━ NEUROSIS ━
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR.

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VIOLET PURSED HER LIPS, nodding her head distantly at the sound of the group exchanging hushed discussions. She knew that they were talking about her. How she had volunteered to join Taissa.

It was clear that most didn't agree with Taissa's plan to find help, and the fact that she had managed to sway someone else to join her only amplified their disagreement more.

But Violet didn't care to listen to what people were saying, simply just looking around at everyone with a blank stare. They couldn't change her mind.

"Seriously, Violet?" Van huffed. "You too?"

"Yeah." Violet shrugged. "Me too."

She briefly caught Taissa's eye and the Turner girl sent her an appreciative nod, thankful that someone else had backed her up.

"Violet," Jackie started, pulling the Crawford girl away form the rest of the group. "You're not actually thinking about going, right?"

"Yeah, I'm actually thinking about it." Violet said. "Well, not thinking. I'm going."

Jackie scoffed, gripping the bridge of her nose. "You can't be fucking serious."

"Weren't you literally on board with this whole plan two minutes ago?" Violet raised a brow.

"Well— Yeah, but," Jackie paused, folding her arms over her chest defensively. "Now I'm not."

"Too late Taylor." Violet grinned, poking her shoulder. "Can't retract it now."

"I'm not joking around." Jackie said sternly. "What if something happens? What if something happens to you? You can't... You can't just leave."

Violet shook her head. "I can't just stay here, either."

"You can actually." Jackie rebutted. "Violet, please. I don't... I don't want you to go."

"I'm sorry Jackie," Violet began. "But that's not a good enough reason for me to stay."

Violet swallowed thickly at the sight of Jackie visibly deflating at her words. She knew it was harsh, that it would cut the Taylor girl deeply, especially after they've drawn close again. But it was the truth.

"Okay... that's uh, yeah..." Jackie ignored the lump in her throat, looking at anything but Violet. "Well there has to be something. Something that will make you stay."

"There's not." Violet said. "Jackie I... I can't die out here. I won't. I won't do it."

"And you think for a second that you're better off out there?" Jackie scoffed, pointing towards the forest.

"Maybe not." Violet shrugged. "But I can't just sit here and wait to be recused any longer. It's gonna drive me insane, Jackie. I know it will."

Lottie had kept her eyes on Violet the whole time, from the moment she agreed to go, to the moment Jackie snatched her away.

She watched with a stiff jaw as the two girls bickered back and forth from afar, her eyes narrowing at the sight of how close Jackie was to her, the distance only decreasing the more passionate Jackie became about her points.

It was clear that whatever Jackie was saying hadn't come close to changing Violet's mind, and although that filled Lottie with a certain sense of smugness, it wasn't enough to extinguish her annoyance.

Because in Lottie's eyes, Jackie didn't have the right to beg Violet to stay.

It was supposed to be her stood with Violet. Her who talked her down. Her who changed her mind.

Nobody else.

Jackie didn't deserve that privilege. Let alone any of Violet's time. She didn't deserve it years ago and she certainly didn't now.

Not after Lottie had been there, been the one to pick her up, to stand by her unconditionally unlike Jackie Taylor.

Violet didn't belong to her anymore. She belonged to Lottie.

Whether Violet could see that yet or not, it didn't matter. Because Lottie knew it.

The more Lottie looked at the pair, the more her irritation grew. She couldn't stand it any longer. For her, it was the final nail in the coffin.

And before she even had time to think about it, the Matthews girl found herself getting up from the ground and storming over to the two girls.

Without saying a word, Lottie grabbed Violet's wrist and dragged her towards the cabin, not holding a single regard for the conversation she interrupted.

"Jesus!" Violet exclaimed, almost stumbling as she tried to keep up with Lottie's pace.

"What the hell, Lottie?" Jackie's face scrunched and she turned to follow instantly. "We were in the middle of a—"

"Let them go." Van picked up a light jog and made her way over to Jackie, standing in front of her.

"Uh, no?" Jackie said plainly. She tried to move around Van, but the redhead blocked her path once more. "What's your problem?"

"You want Violet to stay right?" Van asked. "Then let Lottie talk to her. Because it's her who has the best shot at making that happen."

Jackie remained silent at Van's words, her eyes narrowing slightly as she looked up at the girl. After a few moments she seemed to give in, even if it was reluctant.

"Fine." Jackie huffed, walking away. "Whatever."

Inside the cabin, Lottie's tight clasp around Violet's wrist remained. She continued to pull Violet along with her, ignoring any words of confusion and retaliation that left the girls mouth.

Lottie came to a brief stop as she reached the bedroom door, opening it up and pulling Violet inside before closing the door behind her, as well as standing in front of it.

"Um, hello?" Violet shook out her hand. "It's rude to interrupt a conversation."

"I don't care." Lottie shrugged, folding her arms across her chest.

Violet raised a brow. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't care." Lottie repeated.

"Wow." Violet chuckled wryly. "Feeling feisty today, aren't we?"

Lottie ignored Violet's comment. "You're not going."

"I am, actually." Violet stated.

"No, you're not." Lottie shot back. "You're not going."

"I am."

"You're not."

"This is unbelievable." Violet gripped her forehead, letting out a scoff. "You avoid me for six fucking days straight, and when you finally decide to talk to me again, it's actually to order me around?"

Lottie's brows stitched together at Violet's words, her previous confidence slipping. "I haven't been avoiding you."

"Oh really?" Violet replied. "So I've been imagining the silence then? Imagining you only spending your time with Laura Lee? Letting her follow you around like a dog?"

"You're being so hypocritical right now." Lottie blinked, completely perplexed by her words. "You've done the exact same thing with Jackie."

Violet shook her head, her stubbornness taking over. "Why is she such a problem for you?"

"Why is Laura Lee such a problem for you?" Lottie shot back.

"Because I— I'm supposed to be the person you go to for comfort!" Violet blurted. "Me! Not her!"

Lottie frowned at Violet's answer. "You still are Violet..."

"Except I'm not!" Violet continued. "I mean shit, I had to find out from Van that you've started to see things again? You've told Laura Lee everything, and I know you have. You didn't come to me. You went to her. With all your secret, fucking, bullshit, meetings!"

Lottie shook her head at Violet's words. She briefly let her eyes scan around the room as she took a deep breath, before turning her attention back to Violet.

"Do you think I've enjoyed the last six days?" The Matthews girl asked lowly.

"Honestly?" Violet pushed her tongue against her cheek as she thought. "It doesn't even seem like you cared."

"Do you think.... that I've enjoyed not talking to you?" Lottie continued her point. "That I've enjoyed watching Jackie sink her fucking claws into you? That I've enjoyed watching you also turn to others for comfort? Because I haven't. I've hated the way things have been recently."

Violet rolled her eyes. "So why didn't you just talk to me?"

Lottie's volume decreased, her next words leaving her mouth weakly. "Why didn't you?"

"Because I don't understand what you want!" Violet told her. "You fake being asleep, you don't talk to me, when you do you hold back, and then you turn to avoiding me again. How am I supposed to work with that?"

"And how am I supposed to work with what you gave me?" Lottie challenged. "You think I'd want to talk about it? After you literally described what happened, what almost happened between us, as weird?"

"I only said that, because that's clearly how you felt!" Violet shouted.

Lottie's nostrils flared at the assumption. "You have no idea how I felt about that night!"

"Oh, please." Violet scoffed.

"You don't!" Lottie held her point.

"You didn't stay Lottie!"

"And you didn't close the door!"

Violet let out a breath, her face twitching in confusion at her words. They both stared at each other with unwavering eyes, light pants leaving their mouths as they came down from the adrenaline of shouting at one another.

"What?" Violet blinked. "What do you mean?"

"After Van left that night... I thought you were going to close the door. So we could... and I— God, I wanted you to so badly."

Lottie explained, her nose scrunching in embarrassment at her own confession. Yet she quickly brushed it off. Because she couldn't let this slip away from her again. Not when she had Violet right in front of her.

So she continued,

"But... you just stood there, completely fucking silent. You were like a deer in headlights, glancing back and forth between me and the others in the next room, and... I thought that you regretted it. So yeah, I did leave after that. And yeah, I panicked. Because I couldn't fucking stand the thought of you seeing me as some sort of mistake."

Violet quickly shook her head, taking a few steps forwards as she said, "I never thought—"

"I still can't stand it." Lottie didn't seem to take notice of the fact that she had interrupted Violet.

She couldn't even if she wanted to. It was as if everything had started to come out. Every thought, everything she wanted to say, everything she should've said. Her mouth was on autopilot.

"I still can't stand the thought of you thinking of me like that." Lottie's voice was shaky. "God! I've been driving myself crazy for six days thinking of something I could do to make you see things differently. I thought maybe it was... what's wrong with me. So I— I've been trying to make it stop! I've tried everything! So I could be normal! So I could be perfect for you!"

"You already are, Lottie!" Violet shouted.

"But I'm not!" Lottie's volume matched hers, her voice cracking. "It doesn't take a genius to see that Violet! Everyone else does! The way they look at me, the comments they make! They think I'm fucking crazy! And maybe— maybe... they're right."

Violet's heart practically broke at Lottie's words, her face instantly softening as she stared at the girl in front of her. She hated that she thought of herself that way. That she truly believed she had to change herself in order for Violet to see her, truly see her.

Because that was never the case. And it never would be.

"No." Violet shook her head in disagreement. "No. I'm not letting you do that."

"Do what, Violet?" Lottie asked.

"Let other people's opinions, which are completely false by the way, get into your head!" Violet exclaimed.

"You don't know that they're false." Lottie mumbled.

"I do, actually." Violet stated firmly. "Because unlike me, they don't get the privilege of seeing you the way I do. I see you Lottie. They don't."

"Oh, yeah?" Lottie sniffled, still not buying Violet's words. "And what exactly do you see?"

"Everything." Violet said softly. "I see everything."

Lottie's attention was fully grabbed at that, her head instantly picking up as the words echoed throughout her ears. She looked ahead, watching with parted lips as Violet walked closer.

Violet never took her eyes away from Lottie. She wouldn't dare to. She needed her to know how honest her words were. She needed her to know how she felt. How she really felt.

"I think you're perfect, Lottie. I always have." Violet admitted. "I think you're beautiful, smart, irritating at times, but in the best way. And I— I can't stand here for another second having you think that I don't see you like that! You're like... the smartest, most self aware, supportive, talented, person I've ever met. You're just... you're fucking perfect Lottie."

Unbeknownst to Violet, as she ranted, Lottie found herself drawing closer. And with every second that passed, the space between them started to become non-existent.

"Don't listen to your brain, okay?" Violet carried on. "If you think for even a second, that you're crazy, just come to me. I'll tell you that you're not. I'll make it go away. Because I'm not going anywhere Lot. I'm always going to—"

Violet never got to finish her sentence.

Because just as quickly as it was cut off, Lottie rushed forwards and closed what little distance remained between the two, gripping Violet's face and slamming her lips against hers.

At first, Violet was taken back by the sudden action. But she quickly regained her composure and wasted no time in reciprocating.

Violet found herself matching Lottie's enthusiasm. Although it would've been hard not to. They had finally broken down the relentless wall that kept them apart. They had finally stepped over the line.

Violet's hands found Lottie's waist, like it was second nature, and she pulled her closer. Lottie sighed into her mouth at the touch, gripping the sides of Violet's face tighter.

Desperation was riddled behind every movement. The same heavy breaths of relief left their nostrils. Months worth of pent up energy had now finally found its salvation.

And neither could bring themselves to let go of this moment just yet.

Because they had finally got what they both wanted. What they needed. What they had been craving.

Lottie suddenly pulled away, her next words being let out between pants. "Stay. Please. Stay with me."

Violet nodded, taking a moment to catch her breath. "Sure, okay."

"Wait," Lottie blinked, surprised by Violet's words. "Really?"

"Yeah." Violet simply said. "I've suddenly forgotten why I wanted to go in the first place."

Lottie raised a brow. "So all you needed to be convinced, was a kiss?"

"Looks like it." Violet grinned. "But you should probably keep doing it. Y'know, so I keep forgetting about going."

"Oh really?" Lottie chuckled. "You think so?"

"Really." Violet nodded. "It's for the greater good."

"Well, I guess I'll have to." Lottie muttered, moving away the stray hairs that had fallen down from Violet's head. "If it's for the greater good and all."

"It is." Violet said. "The greater good being me. I'm the greater good."

Lottie's smile grew. "I think I got that."

And once more, the pair allowed their lips to retouch. The same fire that fuelled their previous movements still lingering as though it had never been interrupted.

Nothing could've possibly meant more to them, than this moment. Nothing.

Violet had once made a joke about how Lottie Matthews was a drug, how she needed a fix of her to feel whole.

And she never would've thought it, but that joke had now turned into reality.

Because now that Violet had taken a hit, now that she had unlocked a way to feed her cravings, the way she had wanted to all along, she knew she was in trouble. She knew, that she was already addicted.

She knew that Lottie Matthews would be the high she never wanted to come down from.

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[ AUTHORS NOTE! ]

you're so very welcome ;)

also the way i sat with my damn laptop on my knee for hours trying to retype up this chapter asap cause stupid wattpad deleted it.

[not proofread!]