Only after Theo closes the door behind him after whispering a soft "sleep well" to me, do I let the tears to fall down. I just couldn't hold them back anymore. It hurt me enough to pretend to be asleep when he came into my room, and I had been holding back the tears since I left Sarah's place. I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and tell him how I was truly feeling. But... I realised I probably deserved it. All of it.

I open my eyes and lay on my back. I stare up at the ceiling and a silent sob escapes my lips. My eyes sting as more tears return anew. I never wanted to hurt anyone intentionally and yet, Noah felt being lead on and I lashed out at Sarah tonight. Even though, I had actively tried to convince Sarah about the nature of our friendship in the past, she never acknowledged it. She always kept assuming things, saying I'm in love with Noah and whatnot.

At this point, I'm not even sure who to be mad at. Noah, because he kissed me against my will and didn't even seem apologetic? I have only known him for a month at best. It was my best friend that always kept claiming how much of a nice guy he was. And for a long time, I believed it, too. My arms still hurt from when he had held them in a strong grip.

Or Sarah, because she never knew when to stop? The one who always tried to act like she knows better. Who never realised her mistakes or how to read a room. I have known her for more than two years now. And she has always ended up complicating things when she said she was trying to 'help' me.

Or myself, for... everything? Yeah, it is all my fault. I should have been more careful about how Noah perceives my actions, or my words. I shouldn't have tolerated his chaste kisses or innocent touches to begin with. And I shouldn't have lied to Sarah that night about who gave me the hickey.

None of this would have happened if I had just told her about Theo and rejected Noah from the start. He mistook my friendship as me liking him back, and my politeness as my way of flirting. And Sarah's constant teasings and innuendos didn't help, either.

I have never felt so lonely before. I can't even share my feelings with anyone. If I tell Adrien, he'll just go and beat Noah to a pulp before I even finish talking. His protective nature wouldn't help the situation at all. And I don't want to share it with Theo. I don't know how he is going to react. I still remember his subtle threat about hurting Noah if he saw him near me again. That was a long time ago, back at the club. So, Theo is out of the equation, too.

I wish Dad were here. I miss him so bad. It's been a month now. I don't know how much longer I can go without seeing him. Voice calls and FaceTime can only do so much. I miss his bear hugs and the way he always hums a tune to himself while cooking.

Exhaling a shaky breath, I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie and close my eyes, hoping sleep would find me soon.

******

I hear a soft knock on my door, followed by my brother's voice.

"Amy, I'm coming in."

Adrien waits outside a few minutes, and then finally pushes open the door. I peer at him from under the blanket when he walks into my room. Noticing me still lying on the bed, he rushes closer.

"What happened?" Adrien asks in a gentle tone and sits on the bed beside me. "Are you okay?"

I nod slowly and sit up, resting my back against the headboard. "I'm alright."

"You don't look alright," he says and presses the back of his hand on my forehead. "You don't have a temperature," he mutters, more to himself. "Do we need to take you to the doctor?"

"No, Adrien. I'm fine." I give him a small smile and hope he buys it. "I just don't feel like going to school today..." I trail off and wring my hands on my lap.

"Did someone at school say anything to you?" Adrien asks with an edge to his voice. "Did they do anything? Tell me their name and I'll—"

Adrien stops talking when I hug him suddenly and bury my face in his neck. My action must have caught him off guard, because a second passes before he wraps his arms around me. His embrace makes my eyes water and my lips begin to tremble. I don't think we have been very expressive towards each other in the past. He has always looked after me when Dad went away on trips, but never really a verbal affirmation.

"Hey, kiddo." Adrien hushes me, and only then do I realise that I have started to cry on his shoulder. Shit. Why did I have to cry in front of him?

"It's okay. Tell me what's wrong."

'I can't, Adrien. I really can't.'

There's so much I want to tell him. His simple question brings back the memories from last night. And it feels like all the events are playing in front of my eyes. Noah following me into the bathroom. Him getting mad at me and lashing out all of a sudden. His bruising hold on my arm that left behind a mark. And the kiss he forced on me. But what hurt me the most were his words.

"It's okay," he says again, his voice soothing. "Did something happen?"

I shake my head in a negative answer and Adrien gently runs his fingers through my hair, trying to help me calm down. I have been holding back my tears just fine last night. So why did I suddenly get so emotional in my brother's presence? Why did I have to break down in tears in front of him? God, I am such a pathetic mess.

"You're making me worried now."

"I just..." My sobs reduce to sniffles and I think of what to tell him. An answer that would make him believe me.

"I miss Dad," I mumble quietly and squeeze my eyes shut as more tears spill from them. At least it's not a complete lie.

I am so glad that I changed into a hoodie last night because otherwise, Adrien would have easily spotted the bruises on my arm in the shape of someone's hands by now. The marks that Noah left from when he had held me in a tight grip last night. And there's no way I could have made up an excuse for that.

"Oh, Amy," Adrien says softly. He presses a kiss on top of my head and rubs my back. "He'll be back soon. I talked to him a few days ago."

"You did?" I break away from his embrace to look at him.

Adrien wipes my tears with his thumbs. "Yeah," he replies.

"How soon? It's been a month since he left." I can't help the deep frown that forms on my face.

"Maybe by next week. He said he's almost done with the project. But he can't tell for sure until everything looks good."

"Oh."

Another week without him. At least this time he'll be back sooner. I think back to the time when he had to be away for three months at a stretch. I was in third grade at that time, and our grandparents had come over to look after us. I cried almost everyday back then.

"Hey, why don't you call him today and ask him to bring you back something from Singapore?"

"I don't have to ask him. He'll bring us something, anyway." I smile at his attempt at making me feel better.

It's the same thing he always used to say when we were kids. Making me focus on all the gifts I'd be receiving after Dad came home, instead of being upset over him being away. Adrien still sees me as the little girl, I guess.

"Alright, then." He returns my smile. "Do you want me to stay at home today?"

"Of course not. I don't want you to miss your classes for me." 

"It's not a big deal." Adrien shrugs.

"It is." I shake my head in refusal. "Don't skip college because of me. I'll be fine on my own."

"Are you sure?" He looks at me worried. "Theo isn't home, either. He left early, saying he had some important business."

Theo isn't home? I didn't know that. But that's fine. Of course he'd be having other things to attend to. And it's not like I was planning on spending the day with him, anyway. I just don't want to go to school and risk running into Noah or Sarah. I want to spend some time away from those two. And I... I don't know if I want to call her my best friend anymore.

"Yeah, of course. You don't have to worry about me." I fold my knees and hug them close to my chest, avoiding my brother's eyes.

"Amy," my brother calls out. "Call me if you need anything, alright?"

I look up at him and give him a genuine smile this time. Adrien is really a good older brother to me and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. I'm truly lucky to have two men that care so much about me, Dad and Adrien. And now Theo, too.

"Alright."

———

A/N: I will be going back to updating once a week (every Friday) because I have tests coming up. And I have a TON of work to catch up to. My studies take my priority. I hope you guys will understand.