━ NEUROSIS ━
CHAPTER THREE.

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VIOLET LET OUT a bored sigh as she stood in front of her mirror, adjusting the angle of her body occasionally while she took in the mini dress she had chosen to wear tonight.

She wasn't the type of person to turn down going to a party. The type of person to turn down a chance to divulge in a night filled with drinking, socialising and other things. Out of the whole team, Violet had always been branded as the life of the party. She was renowned for it.

But she'd be lying if she said she didn't think about staying home instead.

It felt strange to her, shameful almost, to go to a party in the middle of the fucking woods celebrating the Yellowjacket's win, when only a few hours prior the incident with Allie went down.

It was safe to say Violet was still pissed off about today. Allie's injury, Taissa's actions, being down a team member before nationals, having that open spot being taken by a useless JV. All of it.

It had completely ruined her mood and turned her off the idea of going out. If it wasn't for the fact she had promised Lottie she'd go, without a doubt Violet would be staying put.

The sound of a car honking outside pulled Violet's attention away from her reflection. She took one final glance at herself, quickly fixing her hair before grabbing her bag and making her way downstairs.

Violet walked through the hallway, the silhouette of her mother sat down in the living room catching her eye. She peeked her head around the corner of the door, scanning the room momentarily before stepping further inside and leaning against the doorway.

Emilia, her mother, was sat down on the couch. A book in one hand, a glass of wine in the other.

"I didn't hear you come in." Violet spoke up.

"I've been back a while, Violet." Emilia answered, her eyes still holding focus on the pages of her book.

Violet couldn't help but allow a small scoff to slip past her lips. So much for saying hi to her daughter.

"Where's dad?" She asked.

"Working late" Emilia replied.

Violet pursed her lips. "Again?"

Emilia hummed in response, flipping the page of her book to the next.

"How surprising." Violet mumbled under her breath, she glanced over at the front door before turning her attention back to her mom. "Well, uh, I'm going out now."

Emilia tore her eyes away from her book and looked up at Violet, her fingers tapping against her wine glass. "Don't you have an important game coming up this week? Should you really be out partying?"

Violet couldn't help but look down at the floor. "No, that was today... I've been telling you about it for months, remember?"

"Ah, right. Must've slipped my mind. How did it go?"

The simple question was enough to make Violet perk up instantly. "It actually went really well mom. We won. The scores were tied for a while but in the last few seconds we managed to score. So that means—"

However, when Violet glanced back at her mother, noticing she wasn't even listening and had returned her attention back to her book, she couldn't help but deflate at the sight.

"It means, um—" Violet stuttered, her mother's lack of care making her feeling self conscious. "I'm... going to nationals mom..."

Violet mentally cursed herself for getting too excited at her mothers question about the game. She should've known better by now that she, nor her father, ever actually had any interest in how she spent her days.

It was always questions for the sake of, never for actually wanting to hear the answer. Always. So why she thought this time would be any different, she had no clue.

Violet's relationship with her parents had always been complicated.

90% of Violet's childhood memories, big milestones, small ones, were pretty much in the company of the many nannies the Crawford family had hired to look after her. It's sad, but it's the truth.

It was rare that Violet would spend quality time with her mom, even rarer that her dad would make an appearance. And even when they did, it was always lacking in conversation, in laughter, in joy. I mean shit, she always had so much to talk to them about, to update them on, but just had no idea how to say it without somehow boring them.

She had no idea how to talk to her own parents. How to make them happy. How to make them proud of her.

They did care about her, at least Violet thought they did. I mean all parents care for their kids right? But they never really took the time to show it to her. They were always busy with work, meetings, more work, more meetings.

But no matter how much it hurt, Violet never wanted to complain. Because she knew that if she did, she'd be subjected to a lecture that would completely dismiss her feelings.

Even so she stayed hopeful, like she had for the last seventeen years. Hoping that one day, her parents would finally see her, that she would finally feel the unconditional love a child is supposed to feel from their parents.

Violet cleared her throat, ignoring the tightening feeling in her chest. "I should probably go. Lottie's waiting."

And with that, Violet was quick to leave the house, wanting nothing more than to escape the sinking feeling that consumed her body.

The sound of muffled music filled her ears and she looked down her driveway, a smile tugging the corner of her lips at the sight of Lottie bobbing along to the song that was playing in her car.

Violet decided to take her time in walking to the car, relishing in the warm feeling that engulfed her the more she looked at the girl.

"Starting the party without me Matthews?" She joked as she entered the passenger side.

"I figured I had to with how long you were taking in there." Lottie quipped, turning the music down slightly so she could hear better.

"Sorry." Violet tossed her bag onto the back seat, looking out the window. "I was talking to my mom."

Lottie frowned at Violet's lack of eye contact, instantly picking up on the reason why. It was an emotion Lottie knew all too well.

She too had issues with her parents like Violet did. They both came from big houses filled with anything and everything but love. It's part of why they became so close. Because they could relate to each other in a way the others couldn't. They understood each other.

"How did it go?" Lottie asked, her tone nothing but caring.

Violet shrugged, turning her head to look at Lottie. "How it always does."

Lottie sent her a sympathetic smile, reaching her hand over to intertwine with Violet's. She knew there wasn't anything she could say that would make it better, that would erase what Violet was feeling. So she didn't. And Violet was grateful for it, because if they talked about it any longer, Violet knew she wouldn't be able to keep the looming sadness at bay.

So instead, Lottie squeezed her hand, rubbing her thumb back and forth against her skin softly. Violet looked down at their hands with a smile before glancing back up at Lottie.

The pair stayed like that, seeming to be taking each other in, each appreciating the sight of the girl in front of them. In truth, this moment only lasted briefly. But if you asked Violet she'd say it felt like longer. And she would be lying if she said she didn't feel her heart thump a little faster at being under Lottie's gaze.

Violet's eyes travelled down, moving away from Lottie's face to her clothes. And now it was Lottie's turn in feeling her heart quicken. Especially when she caught Violet's gaze lingering at her skirt.

"Hm." Violet hummed, a slight grin appearing.

Lottie swallowed, finding herself not able to look away from the girl in front of her. "What is it?"

"Your skirt." She said.

"Oh, uh, What about it?" Lottie asked, biting the inside of her cheek in anticipation.

"I've seen it before." Violet looked up at Lottie with a faux look of confusion before chuckling. "Oh yeah, I remember now. In my closet."

Lottie let out a breath that she was unaware she was holding, her brows scrunching slightly, feeling a little disappointed at what Violet said. She thought that— Well, it doesn't matter what she thought. Violet didn't say it anyway. It was stupid of her to think that.

"No actually, I'm pretty sure it's mine." Lottie deflected, smiling to herself at the sight of Violet's facial expression. "I've had it for about six months now."

"How strange." Violet scratched her chin, pretending to think. "Because that happens to be the same amount of time my skirt has been missing for."

"You're right, that is really strange." Lottie nodded along. "I mean even though you've never mentioned missing your skirt, if you wanted mine, I could always let you have it. Y'know because I'm so generous and all."

Violet laughed, shaking her head. "You're right, that is very generous of you. But I'll have to turn down the offer."

"So you don't miss it that much then." Lottie replied with a triumphant look.

"No, I do." Violet simply shrugged. "I just think it looks better on you."

And just like that, Lottie's heart started beating faster once more. Violet sent her a smile before turning to put her seatbelt on, completely unaware of what was truly behind Lottie's gaze that was still set upon her.

"Lottie? Helloooo?"

Lottie blinked, snapping out of her thoughts. She cleared her throat before talking. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you were ready to go." Violet repeated, her head tilting to the side slightly in concern. "Is everything okay Lot?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." Lottie smiled reassuringly, gently removing her hand from Violet's and gripping hold of the wheel. "I'm ready to go if you are."

"I'm ready." Violet nodded in response, letting out an exasperated sigh. "I'm suddenly in the mood to drink now."

⋆༺♱༻⋆

VIOLET LEANT against the side of Lottie's car, using her hand to shield her cigarette from the wind as she lit it. She allowed her eyes to sweep the area, taking note of the scene that played out in front of her.

There were people everywhere. Some in small groups, some in larger groups, some simply enjoying the atmosphere on their own. It was safe to say that it was probably a good idea the party was held in the woods. Because if it were in a more local area, it definitely would've been shut down.

Multiple cars were pulled up, the occasional truck with spare kegs in the back ready to be unloaded. There were already some people passed out cold on the floor. One guy still somehow managed to have a death grip on his beer as he lay on his back, Violet couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

The more Violet looked around, the more she started to feel more secure in her choice of attending. The sight of people dancing to the music booming from someone's speakers, people sat around a small makeshift campfire smoking, people talking, laughing, even some fighting. It allowed Violet to start loosening up more.

Violet scanned through the crowd, picking out a few familiar faces.

Taissa was stood talking to Van and Laura Lee, though she didn't pay them much mind as she was still holding a grudge against Taissa. Natalie was by the campfire with a few of her friends Violet didn't know the names of. They already seemed pretty occupied with something, all giggling and whispering between one another, so Violet figured she'd go say hi later on instead.

Shauna was stood at the back of Jeff's truck with a cup in her hand, seeming unentertained by whatever conversation was around her. And as soon as Violet's gaze landed on Jackie, she completely understood why.

Jackie was only a few feet away from Shauna, too busy talking and laughing with Jeff to notice Shauna wasn't enjoying herself. Violet rolled her eyes at the sight of the two of them. Her face contorting as she watched Jeff pull her into his arms.

The light of a cigarette in the distance caught Jackie's eye, but before she even looked over Jackie's mind instantly gave her an idea as to who it was. And she was right, it was Violet.

When Jackie noticed that she was already being watched by the girl, she automatically straightened her posture, subconsciously moving a little out of Jeff's arms.

However, when Violet looked away, seemingly uninterested by the sight of her, Jackie couldn't help the twinge of annoyance that pricked her body.

It wasn't long before Lottie had rejoined Violet's side after getting out the car, waiting for her to finish taking a drag of her cigarette before deciding to take it for herself.

"You do know I have a whole pack in my bag right?" Violet chuckled. "I would've given you one."

Lottie shrugged, blowing out the smoke from the corner of her lips before speaking.

"I want this one." She took Violet's hand, starting to pull her along with her as she started walking. "Now come on, I think it's about time we started drinking."

"Yes ma'am." Violet saluted her jokingly.

And with that, Lottie and Violet walked off together to the closest keg they could find, pouring each other a drink. Completely unaware that Jackie was still glancing over at them every so often from over Jeff's shoulder.

⋆༺♱༻⋆

FOR THE NEXT hour or so, Lottie and Violet had claimed their own perch under a tree that was not far from another keg (priorities), only briefly leaving when they had to fill up their drinks.

They did have plans to venture into the crowd eventually, to go and catch up with other people like you would do at a party. But then again, that was suggested at least thirty minutes ago.

Yet there they were, still, each perfectly content in the bubble that they had created for the two of them. And god help whoever tried to weasel their way in. Because they received no attention from the girls whatsoever.

Like this guy for example.

One of the guys from the lacrosse team came stumbling over. Violet had no clue of his name, and by the similar facial expression Lottie held, she had no clue either.

"Hey Violet, I just wanted to—"

"No." Lottie answered bluntly.

Violet nodded in agreement. "What she said."

The guy blinked, seemingly shocked at his sentence being cut off so fast. He paused momentarily, not really knowing what to do, before looking at Lottie instead.

"Hey Lottie, I was wondering—"

Now it was Violet's turn to answer for the two.

"No".

Lottie looked away from the guy, trying not to laugh. She composed herself after a few seconds and glanced back at him. "What she said."

The poor soul let out a defeated sigh before walking away, so drunk he was barely able to walk straight.

Lottie and Violet shared a look before breaking out into a fit of laughter, it only growing when they noticed him finding another group of girls and pulling the same stunt.

"Jesus christ." Violet shook her head, chuckling. "Poor guy really wants some, huh?"

"I don't know whether to be offended at the fact I was a backup choice, or thankful." Lottie joked, taking another swig of her drink.

"Thankful. Definitely thankful." Violet replied with her cigarette sticking out the corner of her mouth, her words slightly muffled. "I have no clue who that guy is, but drunk or not, if he's not looking at you as a first choice then, man... is he blind."

"Oh shut up." Lottie rolled her eyes with a smile.

"What? I'm serious." Violet shrugged, blowing out another puff of smoke.

"You're only saying that," Lottie pointed her finger at Violet, grinning when she gave her a small push back. "Because I'm your best friend."

"No, actually." Violet challenged, mimicking Lottie's actions. "It's because you Charlotte Matthews are easily a first choice."

"Yeah, absolutely." The girl replied, sarcasm in her tone. "'Cause I have a line of people waiting outside my door telling me the exact same thing."

Violet wasn't sure what it was that coaxed herself into saying the next sentence that left her mouth. Maybe it was the alcohol that gave her a little dutch courage, or the way Lottie was still unconvinced at her words, or simply because she wanted her point to be listened to.

She had no clue.

But all she did know, is that before she could even think it through, her sentence had already been put out in the open.

"You'd be my first choice."

And there was no taking it back now.

Violet felt herself freeze once the words that just left her mouth, resonated with her. She thought to herself that maybe Lottie didn't hear, or that she didn't take much note of it. However, when she noticed Lottie's head pick up and turn to face her from the corner of her eye, feeling the girls gaze practically burning through the side her head, she knew there was no way she didn't.

Shit.

A surge of nerves rushed throughout her body, and suddenly it felt like Violet was completely sober, any confidence she previously had being washed away.

"What?" Lottie asked, her tone soft but curious.

Shit.

Violet put out her cigarette on the trunk of the tree, buying herself some time as she thought of something to say. She finally worked herself up enough to look back at Lottie, who was still yet to take her eyes away from her.

"I just mean that.."

But the moment their eyes met, Violet felt just as small once more. She noted how Lottie became more lucid, how she now had her complete and undivided attention, Violet's sentence seeming to sober her up too.

Lottie found herself shuffling closer, as if that would bring her an answer quicker. "You just mean what, Violet?"

Violet's lips parted slightly, as if she was going to say something. And Lottie couldn't deny the fact that her heart felt like it was about to jump out of her chest.

"Can't be easy Tai, knowing you fucking crippled someone today!" Shauna's voice suddenly became apparent.

Violet looked away and over to where the sound of Shauna's voice came from. Lottie did the same after a few seconds, though not before stealing another glance at Violet with a sigh.

It was clear that Shauna, who was clearly wasted, and Taissa were about to have an argument. Van was there too, but she seemed to be of no help whatsoever.

Violet was quick to stand up, relieved at the commotion that was suddenly caused. She looked down at Lottie, offering her a hand. "We should probably go over there."

However, Lottie felt completely different. Mentally cursing Shauna for deciding to argue with Taissa so close to them.

"Yeah... let's go." Lottie replied with a tight smile, accepting Violet's hand.

⋆༺♱༻⋆

i had to split this chapter in too or else it would've been wayyyy too long, but on the plus side half of it is already written sooo it shouldn't be too long until the next one is out ;)

[currently unedited.]