chapter 25
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"You're awake," was all Caelum said.
Daphne stared at him.
Stared and stared.
Caelum rose to his feet. It was slow, nonthreatening. His hands didn't reach for his bow and arrows. Daphne dragged herself into a sitting position, leaning shakily against the wall. She continued to stare.
Caelum began to cross the room. Daphne stared.
And right as he was no less than a meter away, Daphne pounced.
She propelled herself upwards like an unhinged spring, a shriek tearing from her throat. She shoved her palms against Caelum's chest, knocking him backwards. Anger boiled inside her. Red, hot, fiery. There was a molten soup of grief, despair and rage deep inside her. It had flooded her heart to the capacity and beyond, all in one night.
And now, the dam finally burst. She couldn't hold it in anymore, and it swept forward in a writhing, clawing, furious tidal wave.
Caelum regained his balance, surprise and fear twisting his features. Daphne immediately reached for her knives around her waist, a wave of fresh fire surging up in her chest. Her belt was gone. She was completely unarmed.
Trust nobody.
You can trust nobody.
Everyone is out to get you.
She bared her teeth and lunged for Caelum again, snatching the front of his shirt and shaking him violently.
"Where did you put my knives?" She screeched, voice cracking with rage and despair. She threw Caelum backwards with as much strength she could summon. He gave a yelp, his elbow striking the wall beside him.
"Daphne-" Caelum gasped. Instead of falling to the ground, Caelum simply stumbled back a couple steps. All it did was amplify Daphne's fury. Why couldn't he ever lose his balance?
Daphne launched herself at Caelum one more time, slamming into him with all her body weight. He finally toppled to the ground, exclaiming in pain.
"Daphne, stop." He begged, holding up a tentative hand as if Daphne were a scared, trapped animal. "Please. You're hurting me."
You're hurting me.
Daphne froze, the words seeming to tear a hole in some unknown chunk of her heart. Suddenly, all the fire was doused from her veins, washed away in a downpour of anguish and agony. Images flashed through her mind: Makani dead by her careless aim, Rye stabbed in the neck by the girl she'd brought to him, Azalea talking about all the ways Daphne had drowned her out, Azalea's shocked expression as Daphne had driven her knife straight into her best friend's heart.
Was she really her best friend? Azalea's last words had opened Daphne's eyes to the ugly side, the side that she'd been too ignorant to realize. Azalea's struggles had been invisible to her, and it killed her inside to realize that she hadn't done anything to ease Azalea's troubles.
You're hurting me.
Daphne had hurt so many people. She hated herself for everything. Everything seemed to be her fault. She only brought suffering to those she loved.
She gazed down into Caelum's eyes. Those beautiful chips of jade were washed out with worry. Worry for her. But she would only cause him pain. She would only drag him down, and soon, he's going to wish she'd left anyways. He was better off without her. Everybody was.
Daphne watched Caelum as he slowly pulled himself to his feet. He held her gaze the entire time, completely unarmed, never hiding a single emotion or making any sudden movements. Daphne drew in a breath. Caelum waited. It was Daphne's move now.
A year ago in the school courtyard, Azalea had spoken the truth. Daphne was a monster. If the trend held true, she had probably hurt Aedon just as badly as well, and she'd been too stupid to recognize it. Aedon, who died in the Games alone and afraid, with the memories of his bastard of a little sister.
Her parents had told her to hold on to xīwàng, but what happened if Daphne did not deserve to anymore?
Daphne felt hot tears pool in her eyes.
With all the utter desperation in her empty chest, Daphne bolted forward. But not at Caelum.
Shoving past him, Daphne dived for the quiver of arrows propped against the wall. She snatched an arrow, the wickedly sharp point seeming to glimmer. To urge her on.
She turned it directly at her own throat.
Her wrist was seized in an iron grasp before she could plunge it in.
Daphne snapped her head up, a snarl on her face. Caelum had been on the ground a moment ago, but now he loomed over her, forest green eyes wild with fire. She'd never seen him so riled up before.
"Let go of me," Daphne hissed, straining against his grip with every fiber of muscle in her arm. "Caelum, please-"
"No!" He practically screamed, panic lacing his voice. "Put the arrow down, Daphne. I just found you. I can't-" He broke off with a pained noise from the back of his throat. "I can't lose you right when I just found you!"
Daphne pulled, her teeth gritting with the effort. Caelum's grasp on her wrist was strong, almost painful. She couldn't yank herself free, free to end her own suffering and that of so many others. It was a deadlock, both of them exerting their full and equal force, unwilling to yield to the other. And Daphne was tired.
She closed her eyes. In the darkness, she saw Rye. Rye laughing as he'd shown her the ropes of setting up traps. Rye embracing her when she'd come back to join the alliance. Rye opening up about little Soma, who'd never get to see his big brother return home. Rye falling victim to Azalea's knife, dead before he even hit the ground.
Daphne saw Azalea as well. Azalea playing tag with her in the fields behind the schoolyard. Azalea picking plums from the tree on the hill, dropping them down for Daphne to gather in a basket. Azalea saving her from drowning in the canal. Azalea nearly dying from poison. Azalea fighting at her side during the attack. Azalea staring up at her as she'd cried, bleeding out from Daphne's fatal stab to the heart.
Daphne had been fighting so hard. So damn hard for the past week and a half she'd been stuck in this hellhole. She'd lost her best friends in the worst ways she could've ever predicted. All the stress, the trauma, the guilt of the past night alone was weighing down on her now. Her legs buckled. She collapsed onto her knees.
"I have nothing left to live for," Daphne whispered, hoarse and broken.
Agony seared across Caelum's face. Daphne had gotten so used to his cold silence, the hollow look in his eyes whenever she'd come around. Even before, she'd only ever seen him mellow and content. He never, never lost his cool.
But now here he was, the solid stone shell he'd retreated into now cracked and crumbling. There was real pain, real desperation in his voice as he dropped to his knees before her.
"Live for me," He begged.
Daphne's arm went limp in his grasp. Her head was swirling and screaming that nobody was safe, that she'd only bring him grief, that she'd just killed her own best friend last night. Now, those thoughts seemed to drop like flies, fading into the background. They left an intense, utterly empty silence.
She was so tired.
Boiling tears streamed down her face. The arrow clattered to the ground.
Daphne began to cry. The pain in her chest amplified with every sob, her heart a wrecked mess inside. Shattered, hopeless, shaken to the core.
"I killed them," She whimpered. "They're all dead, Caelum, I killed them-"
The next thing she knew, Caelum's arms were around her. Her body seemed to give out, and she allowed herself to sink feebly into his embrace. She didn't care if he took that opportunity to stab her in the back of the neck. She didn't care if this was all just temporary before her rational thoughts stirred back to life. A warm, firm presence was all she needed after so much instability.
Caelum didn't say a word. He simply held her, steady and gentle, as the events of the previous night came tumbling out in between broken sobs. She told him how she'd run into Azalea, then Rye. How Azalea nearly died from poison. How they'd joined Makani and her crew. The attack on the Careers.
Her tears seemed to dry out after she recounted Azalea's death, hiccupping occasionally as she told him how she'd wandered through the alleyways like a ghost. It was like she was merely too tired to weep anymore. So she kept talking, her voice sounding weak and shattered.
"I saw Pavel–one of the guys from the alliance, the one that's really good at fighting–and then..." Daphne trailed off, her mind drawing a blank. She searched around for any memories of what happened after she'd ran into Pavel, but came up empty.
"I... I don't remember what happened after." She said quietly. "Next thing I know, I'm here."
She looked up then, searching Caelum's face, expecting some sort of repulsion at all the sins of amicide she'd committed. Instead, his forest green eyes were darkened with sadness.
"What happened after is that I found you," Caelum said, his voice faltering. "You were passed out and covered in blood."
Daphne stared forward, her eyes focusing on nothing. "You brought me here?"
"Well, I wasn't about to just leave you there."
Daphne blinked once. Then twice. "What about Pavel? Is he alright?"
There was a long pause. Daphne shifted her gaze back up to Caelum's, finding that he had looked away. His Adam's apple bobbed, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Daphne could hear his heartbeat by her ear.
"Pavel ran away when he saw me." Caelum said, his words oddly clipped. "I'm sure he's alright."
Some of the tension escaped Daphne's shoulders as she loosed a breath. At least she hadn't hurt Pavel. She wasn't sure what it would do to her if she found out she'd hurt him too, when all he'd ever done was help her.
Caelum's eyes had closed. Daphne took the opportunity to observe him, tracing him with her eyes. The curve of his cheekbone. The slight twitch of his eyelashes. The near-invisible splash of freckles across the bridge of his nose. The way the sun turned the edges of his dark brown hair golden. There was a bright purple bruise along his jaw as well.
A strange sort of numbness had swept over her after she'd poured everything out to Caelum. Her mind seemed idle, as it was when she'd stumbled out of the tower and away from Azalea's body. She almost preferred it this way, this empty silence.
It was better than spiraling back into the bottomless chasm of panic and grief lapping at her heart, since she wasn't sure if even Caelum could keep her from drowning again.
***
Daphne wasn't sure when she'd drifted off, but the sunlight streaming through the window held tints of late afternoon when she'd woken up screaming, drenched in sweat and seeing blood on her hands.
She struggled to calm herself down, forcing herself to take a good look at her surroundings and realizing that she was not crouched over Azalea's dead body. Her heart rate gradually slowed. She was afraid to close her eyes, terrified of the images that were imprinted on the insides of her eyelids.
A rapid patter of footsteps echoed from the hallway outside the door. For a split second, Daphne was taken back to the wild dash the night before, Azalea hot on her tail with a murderous rage. Daphne sat up, drawing her knees close to her chest, rocking herself to and fro.
Caelum burst through the doorway, his green gaze flared with panic. "Daphne, are you alright? I heard screaming."
"I'm... I'm okay," Daphne said, forcing her voice to remain steady. "Nightmares, that's all."
A small crease appeared between Caelum's eyebrows. Despite everything, Daphne felt her heart give a lurch.
Here was Caelum Caflisch, in the middle of a Game battling to the death, after so many walls had divided them for so long, caring for Daphne enough to come running when she screamed. To find her lying in the puddle of her sins and take her to a shelter. To offer a comforting presence as she'd unloaded all her tears onto his shoulders.
Before Daphne could open her mouth to say more, the sound of trumpets rang across the sky. Daphne and Caelum both swiveled towards the window. The only times trumpets ever sounded in the arena were before a memoriam or a Gamemaker announcement. Daphne and Caelum exchanged a confused glance.
Lead Gamemaker Emeric Ponce's voice boomed through the arena in a sort of PSA. Though Daphne already had a feeling of what he was going to say. Suddenly, it felt as if someone had pressed an ice cube to the nape of her neck.
"For the nine tributes remaining in the arena, there are now fully stocked packs of supplies available at the Cornucopia, one for each district still in the Game. Now, some of you may be thinking that you aren't in desperate need for these supplies, so why risk coming here?" Ponce paused with an amused chuckle. Daphne's brows furrowed.
"Trust me, you definitely will need these, if not now."
Daphne could imagine Ponce speaking with a mischievous grin on his face, as if their lives were just a big joke to him. Honestly, they probably were.
"Think hard about refusing to show up," Ponce mused, "for those who do not, you will face severe consequences."
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