"Thomas! Dinner!"

I don't reply. I don't even know what to do with my life right now, which might be dramatic, but it's true. It feels like everything will be ruined in a second.

One of the only nice things about school, gone in a second. A relationship of more than a year, gone in less than ten minutes. Vanished just like my appetite right now.

I'm buried below my sheets again. I've stopped crying a while ago. It didn't exactly make me feel any better. I feel even more hollow now.

A little more than a week ago, I was also lying below my sheets, because of a hangover. I thought my world was dying back then. But now I'd rather have a headache ten times worse, than whatever it is that I'm feeling now.

"Thomas!" My name gets yelled again. "Dinner!"

A minute later, Mom's knocking on my door, no longer yelling. "Would you open the door, honey?" A short pause. "It's fine if you're not hungry. Just tell us. I'll leave some food on the counter in case you change your mind."

"I'm not hungry, no," I admit.

"Teresa left quickly. Is... everything okay?"

My automatic response is yes. But I can't lie about something like this. What is it even going to get me?

"No," I say. My voice is no longer cracking after all the tears I spilled, but it's hoarse. "She broke up with me."

The silence on the other side of the door feels like an eternity. "Oh, sweetie," she then mutters. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I curl myself up in a ball tighter. "I guess I want to be alone for a minute."

She doesn't push. "Okay," she says, her tone full of a kind of quiet understanding that makes my chest ache even more. "Again, let me know if you need anything."

Her footsteps retreat down the stairs, and I'm left back in the stillness of my room. My phone buzzes on my nightstand. The screen lights up.

Minho

Hey
I just hear the news abt Mr. Keller
Rough shit.
You okay?
I thought you were joking. And Vi didn't really mention anything.

What am I supposed to reply to that? That I'm not okay? That my chest feels hollowed out? Do I tell him about Tes— Teresa?

I drop my phone beside my body. Outside, the sky has darkened. Shadows stretch into my room. They mirror the tangled mess inside my mind.

"Thomas?" I startle at the next knock on my door. "Viviette's at the door for you, but I wasn't sure if you want company. Do I tell her you're not home? Or the truth? Can she come inside?"

Gosh, I don't freaking know.

I think of the way she's standing there, bouncing on her feet. Not because she's nervous, but because she's waiting. She does that when she waits. Her fingers are definitely intertwined and she's holding them against her stomach.

How will she react? Probably no different than Mom. There's a reason Minho calls her Momiette.

"Yeah, she can come in," I announce.

I don't jump out of my bed to fix how I look this time. She's seen me at my best and worst before anyway. I do sit straight up, removing the sheets off my body.

A knock on the door. I tell her she's free to come in, so she does.

"Hi. I finished your shirt, as I said I would," she says proudly.

With my mouth gaping open, I stare at her. Then at the shirt. It's a satin button up. Dark blue with a pattern of little stars. I can feel the color getting sucked out of my face.

"Oh. You don't like it?"

Hearing her voice with that kind of disappointment is absolutely horrible.

"No, I do," I assure fast. "It's amazing. But, ehm, Teresa came over a few hours ago." I take a short pause. "She broke up with me."

She stares. And stares. Like she's waiting for me to say it's a joke, or like she's waiting for more.

So I tell her more. "She's moving away, and already noticed she has... well, I don't know how to explain it because she didn't really know how to explain it. Eyes on other people, I guess."

"She likes someone else?"

I thought that too at first. But that wasn't it. "No. She said she didn't. She just said she no longer felt loyal."

Neither did I. Was I supposed to break up with her immediately? Is it that bad to think 
a lot about a certain person? I tried not to do it. But I guess it's different from Teresa's situation. She wasn't thinking about one person.

"Oh," is all she manages for a while. Hesitantly, she sits down next to me. "Are you okay— no, of course not." She throws the shirt to the ground. "What can I do for you?"

"Eh, just stay." I shrug a bit. "I don't really know what to do now. Mr. Keller gone, Teresa gone."

She gets back up, taking her with me. "I know it. We're going to get ice cream."

With a groan, I fall backwards again. "I want to rot in bed."

"You'll feel better after ice cream. I promise," she says. "And you can cry while eating it, if you want. I don't care. But getting up and doing something will make things easier."

That doesn't sound too bad.

"But you're paying," I say.

"Yes, yes." She pulls me back up again. "Come on."

I already feel better. I'm not lying. Something about the way she does pity me but doesn't pity-pity me is nice. She acts quite normal. She pretends nothing has happened, and for now, that's nice.

☯︎︎

"Two bowls. One with two scoops of mango and one with two coops of strawberry, please. And we'd like sprinkles and a cookie and maybe some strawberries with it. Thank you."

I don't know how many times I used to beg my mom for this when I was younger. But nope, 'you won't be able to eat that much anyway, Thomas' and she was right. The one time I did get it, I couldn't even finish it.

Now I definitely can.

Sage pays and then takes our bowls all the way to the other side of our usual table. We plop down across from each other.

"See? It's working."

"It is," I admit, rolling my eyes.

"You wanna go swimming after this?"

"Do you? 'Cause it's freezing."

"For now, I'll live with it. It'll also cheer you up."

"More like, the hot shower after it."

"That's the point," she says. She takes a bite that's way too big, and for the next minute, has a brain freeze. She presses her hands against her temples, "Jeez—"

I can't control the laughs that leave my mouth at the faces she pulls. It's ridiculous.

When it's over, she smiles as she looks up. "Okay, I'm not doing that again."

"Woah!" A voice I don't immediately recognize approaches. I look up at the broad figure, eyebrows scrunched. "Hi, Viviette. I didn't expect you here."

Gally.

Her crush.

"Ehm, I live not even five minutes away," she says. "What're you doing here?"

"Getting ice cream, obviously."

"What do you mean, you didn't expect her here?" I pull a face at him. And then acting like it's obvious what he's doing here?

"Well, it's not like I went here with the thought, oh, I'm so going to see Viviette and Thomas."

Why is he so blind? What does Sage see in this guy? Imagine it was Teresa sitting in front of me; no one would approach a couple like that, would they? Like an interruption of the date.

But he knows about the relationship I had—he thinks I still have it, in fact—and his head is full with air so yeah.

I'm being rude now. This is her crush! She was my wingwoman with Teresa— don't think about Teresa. I feel pain tugging at my chest.

Anyway, she has supported me.

But no, come on. Not Gally.

Fine. "Why don't you join?" I ask, doing my best to sound honest.

His eyes flicker from her to me. "You sure?"

"If you want to."

Viviette's mouth is wide open as she stares at me.

Okay, this is not going to work.

Too late, though.

She'll get embarrassed. She'll blush and stammer and will refuse to meet his eyes.

Before I know it, Gally is sitting next to me.

Wow, silence.

I don't want there to be a silence. I'll see Mr. Keller. I'll think of Teresa's words. I'm saying I want you to understand. My mind will go wrong places.

Talk, I mouth to Vi.

"So, uhm, what have you been up to, Gally?"

"Oh, you know. Not a lot. Wasn't there something going on yesterday morning? I hear sirens and all."

I look down at my hands as Sage talks around it a bit. I'm glad she does. We promised the principal not to tell anyone. Minho probably has some weird mutuals that told him.

I feel my phone buzz, and I hesitate. There's only a few amount of people that I feel like replying to.

I'm not sure if the one I see is one of them.

Tes ❤️

Oh my gosh.
I'm so sorry, Thomas.
I had no idea about Mr. Keller.
I didn't mean to make your day any worse than it already was. Condoled.
Let me know if you need anything.

I need you
You don't have to leave me.

Thomas, I've explained it to you. It's not about the long distance thing. That part only plays a small role. It's about everything else. Please don't bug on.

Can't we at least try?
I can't handle this rn Teresa
We can spend more time together. Get a nicer bond.

Don't make me explain again
It won't work
It's over.
I'm sorry.

I want to throw this stupid device away. It doesn't tell me anything. I can't hear her words. I can't see her current face expression. Surely she isn't smiling, but has she cried for minutes and minutes? Is she crying while writing this? I can't see her reaction through the phone.

"Are you okay?"

My head snaps up at Gally. I blink a few times. My eyes feel watery. I look away from him so he won't see. Gally seems like one of those people who'd say that boys can't cry. I don't want to cry over this again, indeed. I'm crying too much.

"Fine," I say.

"Thomas and I are going to go," Viviette suddenly says. "Bye, Gally."

Surprised, I slide out of my seat. I don't mind going at all, but does she find it so awkward that she wants to leave her crush?

Whatever. It started well, now I can't wait to get out of this place. To the sea.

"Wanna take Mango with us?" She asks.

I shake my head, then we continue walking in silence. Up the hill, and back down, onto the sand.

Sand. Lanterns and the moon are the only things lighting up the beach right now. I see the holes kids dug the previous days. The footsteps of people in the sand. The dark waves of the sea, so rough to my ears. Hitting rocks, splashing around.

"This is a bad idea. The sea is terrifying at night," she whispers. It does feel like we have to stay quiet. Can't interrupt the sea's peace.

"I very much agree," I whisper back.

So we head off again.

It's going to be another sleepless night. I already know that. And I know it won't be a sleepless night if Sage stays. But isn't it weird to immediately have another girl sleeping over after a breakup?

Not if she's in my bed and I'm on the floor. I'll be okay with that. It's her presence that does it.

She won't sleep until I do, though. So it will either be a good night of sleep or we pull an all-nighter. But not a horrible one like yesterday. No, an all-nighter with conversations and food and comfort.

"Do you want to stay for the night?" I ask as we get closer to our homes.

For a split second, she is taken aback, but then she nods. "Sure."

I miss the, 'no, you have a girlfriend, Thomas. I don't want to interrupt your relationship.'

She'd always say things like that. Well, obviously I didn't ask for sleepovers, but you know.

"Hi, kids." Mom opens the door just when I'm about to take my keys. She forces us inside with some kind of hug. "I'm glad you two are back. I think it's a good idea to not stay out 'till late, with whatever kind of murder this was."

Murder murder murder murder murder. It was a murder. Of course it was. It now just really hits me that a murder means there's a killer.

Somewhere on this earth, is breathing the person who put Mr. Keller in the ground.

Who knows if there will be a next victim?

No, no. If I start thinking about this, it will one hundred percent become a sleepless night.

"Can Sage stay?" I ask.

"Oh, sure." Mom smiles. "Do anything you want. If you two are hungry, I've got food on the counter."

The thing about my mom is that when it comes to it, she's very caring. The other half of the time, she's... a mom.

"Thank you," Vi says politely. She looks at me. I can tell by her expression that she isn't going to eat anything. Neither will I, so we walk upstairs.

"Thomas." Dad walks after us. "Do you need an air mattress or is it going to be like good old times? I assume she's not sleeping in the guest room."

I look at Vi. I don't care where she sleeps, as long as it's in my room.

"Ehm," she starts.

She doesn't know either, because... I don't have an answer for that. I don't know everything about her either. Just a lot.

"Spare yourself and me some work and just share your bed," Dad says. 

"Okay, fine," I agree easily.

Her cheeks are now red. She's surprised for like the millionth time today. "I'm going to the bathroom."

She takes the one in the main bathroom. As I wait, I look around my room. I never realized Teresa is shown so much until now. Pictures of us, literally everywhere. Cards she gave me lying on my desk. Gifts I've gotten from her.

I collect all the pictures and, just for now, I put them in my drawer.

It's over.

I'm sorry.

It's over. Why the hell am I keeping these pictures?

With a quiet grunt, I throw the paper away. And the cards. I don't rip anything into pieces. I just throw it away. And I change the background of my laptop and phone so I won't ever be reminded of her because of that again.

"You don't have to throw it all away immediately," Sage's voice makes me jump a bit. "You can be sad, Thomas."

"I've been sad. Now I'm done being sad."

"You're free to be sad for a longer time. Don't start bottling things up, at least." Her voice sounds so pleasing that I can't resist.

I nod, but the things in the trash can stay where they are. 

"I don't have pajamas." She picks the satin button-up up from the ground. "I'll wear this."

I do want to keep that one. I haven't even worn it. And it's beautiful. It doesn't have to remind me of Teresa. It was made by Sage. May it remind me of her.

We get ready. Before twelve, we're sitting on my bed. Me on my side and Sage on... on her old side. And Teresa's old side.

But it was her side first, technically. It's fine.

Quickly, I make sure the beanie doesn't look like a human. Perhaps she'll think the same. Or I start acting crazy.

"I don't think we're going to school tomorrow, are we?" I mutter.

"I don't really feel like it anyway," she replies quietly. I don't flick the light on my nightstand off. Not because I'm afraid I will see Mr. Keller or something, but because Vi has slept with a light ever since I can remember.

"Me neither," I agree. I turn around so my back is facing her. But that doesn't feel right. I turn the other way. "Good night, Sage."

The already closed eyes now open. Her hair is also a mess. But it's nice.

"Sleep well, Thomas."

"Still no Stephen?"

Her eyes widen with nostalgia. A little smile appears on her lips. "Sleep well, Steph."

I smile back. Just a little bit. "Sleep well, Sage."