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❛ ᴏᴄᴇᴀɴ ᴇʏᴇꜱ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ
ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀᴍʏ ꒱


❝ SHE'S CHEATING. SHE
COPIES OFF DEAD GUYS! ❞

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"Al washes the car in six minutes," Mr. Feeny said. "Fred washes the same car in eight minutes. How long will it take Al and Fred to wash the car together?"

"Piece of cake," Cory answered. Juliet rolled her eyes, knowing that his answer was going to be seven.

"Think about it, Mr. Matthews," their teacher told him.

"I don't have to think about it, Mr. Feeny. It's simple."

"It is anything but simple, Mr. Matthews."

"But I've got the answer."

"I'm not interested in the answer."

"Why not?"

"I'm not interested in the answer because I'm more interested in how you arrived at the answer," Mr. Feeny explained, "and you couldn't possible have arrived at the correct answer so rapidly."

"But I did. I've arrived. I'm here. I'm ahead of you!"

"Oh, well then if you're ahead of me, what is the answer?"

"Seven," they said in unison. 

"That is not the correct answer," Mr. Feeny said.

"But it has to be," Cory insisted. "Al speeds Fred up, Fred slows Al down. So the answer is halfway between six and eight. Seven."

"That is not the correct answer," the two spoke at the same time again.

"But it has to be."

No it doesn't, Juliet thought. There's probably some fancy averaging law that would solve for the time. Is that what Mr. Feeny means? The proper set up of the equation? But that couldn't be right since none of them except Minkus were smart enough to know that; they hadn't learned averages yet. Maybe it's not about the math, but the thought process.

"Fred can't slow Al down. Even if Al washes most of the car and Fred just washes the hubcap, the total time still has to be faster than Al's time alone. So if Fred is twenty-five percent slower than AL and twenty-five percent of six minutes is. . . anybody?" Minkus said as he typed rapidly in his calculator. "It's a minute and a half, which leaves us with four-point-five. Four and a half minutes is the correct answer. Hold your applause, please." He sat back down.

"Mr. Minkus, you're wrong," Mr. Feeny told him.

Juliet's eyes widened. Minkus was never ever wrong.

"Wrong?" the boy echoed faintly. "As in not right?"

"You know the laws of averages better than I do. It was bound to catch up with you," Mr. Feeny told him sympathetically. Minkus was in shock for a moment but when he did move, he stood and walked rapidly towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"Nurse," he answered shortly.

"Minkus, you're wrong," Shawn repeated, almost dreamily.

"I've been waiting to hear those words since preschool!" Cory exclaimed happily.

Juliet rolled her eyes as she murmured, "you guys are so weird."

"Does anyone else have any thoughts on this problem?" Mr. Feeny asked.

At the front, Topanga shut her eyes and hummed strangely as she explained, "I'm channeling the ancient Egyptian mathematician who first solved this problem."

The redhead couldn't help but smile at the girl's uniqueness, something she greatly admired about her. If anyone had the ability to arrive at the answer correctly, it was probably her. The girl suddenly cut off her humming and gurgled loudly as she scribbled something down on her paper.

"Check, please!" Shawn said, snapping his fingers.

Juliet reached over to poke him but the desks were to far away so she let her hand drop. I'll get him at lunch, she told herself.

"Alright, Miss Lawrence, let's see what you've come up with," Mr. Feeny said as he peered at her paper. "Well, oddly enough you and your metaphysical lab partner have arrived at the correct answer."

"Let me see that!" Cory said. He leaned forward to grab Topanga's paper. The girl turned and growled in his face, causing his eyes to widen in fear. "Nice demon," he said as he gently patted her head.

"Interesting, isn't it, Mr. Matthews," Mr. Feeny asked as he took the girl's paper. "Mr. Minkus didn't get the correct answer but Miss Lawrence did. You would do well to consider that in your search for your answer."

"She's cheating. She copies off dead guys!"

🌎🌎🌎

"Okay, we've got everything right in front of us. We got a car, we got water, we got brushes. And we got Al and Malibu Fred," Cory said, laying everything on the table.

Juliet frowned at the setup, wondering how Topanga had channeled the mathematician. Maybe they needed an Ouija board? Or maybe they didn't have to act out the problem and just think differently, like Topanga did.

The redhead was pulled from her thoughts as a loud knock sounded on the door. Turning, the three of them saw a very disheveled Minkus on Cory's back porch.

Cory stood and opened the door. "Minkus?"

"I was. I used to be. Who's got the right answer? Yes, Mr. Minkus. That's right, Mr. Minkus," Minkus rushed out as he barged in.

Juliet rose quickly from the table to try and intercept the boy. "Calm down, Minkus."

"That's correct, Mr. Minkus!"

"Get a grip, Minki," Shawn said. "So what? You're not a genius anymore."

"Right, now I'm just a brainless pathetic moron without a clue."

"It's not so bad," the dark-haired boy shrugged.

"Shawn!" the redhead exclaimed and she turned to give the boy a wide-eyed look. He gave her a slightly guilty one in return.

"It's just a word problem, every problem has to have an answer. There has to be an answer. What's the answer, Matthews?" Minkus had turned away from the girl to snarl in Cory's face.

"Well, in my opinion, seven."

Minkus took a step back and stared at his hands. "Look at me, what have I become? A brainless pathetic moron."

"We just went over this," Shawn said and Juliet to smiled slightly. Minkus ignored him and ran out the door.

"The new Minkus, I like him!"

"Hey, I see you guys got the car ready. I'll order the pizza and you and your little friends can pick it up, okay?" Eric laughed at their setup.

Juliet took one of Barbie's plastic shoes off and threw it at his head. "We're too young to drive, dummy."

Eric grinned and ruffled her hair. "Here's a better idea, why don't I drive Cory and leave you with Shawn?"

She sighed. "Not you too."

"I like that idea," Shawn said, pleased. "Thanks for inviting me, by the way guys. I saw my mom looking at her Let's Have Fun With Liver cookbook."

Juliet made a face as Cory frowned. "But she's got her bowling league tonight, Shawn."

"No, that ended six weeks ago."

"No it didn't," Cory insisted.

"There's a bowling league?" Juliet asked.

Shawn nodded. "Our moms are a part of it."

"Mine's been going every Wednesday night," Cory added, confused.

"I don't know where she's going but it ain't bowling," Shawn said.

"Okay," Mrs. Matthews said as she came into the kitchen. "You guys all set? I'm about ready to leave."

"For bowling, right?" Cory double-checked.

"Yeah. Like every Wednesday night. I'm going upstairs to say goodnight to Morgan," she announced.

"See?" Cory said, turning to his friends.

"I'm telling you, the league ended six weeks ago," Shawn insisted.

"If there's no bowling league why is my mom going with this big, heavy—" he started, but cut himself off when he lifted the bag easily off the counter. "Eric, something's wrong. This doesn't weigh anything."

"Maybe mom forgot her ball," Eric suggested as he dug through the bag.

"She forgot the number one thing she actually needs to bowl?" Juliet asked in disbelief.

"And if those are bowling shoes, there should be a number on the back just above the spike heel," Shawn observed as the boys withdrew a pair of high heels.

Cory pulled out a card. "'La Buggy-a,'" he read.

"La Bugia? That's that fancy dinner place seniors always take their prom dates," Eric remarked, recognizing the name. "Why would mom be going there? Maybe mom's dating a senior. I mean, they're dating everyone else."

The redhead sighed. Why didn't she hang out with people with brains like Minkus and Topanga? Oh yeah: Cory and Shawn were her best friends.

Soon enough, Mrs. Matthews came back down the stairs and the boys hastily put everything back in the bag before they tried to act casual.

"Hey, keep an eye on your sister and I'll be home around ten o'clock," she said before she said goodbye and left.

"Okay, maybe it's not as bad as it looks," Cory tried.

"I sure hope so 'cause this looks pretty bad," Shawn commented.

"Does it look as bad as. . . liver?"

"No," he said instantly, causing Juliet to smile in amusement.

"Why is she going to La Bugia?"

"Is there trouble in paradise?"

"Between my mom and dad? No way! They're so happy it's disgusting. They're always kissing and being romantic," Cory told them, making a face.

"Are they?" Eric asked. "Or is dad always kissing and being romantic? Remember this morning when he came in with a rose for her and she didn't even care? And he poured coffee for her and she just walked away? And that kiss she gave him this morning before she left was nothing more than a pity kiss. Believe me, I know."

"The main thing is, she picked Wednesday nights, the one night that dad has his managers' meeting," Cory said, then he hesitated. "Do you think she loves somebody else?"

"You guys better tell your dad," Shawn suggested.

"Tell him what? We don't have any proof."

"Get proof. Don't you guys watch NYPD Blue? Tail her and talk dirty."

Juliet shook her head. "Less TV, more books, Shawnie."

"The pictures are more interesting," he answered easily.

"We'll be back as soon as we can. Here's the twenty, order the pizza, watch my house and guard my sister. And if I'm killed on this mission, find out the answer to that car wash problem from Feeny and have Topanga channel it to me," Cory rushed out before he left with Eric.

🌎🌎🌎

"You wanna play poker with me and Morgan?" Shawn asked Juliet as they brought the little girl downstairs.

"Have you asked Morgan if she wants to play poker?"

"I love cards!" Morgan piped up. "The mommies and daddies are my favorite."

Confusion flashed across the redhead's face before she realized that Cory's sister was talking about kings and queens.

"Do you wanna learn how to play poker, Morgan?" Shawn asked.

"Are there mommies and daddies?"

"Yep, and you can sometimes get cool stuff too," he answered.

Juliet shot him a look. "No betting, Shawnie. She's a little girl. It's bad enough that you're teaching her how to play poker."

Shawn sat on the couch with Morgan and began to shuffle the cards. "It's fine, Julie. Do you want to play or not?"

The girl shook her head. "No thanks, I'm not in cards mood tonight."

The boy frowned, turning his attention to the redhead and studied her. Nothing seemed to be wrong, but he asked anyway, "what's up?"

She shrugged. "I wanna figure out that math problem."

He gave her a soft smile. "Well, if anyone can do it, you can. C'mere." He shifted so he was more properly sitting on the couch and lifted his arm.

Juliet sat next to him and curled up against his side comfortably. "I can watch, though. Maybe I'll be on Morgan's team and tell her what cards you have."

He fake-gasped. "You wouldn't dare."

The redhead giggled slightly and tilted her head up to look at him. "Would I, though?"

Shawn shook his head at her in amusement before he turned to teach Cory's sister how to play, Juliet a pleasant warmth against his side and his arm draped comfortably over her shoulder.

Later, after the several rounds it took for Morgan to get the hang of it, Shawn asked, "okay, what d'you have?"

"Two mommies and three daddies."

"A full house?" he asked in shock before Morgan showed him her cards.

"Full house? I love those Olsen twins," she grinned.

"Me too," Juliet chimed in. "I think it would be cool to have a twin."

The little girl looked past the redhead's shoulder. "Hi daddy."

"Well hey, sweetie. What are you doing up? It's, uh, ten-fifteen," Mr. Matthews said.

"Shawn was teaching me how to play five-card—"

"Go Fish," Juliet cut the girl off easily as she flashed the older man an innocent smile. "Morgan's only ever played with seven cards. Five is much more difficult."

Shawn threw her a grateful look.

"Where's Cory and Eric?"

"They went to the library," Shawn lied which was quickly followed by a flinch. He gave her a look that asked 'what?'

"Would that be the public library, the one that closes at nine o'clock?"

The redhead sent him a 'that's what' look in return.

"No, no, the other one," Shawn said as he tried to cover up his mistake.

"I'm going to put Morgan to bed and then you and I are gonna talk a little more. Then I'll drive you guys home."

"Kind of a relationship-building thing?" the boy asked.

"No."

"Great, first time in my life I'm in trouble with someone else's dad," Shawn sighed.

"That was a terrible lie," Juliet observed. "I thought you liked lying to your parents?"

"My parents, yeah, but I don't know somebody else's. What would you have said?"

Juliet's reply was cut off by the front door opening as Cory and Eric returned. "Guys, your dad just got home!"

"Where is he?"

"Upstairs putting your sister to bed," Juliet said.

"What did you find out?" Shawn asked.

"Nothing good. Mom was at the club."

"She was dancing with some guy in those red shoes! She was snuggling up with him a dark booth," Eric finished.

"Who was it?"

"I don't know, we couldn't tell."

"There were lace curtains and plastic grapes hanging all over the place."

"So what are you gonna do?" Shawn asked.

"I have no idea."

"I can't keep this a secret, Eric. You know me, I'll crack. Dad will say 'goodnight, son' and I'll say, 'mom was with another guy!'" Cory yelled and Eric slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shh! Look, I mean you're right. We'll have to tell him," Eric began.

"Cory, Eric, you know we're always here for you— just not right now!" Shawn said hastily as he stood and pulled the redhead with him towards the door. "Oh, by the way, I told him you were at the library."

"Great lie, Shawn. The library closes at nine," Eric said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah. He knew that, too."

"So did I!"

🌎🌎🌎

"Al washes a car in six minutes. Fred washes the same car in eight," Mr. Feeny repeated the next day. "How long will it take them to wash the car together? And the answer is still not seven, Mr. Matthews."

"I know, sir."

"What else do you know?"

"I know why you gave us this word problem."

"To suck the fun out of our lives?" Shawn guessed.

"Yeah, that, but the main reason is to get us to stop thinking like kids and start thinking like adults," Cory said. "I know there's not always one right answer. There may not even be an answer at all."

"Startling. And how did you arrive at that conclusion?" Mr. Feeny asked.

"I found out that sometimes we need to learn to think differently. That's how Topanga knew, because she thinks differently. Really differently."

"Well Mr. Matthews, in all the time we've known each other, I don't think I've ever been so impressed," Mr. Feeny told him proudly.

"Thanks, Mr. Feeny."

"In the course of your education, you have been taught to look for the right answer but you must also know that in life, many times the right answer is that there isn't one. This is an especially valuable lesson for you, Mr. Minkus," Mr. Feeny said as he turned to the boy who was scribbling on the chalkboard. "So, I'm afraid your calculations are all for naught."

"Not necessarily," Minkus disagreed. "I think I may have inadvertently discovered the secret of time travel."

Juliet snorted, not even surprised that Minkus would be the one to 'stumble' upon the right equation. She was more concerned about the answer to the problem, where there was no right answer. It scared her a little that sometimes there would be no answers to questions she had, but she supposed that was, in fact, the great mystery of life itself. 

[edited may 2022]