Book: Lafz-eMohabbatein
Author: TanshinaAfrin
Reviewer: FrostedForestFairy
Chapters read: 23 (all published chapters)

Title:
The title is very poetic! I love it. It also gives the theme of the story (romance) so it's pretty accurate too. I was a bit confused by the second part though (‘ek dastaan adhura’). Is that a part of the title? Or the subtitle? I think it's a cool addition but it being in urdu might make some people who don’t speak urdu confused. At first I just thought you wrote ‘lafz-e-mohabbatain’ in urdu until I actually read the thing. So a non-urdu speaker would definitely be confused/not know that there's a second part to the title. So that's something to keep in mind.

Cover and Blurb:
The cover is very pretty. I also like the grayish tint to it which gives it that old time-y feel. The font is very eye-catching too! Good job with the cover!

As for the blurb it definitely hooked me. It gives us a good idea of what the plot is like and what to expect from the story. It’s pretty good right now! My only criticism would be to specify what kind of obstacles the main characters might face in their relationship. It’d make the blurb more interesting by letting us know exactly what the conflict/problem the characters face. It would allow the readers to have something to look forward to.

Grammar and writing style:
Your story does have grammatical issues every other sentence. Although the sentences are understandable, they aren’t grammatically correct a lot of the time. Since the mistakes are so many, I can't really point out specific phrases. So I'd suggest proofreading the story/making a native english speaker proofread it to fix the grammar.

Your tense is in general pretty good! But you did use present tense a couple times. I've pointed out the mistakes below:

In Murk shadowing over, “it’s been three days…” [“it had been three days…” would be grammatically correct.]

In He is back!, you use the word “today”. Maybe use ‘that day’ instead or some other alternative.

In parted yet reunited, you use the phrase ‘current time’. Which isn’t the right tense. Try using a different phrase.

There is something I wanted to mention about your writing though. You write a lot of phrases in urdu/hindi and don’t really bother to translate them. This can be really confusing for non-urdu/hindi speakers. I'd suggest not doing this since it can cause some people to not continue reading your book if they don’t speak hindi/urdu and might feel like they're not able to read the whole story. So that's something to consider. I'd suggest either not using non-english phrases that much or translating them properly. Since your book is in english, most people reading it will be english speakers.

Plot:
The plot is very good! I love it and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes. I love the way you always manage to introduce some conflict/problem for the characters to face so the plot is never boring and it provides a good way for character development.

Something I wanted to mention though, in tears and rebonds, Yusuf pulls Faajals hair and slaps her. And although I do understand that this is an emotional scene, I don’t think Yusuf should be physically hurting her? In the real life context, this feels like you’re suggesting it's okay to physically hurt people when you’re angry as long as you truly love them (which is a bad message to send y'know). And even in the story Yusuf is a very sweet and cheerful guy. I don’t think he'd do something like this (although you’re the author so you know him better than me). But yeah I highly recommend you to remove this scene from the story.

And in the first chapter (the story unfolds), the readers don’t know that Yusuf and Faajal are the same people as Raj and Madhu. And the way you wrote the first chapter was confusing. You should try clarifying that they're the same people because it took me a while to figure that out.

Pacing:
I like the way you spend time developing Yusuf and Faajal's relationship and give them a lot of casual scenes as well as emotional ones. It really helps flesh out the characters and story. Your pacing is really good!

My suggestion here would be that the characters only have to face problems for a really short amount of time. Like when they get angry at each other, they seem to forgive each other by the next chapter. I'd suggest making the conflicts longer as that would give you more time to show their struggles but would also make the conflict feel more important and would make the readers want the situation to be fixed even more.

Characterisation:
The characters are really well fleshed out. Although we focus on Yusuf and Faajal, we still get to see other characters to an extent and we get to see their relationships with each other. Plus I think you did a good job writing the characters of Yusuf and Faajal. Their characteristics feel consistent throughout the story. We get to know their desires in life and what's holding them back. We also get to learn about the things they care about. So I'd say the characterisation is really good!

Conclusion:
I'd say my main criticism with your book was probably the language barrier (you not translating things into english properly). Other than that (and the other things I mentioned), your story is really good! It was pretty enjoyable to read and I look forward to seeing where the story of Yusuf and Faajal goes!

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