Note: So this is a chapter I've had the idea for for a very long time and I know some of you won't be happy with it necessarily but please, no hate comments. And pretty much everything in this season has been building up to this moment so it's a big step. But everything will work out eventually, don't worry ;) Also, the song is above for the flashback so you can play while you read if you want :) Okay, enough of me talking - enjoy!

Episode: Season 8 - Torn and Frayed Pt. 2  

The memories came crashing down on me then. As the two brothers sat on the couch watching TV in the dark, I passed them by on my way to the bedroom I was sharing with Dean. I felt Sam's hazel eyes on me the whole way. And as I lied down in bed, the faint sound of the TV and the brothers' low talking, I could feel the tears building up behind my dark brown eyes. My chest heaved then and suddenly, I was sobbing quietly into my pillow, staining the sheets wet with the hot tears streaming down my cheeks, my mind traveling back to earlier in the day - back in Texas.

What had I done?

My face contorted in confusion as the door swung open before I'd even had a chance to knock. But as soon as I saw who was standing in the threshold, I growled even as I heard soft music float out from the living room.

"Hate has brought me up..."

"What are you doing here? In my house? Well...former house but still- why are you here?" I asked, feeling anger rise up inside of me like a tsunami.

"The stairs into your house..."

"It's not what it looks like," he said quietly, exasperation evident in his voice as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration while I stepped past him into the small house, "I thought that...it doesn't matter. You're okay,"

"I was - okay," I admitted, my eyes raking over his figure standing before me, feeling an ache form in my chest by just looking at him, "You know, settled in, content. Happy. But here you are. What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Give me five seconds and I'll be gone," he assured me, "I didn't come here to make trouble for you. I-I came because-"

"-you cared?" I interrupted him, my voice softening as I involuntarily took a step forward, the music reaching my ears once more as I stepped farther into the house.

"Love has brought me down, like love's been known to do,"

His words faltered and his eyes roved over my face, shining with an emotion so familiar to me.

"See that? You do still care." I said gently.

His gaze flicked to the floor as I bridged the distance between us.

"I try to deny with all my heart,"

"Yeah, I care," he admitted lowly.

"I care, too." I whispered, my words soft in the stillness.

I knew all too well where this would lead. But I couldn't help myself as his mesmerizing eyes met mine. And neither could he.

"That I'm in love with you..."

Suddenly, his lips collided into mine in a kiss. A kiss full of passion and want - from both sides.

"I know how you work,"

My fingers reached up then to tangle in his hair as he hoisted me up.

"I am just like you,"

Instantly, my legs wrapping around his waist as he kissed down my neck.

"No matter what you say,"

"Park-" he started to say once he'd pulled away but I cut him off immediately.

"Don't." I whispered and instantly, his lips were pressed to my skin once more.

"Our hearts are wrong, our hearts are wrong..."

And my eyes fluttered shut in pure bliss.

Later, as I stood in the doorway, the hem of his shirt that I was wearing brushing my upper thighs, I knew it was wrong.

I sighed, running my fingers through my black hair absentmindedly, "Say something,"

He turned over in the bed to face me, the faint rays of sun streaming through the window onto his bare chest not covered by the blankets surrounding him.

"What would you like me to say? "That was great"? "That was a mistake"?" he asked me, a brooding look plastered to his face.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "Both, I guess,"

He sat up on his elbows then as I neared the bed, "I understand,"

"Do you? Do you understand I have a family with Dean? A good man that loves me - a man I don't wanna hurt?" I questioned, coming to sit beside him on the rumpled sheets.

"I know," he nodded solemnly.

"And do you know you're the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing before I go to sleep?" I asked him quietly, "It's tough to let something like that go,"

He swallowed hard, "You want me to leave?"

I shook my head, willing him to understand my words, "I'm telling you that if you stay...against everything I believe in...I would be with you. I love Dean - he'll always have my heart. But...but I love you, too... But if you leave - don't come back. I can't have you with one foot in my life and one foot out,"

He was silent a moment, "It's a big step,"

"For me or you?"

"Both... I need to think about this. You need to think about this. Words will never cover what you mean to me - what you'll always mean to me but...this isn't just about you and me here. There's Dean. And your daughter."

I stood up from the bed then, sighing deeply as I walked over to stand in front of the mirror above my dresser. There was a creak of the mattress from behind me and then, warm, strong arms wrapped around my waist. My eyes fluttered closed, enjoying just being with him, if only for a second, before my eyes opened once more. I gazed back at him through the silvery reflection of the mirror, looking straight into those beautiful hazel eyes, his plaid shirt pressed into my skin.

"This can't go on, Sam."