away from them, she watched as both cars parked and three men stepped out. Two, dark-skinned and one, a beautiful shade of light-skin that made her want to empty the contents of her stomach.

Their heads turned as though surveying the area, easy-going smiles on their faces and in that moment when they turned, their eyes landed briefly on her car before they moved away, and despite herself, fear coursed through her over seeing their faces again after a decade. 

Unwelcome, cold hands of the past gripped her and she found herself slipping into the memories of that night even as she sat there in the present in her car. 

Flashes of them pulling her into the abandoned classroom in school when everyone had gone home, flashes of them forcing her skirt down her legs, of them forcing themselves between her thighs one by one, of the blinding pain she'd felt, of the inhumane looks in their eyes. Of her cracked voice screaming and begging for mercy... 

But she'd gotten none. 

That harsh reminder was enough to force her back to the present and remind her why she was here. 

She'd had years to work on her fear. She was not going to let them win now. 

That was what she kept on telling herself as two black men stepped out of the darkness and intercepted the three men that had stepped out of the SUV, knocking them out and dragging them over and into the backseat and booth of her car.

Just as she'd instructed. 

She took it from there and started the car, driving down the dark road with her destination in mind. The abandoned building wasn't so far from the club and she'd chosen it deliberately. 

A smirk touched her lips as she stared at the unconscious men in the backseat through the rear-view mirror, so many plans to make them scream and beg running through her mind. 

She was going to caress the fire against their skin the way they'd done to her all those years ago and she would drink up their screams as they begged her for mercy. Mercy that she was never going to show them. 

She was going to carve her name out in their skin so that even in death, they would never forget her. 

They would remember the girl they'd degraded ten years ago in the worst way possible. They would remember the innocent girl they'd dragged into an empty classroom and raped brutally on school grounds. They would remember the girl who'd cried out, but her voice hadn't been heard. 

Ten years ago at Princeton High, one of the most popular guys in school had set his sights on her, asked her out, but she'd turned him down. What she'd seen as a minor thing had turned into him rounding up two of his friends and deciding to teach her a lesson for turning him down. 

They'd raped her. Brutally. 

When she'd told people about it, no one believed her—not even her parents. The boys had turned the whole story into something that worked in their favour and she'd been expelled, but not before they'd sought her out again and burnt her face. 

She'd hated looking in the mirror everyday and seeing the evidence of that night so she'd worked hard, saved up, and gotten surgery. It had taken her years, but she'd done it. 

After four surgeries, she was now a different person with a different name. 

And she'd come back for them. 

They would pay for everything they'd done to her. For every potential relationship she'd had to leave because she was too badly scarred to ever let a man near her, for every night she'd stayed up, crying and reliving her bitter past. 

They would pay. And they would pay now. 

The thing about karma was that she took a hell of a long time to visit. When people were all wrinkly and grey and when they'd forgotten about the things that they did to deserve everything befalling them.  

Zakiyat, however, did not have the patience to wait for karma. 

She craved the sweet essence of revenge, and she could already taste the beginnings of it on her tongue. 

But like all sweet things, one taste was never enough. She craved more. 

And she was going to satisfy that craving tonight. 

JUDGE'S REVIEW

Like always, your entries have been captivating and your stories have been very good. I keep saying this, You are a good Writer, an amazing story teller. You know pretty much the most important writing techniques there is, and you have no problem knowing how to use them.

The only issue now is your theme execution. I think that's your major issue in this competition so far because that was the same issue in the last stage.  This story isn't mystery. It has a little bit of cliffhanger because we don't know if Zukiyat successfully carried out her revenge.

But everything that makes a story mystery is lacking in your story. The suspense, the thrill, foreshadowing... it was all lacking in your story. In fact, the Storyline you chose isn't even the right one for Mystery.

You know how to write, but understand that your skill isn't the only thing you need. You need to be able to execute given themes to move far in this competition. Don't rush into writing when you get your theme, do your research and know if you are writing in the right direction. Please learn this and improve.

PENNAME: A.B CLEO

SERIAL NUMBER: 005

“Good night, Doctor!” Mohammed the security guard waved at him as he stepped into his chauffeured black Audi A8. Dr Tunde Badmus sighed as he laid his head on his black leather seats of his car, unknotting his tie and placing his briefcase on the space beside him.

“Good evening Dr Badmus. How was your day?” Jeremiah, his faithful driver for the past three years greeted. His dark eyes glancing at the rear mirror where a small gold cross with engravings on it dangled.

“A pleasant evening to you too. My day was eventful, as always. I’m glad to inform that Mrs. Okechukwu woke up from her coma today.” He checked the time on his Rolex and scowled, it was 9:30 pm, he had missed Bible Study. He would have to call Pastor Fred immediately he got home to apologise. Jeremiah smiled, displaying rows of pearl white teeth

“I’m glad to hear that. Finally, her husband can get an ounce of sleep.” Dr Badmus nodded absent-mindedly as he stared out the tinted windows. They drove past a building which had a long queue of people waiting to be let in, he read the name written above the entrance and frowned, realising it was a night club. Jerry followed his eyes and frowned

“That’s the new nightclub, people go in ‘n out of it more than do at a church.” He frowned and pressed the horn of the car to warn a fellow driver. “I have a friend in my counselling group who’s always complaining about the amount of noise they make each night. Really Doctor, with all these people committing sin, it’s hard to imagine that there’s anyone in heaven.”

The statement was made on a light note yet, it had an adverse effect to the greatly praised Christian doctor. Dr Badmus’s jaw slackened as his face turned ashen. No one in heaven. The thought was horrific to him. He knew the amount of sin being committed in the world was increasing, Pastor Fred had warned the church about it, but really, was there actually little to no one in heaven? 

The thoughts still plagued him as he got home, rejecting dinner from the cook he walked up the marble stairs that led to his room, the study and his extensive library. He went to his room and took a hot shower, letting the droplets try to wash away his frenzied thoughts but it was fruitless, the horror he imagined remained in his mind’s eye.

He got to his study which was painted in soft gold, a dark mahogany table and chair stood in the middle of the room with a large bookcase at the end of the room filled to the brim with books on different topics. Two plush cream sofas were placed at the corners of the room, they were reserved for guests, as rare as they were. He wasn’t a social butterfly and his almost empty mansion proved it. He didn’t even have a wife to warm his bed, he had to focus on God’s work after all. There were bits and pieces of artefacts representing his beloved religion scattered around the room, a painting of the popular story of Jesus’s crucifixion hung above the sofa on the right, a wooden cross hung above the bookcase and finally, an old torn leather bible on top of a stack of books on his table. 

He sat on the chair and looked out the window that overlooked the city, his mind worried. He looked at his bible and picked it up, rubbing his hands lovingly on the cover as if it was a newborn babe. This had been his first bible, gifted to him by the evangelist who had found him in the depths of sin at the young age of 16 and had been a father figure to him up until his unfortunate death three years ago. He frowned, he felt worried, would the people of the world not really be able to enjoy the blessings he had enjoyed ever since accepting God into his life? No, he couldn’t allow that. He was Dr Tunde Badmus, the miraculous doctor who had uncovered various medical breakthroughs and saved countless lives from the brink of death. He could surely find a solution to this dilemma. 

He paced in front of the window, allowing the cool night breeze to cool his burning head. Obviously, evangelism wasn’t enough. He had seen many people, mostly youths, who’d pretend to listen to them but then go behind their backs to laugh in mockery. He’d seen one too many tracts in the trash, thrown away immediately it touched the warm skin of a human’s hand. 

A noise below distracted him, putting a pause on his thoughts, he looked down to a group of youths dressed fit for a party in hell laughing unabashedly at some crude joke or the other. He scowled, these were the kind of people who would be victims of the fiery wrath of hell. Each of them destined to die at one point of the other, probably unrepentant and ripe for hell, servants to- he paused, his mind whirring, silently calculating. 

He continued pacing again, could he? Would it work? Was it wrong? No, it was going to be God’s work, wasn’t it? He looked at the stacks of books on his table, all a representation of his vast amount of medical knowledge. 

He hurriedly went back to his seat and opened his briefcase, bringing out a black file. The file contained reports of his most pending patients. He bit his lip as he flipped through the pages quickly. Pictures, names, ages and medical problems of several people filtered through his eye, and plans for each followed. He closed the file suddenly, closing his eyes and breathing deeply as his hands trembled. It was time for bed he decided suddenly, he would review his plans again tomorrow morning when he had a clearer mind.

He walked to his room in a daze, his heart drumming a fiery beat in his chest as he ignored the concerned look of one of his helps. He got to his room, knelt beside his king-sized bed with Egyptian sheets and prayed fervently. He prayed for the usual things, he gave thanks to God, he prayed for those who needed it, he prayed for his hospital, he prayed for his patients, he prayed for the sinners, he prayed for his pastor and the church, he prayed for safety and he prayed for guidance. He stood up on shaky legs, sweat dotted his forehead despite the air conditioning. He started to ascend his bed but stopped suddenly, he closed his eyes and knelt down again on pained knees and a sunken heart.

“Lord, give me strength to do the work I’m about to do. Guide those who will be coming into your welcoming hands and forgive me for the sin I just might commit. In Jesus' name, I pray.”

JUDGE'S REVIEW

I love how diverse your story is, bringing the theme of faith and hell into play was something I really liked and your use of punctuations and tenses are really good but your story is not exactly a mystery. There was no suspense, no thrill of what will happen next so there couldn't even be a resolution. You should have read more on mystery before diving head straight into writing this story but overall, you're a good writer.

PENNAME: FIYINFOLUEA

SERIAL NUMBER: 010

TITLE: LETTERS & FLOWERS

The ride on the bus kept Laura silent and in discomfort as she squeezed in between two elderly women. She only had twenty minutes before work would start at her place of employment and as much as she needed to arrive early, the traffic congestion hindered the fulfilment of her plans. Laura checked the time on her wristwatch again. Fifteen minutes left.

Later, she finally arrived at her place of work and didn't take time before running with her black stilettos into the building. Normally, she would stop and stare, to admire the beauty of the glass tower, where she had luckily been employed. But today, she was very late.

As soon as the elevator opened, Laura raced to her office, mumbling incoherent replies with a tight-lipped smile to everyone who greeted her on the way. She finally got to her office, eyes immediately landing on her boss who stood with her colleague, both discussing. She ducked to avoid being seen by her boss, because he was facing her direction. But someone just had to call her name.

"Laura!" Another colleague of hers, who worked in the same department as she did, named Dabi called. "Someone sent these to you just a few minutes ago," Dabi walked forward, handing a bouquet of flowers and a letter to Laura. "You know you are late, right? And Boss is just at the corner there. Walk beside me. Don't let him see you."

Laura smiled in gratitude, following beside Dabi quietly, before her smile soon morphed into an expression of confusion. "Who sent me these?" She asked.

"I don't know." Dabi shrugged in response. Then, she turned and winked suggestively at Laura who took her seat, holding the letter and bouquet in awkwardness. "Maybe, you have a crush."

Laura scoffed immediately at that, "For where? I have a boyfriend."

"So? Open the letter, let me see." Dabi pleaded, eager to read the letter. Laura fought the urge to roll her eyes. Dabi was a popular gossip in their department. She was the only one who knew who was dating who and who was doing what. However, Laura opened it. She wanted to read it quickly and get rid of it, alongside the flowers. The whole concept of the present seemed ridiculous to her.

As she opened the letter, Dabi didn't waste time in reading it out while peeking over Laura's head; "Dear Laura, I hope you aren't offended by this letter. You may see it as something ridiculous or silly but it took me a lot of courage to write this to you. I have admired you for a long time. You are very pretty, gentle and hard-working. You have all the qualities I could ever wish for in a woman. I really like you, from your secret admirer."

As Dabi read the contents in the letter out, Laura was left in a state of wordlessness. She didn't know what to say. The next words Dabi uttered made her even more confused and terrified.

"This handwriting looks familiar. It belongs to one of the women in our department," Dabi said to Laura.

"You say...?!" Laura yelled instantly. "A woman?!"

Her outburst caused a few heads to turn and both ladies were shot weird stares and angry glares. Dabi noticed and tried to calm Laura down. "Chill, Laura. I'm saying that because I know it. I'm very sure I've seen the handwriting before, it belongs to a woman but I can't remember. You know how big our department is."

Dabi leaned in closer, partially covering her mouth, and whispering into Laura's ears, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, sis?"

Laura was too stunned to speak. After a few seconds, she regained her composure and shook her head aggressively in denial.

The letters and flowers continued for a week, and each day Laura received them, she would inform Dabi who suggested they reported it to the police but Laura wasn't one to visit a police station.

It was a Monday morning, and Laura had to deliver some files to the HOD. The whole floor was filled with busy office workers. Laura kept her eyes trained on the open file in her hands, reading it to cross-check when she bumped into a lady. She looked up and the lady's cold cup of coffee spilt all over her white shirt. The lady stood transfixed on a spot, deeply engrossed in what she was seeing and watching Laura who shouted and started cleaning her white shirt.

The lady realized what she had done, and began apologizing. "I'm very sorry. Very sorry."

When she proceeded to touch Laura's chest that was soaked with brown liquid, Laura angrily slapped her hand away and turned around, heading for the restroom.

"I can't believe this is happening!" Laura cried.

~

It was a late night, and Laura was getting ready to leave the office. She was the only one who remained in the office after closing hours. The lights in the office were switched off, causing Laura to use her phone flashlight for proper vision. Her phone began to ring suddenly, making her heart jump in mild fright. As much as Laura wanted to deny it, there was this feeling of being watched. She stared down at her phone and answered the call. She informed of her whereabouts and told him she was going to be home in thirty minutes.

Later on when she got home, her boyfriend who had spare keys to her house was seen making dinner for themselves. She smiled in appreciation as she walked in, towards her boyfriend when her eyes met a bouquet of flowers on a center table in the living room, a pink note plastered onto it. In alarm, she whipped her head to look at her boyfriend. "Babe, how did this get here?"

Her boyfriend who was about to remove his apron, looked up and saw what Laura was referring to. "That? I found it on your doorstep and decided to bring it inside. Why would someone give you flowers anyway? I probably sound jealous, but I don't entertain the idea."

Laura didn't reply. She marched forward and yanked the letter off the bouquet. It was another handwriting.

It was not the handwriting in the previous letters she had received. Laura read the contents in the letter quietly; "I saw you for the first time face to face and you were so pretty. It may seem like stalking but please accept my letters and flowers. I hope you break up with your boyfriend and come to me. From your jealous admirer."

In fear, Laura tore the letter apart and picked up the bouquet, running out of her house to dispose them and to report to the police pronto.

"Laura, where are you going?!"

~

For weeks, the letters and flowers were delivered to Laura's office. The police weren't able to find the owners of the handwriting and working in the office became a dreadful routine for Laura. The question that lingered deep in Laura's heart, creating distress and horror for Laura encompassed the words; Who sent those letters and flowers to her?

JUDGE'S REVIEW

This was beautiful. Though I still wish to know who kept sending those letter. I feel the lady that spilled something on her, because that was the only clue dropped, or who knows, her colleague, the gossip. All I have to say is, you progress as the stage goes by, you are a good writer no doubt, but when it comes to execution of the themes given, that's has been your weakness. But this time around there was a massive improvement. Kudos.

PENNAME: ORIANNA

SERIAL NO: 013

TITLE: WHO DID IT?

Tolu stomped into the class seething as she tightened her grip on her designer handbag. You'd wonder why someone would bring a bag like that to school in the first place. But no one had noticed what was wrong with the bag yet.

Her friends Moyo, Fola, and Teni were sitting around her table playing God visit baby by locker. It should be water, I know right? But that's not the point. Tolu dropped the bag in the middle of the table interrupting their game.

"Ah ahnnn" Fola complained. 

"Shut up!" Tolu snapped, glaring at him.

"What happened?" Moyo asked, observing her carefully. 

"Just look at my bag" Tolu said pointing at it "My mum  just bought it last week. What am I supposed to tell her?"

Everyone observed the bag. It was bright pink or at least it used to be. Someone had covered it in so much mud and sand that it was beginning to look like something else. The gold encrusted "MK" had been ripped off leaving a hole in its place and someone had written "This is what bitches deserve" right in the middle.

Moyo shook her head slowly  while Teni took the bag in his hands for a closer look. Fola just gulped and backed away from the table ever so slightly.

"You know" Tolu began, glaring at him "I knew you were irresponsible but I had no idea you were so wicked"

"I didn't do it guy, I swear" Fola said before raising his hands.

"Then who?!" Tolu snapped "Because I remember asking you to hold it for me before I left"

"Wait first" Teni said before placing the bag back on the table "Before you start pointing fingers, where did you find it?"

"Mr Elijah made me pick up trash at the back of the school for disrupting assembly" Tolu said, folding her hands "I found it while I was there"

"Alright" Teni said, rubbing his hands together "So Fola, tell us what happened after Tolu gave you her bag"

"Emmm" Fola began while rubbing his chin "I wanted to play ball with SS1C on the field so I went to Mr Ayodele's office to ask for his permission"

Teni nodded for him to go on.

"Then he said yes so I ran back to class, looking for someone to hold it for me. That's when I found Moyo"

"Oh yeah" Moyo said with an awkward laugh "Then he pushed it into my hands and ran off before I could say anything"

"Okay" Teni said nodding  "But weren't you telling me your shoes were muddy because you were at the back of the building?"

"Yes" Fola said scratching the back of his head "Because I wanted to talk to Stephen. He was picking up trash too"

"Hmmm" Teni said, eyeing Fola suspiciously "We'll have to confirm your alibi. Besides, you have motive. You might have wanted revenge because Tolu got your ball seized. It was pretty expensive"

"That was two weeks ago na" Fola shouted "And I wasn't the only one there today"

"That's true" Teni said "Tolu, you need to ask Stephen if what Fola said was true. I'm staying here to question Moyo"

"Are you sending me on errands?" She asked with her hands on her waist.

"Do you want to find your bag or not?" 

Tolu stomped away, grumbling under her breath as she went.

"I'm gonna follow her before she kills anyone" Fola said before going after her.

"So" Teni said before turning to face Moyo "What happened after Fola left"

"I sat with the bag for a while" Moyo said calmly. "Then I dropped it on my chair and left for the library"

"What?!" Teni shouted, his eyes wide in shock "That bag was so expensive! She made someone watch it for a reason"

Moyo looked away from him "I didn't think something like this would happen. It was only a black marker and cookies in the bag anyway"

"That's no reason to..." Teni paused before leaning towards her. "Nobody said anything about what was in the bag"

Moyo swore quietly before looking back at him "I was just looking for a pen, so I decided to check in her bag"

"Why do I have the feeling you're hiding something?"

Suddenly,Tolu marched angrily into the class. And I'm guessing you all know who she had her eyes on. Fola hurried after her, trying to get her to stop.

"You asshole" She said as she got to the table. She lunged for Moyo's hair but Teni stood up and held her back. She was failing in his arms, still trying to reach Moyo. A few students looked their way, wondering what was going on.

"Stephen verified my story" Fola said panting "But then we bumped into Remi"

"And he said he saw you with a pink bag at the back of the school a few minutes before Tolu got there"

Moyo stood up and slowly backed away from the table.

"Wait, seriously?" Teni asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"It's not what it looks like" Moyo stopped "But I can't tell you why I was there"

"Moyo if you don't tell us what's going on right now I'm letting Tolu go" Teni snapped.

"Y'all remember Remi right?" Moyo said in a low voice as she approached the table.

"No" Tolu said suddenly relaxing, Teni let her go when she squealed "No way!"

"You guys are beginning to lose your minds" Fola said "And why is Remi suddenly important?"

Moyo looked down, blushing  "We were making out there" She said quietly.

"Why there?" Teni asked incredulously "You could've been caught"

"We weren't planning to" Moyo replied "We got caught up in the moment"

"So you're the mystery girl he was telling me about" Fola chuckled.

"But then if you didn't do it" Teni said, turning to Fola "And you didn't do it" He said before turning to Moyo "Then who did?"

"What about you?" Tolu asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Hey Teni!" Someone shouted from the back "You never finished teaching me the almighty formula!"

"I'm coming!" Teni answered before facing Tolu.

"That's not the right question" He said shaking his head "Moyo's story still doesn't add up. What happened after you met up with Remi?"

"I took the bag back to the class" Moyo said, tapping her chin "Then I needed to use the bathroom so I dropped it on my chair"

"Then what happened?"

"It wasn't there when I got back" Moyo said "And someone told me that Tolu had been to class a few minutes before I got back so I just assumed Tolu had picked it up"

"Wow" Tolu said. She was already getting angry again "So what now happened to my bag?!"

A girl was sitting at the back, watching them. She laughed before picking up her notebook and  pen. With her backpack on her shoulders she walked out of the class quietly.

She pulled out the cookies packet and black marker from her pocket and threw them in a nearby dustbin.

She walked on to her classroom with a smile on her face.

Next time, Tolu would think twice before messing with a junior.

JUDGE'S REVIEW

Punctuation, it's like I’ve been going in circles on this point with you.

“Just look at my bag" Tolu said pointing at it "My mum  just bought it last week. What am I supposed to tell her?" 🚫

"Just look at my bag," Tolu said pointing at it. "My mum just bought it last week. What am I supposed to tell her?" ☑️

Now to the story, you did try to fall in line with the genre, what you wrote can be considered a mystery but not a good one.

I liked the way you made everyone a suspect though, that was good.

But some things weren't adding up and others felt too rushed.

And this story was lacking suspense heavily, it wasn't intriguing or looked like something I would read on a norm.

PENNAME: ZIRACHI

SERIAL NO: 015

Maria was seated in the interrogation room, legs crossed, and intertwined fingers placed on the table. Her face was white, devoid of any color. Her lifeless eyes darted around the room warily, as if there was something invincible lurking around, waiting to catch her off guard. 

The door opened slowly, and the lady, whom Maria had thought to be the detective, entered. 

 The lady paused as she was about to closed the door, her eyes moving, in slow motion, till it landed on Maria. 

Maria adjusted in her seat uncomfortably, her brows creasing and her head starting to ache. She could feel the heavy weight of the bandage on her head, as well as the lady’s stare.

Finally, the lady looked away, and closed the door before turning back to her. She walked slowly, her heels making a tin-tan sound on the cemented floor. 

After what seemed like hours to Maria, the lady finally got to the table and sat across her in a professional manner. 

“Good afternoon. I’m Detective Lade, and I’m guessing you’re Maria?” 

Maria shifted again, her white face turning whiter if possible. “Yes. Maria Bamidele.” 

Lade nodded, observing Maria. She didn’t look that older. Maybe around sixteen to eighteen. She opened the file I’m her hand, turning the pages. 

 “It was said you were found at the scene of the murder of Hadeezah Yahyah. Is that right? Or wrong?” Lade asked, her eyes not leaving the file. 

“Well…um…” 

Lade looked up, raising her brows as if to say ‘What is wrong with this one?’ 

“Yes,” Maria finally answered. “Yes, I was there.”

“Good. So as the witness, can you-”

“I’m not a-”

“-tell me what happened, and describe the person who attacked you both?” Lade finished, her neutral face contorting into a frown. It was obvious she didn’t like getting interrupted. 

“I’m not a witness, Miss Lade,” Maria replied flatly, eyes narrowed on the detective whose frown had deepened. 

“Sorry?”

 “That, was what I was trying to tell you. I am not a witness. I am also a victim,” Maria explained, fighting the urge to roll her eyes as she folded her arms. 

Lade followed the movement, eyes resting on the scratch marks which was peeking out from beneath the black short sleeved top Maria was wearing. 

 “Ooh, I’m sorry, I didn’t get all the details,” Lade apologized, although it didn’t sound very sincere. “Can you tell me what happened that day?”

Maria dropped her folded arms, eyes on them as tears welled in her eyes. She sucked in a breath, and slowly released it. “That day, Hazeedah and I had planned on having a girls night, and since I was the only one at home, we planned on doing it at my house. We were watching a movie, and I went to get some snacks from the kitchen. I also wanted something to  drink, so I decided to make strawberry smoothie for us both.” She sucked in another breath, her lashes already wet with the tears she was holding.

  “When I came out, Hadeezah was…she was…” Maria burst into tears, her shoulders shaking violently. Lade looked at the young girl in pity. After a few minutes, Maria calmed herself, wiping her eyes with the back of her palms.

“When I came out of the kitchen, there was a knife plunged into Deeza's tummy. I wanted to call for help, b-but someone h-hit my head with something.” She broke into tears again. Lade sighed, feeling pity and impatient at the same time. She wanted to get this questioning over as soon as possible as she had other things to do. 

 “And? Were you able to make out the person’s face before you blacked out?”  Lade asked. Maria shook her head vigorously, her body shaking and face buried in her palms.

 “And you are sure that you both were the only ones home? You didn’t hear anyone come in?” 

Again, Maria shook her head. Her sobbing got louder and her body continued shaking. Lade stood up from her chair, deciding it would be best to finish this another time. “Maria, you can take your leave now. The questioning will be completed another day.”

Maria only nodded, not raising her head from he palms. Lade looked at her for a while, before leaving the room. 

*

A knock sounded on Lade’s door, followed by a voice. “Miss, may I come in?”

“Yes, please do,” Lade replied, staring at the guy as he walked further into her office. 

 “Good afternoon, Miss,” he greeted. “I’m Sam, from the mortuary. I brought report about the murder of Hadeezah Yahyah.”

“Is that so?” Lade asked, an interested look crossing her face. “Good, then. Let me hear it.”

“In the nails of the victim, we have discovered something which looked like back dirt. I have come to ask your permission for the body to be taken to the lab for autopsy.”

Lade scowled, eyeing the man in annoyance. “Do you even need to as for my permission? Please take the body there immediately!”

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll do that right away.” The man turned around and left. Lade eyed at his retreating figure, then hissed.

 *

*Two days after*

Lade walked to the autopsy lab, her pace quickening with each passing second. Just as she got the door, the head of the lab was walking out.  “Joe, what I’m hearing about that Hadeezah case, is it true?” 

“What? Oh, about that, yes. The order came from the top that we should drop the case. Even the parents of the girl have decided they don’t want the matter investigated anymore.” 

Lade’s mouth opened in astonishment. “All of a sudden? Where is the body itself?” 

 Joe laughed cynically. “The parents had taken the body away early this morning. As I’m speaking to you, that girl is already buried.”

“What of the evidences?” 

 “That one? Oga pata pata has ordered to it to be brought to his office. I’ve sent it there already. I’m sorry but I need to go now,” Joe replied. Lade nodded, quietly watching him leave. 

 Something didn’t sit well with her. The evidences taken away from the lab. It was clear enough that they would be destroyed, but why? 

JUDGE'S REVIEW

I did enjoy reading the story but I feel the author could have done better. It felt as if something was missing and she besides that, the story would have been told better even with the suspense and the readers would be able to imagine and understand what it is the author is trying to tell them.

Overall it’s nice but could have been written better with more insights.

PENNAME: BLACK ROSE

SERIAL NO: 019

TITLE: GONE

“Hurry up with your breakfast, Chi. Let me drop you off at school."

I watched her try to contain her smile as she chewed on a piece of pancake.

“Thank you, mummy. It's as if you know I don't have the energy to go by myself today."

“When do you ever have energy? Ehn, Chidera." I asked my daughter as I picked up my now empty breakfast plate and put it into the dishwasher.

She just laughed and as a force of habit, adjusted the round medicated glasses that sat on her face. 

As I sat back down beside her at the dining table, my husband walked into the kitchen, all dressed up for work.

“Good morning, daddy." Chidera greeted in a chirpy tone.

“Morning, Dera." He responded, placing a light peck on her forehead.

“Sweetheart." He cajoled, moving over and engaging me in a short good morning kiss,“Please pack up my breakfast for me. I'm already running late for the meeting."

“It has already been packed, honey." I chuckled as his eyes widened in gratitude,“With the time you slept last night, I had a feeling you would be up a little late today."

“Thank you so much, my sweet." My husband told me, the appreciation in his tone very evident.

“Don't mention joor." I laughed,“Let me escort you to the car." Then turning to Chidera I said,“We will leave once I return, so be quick, okay?"

“Yes, ma." She saluted with mock seriousness, making me roll my eyes and chuckle a little,“Bye, daddy."

“I'll see you in the evening, my baby. Be good at school."

She blushed at the pet name her father used on her and waved us both away. Picking up the black picnic basket which contained his packed breakfast and lunch, I followed after my husband.

Once out of her earshot, I spoke,“Chi will be so happy when she finally gets that vlogging smartphone kit she has been asking for, tomorrow."

“It's even better since tomorrow is her birthday." He commented.

“Our baby will be fourteen. It's as though I gave birth to her just yesterday." There was a slight quiver in my voice as I said this.

“Dera is not a baby anymore. It's confirmed now that she'll be having a baby brother."

At the mention of the baby I was carrying in my womb, my hand rubbed over the almost invisible baby bump as a nostalgic smile formed on my lips.

“I hope she doesn't get jealous." I laughed out loud.

“The Chidera I know will definitely get jealous. Jealousy is her second name." He said with a knowing smile.

Her father was right. Chidera usually has a childish jealousy towards anything and anyone that received the attention due to her.

“But she'll have to accept the fact that she has been overthrown as the baby of the house."

My husband's deep chuckle filled the air as we made our way out of the house. A rich laughter that always brought a smile to my lips.

“I'll see you in the evening, sweetheart." He placed a gentle kiss on my cheek before getting into the car and taking the basket from me. The gateman rushed out of his house that was situated beside the gate when my husband sounded the car horn.

I waved him away but remained outside till he drove out of the compound. Making my way back into the house, I went straight to the kitchen but Chidera wasn't there.

“Chi." I called out, moving out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. “Chi!" I yelled this time, hoping she was upstairs and would hear me.

“I'm coming, mummy!" Her voice rang out from upstairs. Followed by rushed footsteps before she came into view. “I had to get my sweater." She told me as she got to where I stood on the stairs.

“Sure. You are set now, right?" I asked Chidera while checking the timepiece on my wrist,“It's 7:32am already."

She dashed right past me and out the door with her school bag while screaming,“Assembly has already started!"

Shaking my head at her retreating figure, I walked over to the car key rack and picked up the one belonging to the Tesla. 

Chidera stood outside beside the said Toyota, a panicked look maring her face. It looked like she would cry out at any moment because of how late she was.

“Calm down, Chi." I told her while unlocking the car doors for both of us to get in.

The gateman quickly opened the gate and out of the compound we went, driving through the busy streets of Abuja.

“Ehen, mummy. I'm going home with Gloria."

“The same Gloria that lives in our estate?"

“Yes, ma." She confirmed with a nod.

“Why won't you follow the school bus?" I asked, sparing Chidera a glance.

“Gloria wants to give me my birthday gift today." She told me,“She won't be in school tomorrow, she's going to the hospital."

“Let her give you the gift whenever she comes back to school." I stated, making a turn down the street of Chidera's school.

“Mummy na." She whined,“Let me just walk home with her, please."

I don't know why, but I felt reluctant to let her trek home with her friend. Even though she has done this a couple of times and nothing went wrong, it just felt off this time. However, I would accept her request since it's because of her birthday gift.

“Fine." I breathed out,“Remember to call me by four, when you get back from school."

Her lips drew up in a beautiful, excited smile,“Thank you, mummy. I love you."

“I love you too, Chidera." I told her truthfully as I finally drove into the school compound and found a parking spot,“ I'll see you in the evening, okay?"

She stretched out across the hand rest and placed a kiss on my cheek causing me to giggle,“Bye." 

Waving her off, Chidera got down from the car and shut the door behind her. When she was out of sight, I backed out of the school and drove straight to my workplace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That will be all for today, ma'am." My personal assistant informed me,“Tomorrow will entail making a detailed list of items needed for Mrs Smith's birthday celebration and visiting Alhaji Tanko's new residence, to plan on how to go about designing and decorating its interior."

“Thank you, Zara. Have a good day." I dismissed her before directing my attention back to the laptop screen before me. 

My fingers tapped quickly across the keyboard till I was done. Sending the email to the recipient establishment, I was finally set to go home and that's when it dawned on me that I hadn't received a call from Chidera.

Looking over to the digital clock seated on my desk, 5:02pm was displayed on it. Panic set in as I realized that Chidera should have called over an hour ago.

My first thought was to dial her phone, which I did and it rang for a while before going off. I called two more times but it yielded the same result.

Chidera, pick up.

Without thinking twice, I hastily packed my things and dashed out of my office, straight to my car. Only when I had brought the engine to life did I remember to contact her father.

“Honey." I said as he picked on the third ring,“Did Chi call you?"

“She didn't. Is anything the matter?"

“Chi didn't call by four like I asked her to. I don't know if she forgot." It took everything in me not to lose control of the steering wheel. With the way my hands were fidgeting, I was scared even for myself.

“I will get back to you." He responded rather coldly and cut the call.

Ehn?

I stared back at my phone screen in shock. Did he just end the call, when I'm complaining that something might have happened to our daughter?

What was that supposed to mean?

The loud blaring of a horn brought my attention to the fact that I had paused at a T-junction, causing hold up in the process. Muttering an apology under my breath, I sped off and didn't stop till I got home.

Not sparing a second to turn off the car, I jumped out and ran into the house.

“Chi!" My voice came out in panicked screams as I took to the stairs, Chidera's room the only place on my mind,“Chidera!"

I barged into her room to be met with an empty, well arranged bed. Absolutely nothing was out of place. Everything was exactly the way she would have left it.

“Chidera!" I screamed again, going into her ensuite bathroom but still finding it empty.

Gloria.

The name dropped into my head and I ran. I didn't doublethink, I just ran. Out of the house and over to the said Gloria's house that was only four houses away.

My fists hammered the gates with increased trepidity. It seemed like forever before the gateman finally opened. I made to push past him but he pulled me back.

“Madam, who you dey find?" He asked in a slightly angered tone as if I had disturbed him from his nap or something. But that was none of my business.

Having a potentially missing daughter and a husband that was acting so off, during a time like this, was more than enough to worry about.

“Where is Gloria's mother?!" I barked at the gateman, having every intention to rip him apart if he wasted anymore of my time.

“Madam, e no normal to come persin house by this kine time dey shout upandan." 

No sooner had that rubbish escaped his mouth before I gifted him with a heavy, dirty slap. 

I was taken off guard for abit when he raised his hand as if he wanted to attack me but before he could do such nonsense, a new voice joined ours,“Sule! What is going on there?"

Eyeing the man for a split second, I cornered him and rushed towards the woman who owned the voice.

“You are Gloria's mother." I stated rather than ask, though I wasn't even sure.

Her eyebrows went up in an unsure manner,“Yes. What is the problem, madam?" 

“Where is your daughter, Gloria? My daughter said she would be coming home with her today."

Again, she looked at me like I had lost it and I swear to God, it was getting on my last nerves.

“Madam," The woman before me breathed out,“Gloria has not been to school since last week. In fact, she has been hospitalized since then. I'm on my way to the hospital right now."

I staggered back. I lost control of my body for a moment and moved back as unbelief overtook me. It was then I noticed that the woman was holding a lunch bag in her hand. Even her appearance looked disheveled.

She was actually going to the hospital. 

Impossible! Chidera wouldn't lie to me.

“But," She continued,“I'll ask my daughter if she had any arrangement with yours, about going home together, today."

I could only nod as the shock held me from making a sound. She gave me a small, unsure smile,“Goodluck, madam."

She bypassed me and moving over to her car, got in and drove away. 

I don't know how I did it, but I staggered all the way to my house. My brain was not functioning properly. It was as though my body shut down but someway, somehow I could still locomote.

I didn't stop walking till I got to Chidera's room. My eyes roved about the entirety of her room till it landed on a very, very odd item. That shouldn't have been there if Chidera wasn't.

Her glasses.

The same thick, round ones that was her only way of seeing. My daughter was legally blind without them.

Yet, here it sat neatly and undisturbed on her reading table.

JUDGE'S REVIEW

Woah! I wish this was submitted for the cliffhanger challenge because it gripped me by the throat and choked me out! I want to know more! What happened to Chidera? Why are her glasses there without her? What's going on? I am full of questions, but the way I should be, and having that this is a Mystery, then, I will still give this a pass. Usually, it is advicable to resolve the mystery, instead of ending it in a cliffhanger, but I am so impressed by the story that I am not even hanging onto that. This was such a thrilling read. I felt my heart speed up with each second I read. Black Rose, good job for this!

I had to reread a second time to judge, because I was so focused on the story that I just wanted to enjoy it first. I love this story so much! I wish to see you in the next stage of Project Pen amongst the Top 15 Contestants!✨

PENNAME: NETSUKE_WRITES

SERIAL NUMBER: 021

TITLE: WHO'S KILLING THE FEMALES?

If you could wish for anything, what would it be? 

Out of all things I could wish for, I wished for a penis. I was left with no option but to make that wish. 

My life was always exceptional. Being an intelligent school-going child made life astounding, but everything changed the moment people began to murder females mercilessly.

The first victim was a girl named Adunni, aged 19. Her body was found in the bushes; mercilessly massacred. According to what I heard, she was stripped of all the skin on her body and her heart was missing from her chest.

As terrible as that sounds, we all hoped that would be the last time, but it persisted every other day after that. At exactly noon, the news gave a new report of a girl being killed similarly.

Being a girl felt like a burden when more girls died and the police seemed not to be finding the killers. 

When it was noon, I tuned in to the news, hoping they would tell everyone how they found the killer and how everyone was safe. But instead, they did the same crap they do every other day; they reported bad news.

I no longer felt safe knowing that innocent girls like me were dying. As I watched the news with my father, I faced him with tears in my eyes."Dad, I am scared. Will I die like this?"

“My child, I will do everything to protect you from these killers. In fact, I have an idea.” My dad said, hugging me tightly. At that moment, I felt comforted that I might be protected from dying.

“What’s your idea?” 

“The killers can not kill you if you’re fully hidden. That’s why I want to lock you up in the spare room of this house. I will cover the door with some wallpaper and place a painting above the doorknob. That way, it will look like no room exists at all. I’m sure no killer will locate you.”

“That sounds like a great idea! Can I have some Wi-Fi and food as I hide?” I sat up, wiping the tears from my eyes, since he gave me hope.

“Yes, I will provide everything. I just want you to be safe and happy, my child. I love you so much.” He said, kissing my forehead.

“I love you too and if I die, I want you to know I do.” I cuddled him more tightly. 

“I promise you; you won’t die. Just trust me on this.” My dad reassured me.

In no time, I helped him gather enough food, and then we took it into the spare room. We placed a stove, a mattress, and some few warm blankets. Then he locked me in the spare room. I was fearful at first, but the moment the Wi-Fi connection popped up, all my fear died. I immediately texted my best friend Monifa, telling her my dad’s genius idea. She told me she was going to tell her dad to do the same for her.

After that, I slept, feeling very safe that no killer would ever kill me since I was in a proper hiding place. 

When it was noon the following day, I checked the news, but the news shocked me immensely.

“Miss Monifa Musa has been murdered by the unknown killers. Her body was found on Odion road in delta state. Let’s not panic, the police are looking into these killings.”

They said I shouldn’t panic, but I panicked. The victim that died was my best friend. She was in a hidden room just like me, but the killers still located her. What was my chance of survival?

Due to intense fear of losing my life, I immediately knelt with tears in my eyes and began to pray aloud." God, please, if you do exist, grant me this one wish. You say you protect those you love. I know what will protect me. If I miraculously grow a penis, I won’t have to worry about being murdered. So Dear God, I wish for a penis. Prove to me that you can protect me."

I slept that day, hoping my prayer would be miraculously answered, but when I got up in the morning, I saw the same damn vagina. I knew God would not answer such a ridiculous prayer, but I just hoped that my wish could come true by chance.

Nevertheless, what mattered most to me was that I was alive, so I tuned in to the news at noon and some other girl was killed again. I wondered why they were so interested in announcing that horrible news instead of finding the killers. What was so hard about finding killers? If they weren’t going to do it, then I would. With the short time I had left to live, I needed to use it wisely. So I decided to become a detective.

I searched all the death cases on the internet, reading them one by one, and the mode of death showed me that only a qualified doctor would kill in such a manner. When I read further, I started to get convinced in the conclusion I had drawn. One report showed that people around the world need heart transplants and it all started to make sense why they were getting hearts and to me, only a skilled person would know how to rip a heart in the right way. 

I read further about how people are conducting skin transplants for huge amounts of money. Explains why they ripped out the skin. I don’t know why, despite being inexperienced in detective work, I was convinced that doctors had everything to do with the killings. 

The police wouldn’t suspect doctors first because they think they always want to save lives, forgetting that greedy people exist. No wonder why the case wasn’t getting solved.

Then I realized something. My dad was a doctor, too. Suspecting doctors meant suspecting my father of killing. But there was no way my dad would kill, so I needed to confirm his innocence.

I hacked his laptop because I have always been a tech genius. I hoped not to find anything killing-related. So I began reading all his private messages. If I needed to suspect doctors, I had to confirm with the one doctor I knew and, for some reason, being locked up in a room gave me absolutely nothing to do.

I opened a frequent chat he had with a girl called Cecilia. It was disgusting to read because they barely chatted, but they always spoke of doing the deed. She suggested the places were to and dad seemed to agree. Saying, 'I will be there.'

I almost stopped reading when I accidentally stumbled upon a weird text buried in his flirts with her. 

“One customer bought the girl’s heart at 5 million naira. We need to sell more.”

In her text, Cecilia immediately asked him to delete that message, but it seemed like he forgot to.

My jaw dropped and with teary eyes, I dialed 112." Police. I know who one of the killers is."

JUDGE'S REVIEW

This story was a pretty good execution of the theme. I appreciate the fact that you took the theme a little more seriously this time and gave us a good story. It seemed a little fast paced... too fast actually, but I understand that you have a word count target and limit and you don't want to write past it.

Asides that, your story had elements of mystery. There was suspense. I kinda saw the foreshadowing coming, that is her dad being one of the killers or the only killer even, but that's the whole point of mystery. you dropped clues everywhere. Good Job.

PEN NAME : CY

SERIAL NO : 027

TITLE : BAD BLOOD..

It'd just been a month away from when Papa was killed. Our house wasn't anything better without him. The deafening silence that reigned in our home was a mixture of guilt, distrust and melancholy. The whole place reeked of a month's old mournings and tears. The windows and doors remained tightly shut to avoid fresh air from getting in. We all hoped to stifle to death since no one opened their mouths to let out the breaths of truth. Like Papa would say, "a mouth that would keep shut forever would continue to possess the pungent smell." We were as blind as bats during the day because we'd failed to depart from the shadows of our incriminated subconscious. The Edojah family would never be the same when we knew that we'd been living among a relative with bad blood.

Papa was all that kept the Edojah family sane. Papa was like a god and so we served him with epochal value, but as Mama would say like the pious woman she was, "man could not be God." Was this the reason why Mama could kill Papa? For her religion? 

We, the children assumed Mama and Papa only got married to sate their sexual cravings. It was obvious from the incessant bickering and later they would reconcile by making love to each other. All these arguments was nothing  compare to the one that happened few weeks before Papa's death. 

"Papa Tobo, how could you do this to me?" Mama bawled. Her eyes were red and puffy. Tears came cascading down her cheeks. She cried about how Papa had been cheating on her. Papa had been frolicking with another woman, who was now pregnant for him and Mama just realised. What upsetted her the most was the fact that her pastor had warned her about marrying Papa but she was too stubborn to listen.

"God showed it to me in a dream. This man you want to marry will only cause you regrets. Hearken to the voice of the lord, Sister," her Pastor had chorused in her ears. 

"Who are you to tell me who to love again? I am my own man for God's sake. Don't be so selfish. Selfish people don't stay long on earth," Papa told Mama.

Mama locked herself in a room. She continued to seethe in pain and penitence and it only metamorphosed into anger. 

There was also another relative who had bad intentions to take Papa's life.

"Please, Papa. If you send me away, I'll die Papa. They will kill me," Brother Tobo slumped down to his knees. He'd done something wrong that had dented the image of this family. 

"I said get out of my house. I can't have a bloody cultist living in my house, dey go!" Papa grappled Brother Tobi's arm and lifted him up. He tossed him out the door. 

"They'll kill me if they find me," Brother Tobo said again. The purple-yellow smears of wounds that spotted his face burned when tears touched it.  He'd  been beaten up very badly.

"If I die, what will you say? " You could hear Brother Tobo's fear in the way he stuttered in nonexistent syllables. 

Brother Tobo was never brave enough to face his problems and so his peers at the university had easily cajoled him to join their cult if he wanted protection and people to fight for his interests. Brother Tobo finally understood the mess he'd gotten himself in after a couple of violent riots that broke in the school and he tried to leave but he'd already made a blood oath. Running back home, he thought was a good idea.

"I can't risk having you stay here and endanger the whole family. Now that you're a cultist, you've killer instincts already," Papa said these last words and slammed the door against his very own son.

On the fateful day Papa was killed, Mama still hadn't agreed to leave the room.

I tried preparing something for Mama to eat. She allowed me inside the room once in a while. Mama would always coo in my ears not to hate Papa because it was her fault all this happened. Mama was angry at herself. 

"Fega, Is everything alright? I heard screams. " Brother Tobo came out of the shadowy corner into the light. Mama was aware that Papa had driven him away, but she snuck him back into the house and hid him in this room. She couldn't bear to see her son roam around the streets. I was the only one that knew about this. 

"I saw a rat in the kitchen and I'd to kill it," I answered. 

"Unbelievable!" Brother Tobo was surprised. I was so scared of rats before, what gave me the courage to kill one?

"I didn't want that vermin to cause a nuisance," I said.

After they were done eating, I carried the plates to the kitchen. Papa was in the kitchen too and he saw the plates in my hands.

He asked, "Haven't you eaten before?" 

My face turned pale and my skin was cold and clammy.

"You gave food to your mother, abi ?" 

"No, it was Brother Tobo!" Immediately that name flew out my mouth, my hand came clapping over my mouth. Papa was confused at first, then he was able to put two and two together. Papa was angry and was about to storm out of the kitchen. I tried to stop him but he pushed me aside, sending the plates in my hand smashing against the floor. Why did Papa enjoy causing nuisance? I scoured my mind for something I could do to stop Papa. I glanced around the kitchen nervously then my eyes hit the closest object near me. Absentmindedly, I grabbed the grinding stone at the corner and hurled it at Papa. It hit the back of his head and caused him crashing to the floor. 

I flicked a nervous glance at Papa as he lied down on the floor, immobile. His eyes. I hastily walked out like nothing had happened, not even fear could grip me now. 

I ran straight to my room. Amidst my panicking, I heard someone scream. It came from the kitchen, I hurried down there. 

Mama and I arrived at the kitchen at the same time. She said Brother Tobo had left the room because he heard noise and thought I was in trouble. 

Mama let out a scream of terror when she saw Brother Tobo weeping over the body of Papa with the stone that hit him in his hand. He'd  probably picked it up. He turned to us and shook his head disappointedly, tears filled his eyes. 

"Tobo! What did you do?" Mama yelled at Tobo, terrified. "You didn't have to kill him," Mama cried.

Mama didn't give Brother Tobo time to explain himself. 

"Brother Tobo has killed Papa," I declared. I was way too scared to spill the beans, so I allowed Brother Tobo take the blame. Brother Tobo was later arrested for killing Papa. At the end, they were both bad blood and I'd stopped nuisance, right?

JUDGE'S REVIEW

Your opening setence didn't grab me like it was supposed to because it was poorly written.

"It'd just been a month away from when Papa was killed." ✖️ Nah...

"It's been a month since Papa was killed." ✔️ Simple and straight forward. Can you see the difference?

I don't know if it's possible for someone's writing technique to diminish, but CY I'm sorry, but what I read in your story was like you forgot how to write. Your sentence construction was off, which was very surprising considering your track record. Not only that, you were making very... weird mistakes with your Grammar. It now felt like you were just using big English to cover up your lapses.

Also, your theme execution was out of it. Your story wasn't mystery. Plot twist, maybe. There was a resolution on who actually killed Papa, but it wasn't mystery. And the procession was scattered, I was kind lost in the flow. Everything was just... one kind and it was surprising because I didn't expect it from you at all. I'm genuinely concerned.

Omoh, the judges are not playing at all.

Contestants, please read the Reviews, understand them and take to corrections please.

Fans, which entry was your favorite? Let's hear from you.

See you guys soon.

Project Pen ✨