"Ziya..."

It took me two hours to properly get fixed up, and all my mind could think about was her leaving. I would have no right to be upset if she did, but it'd kill me on the inside. I was positive before that she was here to stay—with me—but that might've been the delusions talking. Being on the brink of death does that.

I'm still in unimaginable pain, but it means nothing to me when my girl is here, waiting for an explanation I thought about giving her a billion times. An apology. A confession. I want her to understand that I would've done things differently if I could. That her life was protected from mine, but that went to shit in so many ways.

"Ziya, please."

"What?"

I found her sitting in the middle of the warehouse, my members surrounding her like a flock. She disregarded them without a hint of emotion; their luring presence failed to bother her. I told them to leave, but any threat was useless; they're wary of outsiders, and rightfully so, but Ziya is more than that. I plan on telling them as much, if things become right between us.

She didn't want to move when I suggested we go somewhere else, and she's been quiet ever since.

"Can you look at me, so I can explain? I want you to listen to me, and not just hear me."

I'm on the verge of begging if it means she'll truly give me a chance. My knees almost buckle in relief when she turns to me, giving me her undivided attention. Her stare is unwavering. She's more than upset, that much has been clear, and the fact sends a sharp pain through my chest.

I kneel in front of her, not caring about anyone that sees.

"I'm sorry," I start. "I'm not going to lie or steer you in the opposite direction anymore. I'm in a gang. One that's serious about everything we do. I have been for years, and I was fine with living and dying by this life. You were an unknown factor, but I've wanted you from the start. When I caught that glimpse of you...I had to have you and vice versa. I wanted you to have me.

You were an excitement that I haven't felt in so long, and the reason my body couldn't function without you controlling it. I couldn't wrap my head around anything that didn't involve you...and I knew I was fucked. I was sure I couldn't do what I do, and have you too—"

"That wasn't for you to decide," she interrupts.

"Every text or phone call I got, I would come here. I've sold drugs, I've threatened and tortured—I've killed. There is so much blood on my hands that can never be washed away. I'm tainted with more sin than you can believe, and I dreaded you finding that out about me. What we had was just sex, I knew that, and I was okay with just having you in that way. I've craved for your heart many times..."

Ziya's eyes widen slightly at my confession. She wanted the truth, so I will lay everything bare. Nothing will go unsaid, and what she does afterwards is her choice. She says some things weren't for me to decide, but I know that she didn't want anything more with me at the start. We were each other's release in a sexual manner. Our hearts weren't in it, until they were, and we didn't know what to do with it.

"I did kill Dylan," I admit. I know she still had her suspicions about that too, but I didn't care when I just wanted her. I was blind to anything else. "Seeing those marks that he put on your skin pissed me off in a way that I can't explain. I hated seeing them, and covering them up with my own wasn't enough. Knowing he was in jail wasn't enough. Not when it comes to you, Ziya."

That is the truth. It'll always be the truth.

"Baby, I would never threaten your life."

Her accusing me of so, or believing that I would, did hurt. Whether she meant for it to, or not.

"I did not send you any note. I've distanced myself because someone is targeting all of us that are in this building. People here have died, and I gave the order to cut off any close ones until this shit was figured out. That included you, and it included James."

Ziya's eyes shift to my office, and I imagine she's looking for Talon. I can only assume that James feels the same as her. Hurt, abandoned, lied to. It's killing Talon the same way it is us. It must be hitting him harder because Ziya is here, and James is not. I doubt he knows what's going on.

"We wanted to protect you," I conclude, "I thought distance was the best way. I wanted to keep all of this from you for as long as I could, so I couldn't explain it to you then. I missed you every day. I thought about you, and wished I came clean from the start. Every single day. I'm glad you're here. I hope you can forgive me."

My chest eases a little as I was finally able to get everything off my shoulders. I was finally able to tell her everything. Ziya stares at my office door for a few more seconds before looking back at me. Her eyes no longer held that hard stare, but she looks conflicted. I understand. Everything I told her was a lot at once, and she has no choice but to take it all in.

"I understand..." she says slowly. "I do, but I won't fully forgive you just like that. I can't trust that you won't pull another stunt like that again, the reason being my safety or something else entirely."

"Okay."

I watch as she traces every inch of my face, like she's trying to remember me in case I vanish again. I won't. Not without her. I'll never make that decision again without hearing what she has to say first. I want to be with her in every sense of the word. A large part of me hopes she feels the same.

"What did you mean when you said you started feeling more for me?" I ask.

I vividly remember her saying that, and it's been playing in my head like a broken record. She said she started feeling more...that was she was angry because I left when she started to feel more for me.

The underlying rage that burned through her was replaced by a softer look. Almost vulnerable if you look close enough.

"Nothing," she dismisses, turning her face away from me.

"Ziya," I softly cup her face, bringing her closer to me. "I would protect your heart if you trusted it in my hands. I understand that this is a lot, and if you don't want to deal with this. But, give me the truth like I gave you. Please."

Murmurs drift around the room as I plead with her. In the midst of everything, I forgot we were surrounded.

Ziya's eyes bore into mine. They're searching, and I hope she finds what she's looking for.

"I worried about you," she admits, "I tried to tell myself that no man should make me feel the way that you did. I worried for you. I couldn't be okay without knowing if you were."

That you did.

"I knew you had to be in something dangerous. I knew that you had a hand in Dylan's murder. How do you think I found you here? I've always known. I never brought it to light because some things are better kept quiet. I would've accepted anything you told me two months ago. I don't like that you ran away from me—"

"I'm sorry—"

"I know you are. I care about you, Malik. I never allow myself to be vulnerable, or at anyone's mercy. I don't know why it's different with you."

She whispers the last part, but I still hear it clear as day. It feels like an invisible string suddenly attached us together, and I have a feeling it'll never break. I'll never take advantage of what she's giving me in this moment. I'll work for the rest of her forgiveness, and her trust. I'll protect her heart like it's my own, and her life like I was born for it.

I lean forward, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. Ziya releases a small sigh, and I feel the soft grip she has on me.

"I adore you," I whisper, "and I missed you."

She hums in response, and I know that's her saying: me too.

We stay like that for a second more before I press another kiss to her forehead, and stand to my full height. I turn to the members that felt bold enough to stay. Their eyes bounce from Ziya to me, confusion and uncertainty in their eyes.

"You will respect her," I announce. "You will follow her word like you do mine, and you will not say a word about her to anyone outside of this building. You will not try to use her as a weak spot for me, because I will kill you. Anyone that you remotely hold feelings for, I will kill them as well. I don't make empty promises, and you all know that. Do I make myself clear?"

Nods and whispers of understanding float around quickly. They glance at Ziya with fear lit inside them. I don't want it any other way.

"Don't let him scare you all off," she teases, wrapping her arm around my waist. She leans into me with ease, but holds an amused smirk to all that continued to stare.

Happiness flows through me at the fact that she's different with me, but reverts back to the woman who wants nothing to do with you when around others.

"I promise I don't bite," she adds on, trying not to laugh when they all try leaving at once.

Any interest shown towards her ends with their head on a spike, and I'm glad they know that too.

Ziya stands when it's only us in the room, and instead wrap both of her arms around me. She's never been this touchy with me when we're not going to the bed, but it's something I can quickly get used to. I slide my hand to the small of her back, pulling her impossibly closer to me.

"They're a bit wimpy for a gang, hm?"

"Yeah," I say, not caring about them anymore. "I want you to come home with me."

"Are you asking or telling?" she asks, even though her tone suggests she's coming.

"Both."

"Lead the way, darling."

I stop by my office to see Talon slumped against my desk, drool pouring onto it as he sleeps. I chuck my keys in front of him, so he'll have a ride when he comes to. He'll be lucky if someone doesn't come and murder him in his sleep.

I grab another pair of keys from my rack, and lead Ziya and I to the back where my row of cars sat. I'm barely at home, so there's no reason for them to be there.

"Just so you know, Malik..." I feel her hands slide to my back pocket and rest there. "You'll have to work for my touch."

She slides her other hand down to the zipper of my pants, being careful of my injury.

"I want you on the brink of tears, begging for the mere feeling of my hand on your cock. I want my name to be the only thing that falls from your lips. I want you on your knees, praising me like I'm all you know. Is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good," she murmurs, pulling her hands completely off my body.

She walks in front of me with a smile tracing her lips. I follow her like a dog on a leash, wanting nothing more than her body on mine. It doesn't have to be sexual. I just want to feel her.

Her teasing me like that brings upon my own smile, because I still have my Ziya. My baby's right here, and I'll make sure it stays that way.

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