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❛ ᴏᴄᴇᴀɴ ᴇʏᴇꜱ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅʟʏ ᴘᴇʀsᴜᴀsɪᴏɴ ꒱


❝ I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR
BEST FRIEND FIRST ❞

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The common area was crowded with new students as they milled about the lounge to meet each other. Unsurprisingly, Cory and Topanga had no interest in others and were having a heated make out session on the couch. Juliet and Shawn stood just behind them as they watched the couple with interest. The boy tried to gain his friend's attention by hitting his shoulder. "Hey! Hey, hey, hey!"

The redhead gave him an amused look. "He can't talk. She's got his tongue."

"Hello!" he exclaimed. "We're supposed to be meeting new people."

When they made no sign they'd heard him, Juliet turned to her boyfriend and tugged on his arm as her eyes widened pleadingly. "I want to make out."

"Oh, come on, Julie. This is our freshman orientation. You know, this is a new place. We're supposed to be meeting new people." He studied the other students as he spoke and his words reminded him of the conversation he'd had with Angela.

"You don't want to make out with me?" she asked, pouting slightly.

"No, I absolutely want to make out, you know. I just want to meet people and I've never met anyone while I'm making out." He paused. "Except for one night but that was a fluke."

She rolled her eyes and poked his side, causing him to flinch. As she took a sip of her drink, a girl with short, blonde hair approached and greeted them. "Hi, I'm Camryn."

"Hi, I'm Shawn," the dark-haired boy replied. "And this is my friend Juliet."

Juliet turned to him and her eyes narrowed slightly. "What?"

"What?"

"You said 'friend.'"

"I did? I mean, this is my girlfriend, Juliet. My girl," he corrected himself quickly.

"Oh, you two are together," she said brightly.

"Shawn?" she prompted the boy.

He gestured to her with his drink. "Girlfriend and boyfriend."

"Oh." Camryn beamed at them as she placed her hand on Shawn's arm. "Well, see you around campus."

The redhead watched her go with a suspicious look on her face before her attention fell to Cory and Topanga who were still making out. She stood in a thick silence with Shawn as he smiled at her awkwardly. "How you doing?"

"I'm good, friend. How are you doing?"

"Oh, come on, Julie. How can you expect me to get used to calling you my girlfriend after so many years of being just friends? I'm sorry, okay?" He paused as he studied her wary expression. "Let's make out."

"No, no, it's okay," she told him lightly. "We don't have to. We can meet new people. I just didn't know it was that important to you; I don't want you to miss out on anything."

His brows furrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"You want to meet new people and I'm definitely not new people, so what do you want it to mean?"

Shawn didn't answer right away as a frown appeared on his features. Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their friends who had (finally) decided to interact with other people. "Whew," Cory said as he put an arm around his fiancée. "You know, whoever thought up these orientations is a genius."

They ignored him as their gazes met and he sighed. "Can we talk?"

🌎🌎🌎

The couple returned to Shawn's room and they took a seat on his bed. He took a deep breath before he spoke: "this isn't easy for me to say," he began softly as he stared down at his hands, "because I care about you more than almost anyone in the world. You know that, right?"

"I know," Juliet said with a nod. "I care about you too, Shawnie."

"It's just. . . I've spent so long wanting to be in a relationship with you that I haven't really thought about what would happen when it happened. And when I did think about it, it was just a fantasy. To be honest I didn't think we'd ever get here."

"Neither did I," she agreed quietly. "The wait was worth it, though."

He glanced over at her. "Yeah, it was, but. . ." He swallowed. "But it's not everything that I thought it would be. I mean, we've kind of lost the best-friend feel, haven't we? We don't really talk like we used to."

The redhead met his gaze with a surprised expression. "I never really thought of it like that but I think you're right." A sheepish smile appeared on her face. "We do do a lot of kissing."

"And I enjoy it a lot," he said quickly, "but I miss being able to talk to you, Julie."

"Well that's an easy fix," she said with a shrug. "I'll make sure that we talk more." She paused and studied him with bright blue eyes (that were so very different from Angela's sharp brown.) "Is there anything else bothering you? You were quite insistent on meeting new people at orientation."

"I— yeah." His attention went back to his hands. "But I don't want to tell you."

Juliet looked at him, puzzled. "Why not?"

"Because you're my girlfriend. . . and that complicates things."

She leaned forward and placed a hand gently on top of his as her expression softened. "Then pretend we're best friends because above everything, Shawnie, that's what we are. I will always be your best friend first."

His hand tightened around hers and in a rush of breath, he explained: "I feel like I'm missing out."

"Missing out? On what?"

"Everyone," Shawn answered honestly. "I've-I've realized recently that I've only ever been around people I know. Now that we're here in college there's people I've never seen before and they're meeting other people and—"

"And starting new relationships," the redhead finished slowly as her heart sank to her stomach. "Do you— are you breaking up with me?"

The boy's head snapped up so he could stare at her, wide-eyed. "No!" he exclaimed. "No, Julie. I just— I don't know what I want."

She shook her head. "That's almost worse. Either you want to be with me or you don't, Shawnie."

"I do," he told her desperately, hoping that she would understand. "Do you know how hard this is for me to even admit that I have these feelings? Do you realize how terrible I feel about all of this? I wish more than anything that I could just— that I could stop feeling like this—"

"But you can't," Juliet interrupted him quietly. "And because you do feel like this, I think— well, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't know what they want."

Shawn's expression faltered. "You've always been right more than I have," he admitted. "Do. . . do you think space is what we need? I mean, we've been together for almost twenty years."

She gave him a weak smile. "Maybe. Even Cory and Topanga took a break, you know. This doesn't have to be the end. We've always had a series of hit-and-miss feelings. This is just one more to add to the list."

"Well," the dark-haired boy said with a sigh. "That's it then." There was a pause as he took a deep breath, hardly able to believe that after all this time, after all the waiting and wishing and hoping, this was how they were ending up: just like every other couple. He had to force out the words: "I'm breaking up with you."

With a little nod, she stood from the bed. "See you around, Shawnie."

"Bye, Julie."

🌎🌎🌎

Juliet was somehow able to remain composed as she left the room and walked across the hall. Thankfully, Topanga and Angela hadn't come back yet and she had the room to herself. After searching for her Walkman for a moment, she placed her headphones on her ears as she pressed play to allow Vivaldi's Four Seasons to begin their familiar cycle. The music numbed her emotions for the time being as she gently shut the door behind her and made for Rachel's apartment.

Since their initial meeting only a week and a half ago, the two girls got along like a house on fire. Eric had even taken to calling them the "terror twins" as Juliet was able to bring out Rachel's less responsible side (and thus cause mischief) while Rachel could ease some of Juliet's more spit fire emotions. While she'd normally have gone to one of her more long-term friends for comfort, Topanga was happily engaged and she had a sneaking suspicion that Angela liked Shawn. Besides, Rachel had also just had a break up and knew what it felt like.

When she knocked on the door, the redhead was the one to open it with a bright smile on her face. "Juliet!" she exclaimed happily. "How was orientation—?" her words trailed off at the sight of the girl's expression. There was only a second's pause before the younger girl threw her arms around her friend.

Juliet squeezed her eyes shut as one of her hands reached down to pause her music before she choked out: "Shawn and I broke up."

"Oh, honey," she said with a much softer tone. "Come on, let's get you inside." Gently, Rachel led her into the living room and shut the door behind her. Juliet barely registered Mr. Feeny's presence, though the older girl glanced over at him. "Can we continue this later, Mr. Feeny?"

"Of course," he agreed quickly. His expression was both concerned and wary at the sight of one of his old students looking so upset. He gathered up the project supplies as the two girls went up to Rachel's room.

When they were alone, the redhead finally let her tears fall as she began to sob, burying her face in her hands. Rachel sat them down on her bed and kept a comforting arm around her shoulders. "That's it, just let it out," she murmured. "It's going to hurt for a while but I promise it won't be like this forever."

The younger girl didn't say anything and cried for a long time; the redhead didn't rush her. Eventually, Juliet gave a shuddering breath. "It-it just came so suddenly. I should've known that it was going too well. I mean, not everyone can be Cory and Topanga," she remarked bitterly. "I didn't even know he felt this way and now. . . and now it's over."

"You've said before that he's not good with feelings," Rachel remembered. "I know that doesn't help but maybe even he didn't realize it until now. There's no way you could've known."

"But now I'm going to have to see him, Rach," she said brokenly. "I'm going to have to be in the same room as him and know what we had is gone, even if it doesn't feel that way. We have all the same friends and I just know that Cory and Topanga are going to try and meddle which is just going to make everything so much worse."

"Well, maybe it's time you made some new friends," the older girl suggested softly.

Juliet turned to face her with a watery gaze. "What do you mean?"

"There's this guy in my history class, Kendrick," Rachel began and she quickly added, "and I mean for him to just be your friend— I actually think he has a girlfriend. Anyway, he loves history and music so that's two things you've already got in common. You don't have to say anything right now but just think about it, yeah? It might be good to branch out."

"I might need to," she admitted quietly, "because we're all friends so I'm just going to be reminded of him even when we're not in the same room. I'll think about it," Juliet promised her.

"Great," the redhead said with a warm smile. "Now, how about we have Eric or Jack get us some ice cream while we watch My Best Friend's Wedding?"

She stared at the other girl. "You just read my mind!"

🌎🌎🌎

It was no surprise that Cory was the next person who visited her. "I don't know how both of you can be so calm about this," he announced as he entered her room without knocking. "You're Topanga and me two-point-oh!"

"Hello, Cory," Juliet replied pointedly as she kept her gaze fixed on her homework to avoid looking at her friend.

"I'm serious," the boy insisted. "You know you're perfect for each other so I don't know why you're making this stupid decision." He pulled Topanga's chair away from her desk to sit in it and faced the girl. "But how can you just let him go like that, Jules? Don't you care about him at all?"

She stiffened and let her pencil drop to the table top. "Of course I do," she told him calmly. "But there's two people to a relationship and if one of them doesn't want to be in it any more, then you're just making them unhappy. You can't make someone have feelings, you know."

"But you were just fine yesterday—"

"And now it's today," Juliet finished for him as she stood. "Look, I'm not going to talk about this with you. It was already hard enough to tell Topanga."

"What? But I'm your best friend! We always talk about this sort of stuff—"

The girl turned to face him as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Actually, we don't. I was there for you when Topanga left Philly but other than that, we've never talked about anything deep like this and I'm not about to start. Goodbye, Cory." She picked up her towel and looped it over her shoulders.

"Wait— where are you going?" the boy asked.

"To take a shower."

"Now?" he demanded incredulously as he followed her out of the room. "Why do have to take a shower now?"

Juliet paused at the entrance of the bathroom with her hand on the door as she glanced back at him. "Because that's the one place I know where you won't follow me."

She shut the door behind her and walked over to the showers, first placing her towel on a hook. As she turned on the water, she closed her eyes and let her hand rest on the faucet while she tried to get her emotions back in check. It had only been two days since their break up and (of course) their friends already knew about it. She couldn't deny the way her heart still jumped at the sight of her (now) ex-boyfriend or the prick of envy she felt whenever she saw him with Angela. But he seemed to be just fine so she would be, too.

When the water was ready, she stepped into the stall and took off her robe to throw it haphazardly on the bench. As she let the water run over her, Juliet was surprised to hear Cory's voice echo in the bathroom. "Jules?"

She poked her head out from around the curtain. "I thought you were scared of this place."

The curly-haired boy walked over to her and his expression was sincere as he met her gaze. "I'm more scared of losing you, Jules. I know everyone says that Shawn's my best friend but you are too. You realize that, right? I care about you just as much as I do him."

"Cory, the term 'best' implies one."

"Yeah, well, I've never been very good at math," he retorted casually. "In my opinion, I can have two best friends."

The redhead sighed and turned off the water before she reached for her towel. The boy quickly became embarrassed and tried to cover his eyes, to which she rolled hers as she stepped out of the stall with the towel wrapped around her body. "Alright, I'm listening."

"I've always seen you as a second sister, Jules," Cory said fiercely, "and we should be able to talk about deep stuff just as much as we do the fun things. If something was wrong with me and Topanga, I know I'd ask you what to do. I wish I could do the same for you because that's what family does. They help each other out when they're in need."

"What if I'm not in need?"

"You are because you've just broken up with your best friend— our best friend— in a relationship you've both always wanted," he replied in the same tone. "You can't be feeling okay even if you're both putting on a front."

Juliet looked up sharply. "Both?"

"Well, Shawn seems fine, but I know him. You haven't hung out as much—"

"It's been two days."

"—as much as you usually do and it's not the same. The only way to get back to how things used to be is by talking."

"First of all," the redhead began shortly, "things won't get back to the way they used to because that would require me and Shawn getting back together, which isn't happening— at least not this soon. Second, he was the one to broach the subject."

"Subject? What subject?"

"Breaking up," Juliet explained. "He was the one who had the feelings and I just. . . I gave him the answer. Happy?"

"No, wait—" Cory answered quickly. "What do you mean, 'you gave him the answer?' He thinks it's mutual."

"That's what I want him to think," she replied firmly. "He wasn't certain if he wanted to be with me or not so I made the decision for him, framed as the answer to what he felt. It's better if we both just take time to sort things out, Cor. There's a lot of changes happening and I need time to process things and he needs time to figure out his feelings, so it's for the best. Can we stop talking about this now?"

She went over to the mirror and began to run a brush through her damp hair as Cory followed her. "Why didn't you just help him understand his feelings? Because I know that this is the last thing you both wanted."

"Oh yeah, that's every girl's dream: to be their boyfriend's therapist," Juliet scoffed. "He needs his space, Cor, and that's what I'll give him. He wants to meet new people, let him. Hell, he can even go out with Angela for all I care."

"No. No, he's wrong," the boy insisted. "You know he's never going to find anyone as good as you. You teach him things and he actually listens, Jules. You tell him not to do something and he won't. What other girl is going to do that for him?"

"Literally anyone who wants to be his girlfriend," she said.

"But it won't be you. You can't distance yourself from him, Jules. Friendship is exactly what's going to get us all through this. You can't give up on us after all this time."

"I'm not giving up. You just don't get it, do you?" she asked, not expecting an answer. She met his eyes before she continued: "it's hard enough being in the same school as him. In the same class, have the same friends. I can't get a break, Cor." Her voice had softened by the end. "I guess. . . I guess I was just afraid that you'd take his side."

"Jules-Jules, no. There is no side. This isn't a war. I could never chose you over Shawn. You are never getting rid of me."

The redhead gave him a faint smile. "That's reassuring. Fine, if you want to talk about deep stuff, you're going to keep this a secret, yeah? About how I feel about him?"

"Yeah."

"'Cause I want him to be happy, Cor, even if that isn't with me," Juliet said, "or if it is, but I want him to figure that out in his own time. I know how it feels to be pressured into emotions you don't have and I would never want to do that to him." Her eyes narrowed. "So you promise me that you're not going to say anything about this ever?"

"I won't say anything," he agreed.

"To anybody?"

"Can I talk about it with Topanga?" When she shook her head, he looked at her curiously. "Why not?"

"'Cause I haven't told her."

His brows furrowed. "But you're really close."

"Right."

"And you haven't told her?"

"Yep."

". . .But you told me?"

"Uh-huh."

His expression softened. "Thanks. It'll be a secret between us best friends." He paused before he extended an arm. "Come here."

Juliet welcomed the hug and she wrapped her arms around the boy as she closed her eyes. She'd always viewed him as a sibling like he'd seen her, but the gesture was more comforting than she'd expected. There was something soothing about reassuring hold as if, even just for that moment, she could believe that everything would work out somehow. 

[written oct. 2021]
[edited jun. 2022]