Charlotte's Point Of View ~

I'm suffocating . . 

I can't breathe. 

A tear drop falls from my cheek, onto a photo that I hold in my shaking hands. It's a picture of Michael. A vision of true love when a simple glance at someone makes you feel so many emotions all at once. When I saw him leave . . I can't describe it. It's like you actually feel your heart break. Like you can actually feel yourself disappear. Hmm, what does it feel like, I wonder. To be happy and to really mean it. I wouldn't know. I don't know that feeling anymore. I forgot what it's like. I brush my finger upon Michael's face, looking at his smile. It's something that got me hooked as soon as I first saw it. It just captured me so quickly. 

I fell in love with him so fast. I still love him. 

How is that even possible after all this heartbreak he has caused me? 

God. I need him. It's so simple. I guess it's something no one can really explain. 

Where would he be? I'm trying to breathe but I'm fighting for air. I'm at this all time low with nowhere to go. I dart my green eyes over at my bedroom mirror, looking at my reflection. I don't know who this girl is anymore. I was truly at my happiest before all of this, I was my normal self but now it feels like I don't know who I even am anymore, I don't recognise this girl. Now I am sad, angry . . confused. 

I got way too many feels, way too much emotion. 

It's one in the afternoon on this simple Sunday. Yes, the sun is out and shining but to me, it's nothing special. The day still seems so dark and just . . meaningless. I wipe my tears away, my puffy and red eyes are tired, they want to close. They want to sleep finally. I haven't slept for a few nights now, not to mention last night. I needed to get some fresh air. To get as close as I possibly could to Michael. So, I climbed out of my bedroom window, having the whole world all to myself it felt like. The view of millions and millions of stars before me. A blanket of stars but only that one star stood out for me. I can't stop thinking about it. It was just so beautiful. Feeling so lost and so alone since Michael left. But when I looked up at the sky and saw that star . . I just felt some kind of peace and comfort. I was calm. 

. . that everything was going to be okay. 

I know he's somewhere out there, somewhere far away possibly. But that star made it seem like it was Michael, as if he was right there with me. So I wished to hold that beautiful, bright star so close to me but I know that won't happen . . so all I can do is reach my arm out towards that star . . trying to get to him. Wishing I could touch him, have his arms around me. Just for him to tell me that he's with me . . that he's here and I am going to be okay. I am such a fool for even thinking that way. Looking at the stars at night, was such a special thing. The stars just lit up the sky. It's an amazing sight. It's silent as everyone else is sleeping. The feeling of the air blowing gently around me as my mind is thinking about him. I let out a deep sigh, my eyes finally wanting to sleep. I lie down on my bed, getting under the blankets. I close my eyes and let my body get some much needed sleep. 

__________________

I look around. Where I am? . . 

I'm standing on a stage but no one else seems to be around. I stand to face the audience . . but there is no audience. All of the chairs are empty. I look out at the chairs . . they are this beautiful crimson colour. The lights are on, lighting up this theatre into a gorgeous site. I look down at my feet, the stage looks glossy and it's a light brown in colour. I feel like I have seen this stage before, it looks so familiar to me . . but why? Where have I seen it before? 

Why am I here? What does all of this mean? . . 

Still no one is to be seen. The lights still shining down on the stage, on me. But I can hear something . . I can hear someone. I know that voice. I look to the right of me. 

Oh my god . . 

It's Michael. 

He's not talking to me, he's singing to me. He's wearing all black. Black pants, black boots, black shirt. It's a thin black shirt that is undone, revealing his gorgeous pale skin. His hair is short. I feel my eyes fill up with tears as soon as he appeared before me. Michael is standing inches from me but he feels so far away from me still. Why? His voice . . it's an intoxicating sound. But I can't hear him properly. I can't really hear Michael but I know exactly what he's singing to me. He reaches out his hand for mine, I reach my hand out to take a hold of his. But I can't reach him. I'm trying so hard to reach for his hand but I can't touch him. It's like he's moving away from me . . and I'm standing still. He is moving away from me with each second that passes . . he gets further and further away from me. 

"Michael no, please don't go . . " I say to myself. My face shows nothing but devastation. 

I'm still reaching out to him. But I just can't get to him . . 

I sit up from my bed suddenly. My breathing is quite heavy, my chest rising and falling fast. I look around my room in a desperate attempt to find Michael. But I can't find him, he's not here. 

It was all just a dream. It was just my mind playing tricks on me. I am thinking about him so much that I imagined him. Tears fall down from my eyes once again. What did it mean? 

I just don't understand. 

to be continued.