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𝑷 𝑶 𝑽
❝ 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎—𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 ❞

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ㅤ𝐆𝐖𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃, confused as she wondered where she was.

It looked all too familiar; the oak door, the wooden floors, the cream couch that had a stain on the side when she spilled Coca Cola on it when she was seven, the coffee table with her name carved on it, the light gray carpet...

She was in her childhood home, standing in her old living room.

She looked down at her hands, trying to assess what was going on, wondering if this was real, when she realized, "I'm hallucinating."

Looking around once more, she realized that her subconscious led her back into her childhood home. The one where she wanted to grow up in, yet only spent nine years of her life in. She walked closer to the TV stand and saw pictures of herself when she was little. From the time when she attended her very first ballet lesson, the time when she first sang on a karaoke machine, her first Christmas, to her last time spending the birthday with her family.

She felt a tear slip down, but she didn't bother wiping it away.

One thing she regretted the most was not coming home immediately after escaping. She was set on enacting her revenge that she forgot about the people who were waiting for her back home. She was already working with SHIELD when she suddenly realized that she wanted to go home. She tracked her parents down, but she was too late.

A year after she disappeared, her mother committed suicide. Hung herself inside Gwen's closet. This, added to her disappearance, broke up her tightly-knit family. They stopped going on get-togethers, they rarely visited each other, they barely even wondered how her old dad was doing. He was left alone.

And he died alone, at age fifty, when Gwen was twenty.

Gwen was an only child, though because she had a big family, she never felt like she wanted a sibling; her cousins were enough. But even they couldn't bear her disappearance. Her kidnapping caused a catastrophic domino effect, which led to her feeling guilty to the point that she threw away her want to go back to her motherland, and decided that it was better for them not to see her ever again.

She walked forward towards her dad's armchair, the one that no one could touch but him. She smiled a little and decided that since she was hallucinating, might as well.

Before her butt can even touch the leather, a voice called out, "Hey, that's my chair, remember?"

Startled, she sat up again, and felt her knees get week as she made eye contact with her dad, looking the same way he did—even wearing the same clothes—as the day she was taken. Right behind him was her mother. Just like her dad, she looked identical as the day she was kidnapped; the last time she ever saw them in person.

"Ma? Pa?"

"So...is this heaven or is this all my head?" Gwen wondered, before shaking her head. "I'm pretty sure this is just all in my head because I know for a fact that if I were to die, I'd be going to hell, not heaven. So, yes, this is all in my head."

"Ever the cynic, aren't you?" Her mother replied, a small gracing her lips. She looked like an older version of Gwen. "But you are your father's daughter."

"Hey!" Her father protested, plucking a beer from his mini-fridge beside his chair. He had a bit of an alcohol problem, but it was never an issue. "She inherited everything from you but her nose. That's all mine."

"Uh huh, so is her attitude."

"Hey, dream-dad, dream-mom, no fighting," Gwen laughed. It was as if no time has passed. Her parents still bickered, acting like an old married couple before they were even old. She looked down at her outfit and realized she was also wearing the same clothes she wore when she was kidnapped; a pair of denim overalls and a t-shirt. She sighed a little. "So why exactly am I hallucinating you two? I mean, this is all happening in my head, right?"

"Of course it's happening in your head, Gwennie, but why on earth should that mean it's not real?" Her father said philosophically.

She gave him a deadpan look. "You did not just quote Dumbledore at me, dream-dad."

"And if I did?"

Her mother rolled her eyes. "Hay nako, I married an idiot."

"Hey! You said you married me because I was smart!"

"Oh my God," Gwen facepalmed. "Even in a dream world, you two are bickering."

Her parents shrugged, before her mother walked forward with open arms and pulled her into a hug. Her mother sighed in relief. "I missed you so much, Gwennie. I suppose you dreamt this up because you missed us, so might as well just say it outright. It wasn't your fault...none of it was ever your fault. You shouldn't blame yourself for what HYDRA did. And who you are, who you became, and who you will become is not because of HYDRA. You're our daughter, alright? Mahal na mahal ka namin." (We love you so much.)

"Ma..." Gwen sniffled. "I killed you. Because of me, you...'di ko alam kung bakit ba 'di ako bumalik 'non. Dapat bumalik nalang ako imbis na..." She began sobbing. "Dahil sa 'kin 'yun, eh. Dahil sa 'kin ginawa mo 'yon. Dahil sa 'kin namatay mag-isa si papa." (I don't know why I didn't come back. I should've come back rather than...it was because of me. Because of me, you did that [killed yourself]. Because of me, dad died alone.)

"No, no," her father protested, moving forward to scoop her into his arms. "None of that was your fault. Deep down, you know it wasn't. It was the work of the bastard that took you from us. I'm glad you killed him."

Her mother tsked, slapping her dad in the shoulder. "You shouldn't praise your child for killing someone!"

"Even if that someone took her from us?" He shot back. "I don't give a damn about someone who didn't care about anyone's lives but his own. If he didn't care about our life, our baby's life, then we shouldn't care about his." He looked directly at Gwen. "I don't care what anyone says, I'm glad that you made that hitlist. And I'm glad that only one name's left. If you find Leonard Wagner, please let him feel exactly what you felt when he did all that to you."

Even though Gwen was speechless, she couldn't help but smile, sitting down on their old couch, her parents following suit. She patted her dad's knee. "Glad I have your support, dad."

"You'll have my support for the rest of your life," he vowed. "No matter what you do, just know that I'm proud of you. Both of us are, really. Your mother may not admit it, but she's proud too."

Her mother sighed. "Alright, alright, I am."

Gwen grinned before sighing, relaxing into her seat. "Sad that this is just a hallucination though. My subconscious telling me that I shouldn't blame myself or something. Even if it forces me to look at you two, I don't think I'm ever gonna change my mind."

"You're too rational for your own good," her mother pinched her cheek lightly. "But this...this'll still help you find closure, will it not? Us talking to you...it's what you need right now. It's what you really need, it's what you've needed for so long."

"Your friends are all worried about your physical health, waiting for you to physically heal," her father said. "But your mental health also needs some TLC, and this is the first step. You should let yourself rest completely...entirely. And that includes this. Let yourself heal, bubba."

"I can't believe that even my dream-dad is as blunt as real-dad," she shook her head fondly.

"Of course I am. I'm your dad, even if I'm just a hallucination."

"We are serious, though," her mother gave her a rueful smile. "Forgive yourself, only then can you start your healing process. You need to let yourself realize that none of this was your fault. Your friends are all waiting for you to wake up, stop being so stubborn."

Gwen scoffed out a laugh. "Okay, I'll...I'll try."

"Max!" Gwen exclaimed, kneeling down on the floor to greet her brown Labrador. He was her very first pet—if you don't count the chicken she took care of when she was three, she's pretty sure she ended up eating him—and he excitedly bounded towards her. "Oh, my little baby!" She cooed.

Max barked happily at her, licking her face.

"Oh, I missed you so much!"

Her parents smiled down at the two of them. After their talk inside the living room, they walked out towards the backyard.

"He missed you a lot," her mother commented. "He, uh, he cried for you. After the first night of your disappearance, he actually disappeared too. We figured he wanted to look for you. But a week later, we...we found him by the side of the road. He was run over."

Gwen sniffled as she hugged her dog. "Aw, you sweet boy. I missed you so much," she cried, sobbing into his fur as he placed his head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, and I'm sorry you..."

"It's not your fault," her dad emphasized. "Forgive yourself, starting with us, with Max."

"Okay," she croaked. "God, I'm so sorry. But I..." She took a deep breath. "That man that took you from me? He's gone now, baby. Now we can play together again. Forever."

"Not forever, Gwennie," her mother scolded. "Remember, you just need to forgive yourself. Not let yourself succumb to your memories. It's not your time, and you still have much to learn about life. It's not your time. Your friends are still waiting for you. Now hurry up."

Gwen laughed through her tears and nodded, pressing a kiss to Max's head. "I...I didn't do this to you. It..." She took a deep breath. "It was not my fault."

Max barked in reply, licking her face again, before walking away.

"Where is he going?" Gwen asked, still kneeling on the grass.

"He's moving forward," her mother simply replied. "Now come on, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

"I...I had a twin?"

Her mother smiled, playing with the hair of a young boy. "It's called a heterotopic pregnancy. I had two babies growing with me at the same time, but one was growing outside of my uterus. You guys were fraternal, it's actually hereditary, your grandfather also had fraternal twins as siblings. But unfortunately, your brother grew outside of where he should be, so..."

"We had to do an emergency surgery, because your brother...he was hurting both you and your mother," her father sighed. "But we would've named him Gavin."

"Sir Gawain," Gwen realized.

"I do like my Arthurian legends."

Her mother rolled her eyes fondly. "Do you want to meet him?"

"If...if this is a hallucination, then how come..." She trailed of, walking closer to her brother and offering her hand. He took it with a grin as he played with the stuffed elephant she had as a toddler. "Then how come I'm hallucinating about my brother when I only knew about him now?"

Her mother only winked.

Gwen gaped a little before picking up Gavin and holding him close. "You're my twin, huh?" As Gavin was only a toddler, he couldn't reply intelligently. He only grabbed her hair and shoved it in his mouth. She laughed. "I wonder how life would've been like if we actually grew up together."

"Oh Lord, you were not an easy baby," her mother complained.

"What do you mean? She was an angel," her father cut in.

"To you."

Her father laughed. "A daddy's girl."

Gwen grinned at the two of them. With Gavin still in her arms, she beckoned the two over and told them to hug the two of them. They did. And the family was once again complete.

"We'll miss you, Gwennie," her mother kissed her forehead before taking Gavin from her arms. "Right now, you've forgiven yourself. What you need to do next is to let yourself feel."

Her father also gave her a forehead kiss, pulling her into one last hug, before placing his hands on her arms to steady her. "You need to open yourself up to possibilities, Gwen. Let yourself feel. Let yourself love—completely and unconditionally."

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind," her mother quoted. 

"We love you," they chorused, before the scene faded away. 

author's note: a little insight into gwen's childhood; her parents, specifically. i had this planned out as a way to bring awareness to the fact that mental health is often overlooked in terms of 'healing,' but it somehow always plays a very important part in it.

gwen is very traumatized, and it would be impossible for her to move forward without acknowledging her past, which is why i decided to write it this. it's not nearly as full as i want it to be, but it's enough—it's a step forward.

i hope you guys enjoyed this, and i hope each of you have a great day :)

may the 4th be with you!!