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MARIA

"I can't...dance?"

Was that it? One of my deaths?

I had always told myself that the moment I got Dream, I would stop dancing. I would focus on the management side of being at the company. I would free myself from all the burdens, restrictions and pain being a dancer brought for me. I wouldn't have to deal with the industry, the competition, the long and hard days and nights of practice. The endless criticism, the constant dieting, stress, body dysmorphia, bulimia, crying, anxiety—all of it. I would free myself from it all.

Why did I realise so late? Why was it only after the Grand Performance did I truly understand that I did want to dance.

I wanted to stay as a ballerina for as long as my feet could let me.

That wish had been ripped away from me without a choice.

Giovanni had shattered my ankle.

I couldn't dance.

Not even if I tried to, against the doctor's guidance. There was no way.

It was hard enough practicing for ballet after missing a few days. A year? Two years? I would have to go back to the beginning. My life's worth of skills, my dedication, my constant effort to keep my passion alive had been snatched away from me like that. I should've known. I should've braced myself for the news the moment that hammer came into contact with my bone. What did I think? That I could magically stand on my left leg the same?

So I sat there, staring at the cast around my ankle emotionlessly without a word, without a single tear.

"Ria..." Leonardo placed his hand on top of mine. His concerned eyes were on me, I could feel it.

My mind had gone completely blank.

I stared and stared without speaking. I had no energy. I had lost all desire. What was the point? What was the point in it all? My whole life gone in a single night. What did I spend all my life for?

Leonardo seemed to realise that I wasn't focused. He turned to the doctor, inhaling sharply as he switched his attention back to my ankle.

"What about her recovery in general? Will she be able to use her leg the same way again? What is the plan? How often will she have physiotherapy? Will she need another surgery?"

All sorts of questions came from him. They were all having a discussion without me and I didn't want to be involved. I had no input, not a single question to ask.

All I could think about was ballet.

My entire life revolved around ballet. It was who I was, what made me, what shaped me, what helped me.

They were talking. They were all talking about me, about surgeries, options for physiotherapy, treatments. I couldn't stand it all.

"Stop."

Immediately, they were silent. I closed my eyes, leaning back on my bed, and sighed; it was a long and heavy sigh.

"I want everyone out."

The doctor glanced at Leonardo, hesitating before recognising Leonardo's eyes flickering to the door and back. The doctor respectfully left with the nurses leaving Leonardo and I alone.

My eyes averted back to him. He parted his lips to say something before I coldly added, "you too."

His eyebrows creased slightly before he took my hand and squeezed it. I sighed again, turning my head to the side so I wouldn't have to look at him. I bit my bottom lip hard. "You're pushing me away," Leonardo gently stated, his thumb caressing my hand.

I ignored him though I knew he was right. "Get out, Leo," I whispered, closing my eyes the moment reality began to hit me. My nose started tingling again. He needed to leave before the tears would come pouring out again. Then he stayed quiet for a few minutes, rubbing my hand as I felt my heart begin to twist and clench in my chest.

I let out a small exhalation of pain, feeling my whole body being hit by a wave of emotions. Then I started to sniff. I quietly whimpered and before I knew it I was a sobbing mess right in front of Leonardo again. My shaking hands covered my face and I began wailing and wailing in despair and hopelessness.

"I can't dance, Leo..."

I had lost my career, my life. All I could do was sob. "I-I hated it, I didn't appreciate it at...at all!" I cried, unable to speak coherently through my stutters. My muffled voice tearfully blubbered, "I was s-so done with it and n-now all I want to do is dance, Leo, but I can't! I've lost everything!"

He gently held me and rubbed my back softly. His embrace somehow relaxed me, without even saying anything. The scent of his clothes reminded me of his apartment, our home. I deeply inhaled, melting in his warmth as the tears slowly subsided. "I can't dance," I whispered again, my body loosening against him as I accepted my fate. I closed my eyes and buried my head in his neck, his body calming me.

"You will," Leonardo murmured positively, his hand on the back of my head. "Although it seems extremely far away now. You will be on that stage again, on your tip toes dancing, hardly remembering how upset you feel in this moment. You'll be so happy, it didn't matter how hard it was to start dancing again. It's just now, you need a break. To heal and to get stronger again." He left a gentle kiss on my temple.

"I know you will. Just you wait."

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That evening swung by quickly following conversations with the police. I was tired and laid back on the bed, rubbing my forehead as Leonardo continued to try with me. The medication they had given me had drained me out.

He softly sighed, placing the spoon back into the bowl. He gave me an empathetic look. "When you're upset, your whole body feels it. I know that this news isn't easy to take in. I know it'll take a while for you to feel better about it but you can't neglect yourself, Ria. Please eat something. I know you don't have much of an appetite but—"

"I wish I could, Leo," I hoarsely replied with a bitter tone. I stared at the soup before me in disgust. I couldn't help it. "But every time I inhale the smell of food, I feel guilty for immediately imagining throwing it back up." I could smell it, the strong tomato scent filled my nostrils. I felt nauseous breathing it in.

"We'll take it step by step," Leonardo gently told me, placing the bowl on the side. His warm eyes met mine as my breath hitched. "Small bites to better ones, we'll work together to make your relationship with food a lot healthier." I sighed and glanced over at the bowl. He really was worried about me, and if I didn't have a meal any time soon, he'd get the doctor involved, and I didn't want any more monitoring.

"I'll eat..." I gave in, though my face seemed to disagree. His eyes lit up at my words. I couldn't get rid of the dissatisfied look on me. "Just not that..."

Leonardo smiled, about to take it again until I ran through his words once more. My eyebrows furrowed, "and we..?" He blinked at me, a puppy-like look on his face as he stared at me.

I felt my heart begin to race again. I swallowed as my hands tightly clasped together. I met his eyes once more. "Did you forget how we were before, Leonardo?"

"You don't have to take care of me. You don't need to feel bad for me. I hurt you and if it wasn't for this, quite frankly, we wouldn't be speaking, Leonardo," I firmly addressed, his face falling slightly as if he didn't expect me to bring that up. It seemed Leonardo wanted to avoid that topic as much as possible. He licked his lips, sharply inhaling as he looked away for a few seconds, a small silence filling the room.

Leonardo reminded me, "You almost died, Maria." I could see the pain in his eyes. He let out a breath, looking almost scared again at the thought. Placing his hand on top of mine, he continued in a low and genuine voice, "And I...never want to get that point ever again."

"And it won't," I attested as I gazed into his eyes, "But I will not ignore what happened between us."

"Do we have to talk about this right now, Ria?" Leonardo gently objected, holding my hand. I glanced down, feeling the butterflies return once again. "I'm grateful, I'm happy, I'm relieved that you're here—I don't want to think about the past, about what happened—"

"But we have to," I disagreed although I was finding it hard myself to even bring it up. It hadn't even been a full day since we were talking again. Guilt began to creep back in me again. I pressed on further, "Leo, I hurt you. I broke your heart, don't let this small moment of happiness make you forget. Forget how much I hurt you."

"Can you look at me and say that what I did doesn't hurt?" I felt my voice begin to crack again as it went hoarse once more. I blinked back the tears fighting to break out again. I was mentally drained, suddenly extremely tired and upset. "Can you, Leo?" I desperately questioned, "Can you tell me that you trust me? That we can move on from this? That you don't feel betrayed anymore? Can you?"

The silence was an answer in itself. He couldn't say anything. Leonardo's lips separated and his hazel eyes gazed at me in such willingness to say what was on his mind, to say what I wanted to hear but he couldn't. He ran his hand through his hair and his eyes left mine. I could've cried just at that painful silence. We weren't the same and we couldn't be, not after what happened.

Slowly, I nodded to myself and blinked rapidly, forcing myself to not get teary again; I had cried enough for the last few days.

"That's fine," I could only whisper in my hoarse voice, barely audible. "I'm not being stalked anymore so I'm moving back to my place once I'm discharged." I needed to stop whatever sweetness that was blossoming between us before it developed deeper. It would only hurt us in the long term. I knew I was being harsh. I was pushing down my feelings for him, my happiness to even be able to see him. But the reality was, Leonardo and I wouldn't have spoken if what happened, didn't happen. I didn't want the incident to mask our underlying issues.

"Maria, I love you," Leonardo unexpectedly expressed. I couldn't look at him; hearing those three words after a long time, being said so sincerely made my heart flutter. "And my love for you means that I am never letting you out of my sight. What did I say?" His words made me meet his eyes once more. "You're staying in my pocket, where you're safe and sound."

My lips parted but I couldn't say anything. I remembered the moment he said that sentence; our conversation we had in bed weeks before I was taken. The sudden memory had made me speechless. My eyes moved downwards, staring at his hands on top of mine. I could feel it, his sincere and deep love for me. But I wanted to protect him and myself. We could get close again, we could prevail through because of the temporary happiness we felt together. But I knew if we got any closer again, it would only end in heartbreak. To stop ourselves from suffering again, we were better off apart.

He softly sighed. "I regret everything. Everything from that night that I found out. The way I acted. The way I was with you." His eyes slowly reached mine again, a contemplative look on his face. In a low voice, he continued, "There's a lot that we need to uncover and despite all, I still care about you. I always will."

"But you don't trust me, Leo," I retorted, his face unable to hide his sadness. I needed him to face the reality. "And really, you hate me. There's no way that you don't."

Leonardo shook his head. "I'm not—I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you and I wish... that you never saw a side of me I didn't even know that I had. I'm sorry—"

"Don't apologise, Leo," I interrupted, pulling my hand out of his and back to my own. I stared at the bedsheet, feeling a headache growing on me. "I know both of us wish that night didn't happen. I know. But I just need you to understand that it did and now we don't have to pretend that we can still act how we were before." I sighed again. I was too tired to continue.

There was a small silence with nothing but sighs. "Maria," Leonardo quietly said, "I'm not letting you go." I looked at him for a moment, trying to understand how it was possible that he wasn't mad at me. I didn't deserve his forgiveness. I managed to turn over and close my eyes, a stinging warning that tears were about to slip out.

Leonardo seemed to realise that I wasn't going to say anything else. He sighed quietly in the silence and stood. "I'll grab something else for you to eat." He left and I covered my face with my hands with a gentle groan.

A few hours later, it was starting to get darker outside.

By the time it was the evening, I began to get even sleepier with all of the medication that I was hooked up on, but the constant reminder of the night of the fire was beginning to haunt me.

Leonardo was sat on the chair beside my bed. He had refused to go back to his room, insisting on staying the night with me and there was no arguing with him to change his mind. He had a blanket draped over him and his eyes were closed, Leonardo seemed pretty tired enough to fall asleep himself. It must have been his first night's proper rest after what happened. Just seconds before, he was awake but was slowly drifting away.

That was until I spoke.

"I can't sleep..."

Laying down on that bed, staring up at the blank wall before me in the silence allowed for a tsunami of thoughts to run through my mind constantly. Every time I closed my eyes, I could still see Giovanni lifting that hammer, that menacing look in his dark eyes, the feeling of the terror quickly filling me. I had never been more terrified in my entire life. The fear that day was something I never wanted to experience ever again.

I could feel my blood pressure rise as the minutes went by, I was anxious and frightened over something that had ended.

"I just keep thinking about—" I immediately stopped, feeling the lump rise in my throat as my sore eyes grew watery again. I roughly swallowed, blinking over and over as my mind ran a thousand anxious thoughts through me. I knew I would be okay but it was the never ending reminders of what happened. I need comfort even though I knew I was safe.

"Someone once told me that talking about your feelings helps you sleep." I didn't expect Leonardo to reply so quickly, so calmly as though he was already awake. My head turned slightly to look at him better, the sound of his gentle tone already calming me down. I could see his genial smile in the dark. He took the blanket off him and came closer, slipping his warm hand into mine. My heart softened at his reminder. The roles had reversed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I didn't respond at first. I slowly exhaled. I needed to in order to get my unwanted thoughts out of my head so I could sleep.

"I know we're..." I hesitated awkwardly but still asked, "but will you sleep next to me?" I quietly asked. Our eyes met in the dark. "I want to feel your heartbeat." Leonardo's love. I wanted to feel his love most of all. His eyes seemed to reveal his empathy. He held a small smile on his face before he obliged and I managed to scoot over the bed, giving him extra space next to me.

My head rested on Leonardo's shoulder tiredly. He was stroking my arm, his head gently rested on mine. I was instantly relaxed. "Jorge was on top of me," I whispered as the daunting memories began to flood into my mind. "He was...trying to force himself onto me." I exhaled slowly, already feeling the fear settle in me again. "I can still remember how panicked I felt..." Leonardo's arm around me tightened as though he too was reliving what happened. I never wanted to feel that weak ever again.

"Then Giovanni came in and shot him." I quietly scoffed, my eyes looking out into the darkness. "I genuinely thought he was helping me."

Then I told Leonardo everything without a single tear. I had cried enough to last me a year. Somehow I felt stronger, I no longer felt afraid speaking about what happened. I felt safe being in Leonardo's arms, knowing that nothing could ever touch me again. I wouldn't allow it, he wouldn't allow it.

"And I feel...like I've been touched by a million hands," I mumbled, squeezing my eyes closed. "All over my body. I feel like I'm bare."

"Were you..." Leonardo trailed off, his hand gently rubbing my arm. He inhaled deeply as though he was hesitant. "Sorry—I don't want to-"

"Giovanni was close," I shivered, "but I didn't let anyone take advantage of me," I firmly replied, understanding what he meant. It was hard. I had never defended my body so much than that last week. "I'm glad we're free. The girls are safe, I'm okay...but it's not over."

"Camille...she...she betrayed me," I expressed slightly incredulously. I was still wrapping my head around everything. I sighed, shocked as I thought about that uneasy glint in her eyes, the moment I realised she hadn't saved me. "You were right, you can't trust anyone in this world. I truly believed she was my friend, not my enemy. As for Francis—"'I didn't even know how to put my thoughts into words, that was how perplexed I was. I shook my head against him, hardly able to speak. "I didn't know the intentions of the people around me like a fool. You were right about that fucking psycho Giovanni. From the start, you were right and—"

Leonardo gently squeezed my hand as though he could recognise my distressing thoughts begin to eat at me. "Don't overthink it," he advised quietly, planting a kiss on my forehead. "What happened happened so don't beat yourself up on what you think you should've done. I don't want this to cause you to have trust issues, Ria,' he sincerely said, "not like me. I shouldn't have said that." I wasn't sure about that. I had seen and experienced too much to allow anyone else in my life as easily as before. Never had I been so ashamed of myself for trusting the wrong people, and never had I become so cautious towards others.

My head lifted slightly to meet Leonardo's eyes in the dark. "I plan to let you know the next steps." Leonardo's eyebrows raised slightly, allowing me to continue. "Those people," I mentioned in a low voice. I thought about all the pain the girls and I had endured, what happened to my ankle, the revelation of the snakes around me. There was no way I would let anything go.

"They won't get away with what they have done."

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~ Author's Note ~

Maria is having a tough time during her recovery. She can't dance anymore after sadly being realising too late that she wants to continue ballet. The damage done to her ankle is career threatening.

Her desire for punishment should hopefully appease some of her misery.

How will she cope with this sudden change in lifestyle?

Her stance on her relationship with Leonardo seems final. She doesn't want to pursue their relationship any further. After all, Maria broke his heart and his trust. Her guilt is stopping her from going back to Leonardo.
Is there any more hope for the two of them to move past that revelation regarding Sienna?

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