▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

❛ ᴏᴄᴇᴀɴ ᴇʏᴇꜱ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴀʀᴅ ꒱


❝ HELLO, EARTH TO SHAWN? ❞

▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

"So, what's Hamlet supposed to do?" Mr. Turner asked the class. "His uncle offed his father, his mother's sleeping with his uncle, his girlfriend is completely schizoid and people are dropping left to right."

"Sounds like Thanksgiving at my house," Shawn remarked.

"So, Hamlet is faced with a terrible dilemma and he freezes like a bunny in the high beams."

Not Hamlet again, Juliet thought with a sigh as she leaned her head against the palm of her hand. She really, really didn't want a repeat of their sixth grade play. She missed the note passed to Shawn.

Later in Mr. Feeny's class, their teacher was talking about President Kennedy. "October 1962. Young President Kennedy is faced with a seemingly impossible dilemma. Mr. Hunter, what are his options?"

"Marilyn Monroe or his wife?" Shawn asked.

Juliet couldn't help the amused smile that crept on to her face. "Well, at least you've got the right time period," she teased him.

The boy rolled his eyes good-naturedly in response as Mr. Feeny sighed. "You never disappoint, Mr. Hunter."

"Thank you."

"Ah, a note for me," Cory said eagerly. "See, Shawn, you're not the only one—"

"Pass it to Shawn."

The curly-haired boy turned and slammed it on his friend's desk. "Do I have an unlisted desk or something?"

🌎🌎🌎

"Stacy, Linda, Linda, Stacy," Shawn sighed as he set his lunch tray down. "I've never been more depressed in my whole life."

"I know," Cory said as he rolled his eyes. "Two beautiful girls both want you, you poor guy. There's gotta be a hotline you can call. Of course with your luck, a hot girl would pick up and would want you."

Juliet frowned at the conversation and focused instead on her lunch in front of her. Unfortunately, it wasn't appetizing on a usual basis, much less when her stomach was currently in knots.

"If I reject Linda she'll get upset and there is no way I would ever want to see a pout on those beautiful lips."

The redhead leaned her head against her hand against and sighed, sulking slightly as she pushed her food around. Her expression caught Shawn's gaze and he couldn't hide his longing look. "Actually, it looks pretty good."

"Where d'you see that?" Cory asked, confused.

He received no answer from the dark-haired boy until he waved his hand in front of his face. "Hello, earth to Shawn!"

He snapped out of his daze. "But what if I reject Stacy and she flips out and gets a sex change operation and comes back as a really angry man who's seeking her revenge?"

"Idiot," Juliet mumbled as she moved the food from one corner to the other.

"Hey, I've seen it happen," he tried to defend himself.

"Shawn just choose!" Cory exclaimed.

"I can't!"

"Yes, you can. You did it at lunch."

"When?"

"When you picked meatloaf over chicken." Cory pointed to his lunch tray. "How did you do that?"

"Well, I couldn't decide and then I saw that you were getting chicken so I figured that if I changed my mind, I could have some of yours." He paused before he gasped.

Juliet stabbed her fork into her mac-and-cheese. "Here it comes," she grumbled.

"How do you know if you're having an idea?"

"With you? Smoke," the redhead stated flatly.

"Smoke?"

"Well, normally I'd say the lights turning on but you'd have to figure out how to make fire first."

🌎🌎🌎

"You are a sick and twisted individual," Cory told Shawn.

"To you. To me, I'm a visionary."

"And to me, you're a pig," Juliet added with a disgusted look on her face.

"A pig with girls," Shawn corrected her. "It's bulletproof," he said confidently as he opened his locker. "I start dating one of the girls while you go out with the other one. That way she's off the market until I'm ready to date her."

"Like I said: pig," the redhead repeated.

"What, you want me to keep her fresh until you're ready for her? What am I, Tupperware?"

"What else do you have to do?" Shawn asked him.

Cory pulled out his school calendar and flipped through it. "What do I have to do? I'll have you know my calendar is chock-full."

"Of what?" Shawn gave him a disbelieving look.

"Well look right here. I mean, I got 'Lincoln's birthday' and after that I got 'Lincoln's birthday, traditional' and then there's, uh, 'vernal equinox' and 'Cinco de Mayo' and 'reorder calendar pages.' See, I'm so busy I can't even talk to you now."

"So you're gonna do this for me?"

"Oh, obviously!"

"You're a life saver. Thanks, Cor."

"Yeah, yeah. So, Shawn, just choose— which one am I babysitting? Meatloaf or Chicken?"

"Uh, I haven't thought about that."

"Okay, try this. Whichever one comes up to you first, you'll go out with her because that means she likes you better than the other one," Cory suggested.

"Hi, Shawn," Linda greeted him.

"Linda," Shawn answered.

"Linda, congratulations," Cory said, causing Shawn to pull the boy behind him.

"For what?" she asked.

"For looking very. . . Lindacious today. Isn't that enough?" Shawn covered quickly.

"Not for me. Call me."

"What was that all about?" Cory demanded as she walked away. "I thought she was the one!"

"I don't know. I panicked, I can't decide."

"Well, don't go out with either of them," Juliet suggested.

"I want Stacy," he answered immediately.

"There you go," Cory nodded. "I'll take Linda."

"No, I want Linda."

"Fine, then I'll take Stacy."

"No," Shawn repeated and Juliet threw her hands up in the air with exasperation.

"You're being a greedy pig, Shawn."

"No I'm not."

"Fine, I'll go out with Debbie," Cory said.

"I want Debbie."

"There is no Debbie," the redhead grumbled.

"Somewhere there's a Debbie," Shawn complained.

🌎🌎🌎

"Young and inexperienced, he finds himself caught on the horns of an agonizing dilemma and so young President Kennedy, charged with keeping the peace, fears that his inexperience may bring about the destruction of the entire world," Mr. Feeny continued their lesson.

"Oh, give him a break!" Cory exclaimed. "This was his first big crisis. It wasn't his fault he liked the girl!"

Juliet buried her head in her arms and gave a very, very long sigh.

"Mr. Matthews?"

"Yes?"

"Put your head down, it's nap time."

🌎🌎🌎

Juliet sat in a booth by herself as Shawn and Cory took part in their stupid double-date scheme. It only got interesting when Linda and Stacy both stormed out.

"Cory, that was not part of the plan," Shawn said with a sigh as he slumped down in their booth.

"Well, maybe I don't fit into your safe little plan. Maybe that first day you came up to me in the hallway and said 'Cory, babysit Linda for me until I break up with Stacy' I should have just said no, but I was stupid. I'll tell you something pal, I'm never gonna be that stupid again," Cory ranted.

"Yes, you are," Juliet said simply as she slid into the booth next to the curly-haired boy.

Cory gave her a slightly offended look before he caught Shawn's expression. "Both of them, right? I turn around and they're both gonna be there. Yes, they are."

"Told you," Juliet said smugly.

"Linda, Stacy, we thought you left," Shawn said stiffly.

"Boy, we really thought you left," Cory added.

"I forgot my purse. Wasn't that lucky?" Stacy asked with a glare.

"I'll say," the redhead agreed.

Stacy grabbed her purse and started to beat Cory with it angrily.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, pointing to Shawn. "What about him?"

Linda and Stacy glared at the boys before they left. Shawn and Cory slumped down in the booth while Juliet flipped her hair over her shoulder. "This is what you get for being pigs."

"So, here we are. Just the two of us. A couple of dangerous guys," Shawn sighed.

"Me too?" Cory asked.

"You? You're very dangerous. You're so dangerous I'm never gonna trust you with a girl again."

"So what you're saying is that I lose my first girlfriend but my best friend finally begins to respect me?" Cory held out a hand out to Shawn. "I'll take it." 

[edited may 2022]