I'm absolutely done with this— I'm so tired.

The second I got home and dropped Sage off, I went upstairs. Mom tried to talk to me but I snapped I was going to make homework. I feel kind of bad for saying it like that now.

Tes ❤️

Hi
Are you free rn?

I hesitate. I don't really feel like socializing right now. But this is Teresa. I'll feel better.

Yeah

Then I'll be there in a few minutes

I haven't really told her about Mr. Keller. I was about to, but then the bell went and we had to follow classes. I haven't really spoken to her at school today. I've tried to avoid as many people as possible, to be honest. Kind of shameful.

Except for Sage She did her best to cheer me up, which barely worked, but I guess it was nice to spend the day with someone.

I guess I didn't want Tes to see me like this.

But now she will. Unless I fix how I look a bit.

I walk over to the mirror and redo my hair. Sage did fix it this morning, but it wasn't with gel, so it doesn't really stay for that long. Now I do use some gel, only to make it seem less messy. Well, to make it seem messy but in the right way.

I won't be able to fix the bags below my eyes. Teresa will be able to live with that, though. All I can hope for right now is that that date on Saturday will be fun.

A knock on my door. Mom must've opened the front door for Teresa. Surprised by how fast she is, I drag myself over to it. For a second, I press my eyes closed. Keep it together, and then I open up.

"Hey," she says softly, though her usual smile is absent. There is a possibility that she also heard the news somewhere.

"Hi." I step aside so she can walk in. It feels weird. This. Hanging out while I could be... could be doing what? Nothing is going to change the fact that he's dead. I won't get an encouraging message from him. I doubt I'll ever see his face again. The proud smile.

I look at Teresa. She's always had her way of making things feel better without even meaning to, but I feel hollow today. I can barely force a smile.

"You okay?" She asks. Her voice is too calm. Too normal for her to know. She doesn't know about him.

"Yeah," I lie.

Teresa looks around the room she has seen a thousand times the last year. Then she takes a deep breath and looks at me with an expression I don't quite recognize. "I need to tell you something."

No, something cold grips around my heart. No. Not now. Not today, please.

"What's up?" I try to sound casual, but my voice cracks.

She takes another deep breath. "I've been thinking a lot lately."

I stare at her, waiting. It's not going where I think it's going, I assure. There is no reason for it to go that way.

She continues, "I've been thinking about my parents' decisions. They're... we're moving away, Thomas."

See?

"How far away?" I ask, quieter than expected.

"Not very far. An hour. Maybe two. It's for my dad's work. He found a new job."

"Okay." A relieved breath escapes from me. I relax my tense shoulders. Take her hand, which is trembling a bit. "We can keep that up."

"I've been thinking about us, too."

You've cheered too fucking fast, Thomas.

"Oh," leaves me. Because I've already pulled the conclusion on what's next. Then I realize that maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong. So, "Oh?" I repeat, this time as a question.

"And I think... I think we should—" another quick gasp for some air. Quietly, she's breathing, but fast. "...maybe stop things."

Things. For a moment, my mind seems to completely drift away. For a moment, my brain won't think about anything. I don't understand.

Mr. Keller's heart stopped. What else does there need to stop?

"What?"

"I'm moving away," she says, clearing it up. Clearing it up as if I didn't understand the first time— that she would be leaving but not leaving and now she is freaking leaving.

Her words come out faster, like they desperately need to be out. "I don't feel the same way I used to, Thomas." She hesitates, face full with guilt. "Things are different. It won't work with a long distance anyway."

"Yes, it will," I say. "It's just an hour, Teresa—"

"No. I'm telling you," she says, sniffing, "I don't feel the same way I used to. I'm no longer that in love. I've noticed I'm more in for... for experiencing other things, you know?"

"No, I don't."

"You're no longer the only boy I care for."

"There's someone else?"

"No, no— not that. I just... I no longer feel loyal, knowing I've began staring at others. I just... no," she stammers. "We can't continue."

The rooms spins. I feel like I've been punched. All the air is gone. All the air is gone from Mr. Keller's lungs. All the air seems to be gone from my lungs. Teresa is leaving. Everyone is leaving me— no, not true. Two people. Just two. Don't be dramatic.

"You're really leaving?"

"Yes." Tears brimming in her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you, but it's not fair if we keep going while I've began losing attention. I'm sorry."

I really want to start screaming that I've also been thinking about a certain someone way too much but haven't given up on trying with her.

But I can't. All I do is feel weight crush back on me. "Why now?"

"Because I didn't want to wait. We're leaving soon. I no longer wanted to be disloyal. I don't want to become more disloyal."

"No, why now?" I mutter. Why does everything bad happen at once? Then I add, "Just looking at some people isn't immediately... like, cheating."

"I know, but you get what I mean."

I do. But I don't want to.

"Can't we try? Go on more dates, spend more time together—"

"No. Please just understand, Thomas. I'm saying I want you to understand," she whispers.

"Just go," I blurt out. "Please, go."

"I—" but she stops protesting the second she does. She is realizing it was her choice to go. That I'm just telling her to do it now. "Yes. Okay."

She gets up. I hear the rustle of her jacket as she puts it on. Then she looks at me. I feel it. But I'm staring at the ground.

"You're an amazing guy, though," she says quietly. "Don't make this hurt you too much."

Too late. Yet I nod. "Goodbye, I guess."

I wait until I hear the soft click of the door, then I can no longer help it. I crumble apart, face in my pillow. The tears come hard and fast, forcing sobs to leave my mouth. I clutch my pillow tight. I feel like I'm back in the nightmare of last night again. Twice as bad.