Unlike some kids growing up, I never feared the monster under the bed or hidden in the depths of the shadows in the closet.

The manor was filled with the perfect hiding places for wicked creatures — dark corners and creaking, grand staircases, as well as paintings plastered high on the walls of people that moved just as you looked away. The musty air that clung to the skin whispered of evil, and even taking a single step into the cavernous, echoing space felt like walking on a deadly tightrope — one wrong move would send me tumbling down to certain death or perhaps a worse fate still. But I always swallowed any hint of fear, never flinching at the sight of a ghost gliding by or a mysterious voice calling out in the middle of the night.

Because sometimes, the most monstrous things are not the fictitious, grotesque beasts that we imagine might tear us apart or swallow us whole. Sometimes, the most monstrous things we face are those that are all too real.

Her voice bore down on me again, tearing a hole through my skull, making my head and my heart pound.

"Take out your wand."

My eyes were trained on the floor beneath me; dull, dark wood cooly met my gaze, hard and unsympathetic. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my legs beginning to shake.

"Now." Her voice hissed at me, and this time, I felt her wand digging into the small of my back. I bit down on my lip to resist crying out in pain, knowing it'll only make her movements even more forceful.

My hands fumbled in the pocket of my dress, my fingers closing around the handle and drawing it out. It shined in the half-light, reflecting the candles that dimly lit the room. Despite the minimal light, it also seemed to have a glow of its own. The wood became warmer in my cold, clammy hands; as if the wand anticipated what was going to come next — and was excited.

I had to fight the urge to retch.

Blackthorn wood, Ollivander's voice suddenly echoed in my head. Eleven and a half inches. Powerful, but only to someone who proves themselves.

I had not known what he meant by that. Hadn't wanted to know.

And now I was about to prove myself, one way or another.

Her wand was on my chin now, lifting my head up to meet her gaze, and my stomach churned.

Her dark hair fell past her shoulders, its tresses winding their way down to the middle of her back. Her skin looked even more smooth and pale than usual in this light, her lips wine red, the dark blue in her eyes like the cunning ocean moments before it drowned sailors at sea. Beautiful. Vengeful. My heart leaped in my throat as she stared me down with the flicker of a smile on her face.

"Good," she purred. "Now do it."

She stepped aside, leaving my path clear and my task obvious. As I slowly cast my gaze to the other side of the room, I get the vague, hazy feeling of others watching me, but most of the room is a blur — the staircases on either side, the carpeted halls all around, the strange paintings that stared down at me. I can see nothing but the boy cowering on the ground in front of me, his eyes wide and body quivering in terror. I heard him before I saw him, his whimpering filling the room, each one like a barb in my skin.

My hands were trembling so badly that I didn't think I could even lift the wand properly, but then her voice came again, laced with venom: "Do it."

My hand seemed to move out of its own accord, lifting the wand and aiming it directly at the boy, who shrunk back, eyes darting around as if desperately asking someone to intervene, begging for someone to stop me.

No one said a word. The only sound in the room was the boy, shuffling back against the wall, staring at my wand fixedly, as if trying to Vanish it with a mere look. But this boy was no older than I was. Younger, even. He wouldn't be capable of such magic.

"This is your final command, Arianna. Do it."

I knew she meant it, too. I knew what would become of me if I did not obey. I struggled to hold my wand steady, focusing on the tip of it, willing it to cast the spell for me so I wouldn't have to utter the words. I lowered my wand ever so slightly, almost imperceptibly to the external eye. But she still noticed, and by now was growing too impatient for my moral scruples.

She stepped forward and grabbed my wrist. I barely had the chance to suck in a startled breath before her cold, ringed fingers closed around my wand right on top of mine, guiding my aim right back to the boy still trembling and whimpering on the ground.

Her voice filled my left ear, the whisper sending horrible chills down my spine, making me scrunch my eyes shut tight to stop myself from tearing away from her and making a run for it. "You know the spell."

Not even closing my eyes to the scene unfolding before me could mitigate the nausea roiling in my stomach.

When I opened them, the room disappeared all at once — the flickering candles dispelling the smell of melting wax, the vast space, the wide staircases, and even her standing beside me, leaving nothing but the boy lying on the ground, looking up at me. He did not beg. He did not even cry. He did something much, much worse. He pleaded with his eyes; with the way they carried a tiny spark of hope as they met mine, as if I could become his savior, not his ruin.

I watched that spark extinguish as I opened my mouth to whisper the words, echoing in the grand room for all to hear.

Blinding light, the boy's screams, and her cruel laughter were all I remembered; then crushing darkness forever after. Because in the manor where dreams died and hope sputtered out like a spark drowned in the cold waters of the sea, that darkness was as inevitable as the night itself.

I never feared what resided in the darkness. I feared the darkness that resided in me.

hi there & thanks for reading phoenix rising! this is the first fanfiction i've ever attempted to write, though i've written several other novels (one of them, violet sunshine, is up on my profile).

i've had this idea for an hp fanfic brewing in my head for a couple of years now and i wanted to finally put it out there.

this will be a three-part fanfic spanning years 4-7. can't wait to share it all with my fellow potterheads.

till next time, happy reading <3