Blood has always been a constant factor in my life. From the earliest years of my life that I can remember, to now, it has never been unknown to me. Shedding it whenever I see fit has become a part of me, and I've learned to welcome it with open arms.

"At least turn him to you if you're just gonna watch him bleed out. His doe eyes are making me sick."

I roll my eyes at Talon's constant comments, and boredly kick Michev onto his back. He stopped crying out in pain minutes ago; his mouth is still hung open, but his short gasps for breath are the only thing escaping. We didn't get much information out of him, even with a knife deep in his stomach and a gun pressed against his head.

Marvin Michev: thirty years old, not married, no kids, lives alone in a shitty penthouse with new women every week.

He has nothing going for him besides the money that he drained from his personal bank account. The fact that we got nothing from him isn't surprising. What is surprising is that he held out for this long. It's been an hour since we've paid him a friendly visit, and I didn't waste any time. There is no time to waste when members are dropping like fucking flies.

It's been two weeks since Michael died, and we've been on the hunt for the mole and anybody that's working with them. Our first mistake was thinking that it was just one person or drug ring, and looking at each individual was wasting our fucking time.

We split up more and began looking into every ring that we're partnered with and have done business with. It doesn't matter if we've interacted once—they're getting looked into. I feel like I'm the FBI when all I want is things to settle down. Things getting out of hand is my least favorite thing, because then I have to put in more work that shouldn't have been needed.

Two more of our guys who went out of their way to avenge Michael found themselves in the same situation. Dead, and leaving us no clues as to what the fuck happened. A trail of dead bodies urged people to drop us and find business elsewhere, obviously taking their money with them. If I wasn't pissed before, I am now. Add on the fact that this has forced me to part from Ziya...scratch being pissed. I'm livid, to the point where I'd kill everyone myself if it meant that I could go to her.

"And...he's dead," Talon says, squatting down to press his gloved fingers against Michev's neck.

"Leave him, then."

I don't spare another glance at the body, leaving the mess behind along with the body. The sun is setting, and that should be a sign to stop—but I don't need rest. There's too much going on for me to attempt to. Why waste more time...

Talon catches up to me, slowing his jog to match my pace. The urge to roll my eyes is strong as he finds a way to hold onto me. He's been clingy these past few weeks. More than usual, and I've just let it be.

"Well that was fucking useless. Are we catching some z's before seeing what the hell Ambino wants?"

"No."

"No? We've been going non-stop for weeks, man, we're not gonna figure out who the mole is today. Unless you got some voodoo shit that I don't know about."

My eyes roll on their own accord at the mention of voodoo. Talon's been trying to ease the tense atmosphere that everyone's living in, and it hasn't worked. Personally, I wouldn't try to make the people that knifed me happy. To each their own, I guess.

On the way back to my car we walk past a few of Michev's men. They all look similar to the bastard, and I'm positive they knew better than to start shit. I don't know if it was the blood that stained every part of my clothes, or if they were born to run with their tails wagging between their legs. I don't care to know which one.

"Malik, everyone is running on fumes," Talon argues, "we'll kill ourselves before some mole rat gets to us."

"So sleep, Talon, I don't care what you do."

My tone is dismissive, along with my words. Talon ends up moving behind me, and I hold back a sigh at his now sour mood. It was sour before, but it might as well be lethal now. Our lives have been officially put on the line, and we don't know jack shit. We've been forced to cut off people who have become wrapped around our hearts and it's tiring. All of it. But I cant stop. I am considering Talon's feelings, and he can go home if he wants. There are things I can do myself, I don't need someone holding my hand.

"I watch people die all of the time," Talon starts again.

"Talon—"

"I watch people die, and majority of the time I'm the reason they're gone. I've killed, and I'm tainted with blood that I can never wash away. And I'm scared to go home."

This time he laughs, but it's humorless. It's bitter and filled with a kind of disappointment that I easily recognize. I hear how tired he truly is. Talon did not want this life. Hell, I don't believe anyone wants this kind of life. But, he needed it, or else he would've died on the streets long before now. My fate could have been the same, and it's not hard to wonder what my life would have entailed if I had just toughened it out. Stuck to what I knew, instead of having a pig like Ambino pick me up. If I never came back.

I served this country for four and a half years. I put my life on the line because it gave me a thrill. Then there's the fact that my home life was absolute shit. Absent mother, abusive father, and a brother that died during labor. In the military you don't have to deal with that shit, but sooner or later you do have to go home. My term was ended earlier than entitled when it was clear that I enjoyed the chaos. Protecting people was low on my list; I didn't give a damn about any of them. That's kind of fucked for a seventeen year old.

And I'd slit my own throat before I went home.

I wasn't a war hero, and no one knew why I came back. They just knew that Malik Atoni was a poor excuse for a guy, and he deserved nothing good. The streets saw me as a pawn that could be easily swayed because I was that fucking stupid. If it made my heart race, I did it. If my life was put to the test, I did it. If it meant getting money, I fucking did it.

Time passed, and lessons learned—I ended up sticking to myself. Nothing, or no one, was worth my time. The thrill that burned deep in my veins was quenched, almost as if that part of me was never there. Maybe because I grew, and my mentality along with it, or maybe I just became bored. I met Talon in the midst of a drug deal gone awry, and that brought upon my first kill since the military. I felt nothing when I did it, and instead of being smart, Talon stuck by me.

No matter how many times I tried to shake him, he was always there when I returned. He was already into the life of the streets when I met him, but he got into this insufferable life because he wanted to play follow the leader. It'd be comical if our situation were a little different.

"You think I'm a bitch, don't you?"

"I've always thought that," I reply, not missing a beat.

"Oh, fuck you."

I hum in response, trying to concentrate my mind on a single thought—but it proves to be fucking impossible.

"I'm dropping you off at my house after getting food. I doubt anyone is at the warehouse, and I'm heading back out."

"Okay. Be safe, man."

"Yeah."

———
I shouldn't be here right now. I should be somewhere else, ensuring my and Talon's safety. I should be anywhere else. Not in front of the Caddel's Justice building, surveying everyone that comes in and out.

It's been two hours since I've parked in a spot that's obvious, and won't be looked at twice. Ziya hasn't come out, and I know she's in there. Her work is a huge part of her life, and she loves when things are on track and done right. Being late isn't acceptable if it's not for a good reason. So I know she's in there.

James has been unseen as well, and it's more than likely that he's inside and next to Ziya. After all they're closer than anyone.

Talon's been on edge for weeks, and James was the normal in his life as Ziya was mine. I've made it clear that it needs to be like this—I'm a fucking hyprocrite for being here, while Talon is rotting away in my house with a bowl of ramen. I had assumed that seeing James being well, and me telling him so, would be enough to ease him.

My fingers tap erratically on the steering wheel as people keep coming and going. None of them will be Ziya, but the delusional hope that I'll see her is what's keeping me inside this car. It's becoming suffocating, almost forcing me out to see my breath of fresh air.

"Fuck," I breathe.

Without another glance I pull away from the building, heading far in the opposite direction. It's now that I realize...finding this son of a bitch mole was never about the money. That's not what's pushing me to the point of breaking. I could give two fucks about money when I've saved up more than enough, and could earn it all back in the blink of an eye. It is about keeping Talon alive, but it's also about Ziya.

From the moment I met her, it's been nothing but her. Nothing else started to matter, and being away from her like this is ruinous to the soul. It's fucking worse when she doesn't know this. I can only imagine how she feels about me. The thought of her loathing me is almost unbearable.

My phone suddenly lights up second after second with a span of texts from Talon. I thought the ramen would hold him out for at least an hour more, so he wouldn't pester me, but I guessed wrong.

T: Where the fuck are u?
T: Meeting with ambino?
T: Hellooooo
T: If i get shot again i will kill u

Then there's Ambino. Hell, taking over never sounded better than it did right now. Then I know I could protect her despite the situations that we face. And that's assuming she'd accept everything that comes with me. The whole fucked up package that presents itself as Malik Atoni.

It's been proven yet, and yet again, that a guy like me needs a woman that is her. No other woman could ever compare to that goddess in disguise. Ever. Ziya Caddel is one of a kind and she's mine. But how can I have her?

———
I felt like this chapter was a little over the place? 😅 Thoughts?

I know it may seem like the book took a random and huge turn but it's needed so Ziya can somewhat find out what Malik does.

Y'all have been getting on me about updating, and believe me when I say I'm trying to write and update as muchh as possible. If I could update every day or every minute I would!

———
No QOTD!

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