Book: December 4
Author: Ebon_nights
Reviewer: Nikachu22
Number of Chapters requested: 10
Main Focus: Characters, plot, and pacing.

The first chapter introduces some confusion that takes from the overall clarity of the scenes. While the setting and events are clearly established, the narrative begins with a character named Chloe, who finds herself in an unsafe situation after encountering a male character. There is a sense of suspense as the tension builds and the unsettling nature of the scene unfolds. However, the clarity diminishes when Chloe is suddenly struck over the head.

At this point, the perspective shifts dramatically, as the narrative begins referring to Chloe in the second person, creating mysteriousness about the reader's relationship with the character.

This raises several unanswered questions: Are readers meant to identify as Chloe?

Does her predicament conclude with the blow to her head?

Is the remainder of the chapter separate from her story?

To make the first chapter clear, it may be beneficial to maintain a consistent point of view throughout.
The POV's aren't always clear. I'm unsure of which character the chapter is referring to until near the end or somewhere in the middle.

The timeline jumps also bounce suddenly without a smooth transition from previous chapters. It seems like the author's focus is more on the key points/interactions/memories in the characters' relationships than on the actual flow of a solid plot that focuses on one character moving forward.

While the chapters are filled with emotions and scenes from the character's past lives to give us readers a sense of who/what they are, I feel that we are not given enough time to fully grasp the overarching plot. The frequent shifts in perspective and timeline contribute immensely to the confusion.

First, we start off with Chloe which as I read up to Chapter Five is now not entirely important. Because the entire plot shifts towards Esme and the obsessed flower guy (Killer) and a few others.

I think at around Chapter 5, I actually get to see the story falling into motion. The character interaction, the dynamic in the naive Esme and her being approached by a charming Killer. It makes sense now. I like that the author has Esme believing that the man she is seeing is this beautiful person, really giving her an innocent view of life and love. She is painted in such a twisted way that she's dumb and cute at the same time. If any killer would choose a victim, I am sorry but she's the perfect victim.

She shines a lot because she's so flawed and lacking in self-danger. She's in the face of a killer, smiling innocently, staring into his dreamy eyes. Although I typically find instant romantic connections between characters somewhat unrealistic and cringe, I believe this story manages to execute that theme in a way that feels precise and reasonable. Her personality seems solid, and because I know what she doesn't know, chapter 5 leaves me on the edge of my seat. It's like watching a scary movie, so vivid as the characters are walking around the dark home and the killer is right there-- they just can't see them. It brings out so much emotion. She's talking to Satan himself and is completely oblivious. Chapter Five, without a doubt, emerges as the standout chapter.

However, in Chapter Six, I meet a wave of confusion once more. Esme appears to recognize Oliver, calling out to him when she notices him after she falls. Yet, almost immediately, the tone shifts, suggesting that they do not know each other. He asks for her name eventually, and when she responds, he introduces himself afterward where she brushes him off and continues on. This moment creates a lot of questions. Did she know him all along, or was this their first encounter?

As for the pacing, I think that without the confusion in the early chapters, the plot is moving along pretty strongly. There are times when word building would help with slowing down the scenes just a little and giving the characters the depth they need while in the moment.

Important scenes deserve additional detail so that readers can fully experience the characters' emotional journeys. Having a little more depth in those important scenes will also help in making the characters seem like they are brushing off certain things in the plot. If Esme endures a troubling experience, and then ten sentences later appears unaffected due to insufficient exploration of her feelings, it undermines the realism of her character. You want to immerse her into the struggle and really pour that out.

Some character interactions currently lean heavily on dialogue, often lacking sufficient descriptive context. By improving these moments with vivid descriptions, the narrative can slow down, allowing for smoother transitions that enhance the reader's engagement.

With description/word building, it'll slow it down and set the tone for a smooth transition.

Let me say that the emotion is there. The author does a wonderful job of bringing the suspense and the thrill. I think that when it comes to the mystery side, it gets a little jumbled because so much is held back that even the POV isn't clear. I think the author wants the story to be that mysterious, but as a reader who is looking in from the outside world, we still need a lot of clarity. The author needs to work the story as if fishing. Give us some bait, but not all. When a character is the focus of the chapter they are referred to as I so it isn't always clear as to who the chapter is following until we are given something. The book follows multiple characters so that distinction is important.

Esme is by far the most interesting character out of everyone in the book. She overshadows them all. She's a strong character that I'd like to see in more depth with description. I think that the story can be really great once it goes through the editing phase.

Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope to re-read it again once you get everything situated. Keep writing Ebon.

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