Episode: Season 8 - Southern Comfort Pt. 3 

"You should have looked for me when I was in Purgatory," Dean spat at us venomously.

"Come on, Dean. I know it's not you in there pulling the strings," Sam told him.

"Shut up!" Dean cut him off before briefly pointing the gun at Garth who'd been reaching for his own, "Don't!"

"You never even wanted this life," Dean continued to Sam, "Always blamed me for pulling you back into it,"

"That's not true," Sam denied, shaking his head.

"Really? 'Cause everything you've ever done since you climbed into my ride has been to deceive me,"

"What do you want me to say? That I've made mistakes? I've made mistakes, Dean!"

"That's not Dean, Sam," I warned my best friend, dark eyes darting between the brothers.

"Shut up!" Dean bit out venomously to me, making me flinch slightly before turning back to Sam, "Well, let's go through some of Sammy's greatest hits. Drinking demon blood, check. Being in cahoots with Ruby. Not telling me that you lost your soul. Or how about running around with Samuel for a whole year, letting me think that you were dead while you're doing all kinds of crazy. Those aren't mistakes, Sam - those are choices!"

"All right. You said it. We've both played a little fast and loose," Sam said, trying to stay clam although I could tell Dean's words were getting to him.

"Yeah, I might've lied but I never once betrayed you,"

Even though those words were meant for Sammy, it felt as if someone had punched me in the gut.

"I never once left you to die. And for what, a girl? You left me to die for a girl?!" Dean spat at his brother, anger radiating off him in waves.

Without warning, Sam grabbed the butt of the gun with one hand, swinging his fist into Dean's jaw with the other before slamming him into the glass wall behind them. I gasped in surprise, taking a step back involuntarily as the glass shards rained down on the carpet. Dean managed to get the upper hand though, sending Sam flying across the room. Dean began to take a step in his direction then but I stepped in between them.

"Parker, don't!" Sam warned me, groaning from his newly-forming injury.

"No, he won't kill me... His beef isn't with me. You're not gonna shoot me...are you, Dean?" I asked my boyfriend, taking notice of the black goo trickling down the side of his face from his ear canal.

"Move," Dean demanded, his gun pointed straight at my face.

I could feel my heart thumping loudly in my chest but I didn't budge. I knew he would never hurt me - possessed or otherwise.

"Come on, Dean. You do not want to kill Sammy. You - you've been protecting him your whole life. Don't stop now," I said, trying to talk him down.

"He left me to rot in Purgatory!" Dean roared, green eyes flashing with anger, "You both did!"

I flinched at the accusation but pressed on, "You know we had our reasons, Dean! I couldn't hunt with Yasmin and Sam didn't want to hunt alone,"

"Just like you had your reasons. For Benny," Sam piped up bitterly.

"Dude, not helping!" I hissed, briefly swiveling my head to look back at him before returning my gaze to Dean.

"Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you've ever been!" Dean spat.

I took an involuntary step back then, hurt igniting in my chest at his words, "Dean, what are you talking-"

"Cas let me down, you two let me down. The only person that hasn't let me down is Benny," he pressed on before locking his hard green-eyed gaze on me, "And where have you been, huh? What were you doing all year while I was gone? 'Cause you sure haven't told me!"

That left me speechless, tears pricking my eyes. Is that what he really thought? Did he know I was keeping something from him?

Garth tried to intervene then, "I know you're angry. But, man, you got to fight this thing. Do not do this! Just let it go."

But when Dean refused, charging towards me and Sam, Garth punched him in the face, hard enough that the coin was knocked loose from Dean's hand. I could see the realization wash over him then, candy-apple green eyes surveying what had happened before softening once landing on me. Unable to hold his gaze, I looked away, deciding instead to help Sam to his feet. Things were still tense by the time I bid Garth goodbye. But as I lied down in the bed I was to share with Dean that night in the hotel room, I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to the mistakes I'd made the past year.

It was the knocking on the door that brought me out of my Lord of the Rings marathon. Groaning, I pulled myself up off the couch, tearing myself away from Frodo's hypnotizing blue eyes to trudge over to the door. Honestly, I hoped the knocking hadn't woken Yasmin but thank goodness, she seemed to still be asleep. But upon opening the door, I wish I hadn't bothered.

"Look, I can't-" I started to say, beginning to shut the door back when he held it open with his hand.

"I don't pity you. Okay? I don't... You and I - we're a lot of things, but we're not to be pitied," he told me determinedly, warm eyes locking on mine with an intensity that astounded me, "Look, I've lost things, too - people I ca red about. And...it felt like my world imploded and came raining down on me and...I ran. Just like you,"

Silence stretched between us then and I arched my eyebrows up at him, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"Is that supposed to be a pep talk?" I teased.

"Yeah, uh, sort of," he shrugged, stumbling over his words adorably.

"Because see, now I pity you," I said, letting him inside.

I led him over to the couch, pouring him a generous glass of my finest beer.

"So, uh, what now?" he asked awkwardly as he sat down beside me.

"I don't know. You want to talk about it?" I asked him softly, meeting his gaze.

Slowly, he nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that... Do you want to talk about Dean?"

Hesitantly, I began to nod when I felt his large hand encompass mine, squeezing it comfortingly.

Packing up to leave was tense between Dean and I as I buckled Yasmin into her car-seat.

"Look, Parks, I don't even remember what I said but-" Dean started to say as he stepped up behind me, so close I could smell the lingering scent of pie and motor oil on his clothes.

"-but what?" I cut him off harshly, spinning around to face him, our eyes meeting in the darkness, "You didn't mean it? Oh, please. You and I both know you didn't need that penny to say those things,"

Dean sighed, running a hand over his face tiredly, "Come on, Park-"

"Own up to your mess, Dean! I told you from the start where I was coming from, why I didn't look for you. But you? You had secrets. You had Benny. And you got on your high and mighty, and you've been kicking me ever since you got back. But that's over! So move on...or I will," I told him honestly, unable to stop the hot tears from trickling down my cheeks as I uttered the last sentence quietly, almost choking on the words spilling from my tongue, "I can't keep playing these games with you, Dean. I can't. I've been in love with you our entire lives and that will probably never change but...I won't keep doing this with you. Not anymore,"

Slowly, Dean nodded and I could tell I'd stunned him, "Okay. I hear you."

But as I turned away from those beautiful candy-apple green eyes of his to climb into the backseat, I could feel a part of my heart breaking inside my chest.