TW // Self-harm, cutting

"Where else?" Jeongguk's voice was strained, quivering with anger. His hands were fisted tightly, eyes intense and dark as he stared at the boy in front of him. His heart was beating violently, chest heaving up and down from the torrent of emotions going through him.

He wanted them to go away; they scared him, reminded him of things he didn't want to remember.

Things he wanted to forget forever.

Taehyung's hands were shaking as well; just out of fear, and not from an overpowering urge to erupt and show his true emotions.

"P-please...d-don't tell the hyungs...I-I- p-please..."

He didn't want anyone to know; Jimin would be so disappointed in him. He let out a choked sob at the mere thought, remembering his best friend walking in on him in a similar situation more than 3 years ago. The look of pure horror, distress, and helplessness frozen on Jimin's face was something Taehyung never wanted to see again.

The boy's pleading, however, did not affect the younger boy, whose face just hardened further.

"I asked where else!" Jeongguk yelled, startling the older, who flinched and started sobbing loudly. The former's eyes softened a bit at this, but he quickly regained his composure when he noticed the boy rolling up the sleeves of his sweater and halfheartedly extending his arm.

There was absolutely nothing Jeongguk could do to keep himself from gasping. The entirety of Taehyung's upper arm was covered in healed, healing, and fresh scars; the results of him cutting himself.

This was the state in which the younger found Taehyung upon entering the man's room. Earlier, he had refused to eat dinner saying he was sick, and Seokjin sent Jeongguk up to check on him. Taehyung was wearing shorts, something he usually didn't do when the others were around, and his legs were covered in similar bruises.

They stared at each other for some time before the older immediately tried to cover his body up, and Jeongguk snatched the blanket out of his hands and threw it to a side of the room.

Taehyung looked at Jeongguk who was staring in horror at some of the deeper wounds which had scabbed over. He was scared; practically shaking now. Jeongguk traced one of the longer bruises unthinkingly, wincing and pulling his hand back at the pained whimper the older boy let out.

"G-Gguk please," Taehyung whispered, tone pleading, "D-don't t-tell anyone else, please! J-Jimin would be so d-disappointed in me. Please d-don't-"

"What do you mean Jimin hyung would be disappointed?"

The older took a shaky breath, "H-he found me cutting myself. Thr-three years ago. P-please don't t-tell them. I- I-"

Jeongguk frowned, "Listen hyung, I don't know why you're doing this. But what I do know is that this is not going to end well if you continue doing this. What if you cut yourself on- on a nerve or something? You could bleed out and die!"

Taehyung just sobbed in response.

"Wait for a second," Jungkook sighed, before getting up from his half-kneeling position on the floor and heading towards the medicine cabinet in the room.

He returned with antiseptics, band-aids, and the like, and immediately got to work on the fresh and the deeper-looking wounds. Taehyung just stared at him in surprise, wiping away his tears, "How do you know to do this kind of stuff this professionally?"

The younger froze for a moment before replying, "I was, well, what you would call an...active...child, so I got scratches and bruises very often. You have to look out for yourself so..."

He trailed off, leaving an uncomfortable silence between them. Taehyung understood that the younger didn't seem to want to discuss it further, so he just remained silent as Jeongguk rubbed the antiseptic on.

"Before you do this, hyung," Jeongguk started, "think about someone. Anyone. Who cares about you. Just - just don't be stupid. Think about someone you love."

Jeongguk noticed Taehyung freeze up; maybe that was a sensitive area.

Should have been more careful, he thought.

"Your parents, then?"

Jeongguk knew that those words were stupid the moment they left his mouth, even before the older bit his lip and averted his gaze to a seemingly more interesting wall. Taehyung's parents had always been way too strict on him; strict in a way that seemed suffocating to Jeongguk.

"Forget I even said that. Jimin hyung, then?" Taehyung looked up at this, nodding a bit. Jeongguk promptly averted his gaze when he noticed the tears in the older boy's eyes.

"Yeah, you're right," Taehyung started, voice trembling, "I should have thought about him. I'm sorry, Gguk."

"No, it's okay," The younger said, even though it wasn't okay; at all, "Don't repeat this. I beg of you."

Taehyung nodded looking slightly uncertain, eyes following Jeongguk as he moved to get out of the room.

Jeongguk felt like turning and telling him, you can tell me anything; you can talk to me about anything or something like that, but he couldn't.

Not with everything on his own mind.

He just said goodnight to the older and started towards his room, appetite far gone.

He considered screaming he didn't want dinner, but that would probably lead to Jimin coming upstairs after some time to check on him.

And he didn't want that.

So he took out his phone.

Jeongguk:

Hyung.

I'm not hungry.

Don't serve food for me.

Seen at 08:14 PM

Jin hyung:

Oh, alright.

You aren't starving yourself, are you?

Jeongguk:

What?

Why would I?

That's stupid, hyung.

Seen at 08:15 PM

Jin hyung:

Yah! I know.

Is TaeTae alright?

Jeongguk froze a bit, before typing.

Jeongguk:

Yeah, he is.

Seen at 08:15 PM

Jin hyung:

Ah, ok.

Go straight to bed.

Good night.

Jeongguk:

K.

Good night hyung.

Seen at 08:16 PM

He opened the door to his room and went straight to the bathroom. After he was done brushing his teeth, he was about to go to bed when he noticed the razor lying on the bathroom counter.

He froze completely. It would be so easy to just take it and-

Stop it. No.

He couldn't resist it. He leaned forward.

No! Stop! What the hell are you doing?

The razor was in his hands. He slowly raised it as if in a trance and aimed it toward his arm.

Stop! You promised Eomma!

Jeongguk stopped his movements, eyes widening as he threw the razor at the wall. It broke into a few pieces as he sighed in frustration.

Unwanted memories were coming back to him.

Why would you do this, you devil of a child?

I am disgusted with you, Jeon Jeongguk.

Get away from me, you monster!

Jeongguk wiped furiously at the tears streaming down his face as he stared at himself in the mirror.

Monster.

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖗𝖚𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖘 𝖔𝖓 𝖒𝖞 𝖆𝖗𝖒𝖘 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖉𝖊𝖋𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝖒𝖊 ~ 𝕭𝖚𝖙 𝖗𝖊𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖆𝖒𝖊 𝖒𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖐𝖊𝖘 𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖆𝖌𝖆𝖎𝖓 𝖘𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝖉𝖔.

A/N: I'll try to update as much as possible because my school schedule is a bit hectic. Please bear with me. Thank you for reading!