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❛ ᴏᴄᴇᴀɴ ᴇʏᴇꜱ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ᴀ ʙʀᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴡ
ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ, ᴘᴛ. 𝟸 ꒱


❝ BUT YOU KNOW YOU'LL BREAK
MY HEART / WHEN I WATCH YOU
CLOSE THAT DOOR / 'CAUSE I
KNOW I WON'T SEE YOU
ANYMORE ❞

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"I can't believe that we're both gonna be travelling around the world," Rachel said as she held out her arms for a hug.

Juliet stepped forward and embraced her tightly. "No matter where we are, we'll always be Eric's Terror Twins," she promised.

"Oh, I'm going to miss you so much, Jules," she confessed. "You're the best redhead I've ever met."

A faint smile appeared on her lips. "Met many redheads, have you?"

🌎🌎🌎
[Her Answer, 6.2]

It only took a moment for a tall, red-haired woman to appear out of the back room and her expression lit up at the sight of her younger counterpart. "Finally! Another redhead!"

The girl giggled at the gleeful exclamation as Shawn wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "This is Juliet, my girlfriend."

"I'm Rachel," the woman said with a smile as she came down the stairs.

Juliet gently pried herself free from her boyfriend and, almost in unison, the two girls embraced with a familiarity that two kindred souls shared. She stared up at Rachel. "Where on Earth have you been all my life?"

"Texas," the redhead answered simply.

Meanwhile, Eric had made an appearance and watched the exchange, only to turn to Shawn with an exaggeratedly horrified look on his face. "What have you done?" 

🌎🌎🌎
[Friendly Persuasion, 6.4]

When she knocked on the door, the redhead was the one to open it with a bright smile on her face. "Juliet!" she exclaimed happily. "How was orientation—?" her words trailed off at the sight of the girl's expression. There was only a second's pause before the younger girl threw her arms around her friend.

Juliet squeezed her eyes shut as one of her hands reached down to pause her music before she choked out: "Shawn and I broke up."

"Oh, honey," she said with a much softer tone. "Come on, let's get you inside."

🌎🌎🌎
[The Peace ( AKA Eight the Hard Way ), 7.11]

"Rach, wait. I know exactly how you feel."

"How could you?" the older girl asked softly as she turned to her. "You've been friends with them all your life."

"Yes," she agreed. "That's true. But in the months after I broke up with Shawn and things were awkward between us— especially when he tried dating Angela— it felt like they didn't really care about me. It felt like all those years we spent together meant nothing if I wasn't directly interacting with them. It was almost as if nothing would be different if I didn't exist."

Rachel's eyes widened slightly. "That's exactly how I feel."

Juliet offered her a faint smile. "See? I know what it's like. I'd never want anyone to feel like that. Cory and Shawn can be jerks and even if they're told off they don't always listen. I really am sorry for that dumb— worse than dumb— prank they pulled on you."

"Thank you," the redhead said. "I can tell you mean that." 

🌎🌎🌎

"So you're probably not gonna miss me at all, are you?" Eric asked his father as the two girls finished their hug.

"Not one bit," Mr. Matthews answered.

"Is that a tear in your eye?"

"No."

"Baby," his son teased him.

Mrs. Matthews walked up to him. "Put on your jackets, it's supposed to cool off."

"And when you walk around New York, look like you belong there," her husband added.

"Don't you dare get Topanga pregnant until you're absolutely sure," she continued sternly.

"I won't," Eric replied, earning an unamused look from his mother.

"So, uh, do we say goodbye now? How do we do that?" Jack questioned his brother.

"I could never have handled Dad's death without you," Shawn admitted quietly.

"I wish he could be here to us finally getting along. He'd be proud of you. Starting this adventure in New York with nothing but the clothes on your back."

"Yeah, well Dad always said—" He deepened his voice as it became raspier in an imitation of his father. "—money don't make you rich. Life makes you rich."

"You never had a nickel in your pocket and it was never important to you. I admire you, Shawn. Heck, I admire you more that I admire me," Jack said.

"Uh oh."

"Rachel!" the older boy called to the redhead.

"Yeah?" she asked, moving to stand in front of him.

"Save me a seat next to you on the boat. I can't believe I just said that."

She smiled at him proudly. "You're giving up your stepfather's money?"

"Money doesn't make you rich. Life makes you rich," he repeated. "Our father taught us that."

Rachel hugged him happily. "We're going into the Peace Corps."

🌎🌎🌎
[Well Have a Good Time Then. . ., 6.12]

The older boy did as he'd suggested to reveal a photo that had been taken the day before of the three of them. He stared at it for a moment. "Well, that's something I don't have."

A doctor appeared shortly after that, prompting the brothers to stand and hurry over to him with hopeful looks on their faces. The man gazed back at them solemnly. "We lost him. His heart wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry, kids. I'm sorry."

After the news had been shared with the rest of the group, Juliet wasn't surprised to see Shawn go off by himself. She glanced momentarily at Jack, who was surrounded by the Matthews, Topanga and Angela before she made her decision: she followed him. (She always had.)

She found him in a quiet hallway sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest. Without hesitation, she sank down next to him, so close that their shoulders were pressed together and their knees were touching. She said nothing as she reached over and gently took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers to give him a comforting squeeze. Shawn leaned his head against her shoulder and closed his eyes, reassured by her presence.

(After all, it had always been them against the world.) 

🌎🌎🌎

They entered the classroom that they'd spent a good portion of their childhood in. It was strange being back in their old middle school as fully-grown adults but there was a sort of full-circle feeling that came with it. The main four took their traditional seats with Topanga in the front and Cory behind her. Shawn was in the back row next to the redhead who was in the corner seat. Eric sat on the back desk and propped his feet up on the chair in front of him as Mr. Feeny stood in the front of the classroom. At their expectant gazes, their teacher finally broke the silence. "What?"

"We're leaving."

"I know."

"We wanted to know if you had anything else to teach us," Topanga said.

"No. My work with you is done."

"I don't know. It's pretty scary," Shawn admitted. "We're going out into a whole, new world."

"And you are ready to go into that world," Mr. Feeny told them firmly.

"Even me?" Eric asked.

The older man smiled at him fondly. "Even you." His attention turned back to the whole group. "Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good."

Ever the perfectionist, Topanga tried to correct him: "don't you mean do well?"

"No, I mean do good."

"Alright, Feeny. One last thing: tell us you love us," Eric requested.

"Look, if there's one thing I've taught you, it's that there is a fine line between teacher and student that must never be crossed."

"Tell us you love us!"

"I regard all my students equally."

"Oh, come on," Shawn disagreed. "You know we're you're favorites!"

"Come on, Feeny," Cory added. "You haven't even talked to another student for seven years."

"Tell us you love us," Eric insisted.

"I surely will not," Mr. Feeny retorted.

"Okay for you then."

There was a moment of silence before Topanga stood and approached their teacher. She had tears in her eyes and her voice came out choked as she hugged him: "I will never forget you. You were more of a father to me than my own dad." She kissed him on the cheek as she pulled away to allow Shawn to say goodbye next.

The dark-haired boy was clearly trying to hold himself together, though his tone betrayed him. "You never gave up on me. Never once. You're the best person I know." Mr. Feeny offered his hand, but Shawn ignored it in favor of giving the older man his own hug.

It was then Eric's turn to say goodbye. "I don't know what's going to happen to me but I do know that I'm going to be a good person who cares about people. I blame you for that." Taking the message from his previous students, Mr. Feeny prepared himself for another hug, but the boy chose to shake his hand instead. As he turned away, he seemed to change his mind and retraced his steps for a hug as well.

Finally, it was Juliet's time with Mr. Feeny. She could feel her own throat closing as tears threatened to escape. She waisted no time in hugging their teacher. "Thank you for showing me that being wrong isn't the worst thing in the world. Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to make mistakes and for helping me— us— whenever we asked for it. You'll always be the best teacher I ever had." 

🌎🌎🌎

As they left the classroom for the final time, Shawn caught his girlfriend's wrist at the same time she turned to him. In unison, they asked each other: "can I talk to you?"

They chuckled at the coincidence before Juliet nodded. "'Course, Shawnie."

After reassuring the Matthews that they'd meet them outside, the couple found an unlocked classroom to have their conversation in. After a moment of silence, they spoke simultaneously again: "Julie—" "Shawn—"

The redhead smiled with amusement. "You go first."

"Are you sure?"

"Go on," she insisted.

He cleared his throat. "Right. I— um, well—" He shrugged out of his leather jacket and handed it to her. "I want you to have this."

"Really?" she asked as she reached for it. "What about it being cold in New York?"

"England's colder," he said with a shrug. "Besides, I want you to have something to remember me by."

Juliet rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna forget you, Shawnie."

"Yes, well. . ." the dark-haired boy trailed off as his eyes focused on the floor. "Um, what I'm about to say next might make you want to give that back to me." He took a deep breath. "I. . . think we should take a break."

She stared at him uncomprehendingly. "What?"

"It's just. . . I'm gonna be busy establishing myself in New York and you're gonna be busy with the time difference and the move. We won't really have time for each other, y'know? Besides, long distance relationships hardly ever work out. I'd rather break up now and be able to get back together than never speak to you again." Shawn knew he was rambling like Cory would but he wanted to make sure that she understood that it wasn't because he didn't love her. It was exactly the opposite, actually.

"What?"

At her continued disbelief, he tried to explain it differently: "I love you, Julie. I really, really do. And because I want what's best for you I have to set you free. I know you're in England and you know I'm in New York. When you're back in the States again, we can find each other and pick up where we left off. I just. . . don't want to put extra pressure on you that's gonna keep you from achieving your dreams."

It was all she could do to stare at him speechlessly as he spoke to the floor. A part of her wondered if this was some terrible nightmare that would be over once she woke up. Maybe she'd find herself in bed— preferably next to him—and he would reassure her that something like this would never happen to them. They would laugh about how silly the thought of them breaking up was and move on to whatever issues presented themselves during the day. The nightmare would fade and she would forget about it entirely.

But, she didn't wake up.

The weight of Shawn's jacket in her hands was far too real and the crushing feeling that was currently constricting her chest was too potent to ignore. She opened her mouth to say something (anything) to protest, to get him to change his mind, to argue back, but her words failed her.

🌎🌎🌎
[Pilot, 1.1]

"The tragedy here, Mr. Matthews and Miss Capelwood, is not about some dumb girl or the guy who kills himself because of her. It's about the all-consuming power of love and the inevitability of its influence in each of our lives."

That earned him blank looks from both of his students. "Mr. Feeny," Cory asked, "are you aware that we're only eleven years old?"

"Juliet still should've been like 'hey! I'm not dead!"

Mr. Feeny addressed Cory first: "are you aware that you have detention Friday afternoon?"

"No, actually I did not know that." He sat down with a sigh.

"Miss Capelwood, when you are struck by the grip of passion and the ache of longing to be with the one you love, tell me then whether you have the words to save them."

🌎🌎🌎

"Shawn, I—"

He sent her a regretful look. "Let's not say goodbye, yeah? I'll see you later, Julie."

I love you, she wanted to tell him. Don't leave me. I need you. Her words wouldn't work. She was screaming them in her mind but not a sound made it past her lips.

At her lack of response, Shawn (her best friend, her boyfriend, the man she loved) gave her a wistful smile before he turned and headed for the door. He seemed to hesitate as he placed his hand on the doorknob but eventually he opened it.

SAY SOMETHING, IDIOT! Juliet's mind shouted at her.

He glanced back at her one more time before he left the room for good and closed the door softly behind him.

"I love you," she whispered to the empty room.

But it was too little, too late. 

🌎🌎🌎

Her mother's apartment was empty when she returned home several hours later. A part of her was glad for that as she wasn't sure if she could handle a conversation at any point for the rest of the night. After her friends' departure, Juliet had spent the rest of the afternoon in a numb silence as she visited their old haunts. She'd gone to Chubbie's-that-wasn't-Chubbie's, she'd passed Mr. Turner's old apartment and even the lot where Shawn's trailer had been for the first decade-plus of her life.

In all that time, she hadn't shed a single tear despite the fact that her heart felt like someone had reached in and ripped it out with their bare hands. (She'd contemplated doing that herself several times.) Instead, all she did was robotically walk down the street with a blank expression on her face as her mind refused to leave its shocked state. 

Now, though, she made her way to her room and pulled the chair away from her desk to sit down. Her gaze fell on the statue Kendrick had given her last Christmas which now felt like a lifetime ago.

She leaned forward and twisted the figurine around so that it faced her before she spoke for the first time in hours: "Well, Gollum. You're an expert on rings." Juliet straightened and reached into her pocket to pull out the black box that now seemed to mock her. She opened it to reveal an ebony band resting on equally-dark cushioned material. "What should I do with this one?" 

[written jan. 2022]
[edited jun. 2022]