Charlotte's Point Of View ~ 

I feel a gentle twitch of my fingers as I open my eyes slowly. My head is placed on one pillow while my arm is laying across another one. My blanket around me, making me feel so warm . . feeling like it's my own little cocoon. I sit up and rub my eyes, moving aside the curtain to look outside. 

Wow. It's such a beautiful day. 

The look of the sun shining, feeling it's warmth already. The distant sound of birds singing among themselves as well as neighbours all around me mowing their lawns as they prepare for the rain. I slept so well last night. It's been months now since I had a full nights sleep. I let out a soft sigh as I listen, waking up in silence within the house is my favourite thing. I hop out of bed, picking up my black scrunchy so I can put my hair up. I make my way to the kitchen. I stop suddenly, turning around to look at my bed. I remember. 

Michael was here but now he's gone . . 

He left again. He had to leave. 

I remember the things he was saying to me. He kept saying that he was here, that I am not alone . . he even knew that I was looking for that star. That I was sad when I couldn't find it. But he knew the star would be in the sky once night came again and that I would find it. 

How did he know that? 

I was left so speechless when I saw him. I couldn't believe it. He was right before me. I was just so shocked. But he had to leave, he knew that. Michael said it himself, he told me that. And knowing that . . why come at all? Why come to then have to leave again? Why not just leave me be? Ugh, it continues to make me feel alone and confused . . again. I keep thinking back to all those things that Michael was saying. Why did he keep repeating that he was here? 

How did he even know about that star? . . 

I don't know. I don't understand. I still have questions that have yet to be answered. 

I hear my phone ring as it sits on my bedside table, startling me from the sudden noise it makes. I walk over to it. It's Jasmine. 

"Hey Jas . . " I say. 

"Hey Charlotte. Hope I didn't wake you . . " 

She says. I can feel her guilt already. I shake my head. 

"No no, you didn't wake me up . . " 

I tell her, my voice is soft. She asks me when I'll be arriving at the holiday house to join her and mum. I close my eyes as I place my hand on my head. I completely forgot about that. Fuck. I have been so focused on Michael. I look around my room quickly, trying to find my overnight bag. I place my phone on speaker. The sound of rummaging around confuses Jasmine as I hear her voice on the other end of the phone. 

"Charlotte, what's happening over there? . . " 

"Oh just packing a few things . . " 

I tell her as I'm throwing random clothes into my overnight bag. My voice is raised this time so I know she can hear me. I tell her I'll be there around late afternoon. She is just about to hang up the phone but throws in . . 

"How you feeling today, Charlotte? . . " 

What do I say to her? How do I even answer? 

I know she is my sister, she worries about me. She cares about me, I know she does. And after last night . . how do I respond to that? Do I just tell her the absolute truth? That I feel so lost, so confused . . I am so fucking confused. 

Why do I do this? 

Now I'm feel anger, anger with myself. I should have never let him in. I shouldn't have done that. I just wanted to be in his arms again . . so fucking badly. Ugh, what was I thinking? 

"Yeah I'm okay. I'm all good . . " 

I tell Jasmine. Trying so hard to make it sound like I mean it when I know I don't. 

" . . okay . . I'll see you when you get here. Drive safe . . " 

She isn't convinced. I'm not convinced. I know I'm strong . . fuck, I know I'm stronger than this. I still feel the same. Why am I so weak still? But this is just so much bigger than what I thought it was going to be. So much more. You watch what is happening before you, watching someone leave you and you know that you can't do anything to change it. So you mentally prepare yourself. I feel like I did that . . so I don't know why I'm still feeling this way. I don't understand. I feel as though I don't understand so much of this. I don't even understand myself anymore. 

I have never been like this before, I have never been so sad before. 

And not knowing what to do next . . who to talk to . . will I ever get out of this? I can't see the other side. That's the scariest thing for me. Is not being able to see that light. Even after so much time has now passed. My hands brush over my face, my hair. I need to keep going. I gotta keep going. I take a deep breath. 

"Okay . . " I whisper softly to myself. 

I'm not going to cry. No, I'm not. 

Wanting to cry because of fear, frustration . . both. Fuck, I need to stop this. I take my clothes off, hoping in. I turn the shower on. The warm water feels amazing on my body, on my face as it makes me feel like I'm actually alive. I wet my hair now. My hands running over it as it dampens. I'm in my thoughts still, in a complete daze. I bring my now soaked hair over my shoulder to rest it on my chest, ringing it out. 

____________________________

I take my keys out of the ignition. It feels as though it has been since I was a little girl that I was last here. Jasmine comes running out of the house. Her arms out stretched. 

"Charlotte! . . " She says. 

Her arms around me now. I hug her back. 

"Hey Jas . . " I say to her. 

She takes my overnight bag from my hand. Putting it on her shoulder. 

"Come in, mum and I are making dinner . . " She tells me. 

I look around me. It's still light outside, but barely. The last of it will be gone in a matter of minutes. It makes me think back once again to something . . something that Michael said to me. He said I will see it again. He said it'll be there tomorrow night. Because I couldn't find it last night. It wasn't there. And I couldn't understand why I couldn't find it. 

It was always there. 

"You know I'm just gonna go over to the beach . . " 

"I'll come in once I get back, promise . . " 

I say to her. She's cautious but agrees. I feel her eyes on me as I walk away from her. She shouldn't worry as much. The beach is only across the road and I just want to see if I can find it . . once it gets dark, then maybe I may understand. I make my way to the beach. The sound of the waves and the feeling of the sand feels so good. 

It's nightfall. 

I'm sitting down on the sand. 

I take a deep breath before I look up at the night sky. I look to the left of me, to the right of me . . nothing. I look up, but this time I look straight ahead of me. It's the star . . I can see it. 

It's still so bright and big. 

I begin to think . . think back. Michael kept saying to me I'm not alone. He is here with me. The dream . . the stage, the empty chairs . . Michael suddenly being there, that's where he first said it. And since then, he would always said it to me. More than once. He did that because it's like he wanted to make sure that he was heard. He wanted to make sure that I know that he is in fact here because he knew that I would, in time understand. And he was right. Michael knew he had to leave, I know he didn't have a choice. He saw my struggles, my pain, my grief. And he needed to make sure that he was there for me. He needed to make sure that I was going to be okay. He wanted me to survive . . he wanted me to live. And for that, I will never let him go. 

He is high above and without a doubt uniting with that single star each night to ensure that he won't be hidden. I understand now. I understand everything. 

Michael is invisible now. But I know where to find him. 

Especially in those times when my heart is aching . . 

I need to look up. And I need to find that single big, bright star . . 

 . . and I need to smile. 

fin.