MESSY.
019, a blip

" DARLING, YOU KNOW ME AND YOUR DAD DON'T MIND YOU STAYING." I hear my mum say as she walks around my position at the table of the house I grew up in.

Multiple tabs of the location estate agents for houses for sale — the thought of renting came across my head, just in case I needed to make a quick getaway. Which I hope I won't have to do any time soon.

I look up as she sits down opposite me, palming a cup of coffee as I exhale " mum I know." I tell her " but you also need to understand that I can't live with my parents when I'm almost twenty eight years old."

She hums, although it's clear she doesn't believe me — which is further reinforced by her next question " are you sure this isn't just a blip? you and Drew? Darling you know...The breakup?"

I glare at her and her lack of understanding that me and Drew are over. She doesn't know about Callum, she knows that we ' rekindled' on set but she doesn't know that it's anything romantic.

In her eyes, I met a boy and moved in with him in a city across the world. She knows I was happy, she knows that I was hurting but Drew patched up what I needed patching up. She knows that the American boy would send her flowers on her birthday and on Mother's Day. She knows that he loved me and I loved him.

She'd think it's too quick, that I was using my reconciliation with my best friend as a rebound because god forbid I told her I broke up with Drew for him. Even though we're not even officially dating — we're brimming on the verge of it.

She thinks I need time, time because I haven't been home in ages. Time back in the uk, thinking that the reason I've come back and broken up with Drew was because of the fact I missed home.

And she loves Callum — it's impossible not to with the amount of time we've known him. but I can also see how she thinks the time we spend together could make me stay permanently ( although I have no intention of leaving).

He's on set most days, or he's training for his character — I only see him in the evenings and he's normally too tired to do anything so we stay in, watch a film or find something else to do and then I'll go back home before the last tube because I know my mum will worry about it.

He stands in the doorway, I kiss him and he tells me to text him when I get home. I walk down the steps towards his gate, normally turn back spring back up the steps to get one more kiss out of him. He murmurs that I could stay over into the kiss and I reply something relating to my mum and he jokes that he feels like we're teenagers sneaking around. I kiss him once ( or twice, or sometimes even three times) more, wave goodbye once the gate begins to shut.

Walk to the tube stop and once I'm on the tube he texts saying ' I wish you stayed over' and I smile and wish I had as well.

And I come home, text him that I'm back and crash on the sofa of my dad's office with my dad who is reading his same withered copy of the beautiful and the dammed in his leather chair that he has been since I was ten and would come in from school.

Who asks where I've been and when I say 'Callum's' he just hums and goes back to the pages he's read a million times before. Because he knows, I haven't told him. But I think he's always known that there was something there, even if I didn't.

But mum, she exits from her little hidey hole and storms into the office. Looking at me in that way that reminds me of when I was sixteen and came in later than my curfew — with so much panic and anxiety that you wouldn't believe I'm almost two years from thirty.

And when she asks where I've been, and I once again say ' Cal's' I face an onslaught of questions. All that just end with me saying ' he's my friend'.

I don't understand my own love life; god knows my mum wouldn't even understand the concept of it.

from the screen as she tuts " I just don't want you making any rash decisions about moving back here- don't get me wrong darling I am so so happy you're back-"

She stops, as I wait for the inevitable " but...I'm sure whatever you and Drew are going through you'll work through—" I fight the urge for my eyes to roll.

I exhale " mum, we broke up and we will remain broken up permanently." I hum, as I flicker my eyes back down to the screen, " I'm not going back to New York and I'm not going to live here forever." I tell her.

A small huff leaves her lips, as she moves away. Exiting into another room. And my eyes move back to the house that isn't far from where I use to live. The house I passed  few days ago, smiling at the sight of two little girls dancing in little fairy costumes in the window.

Although my house searching strays even further at the buzzing of my phone, and the contact that forces a smile onto my lips.

CONTACT: cal😙

cal😙
I miss you

cal😙
come to set

olls💘
aren't you shooting still?

cal😙
your point being...

olls💘
that I'll distract you from your work !!

olls💘
plus I'm house hunting because no respectable twenty seven year olds still live with their parents xx

cal😙
house hunt in my trailer!!

cal😙
you're distracting me either way so I'd rather you be here x

olls💘
you're insufferable turner

cal😙
you love it hartley

olls💘
fine, give me an hour

cal😙
see you soon x

olls💘
❤️

" MISS, ARE YOU MEANT TO BE HERE?" one security guard (out of many) asks as I verge towards the set, my jeans and faded abba tee that is the one thing that remains in the old drawers of my child hood bedroom that fits me. Although it leaves standing out like a sore thumb amongst every one else who dons 1940s clothing.

I shoot him a smile and a nod " yes, I'm visiting a member of the cast," I tell him and he flicks through the pad he has, with what I assume is names and faces.

" name?" he asks and as I open my mouth, there's a voice that interrupts me.

" Olls!" my eyes move from the security guard to the figure who's pacing himself towards us. He's fully in costume, his other hand clutching his script as I smile and wave. The security guard turning his head and observing the interaction,

How Callum runs up, lifting me up like this is some reunion scene and we haven't seen each other in years when in actuality it's been a couple of days. How I laugh when he moves his head into the crook of my head and kisses any space of my skin that he can. How when he eventually puts me down and there's the big smile on those lips that after a few more seconds of looking at I kiss.

And when we pull away he turns to the security guard, " she's with me." he tells him, not even letting the man process before my arms being pulled towards the set. Letting go of my hand as his arm runs over my shoulder,

I notice the looks from the crew, people who know who he is, who I am. How we walk and how when he talks to me his head ducks to whisper in my ear. The breakup isn't public knowledge yet, people speculate — I see the tweets and the Instagram posts. But I haven't said anything publicly, nor has Drew. It's not the public's right to know what has happened. So they don't.

" ooh, nice trailer leading man." I tease as I walk through the door that he holds open for me. I hear his laugh and subsequently the pressure in of his hands over my waist " quiet you."

I laugh as I scan the area — a couple of sofas, a tv, a mini fridge. Damn, I need to get myself on George Clooney movies.

" right," he says, as I turn to face him " make yourself at home I guess." he hums and I smile at him.

I place my bag on the sofa and turn back to him, noticing how close he's gotten — in the time apart he's contracted an inability to keep his hands off me. But I'm not complaining.

I exhale " how many scenes you got to do?" I hum as he tilts his head " a couple little ones, and then I was thinking we could go out for dinner or something?"

I curve my lips " are you asking me on a date mr turner?" I hum as he nods his head and wets his lips with his tongue.

Leaning in closer as he hums " yeah, I suppose I am Hartley."

He kisses me, it's tender at first but a need lingers in it. A desire that feels like it belongs in the threshold we haven't crossed yet.

I don't know what we've been waiting for, there's been plenty of opportunities. Each evening we spend together, when our kisses deepen and then his hands fall lower. And each time I pull away and say I need to go home. And he nods his head and pretends he isn't confused.

It's new to me, this. Me and Callum in this capacity is all new to me. Being out my relationship with Drew is new to me. My life is changing so much right now and I don't think I'm ready to cross that line yet.

And my saviour comes in the form of a tap at the door, which makes Callum pull away and let go of me. Saying something as the door opens and a crew member looks awkwardly between us before he's summoned to set.

He looks at me " see you in a bit." he says and I smile and push back some hair,

" I'll be here." I tell him, pushing one more kiss to his lips before he's gone.

AUTHORS NOTE
im back!! ( blame my uni work)