chapter twenty-four / eeship-sa
Jamais Vu
(024)

Nothing is unsettling like something that doesn't belong, something that's out of place, something that shouldn't be. In this moment, that unsettling thing was the sound of Namjoon's laugh after we told him about Jungkook being the hacker. It ran chills up my spine, it made the hair on my skin stand straight up as goosebumps peppered my arms.

He kept laughing as he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

"Namjoon?" I worriedly called out in a hushed tone.

"Hyung?" Jungkook looked uneasy, as any sane person would be.

Before another word could be spoken, Namjoon was lunging at Jungkook, hands outstretched to latch onto the boy's shirt. Shouting immediately ensues, both from a threatened Jungkook, a furious Namjoon, and the rest of us that watch in horror. His fist flies back in a blur of motion, it's target being Jungkook's face. Jin and Yoongi attempt to pull Namjoon off of him, but their efforts only make him angrier. I've always known Namjoon to be so gentle and mellow. Yes, he gets mad, he gets frustrated, but never violent; I never thought I'd see him willingly hurt one of us, no matter what it was we did or said.

"Namjoon," I call out, my voice cracking slightly. He doesn't pay me any attention. "Kim Namjoon," I speak louder this time, though not yelling, my voice booms through the air. Namjoon freezes, his fist frozen in the air, just before it was going to hit Jungkook's already swollen face.

He stands there for a moment, breathing heavily, before finally turning around and walking away.

"Where are you going?" I dare to ask.

"Anywhere he isn't. I can't stand to look at him right now."

I start to go after him, but after just one step, I feel a hand tug me back. I turn my head to see that it's Jin. He shakes his head at me, discouraging me from pushing on any farther. "I think it'd be best if you left him alone right now." Those words not only hurt me, they scare me. There's nothing more that I want than to go to him and hold him and tell him that everything will be alright, I want him to do the same, because right now, things don't feel like they'll be alright. I have to stay here, I have to confront Jungkook and make sure everything gets solved between the whole group, and I have to do it without Namjoon, my support, the one I look to when I feel there's no other place to go. Without him to help me, everything seems so much more difficult.

I take a deep breath, knowing the problems we're facing aren't going to wait for me just because I'm not ready. "Alright, Jungkook, you said you could explain, so I suggest you start now." Jungkook nods his head, and I see his Adam's apple bob up and down as he gulps.

Before he even begins, Yoongi walks up to him with a wet towel to clean away the blood on his face and an ice pack to hold to his head. Jungkook bows his head and whispers his gratitude to him.

"Yes, I'm the hacker. I trapped everyone inside the game because I wanted to get away from my dad, but I swear I had nothing to do with people dying. I don't know if it was a glitch, or something went wrong with the system, but I never wanted this to happen." The more Jungkook speaks, the more passionate he gets, desperation and pain laced in his voice. "When I hacked the game so that no one would leave, it was supposed to be a good thing. Elysium was my safe haven, the only place I felt happy; it was supposed to be that for everyone else too."

"Why would you just assume everyone wanted what you wanted? You never gave us a choice in the matter. Yes, bad things do happen in the real world, but that doesn't mean you should run away from it; you should face it so you can learn from it and be a better person," Hoseok explains tearfully.

Jungkook nods in response. I feel from the look on his face that Hoseok didn't have to say it because now, this was something Jungkook knew all too well. He learned that the hard way, the way that causes wounds and scars and pain, but maybe we can help him get to a place of peace and healing. Now that Jungkook understands that he has to face his problems, he can make his life better instead of running from it.

"If you're the one that trapped us here, can't you just undo everything? Ya know, hack your way back to the real world," Taehyung suggests.

Jungkook chuckles, but it sounds anything but humorous. "I would've done that a long time ago if it was possible. I reprogrammed the system so much to make sure no one from the outside world could bring us back, and the only way it could be done from the inside was to defeat the bosses. Never in a million years did I think there'd be any reason for me or anyone else to want to escape."

In unison, everyone in the room sighs. Jungkook holds his head in his hands as his shoulders began to shake. "I made a big mistake, and I understand if you hate me for it, I understand if you never want to speak to me again. I just want you guys to know how much I regret what I did," his voice cracks, "I'm so, so sorry."

The room is quiet, the only thing that can be heard is the youngest's cries. My heart yearns for me to hold him, to do anything to comfort him, but my feet stay glued to the floor.

"It might be best if I left," Jungkook stated rather numbly, staring off into the distance.

Jin scoffs suddenly. "So you have regrets, but you're just gonna do the same exact thing you did before? Run away from your problems? I don't think so! You need to stay here and fix this."

"He's right," I agree. "Besides, you're the best chance we have of getting out of here. You really think we're gonna let you wallow in your self pity while we struggle to find a way out? No, if you're really sorry for what you did, this is your chance to prove it. Don't waste it."

Jungkook nods eagerly. "I'll do anything I can to earn your trust back. I know nothing I do can completely fix what I did- it can never bring back the people who lost their lives, but I don't want anyone to think of me as someone who's evil. I care about people; I know I did wrong and I want to do anything I can to show how sorry I am."

Yes, Jungkook did something terrible, something selfish, and a lot of people suffered for it, but he's not evil, he's not a villain. He's just a boy. Despite knowing this, I can't stop myself from being angry and disappointed in him. I trusted him, yet this whole time, he was hiding something from me that he knew I wouldn't approve of. He knew exactly how I felt about the hacker; then again, that might be why he was so afraid to tell me.

My mind and heart feel conflicted. Part of me wants to run and embrace him, tell him that it's okay and we'll all figure this out together. The other part of me remembers the people that died in Kage and how their families will never see them again. It remembers the terrible things the boss in Genkaku made me see. It thinks of how distant Namjoon is and the pain he must be feeling. It thinks of how Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi could have lost their lives. That part of me is holding onto those memories and thoughts so tightly, I wonder if I can ever completely let go of it.

I see that Jungkook is in pain, I know he needs comfort, but that part of me that is holding onto all of the pain that this boy caused, it makes me turn a blind eye to him. It's too stubborn to forgive and forget and it makes my throat seize up from guilt.

"Until Namjoon recovers, I think we should take a break from going after bosses," I suggest. The others nod their heads in agreement.

Then Jimin grows a despondent look on his face. "What if Hyung doesn't get better?"

"Don't say that, Jimin. He'll-"

"What if he doesn't get better? Like me?" Jimin interrupts, his eyes water up and his already fragile voice cracks. I freeze almost immediately, careful with my next response, almost as if I'm treading on ice.

"You may not have fully recovered, but I can tell you've made a lot of progress, and you're going to continue to make progress. You know why?" Jimin sniffs and shakes his head. "Because we're going to be here for you, and we'll never give up on you, okay? We won't give up on you, or Namjoon."

Though I was still mad at Jungkook for all he'd done, the same was true for him. It was true for everyone in this house. I will never give up on any of them. They are my family, and as long as I'm breathing, I will always do anything and everything I can for them.

It's almost been a week since that night. Not much has changed. Namjoon barely steps foot out of his room, only coming out to eat or use the bathroom. We bumped into each other a few times. I always wait, barely making a move, like he's a scared animal that will immediately flee if I come after it. He'll meet my eyes for a few moments, a look of indecisiveness written out on his features. Sometimes I think from the look in his eyes and the way he rocks on the tips of his toes to the balls of his feet, that he'll finally tear down his walls and come to me. That never happens though. He just clears his throat before stepping to the side to get past me. Each time it feels like my heart is tearing.

It had been a while since I slept by myself; I had grown accustomed to falling asleep to the sound of Namjoon breathing. Now, it feels like something is missing, and that gnawing feeling keeps me up into the late hours of the night.

I toss and turn, trying, but failing, to fall asleep. Out of frustration, I kick off the covers and leave my room, only to find myself right in front of his bedroom door. I stare at it, debating on whether I should knock or not. I lift up my hand to give it a shot, but hesitate for a moment, wondering if he would even open it up to me. Before I can do anything else, I hear the doorknob being turned. The door swings open, and panic builds in my chest as Namjoon stares at me with dark eyes. I slowly lower my hand, embarrassed by the fact that he caught me about to knock on his door.

"What do you want?" I'm taken aback by how coldly he speaks.

"I-I'm sorry, I just-" I stutter over my own words, searching for a reasonable explanation as to why I was at his bedroom door in the middle of the night, other than that I missed him.

"Go back to bed, Wren," he sighs before closing the door back in my face. The sound the door makes when it shuts seems to echo through my body, more specifically, in my chest. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block the tears from leaving my eyes.

I sit down against the wall beside his door. I hug my knees to my chest. I don't know what he saw that is causing him so much pain, but if it's anything similar to what happened to me, I know it's eating away at him, and there's nothing more I want than to help him. I don't know how to, but even if I did, he isn't letting me. I've never felt so helpless.

I barely noticed the presence of anyone else until I heard feet shuffling towards me, and then saw a pair of slippers stop just in front of me. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up to see a sleepy Yoongi with messy hair, and eyes half closed. He let out a yawn before stretching his hand out to help me up. I let out a sniff before wrapping my hand around his warm one. He didn't say anything after lifting me up, he only walked towards his room, pulling me along with him.

Once inside, I saw Hoseok passed out asleep on Yoongi's bed, his mouth wide open as loud snores sounded from him. Yoongi simply poked the side of the younger boy's face, pushing his head so that it gently turned to the side. Hoseok stirred slightly before closing his mouth and sighing softly. It seemed that this was a regular occurrence that Yoongi had to deal with since he knew how to stop Hoseok's snoring.

He turned to me and whispered, "He doesn't like sleeping alone," he stated in a matter of fact, "it seems like you don't either." He motioned for me to get in the bed. Though we were good friends, I didn't feel quite comfortable with the situation. Yoongi must've noticed my hesitation since he curtly added, "don't worry, I'll sleep with my pants on."

It was awkward, but I didn't want to rudely decline his offer, just to go back to my room for a sleepless night, so instead I climbed into his bed and settled under the covers. Yoongi got in after me, squeezing me in between him and Hoseok. I tried not to think of how close together I was to the two boys, especially since Yoongi seemed to think nothing of it.

It was silent for a moment, so I assumed Yoongi had already fallen asleep, but then I heard his gravelly voice speak lowly into my ear. "I know you want to help him, but the best thing you can do, for the both of you, is give him space until he finds his own peace."

I turn to my side to face him to be met with a stern, but sympathetic look. "I'm trying, Yoongi, I really am. I don't know if I can keep this up much longer, though."

"You said you wouldn't give up on him. If that was true, then you don't have any other choice."

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A/N -

Hehe it's been a while. I've lost 98% of my inspiration and motivation for this story, but I promised myself I'd finish it. I love magic shop too much to give up on it now.