"You're on your own again," I tell Ben. "I've got other things to do."

"I'm glad about that," he snarls. "Can't even look you in the face."

We haven't exactly been on right terms lately.

"You're going to hold a grudge forever?"

"Are you going to—" he cuts himself off, frustrated. "She's dead. You're not even showing a little bit of empathy. So yes, I'm going to hold a grudge."

It takes something not to start screaming that she's in my hut right now.

"Well, good luck with it." I walk past him. This is awful. Ruining all my friendships to save someone who doesn't even want to be saved.

As always, I've locked the door of my hut. I've only got one key, and it's in my pocket right now. But if she really wants to get out of there, I'm sure she'll find a way.

I can't stop her from doing that. I have no right to decide anything for her. But I'll keep an eye on my hut anyway.

"Have you seen Newt?" I ask Nick, whose face is pale. Bags below his eyes. Glasses crooked. I don't think he's doing very well.

"In the gardens, I think."

Nodding, I hurry over. My eyes sweep across the place, from the crops to the table with tools. Eventually, I spot him, crouched beside some plants.

"Newt, can we talk? For a moment?"

He looks up. Tiny drops of sweat trickle down his forehead. "Huh? What is it?"

"I need your help."

★

"She's right here." After I explained the whole situation, I open the door to my hut. Then frown to myself. "I hope so, at least."

Both of us step inside. Newt still looks upset— he almost slapped me in the face for letting him believe she was dead for multiple days. Then he got happy. Then sad because of the reason I asked for help: Zee wanting to get herself killed.

"Zee?" Newt asks. "Are you there?"

A short, tense silence before she replies, "Yeah," and she gets up.

I almost scowl at her for doing that without thinking, but keep my mouth shut and just lock the door again.

"You got Newt," she states. It's barely a question, until it follows, "Why would you get Newt?"

"Because Newt can help. Newt can help you. He can help me. He can understand."

"I told you that I don't want help," she responds. Way too calm— which I think is normal for her. In the little snippets of memories I've regained, she never yelled, either. Last night came closest to it.

"I know. Yet I got help anyway. Newt didn't want help at first either, now he says he's glad that he did get help."

"That doesn't mean I will."

Newt interrupts us. "Whatever. I'm here to help and I will."

"How, Newt?" Her eyes flash between the two of us. "It's too late. You can't just give someone their sanity back."

"We can try. It'll take time, but—"

"And I can't hide here forever. I won't."

"You don't have to hide here forever," Newt says, his voice steady but soft. "We're not saying that. We just need time to figure things out."

Zee crosses her arms. "Figure things out? What's left to figure? I'm a murderer, I'm insane, and they want me dead."

"They don't want you dead. They just... it's hard to explain. But I know you understand as well, even if you can't explain it either."

"Nick knows I can't be fixed, too. He saw it. That's why he suggested it. He knew it would be the best option."

"Just let us help you," Newt presses.

She glares at him, and for a second, I think she might snap. But then she just shakes her head. "You don't get it."

"Then explain it," Newt presses. "Help me understand."

"I can't," she says sharply, her eyes narrowing. "I don't know how to stop feeling like this. I killed someone. They won't forgive me. I don't forgive myself."

I glance at Newt, searching for some sign telling me he knows what to do next. But even Newt looks uncertain now.

"We can't change what happened, but we won't let you die because of that," I tell her.

"It's not about how much Minho might despise you, or how much you might've lost sanity: you're still a good person," Newt adds.

"Until I'm not."

"That won't happen. We will prevent that. Nick regrets what he did— he might not say it, but he does. He's been very somber lately. I think he'll understand if we tell him."

She opens her mouth, about to say something, but changes her mind and disappears again.