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Maria had spent that late afternoon packing.
Her mind was all over the place as she went back and forth in placing her folded piles of clothes into her suitcases, out of the wardrobe. Leonardo was on the forefront of her mind. She had made her decision and it was a difficult one.
She thought through all of their happiest moments in her mind; the laughter they had shared, the sweet experiences they had together. But hindering those brighter times was all the mishaps and damage made throughout; their arguments, the tears, the harsh words casted to each other, their trauma. Maria felt disappointed. She frowned as she zipped the final suitcase, letting out a deep and heavy sigh of defeat as she stared aimlessly. She realised that it was no longer possible to think blissfully about her relationship with Leonardo. Not without thinking about something negative.
Even the first day they met was nowhere near perfect. It wasn't specialβMaria and Leonardo found each other at one of the lowest points of their lives. The two of them stood on that freezing rooftop of an abandoned building, contemplating on jumping down. She felt her distress deepen within her. Not even that day was something she could look back on and smile at. The day they started dating? The same evening where Leonardo's birthday surprise went wrong. Maria couldn't fault her decision. Something always went wrong throughout their journey together.
Maria lifted the suitcase and carefully brought it downstairs. She was extra slower on the stairs, taking one step at a time. The last thing she wanted to do was tumble and hurt her ankle. At least that was healing a lot better. She rolled the suitcase up with the rest. It was the final one all lined up near the front door. She stared at them and considered unpacking her clothes and hiding away her suitcases as if nothing had ever happened. Maria tried to tell herself that she was making a drastic, unneccessary mistake. Things would be fine, things were always fine.
But Maria could no longer lie to herself. She had made her decision and was sure to stick to it.
Then the front door opening. Her heart clenched inside as she felt it stop for a second. Her back straightened as she roughly swallowed, her palms, clutching onto her sleeves, becoming clammy. Maria's wide eyes moved upwards as Leonardo walked in, darting all over him. He was holding his blazer in his hand, wearing a dark shirt, the sleeves ever so slightly rolled out, showing his old scratches on the inside of his forearm.
Her eyes continued to move up, across his broad chest and to his hazel eyes that glanced between Maria and the suitcases.
It was like Leonardo already knew what he was walking into. The front door shut behind him and he froze, the automatic lights turning on. His eyes were stuck onto the suitcases and bags for a few seconds, noticing that it was enough for a whole person to move out with. His heart dropped and his mouth grew dry. Leonardo could sense the imminent words that Maria was about to say but his mind fought to deny it earnestly.
"Let's break up."
Maria blurted it out. She couldn't keep in those three words urging to be released from her. She let out a shaky breath, feeling her whole body heat up at the anticipation of Leonardo's reaction. Slightly anxious, she quickly continued to ramble, "Properly this time. I'm travelling with Luna. Then I'll come back to my own place. I'm moving out and...let's break up." Her heart was racing, her body stiffened at her own revelation.
Leonardo couldn't move either. His hand, holding his blazer, lowered, his body suddenly felt weak. It was as though he couldn't process what Maria had said, he was hearing a lot of continous questions in his mind that blocked out her words. But his pulse was on fire, an unsettling and overwhelming feeling of loss hitting him.
Maria was was serious and he could tell. His hazel eyes intently studied her face to see if she was really telling the truth as he awaited an explanation. The more time they spent in silence, the more he was comprehending and accepting what she had just said. She wanted to completely end things with him. A mixture of confusion and anxiety hit him though his face tried to mask it.
Leonardo breathed out slowly, finding the courage to speak. "Break...up?"
Maria could feel her heart hammering inside her chest. "I'm better," she said, feeling the lump rise in heer throat as she struggled to speak with strength. Maria then positively added, "I'm better and there's no reason for me to still be here. I don't have a stalker anymore." Maria let out a sigh of relief. "We're not engaged either." She could feel the shakiness within her. Maria was terrified of her own words, what she was about to do to the two of them. Completely breaking herself off from Leonardo.
It was sudden, it was serious. But Maria knew it had to be done. "Maria," Leonardo softly let out, his eyes rapidly blinking as he began to realise how quickly things were changing just by her sentence. It was three words he struggled to come to terms with. The blood drained from his face. Maria pushed her hair away from her forehead, letting out a small and emotionless laugh. "We're not getting anywhere here. Let's break up. Completely. No more breaks, no more benefits. Let's just stop." She held a small smile on her face that didn't match her sincere eyes.
"Maria," Leonardo sharply said. His pained face looked like he couldn't handle hearing such negative words any longer. His unsteady voice questioned, "is this because of Amalia?"
"No," Maria quickly replied, feeling out of place. She had to let out the answer to her conflicting thoughts all day. It had to get off her chest. "No. It's not and I know it isn't exactly the best timing right now but..." Maria let out another breath, mustering up the strength to say, "but we need to do this."
"Why, Maria?" Leonardo asked ardently, staring at her in complete disbelief. "Why do we have to? Where is this coming from?" He knew. Leonardo knew that she had every reason to call for a break up but he couldn't digest her words well. He needed a drink or to sit down or something. It was unexpected but expected, it was quick and overwhelming, it was something Leonardo never wanted to hear but needed to be done.
"Leonardo," Maria could only let out, sighing. "What is this fake life that we're living?" Maria questioned, shaking her head. He was willing to hear so she continued passionately explaining, "the minute I told you about Sienna everything changed. We don't have any trust between us. That was clear when at Vincenzo's house." The thought of Sienna brought back a painful memory the two wanted to avoid.
Leonardo hated himself for how he treated her the day before. "And I'm sorry for that, Riaβ" He tried, taking a step closer, his wide eyes filled with regret. Leonardo didn't want to break up with Maria. But he knew they needed to. Still, he was going to salvage whatever he could with the love of his life who was ready to walk away from what they had built. But also what was shattering down.
"I know, but forgiving and making up isn't getting us anywhere," Maria responded honestly, completely agreeing with herself as she spoke. He let out a slow breath, an anxious look striking his face. Maria swallowed, her nails digging into her palms as she further went on, "Leo, I know you care about me, like you've been doing these last few months but in reality, we aren't working. We're just trying to salvage whatever is left between us and it's just unfixable."
Her throat tightened as she expressed, "I don't want to have to question my love for you. I don't want to question if you still feel the same way for me all the time. We're not the same as before, Leo. We barely see each other during the day and when we do interact, it isn't natural like before. There's this constant tension between us and it's killing me."
Leonardo hated that he agreed with her. Maria was right; they hadn't been the same. It was hard, seeing her everyday but struggling to interact the same way they did before. A strong wall had been built between the two of them for months, unshakeable and unbreakable. But he still wanted to clutch onto his hammer and hope that one day he could fully smash it down.
"So I'm going away with Luna to clear my head," Maria informed him, hoping that she wouldn't get emotional. "Then when I come back, I won't see you anymore."
The thought of no longer seeing Maria pained him. It was one thing to be on a break but to fully be seperated from her terrified him. She was his life. Leonardo couldn't find the words to speak. He felt like he was losing everything.
Maria lamented, "I wish I could just push it all behind, but I can't. I wish the existence of Elisa's stuff in that storage room didn't bother me. I wish I never kept so much from you." Her voice rose in passion as she finally got off what was building inside her for so long. "I wish I wasn't a little scared when I saw you hit Vince. I-I wish I wasn't so worried about you all the time! I wish you'd told me about my father, that you'd tell me about work, that you wouldn't keep so much inside and try to appear okay in front of me."
"I worry that you'll relapse and I worry that I will too! We rely on each other a lot, Leo," Maria expressed earnestly, "and it's a good and bad thing. Sometimes, I can't handle it when I'm not with you. I don't take care of myself, I lose myself without you."
"You're saying that we need to become our own person," Leonardo acknowledged in a low voice, recognising the truth in her words. He pondered on himself as she spoke, realising how he was when Maria wasn't around. Maria's eyes met his, happy that he was understanding her. "When you were gone..." He slowly revealed, "I couldn't handle it. I...cut a lot..." Maria's heart broke at his revelation. She had seen how much harsher and deeper those crisscrossed lines were on his skin and it tore her apart. She then could feel the tears begin to prick into her eyes.
Blinking rapidly, she sincerely continued, "and I don't want that for you. I don't want you to lose yourself in meβin us, Leo." She gently sighed. She hesitated before adding, her concerned eyes meeting his, "you're falling apart...but sometimes I lose myself in trying to keep you together." Leonardo swallowed and looked down. He hated his mentality. He felt like he couldn't be a man for her, he couldn't protect her, that he had failed her.
"And I know it's the same for you," Maria added, "you also pour your everything into me because we love each otherβbut Leo, we aren't mechanics." Maria's arms wrapped around her torso as she closed her eyes for a second, gently breathing in as she tried not to let the tears build up. Her grief-stricken eyes locked with his again. "I think we need to focus on healing...without each other."
Leonardo swallowed. He ran his hand through his hair before breathing out. "I..." He had an immense amount of guilt inside for him. His head became scrambled. "I always ruin what I have with you, Ria." Maria shook her head, managing to get her tears to dissolve. She took a small step towards him.
"I'm not blaming you, Leonardo," Maria genuinely reassured, "I'm not. It's not either of our faults. We just...we just need to stop and focus on ourselves. Don't you..." She hesitated before licking her lips and asking softly, those grey eyes of hers locked into Leonardo's. "Don't you agree?"
Maria and Leonardo had known each other for the majority of their lives. To suddenly stop seeing each other again felt daunting. Leonardo could barely handle missing a day without seeing Maria. But he thought about it as she spoke. Maria was right, he hated to admit it. He didn't trust her though he wished that he could. Leonardo wished he wasn't so caught up in his feelings, unable to let go of his hurt but he still needed time to process what happened. Maria didn't want to continue to feel guilty all the time, to question Leonardo's thoughts, to worry about anything and everything. She needed to find herself, to heal herself and to learn to love herself. That was a journey only she could take herself to.
Leonardo's mind finally came to a rest at their next moment of silence. He began to walk forwards slowly and Maria tensed up, realising quickly how close he was getting. Then Leonardo's arms wrapped around her and gently pulled Maria's smaller frame around him, engulfing her into a hug. She immediately relaxed in his comforting arms, closing her eyes and allowing her head to rest against his chest. Her small hands held onto the back of his shirt and she deeply inhaled his familiar scent. Leonardo placed his head on top of Maria's, closing his eyes and allowing himself to find peace near her. He had accepted their fate.
"Okay," Leonardo quietly murmured, planting a small kiss on the top of her head. "Let's break up." It was the most difficult thing he had to say to her. Maria's hands tightly held onto the small fistfuls of his shirt as she squeezed her eyes closed. It was done. There was no going back from there.
Maria didn't know how to feel at once. There was a mixture of anxiety, fear, sadness and relief in that she had finally broke herself away to become a better version of herself, but that same severed tie had left her feeling empty and vulnerable. She already missed what she was about to leave.
"But can we..." Leonardo almost didn't say what was on his mind. Maria's hands loosened around him and she slowly moved backwards slightly in order to lift her head and meet his hopeful eyes.
"Can we just spend this night together one last time?" Leonardo asked, his voice low and husky. Maria's lips slowly parted in surprise, her sparkling eyes, shocked as she gazed upwards at him. She never expected him to say that.
"What like...as a couple?" Maria questioned quietly in astonishment. She felt the butterflies rise in her stomach. A final evening with Leonardo? Pretending to be together again? It had been a long time since they'd been romantic with each other.
"Okay," Maria agreed as Leonardo's arms left her. There was then a considerable gap between the two of them. Maria's arms returned to wrap themselves around her torso. Then there was another awkward pause before Leonardo realised that he needed to fill it.
He nervously asked, "...what should we do first?" Maria almost chuckled at his sudden question.
"Shouldn't you be telling me?" Maria teased, trying to find some light in the darkness. If they were going to pretend for one final night, she didn't want things to be unbearable. Maria decided to let herself go and remove any thoughts or terrible memories of the last stop her that night. Her hand then reached and grabbing Leonardo's, making him blink in surprise.
"Come on," Maria smiled, leading him towards the kitchen. "Let's make some red velvet cupcakes. I had a really good red velvet cake earlier."
So they baked. Leonardo and Maria spent over an hour in the kitchen trying to make the best red velvet cupcakes to top what she had in the cafe.
Maria explained passionately, "it's all in the cream, Leo! It tasted like I was dancing on a pile of fluffy clouds. You've got to whisk like your life depends on it!" Leonardo's hands continued to work hard as Maria peeked into the oven through the glass, hoping that the cakes would magically bake faster if she stared hard enough.
It would be a lie to say that Maria and Leonardo worked equally on the cupcakes. Most of the time, it was Maria insisting she could do it but instead leaving a bigger mess for Leonardo to clean up. The usual. She beamed in excitement as it became more apparent that it would be soon before the cakes would be ready. She turned with a blissful smile, only to laugh and see Leonardo struggle to get the cream into the right consistency.
"You're putting so much effort into it," Maria chuckled, dipping her pinky finger in and having a taste. She gave him a satisfied look as he lightly groaned, taking the whisk out and quickly putting it into the sink before it could spill anymore. "This place is a mess," Leonardo grumbled, noticing the wet counters and a sink full of batter sticky dishes.
Maria held an innocent look on her face, one that Leonardo could never stay annoyed at. She looked cute with those wide eyes of hers, he thought. "All in the process!" Maria made an excuse, a sweet tone to her gleeful words.
Leonardo pulled out the cupcakes from the oven after shoving some oven mittens on. He flicked off the switch and Maria peered over the tray, gasping in excitement at the sight of such perfect cupcakes.
Whilst they cleaned to let the cupcakes cool down and put the cream on, Maria's eyes kept glancing over at the cakes. Leonardo dried his hands and picked one up, satisfied enough that they had cooled. He broke off a small piece before blowing on it gently.
Maria turned just as Leonardo was bringing over the piece towards her. She opened her mouth and let him place the soft dessert into her mouth and she smiled in delight, enjoying the taster so much that as Leonardo asked, "how is it?" Her tongue picked up the remaining crumbs on his finger. Leonardo groaned, pulling his hand away as Maria laughed, enjoying teasing him.
The two did a lot that evening. After successfully making the cupcakes and having a few bites, Maria and Leonardo took Bear for a walk in the night. The streets were empty and the air was crisp. It was a short but relaxing walk where they found peace in the quiet space around them.
They came back and it was getting late. Maria and Leonardo sorted themselves out for bed but decided to watch a movie together downstairs. That eventually led to an animal documentary playing on the television. Maria couldn't think of anything else she wanted to watch and of course, the only thing Leonardo ever watched were animal documentaries. She didn't mind, she enjoyed being able to join in with his favourite show.
Sitting beside each other, the two kept their hands to themselves. Maria wore a satin pyjama set with shorts and a button up top. She pulled down her shorts slightly after wriggling a little on the sofa. They'd been sat there for a while and it was clear that the two were avoiding letting the night end.
Already, it was past midnight and there was only so many animal documentaries Maria could see before she'd become a walking encyclopaedia. Her eyes slowly moved over onto Leonardo. She couldn't hide the small smile on her face; Leonardo loved animals. His face would always soften, his eyes would stay glued onto the television as he watched in complete awe and intrigue at the secret life of animals.
It had been a good night, Maria thought to herself. She forgot about their problems, their break up, her worries. For once, she just focused on making the most of her time left with Leonardo. But in the midst of the quietness, Maria realised that the night would soon come to an end. That was when she remembered that if she went to sleep, that would conclude their final evening together. It had flown by and she didn't want to end it so quick. So Maria stayed and watched as long as she couldβanything to be with Leonardo a little longer.
When the rolling credits played for the end of the third documentary, Leonardo felt his heart tighten in disappointment. Suggesting another programme to watch would be a stretch. But he too, didn't want to let go of the last few moments with Maria.
Her heart began to race as she realised that it was probably time for sleep. Maria didn't want to sit in low spirits any longer and slipped to the edge of the wide sofa, her feet against the soft rug and Leonardo sat further behind her.
Sitting there, she thought to let out, "I think it's time for bed."
Leonardo couldn't hide the sadness and longing feeling inside. He quietly replied, staring at her back. "I guess so..."
"What's the first thing you're going to do?" Maria asked delicately. She turned her head to see him. "After we break up?"
His curious eyes met hers. "Hmm..." Leonardo thought for a moment. It was hard imagining a word without Maria in it. "Sort myself out. I want to become the best version of myself, for myself." Maria smiled, feeling her heart warm.
"I'm glad you're putting yourself first," Maria replied in content, feeling a lot better about leaving him alone. Maria agreed, "I'm going to make sure I eat three meals a day and that I don't drain myself into work." Leonardo was glad to hear that.
"Are you tired?" Leonardo asked. Maria stretched a little, making Leonardo's eyes wander and detect that Maria's buttons stopped low on her chest. He forced himself to move his eyes upwards to hers, sheepish that they'd even lowered. Maria shook her head with a smile, noticing how inviting his large arms looked. "Not really."
He nodded. She nodded. They sat in silence for a few seconds.
Maria's hands fidgeted on her lap as she tried to stop her thoughts from running wild. It was late at night, she thought, Leonardo looked good in that black top of his, as simple as it was. She closed her eyes, her head turned away from Leonardo, and mentally groaned at herself for feeling the pressure build down below. She went on to ask a risky question, "you don't wanna sleep yet, do you?"
"No," Leonardo honestly replied. He inhaled, keeping his eyes away from Maria before he'd they'd wander again. He felt awkward. The two of them were unknowingly thinking about the same thing.
Maria impulsively decided to turn and face him. Leonardo's eyes quickly averted and started anywhere but Maria. He roughly swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck, hoping that familiar feeling building down his pants would disappear.
Maria's eyes lit up as she realised how red his ears were getting. She relaxed as she knew he felt the same way she did without even having to do anything. It was easy to read Leonardo like a book when it came to his feelings. Unable to hide the small smirk growing on her face, she nonchalantly let out, "Leo, I want you to do whatever is going on in your head." Her whole body anticipated him. Sometimes, Leonardo just needed a little push.
Leonardo's heart was pounding against his ribcage. His eyes finally went to her and as though Maria had pressed a 'GO' button, Leonardo's strong arms went forwards and wrapped around Maria's small waist, pulling her backwards. He easily slid his hand under Maria's thighs and turned her, bringing her body without any difficulty onto his lap.
Her eyes widened and in what felt like a split second, Leonardo's lips were crashing onto hers in a deep and passionate kiss.
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~ Author's Note ~
We are 91 chapters down (phew!) and 10-ish more left to go!
If you've been reading since the beginning, I'd like to thank you! It's a long story so thanks for sticking it out all this time and reading! I really appreciate it!
This was a hard write which is probably why I ended up brightening the end a little.
Their decision has been made. Do you agree with Leonardo and Maria's break up?
Thoughts on this chapter?
Please vote, comment, share and follow.
Please tag users you think will be interested in NEPENTHE!
Thanks for reading!
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