jay knew what he was doing.

all along, he knew.

choosing jake when he always knew that he doesn't love him the way it was before, choosing jake when he knew to himself that he's developing deep feelings for someone else.

the blame is all on me.

'just tell jake that you don't have feelings for him anymore. reject him!'

his subconscious thought was yelling at him. but what can he do? what can i do?

i don't... have the slightest courage of breaking my best friend's heart.

at some point, jay could feel something punching him in the gut when he saw heeseung slowly losing his smile because he told him that he gave jake a chance.

i wanted to take my words back.

"i've moved on."

that's what you told me, and like a fool that i am- i believed you.

would that make me a fucking jerk, if i wished that it would've been better if jake was the one who moved on from me... and not you?

because i can't afford to lose you.

jay lets out a shaky breath when heeseung lets go of him. he suddenly felt a bit empty.

the elevator opens, signalling that they arrived at the ground floor. heeseung stares at him before taking a few steps away from him.

i did not even notice that i went back to the first floor with him.

"can we talk-" he tries to grab the older's arm but heeseung was quick to step outside of the elevator.

"clear your head first, jay. i don't want to get tangled between you and jake again." heeseung says, wearing his infamous blank expression.

before jay could even speak, the elevator closed on his face.

----------

[ sunghoon 🌵 ]

jay:
hey
am i allowed to let visitors inside your house

sunghoon 🌵:
it depends
are your visitors criminals?

jay:
no tf

sunghoon 🌵:
ok i'm good
are you gonna bring your bff over
if so then pls sanitize the whole house once he leaves

jay:
???
are you fvcking serious

sunghoon 🌵:
yeah ofc
i'm a germophobe you see 😊

jay:
you're an awful person
no it's not jake
i'm just inviting meiji and jimin

sunghoon 🌵:
oh well that's fine
how old is meiji again?

jay:
he's almost 3 yrs old now

sunghoon 🌵:
cute
i have some toys inside the storage room
you can give them to meiji

jay:
ok thanks
but why do you have toys stocked up inside your storage room

sunghoon 🌵:
it's because sometimes i eat the lego bricks as a snack when i'm bored 🥰😋

jay:
when can i actually have a decent conversation with you

sunghoon 🌵:
LMFAO
i was supposed to give those toys to the charity but i forgot

jay:
aight
meiji will like these, thanks

sunghoon 🌵:
no problem
and tell jimin to not put stains on my new couch

-----------

"kol dada! want fly!" meiji babbles as he stretched his arm to reach his uncle jay.

"wow, i'm your uncle dada now? did i get a promotion?" jay grins before he carries meiji.

jimin rolled her eyes as she looked at them. she didn't want to go out of her parents' house but when jay called her and said that he wanted to see meiji- take note, he said it with such a depressing tone too- she didn't have a choice but to drag her son to this bourgeoisie penthouse.

"what's wrong with you?"

jay glanced at her, "what do you mean?"

"do you really have to pretend not to know? look, you don't call me for nothing. normally, if you wanted to see meiji you would just go visit our house." she raised an eyebrow, "so what is it?"

he sighed, putting meiji down to play with the new lego toys that sunghoon bought for him.

"i'm scared, jimin."

"of what?"

"of... making the wrong decision."

jimin snorted like he just said something ridiculous. "let's be real honest here, why are you putting so much pressure on yourself? i've known you for years jay. you always go for lengths when helping others, but why do you torture yourself?"

exactly. just why do i do this to myself?

"you're not afraid of choosing the wrong decision, you just don't want to hurt someone. but for how long do you intend to let yourself suffer just so you could make others happy? that's stupid."

jay blinks, her words kind of sting a bit- making him tear up a little. but... is it really okay?

is it okay for me to choose what i want, for once?

is it okay for me to be selfish?

"you know that i'm not really good at that, right? but i'll try." jay uttered softly, staring at meiji who's still busy with the toys.

jimin sighed. "you're a hopeless case. don't drag things for too long, or else you'd end up with no one at the end. remember that, jay."

----------

jay park @cornjay tweeted.

guess who visited me today 😚 uncle jay missed you too, meiji 🥰💗

1893 likes | 102 retweets

replies:

@itsjimin he said you look sad earlier so he wanted to leave his teddy behind 🥺
↪@cornjay awww 😭💔 he's so cute i'm gonna cry
@parkwrites did he like the toys?
↪@itsjimin he did! thank you sm 😁
↪@parkwrites that's great, i'm giving him more next time
@sunscript nooo i wanna see him too 🥹
↪@cornjay sure !! i'll bring you too next time i visit them bub

-----------

heeseung forgot how to breathe.

when he left the elevator, he immediately rushed towards the lobby to calm himself. he was almost shaking- his emotions coming all at once.

his psychotherapist once told him that he needed to have an outlet to let his feelings out, since he doesn't really show that much emotion.

heeseung never had that 'too much' feeling. he's never been too happy, nor too sad. he's just... there. living. surviving.

he never really had to deal with the intense change of mood. his feelings never waver that much either.

but with jay- it's like everything's suddenly loud.

seeing jay feels like every inch of his body is screaming, wanting attention.

move on? fuck, i'm not even doing a great job at that.

he lets out a deep sigh before brushing his fingers on his hair. he almost forgot that his goal was to avoid seeing jay at all cost, because he knows how the guy is trying to avoid him too.

might as well make it easier for jay.

but to be really fucking honest? i'm stuck.

people around him are taking another step in their lives, but him? he's still... him.

he's still stuck in the same place.

when jay left, i was stuck between forgetting him and holding unto the memory of him- and it's not like there's a better option right? because whatever choice i make, it will still hurt.

what if he comes back? what if he doesn't? but what if he will?

those what-ifs burned on his mind. so he just decided to get stuck. to not move. to wait.

and now that heeseung finally knew who jay came back for, it's time to take a step forward.

this time, without him.

-----------

after giving jungwon a ride to his dorm, jake decided to stop by the kid's park right beside their former university.

the exact park where jay found him, crying.

the night when i realized that i didn't want him to be just my best friend.

he sat by the swing, looking around the vicinity. it's almost five in the afternoon so there's no children around now.

the silence is too peaceful.

now that i think about it, when did i even prioritize jay's feelings? it was always about me.

he chuckled bitterly. he hated himself for that, and he still continues to hate himself.

if jay stays with me... can i really make him happy?

can i even do that? i couldn't even take care of him as his best friend.

he's just... going to regret choosing me.

jake wipes his tears using the back of his hand. he's so pathetic. what makes him think he could be worthy of his best friend's love? who says i deserve it?

for as long as i cling to him, jay will always... he will always choose me.

not because he loves me, but because he sees me as his responsibility, a chore- someone he can't let go of.

so for this to end, i just have to be the first to let him go.

-----------

3-4(?) more chapters and we're finally done with OLYB! 🎉

again, thank you so much to those who stayed with me throughout the times where i didn't update much (i'm so sorry about that 😔) !!

i still think there's a lot to do in this book, but i'm deciding to let my characters find their peace. they've been suffering for so long and now it's finally coming to an end 😊

anyways, i hope y'all stay tuned towards the end and ofc, the 3rd book 😁