𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞
˗ˏˋ ꒰                                                   ꒱ ˎˊ˗

"SO WHAT DO you have for us, Detective Bonner?" Derek asked as he, Cassidy, and Emily arrived at the crime scene—a narrow, cluttered alleyway leading to a small field where Beth's body had been discovered. The detective shot them a brief, calculating glance, assessing the team before nodding toward the path ahead. Without a word, she began walking, the gravel crunching underfoot as they followed her, their boots kicking up tiny clouds of dust. She suddenly stopped, speaking without hesitation, her voice low. "Beth's body was found over there." She pointed toward a small clearing in the alley. The agents followed the motion, their eyes immediately drawn to the spot where the body had been discovered. 

Cassidy's nose wrinkled in disgust, her sharp senses assaulted by an insufferable odor that she was familiar with. "Is... is that urine I smell?" Her words were tinged with disbelief, as though the very idea of it was unfathomable. Her dark eyes flicked to the grimy ground beneath her boots, trying to avoid stepping on anything that might make the situation even worse.

"I thought that was air freshener," Prentiss quipped, a faint smile playing on her lips as she adjusted her hair in the wind.

Morgan, however, had already shifted his attention to the ground beneath them. His sharp eyes scanned the littered alleyway, where discarded food containers and wrinkled wrappers lay scattered. He stepped over a discarded cereal box, looking at the damp cardboard. "There's drugstore food everywhere," he noted, looking at the three women before scanning the ground for any potential clues amidst the debris. He crouched slightly, his hand brushing over a receipt, and paused. The ground beneath his boots crunched with each step, but his mind was elsewhere, picking apart the scattered clues in front of him. "A lot of this doesn't belong here. People don't usually eat like this unless they're trying to hide something."

As they rounded the corner, Cassidy's eyes swept across the scene in front of her, her jaw tightening as she took in the details. Cardboard boxes, some flattened, some still half-formed, were stacked along the sides of the alley like makeshift shelters. Tattered blankets were piled haphazardly, and her eyes lingered on the signs of life that were scattered about—worn shoes, discarded jackets, old newspapers that had been abandoned like everything else in this forgotten corner of the city. "I think this is a homeless corridor, Morgan," she suggested quietly, her voice full of empathy, though tinged with sadness. "Beth was found here?"

The detective nodded, squinting against the glare of the sun as she shielded her eyes with her hand. "Abby was found in a shantytown as well." She confirmed.

Prentiss, who was studying the circle of discarded items with a furrowed brow, raised an eyebrow as her thoughts clicked into place. "Well, there's another thing to add to our list. Our unsub hunts and travels through these areas unnoticed, blending in with his surroundings." Her words cut through the silence, her mind already working overtime as she pieced together what they had learned. The sudden rustle of a plastic bag floating on the wind caught her attention, drawing her focus away from the discarded objects. A frown deepened across her face as she considered the implications.

"So he's homeless?" Cassidy asked, biting her bottom lip nervously, eyes darting from one agent to the next before scribbling more notes on her pad.

Morgan nodded thoughtfully, his gaze scanning the cluttered surroundings. "Or appears to be."

Detective Bonner, standing at Cassidy's side, leaned in to read over the notes, her brow furrowing slightly as her gaze traced the younger agent's handwriting. Her lips thinned into a tight line before she spoke again. "He most likely has a car. To get them from the abduction site to here," she offered, her voice quiet but firm, as though she had seen enough to make that conclusion with certainty.

"Just because you're homeless doesn't mean you're carless." Morgan agreed.

Cassidy took a step back, letting the comment hang in the air as she continued to think. "Which could be why he went for high-risk victims first. They were all around him. Easy to target." She paused, chewing on her pen as she looked at the strewn belongings—tattered shoes, old jackets, things discarded like memories in the dirt. "It all leads back to wanting power and control," she murmured, more to herself than anyone else. "He wants the upper hand."

"Then," Emily interjected, her tone decisive, as she glanced back toward the entrance of the alley, "Let's get back to Hotch and Rossi with what we found." She turned sharply, the heels of her boots clicking against the gravel as she led the way out of the alley. Derek and Cassidy exchanged a brief look before falling in line behind her, their minds still running over the pieces they had just uncovered

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ✧ ★ ✧꒱ ˎˊ˗

By the time that both the teams returned to the precinct, another body had been discovered. Exhaustion lined the faces of the agents and detectives alike, the urgency of their work evident in every hurried step and weary glance. Valerie and Cassidy retreated to the breakroom, seeking a brief reprieve from the intensity of the investigation. Cassidy busied herself with pouring a cup of coffee, the steam rising as she glanced over at her best friend in concern.

"So, Reid really just ignored your insights the entire time?" she asked, disbelief coloring her tone.

Valerie leaned against the counter, arms crossed tightly over her chest. She exhaled sharply, the frustration clear in the tightness of her jaw. "Pretty much. I know he's brilliant, but it's like he forgets I've studied this stuff too. Just because I don't spout things every five seconds doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about."

The older woman nodded, offering a mug towards Valerie once more. "Sure you don't want one, Val? I doubt Hotch is sending you back out right away. He's not a monster."

Valerie's lips curved into a weary smile, shaking her head softly to decline the offer. "Thanks, but I'll pass. Hotch might give me a break, but Uncle David won't. He wants me to join him, JJ, and Reid to investigate the third body."

Cassidy face twisted in disgust as she sank into one of the precinct's uncomfortable chairs. "God, what kind of sicko does this? How can the team do this every day? It's sickening."

The young woman looked toward her friend with a somber expression. With a helpless shrug of her shoulders, she conveyed the depth of her uncertainty. "I don't know, Cass. I just don't know."

Their conversation was abruptly interrupted by a familiar voice.

"We're heading out now, Dr. Romero." Both women turned to see Spencer Reid standing in the doorway, his shoulders slightly hunched as he leaned against the doorway. "Rossi wants you to come with us."

"I'll see you later, Cassidy." Valerie nodded toward the woman, offering a small smile as she rose gracefully to her feet, quickly following Spencer out of the room.

Cassidy watched them go, a wry smile tugging at her lips as the door closed behind them. "Those two will be the death of us all," she muttered, then took a sip of her hot coffee. Immediately, she grimaced, holding the cup at arm's length like it was toxic waste. "God, this coffee taste like actual sewage. How is there not a single coffee shop in this godforsaken town?"

In the hallway, an awkward silence settled between Valerie and Spencer, stretching like a wire. Valerie cleared her throat nervously, trying to ease the tension, but Spencer only gave her a brief, pointed look before focusing back ahead. His mind was already back at the crime scene, dissecting evidence and constructing theories.

"Is there something you need?" he asked curtly, glancing over his shoulder with a glare. 

Valerie hesitated for a moment, caught off guard by the sharpness in his voice. For a brief moment, she considered dropping the subject entirely, swallowing her discomfort and allowing the silence to stretch on. But she was tired—tired of the way he dismissed her, tired of the way he acted as though she wasn't worth his time.

"I—uh... where did they find the third body?" she finally asked, her voice careful, almost cautious.

Spencer sighed audibly, his frustration clear in the way he ran a hand through his curls. "You'll find out soon enough. Let's just get there first."

That should have been the end of it. Valerie should have let it go. But something inside her snapped.

"What is your problem with me?"

She stopped abruptly, forcing him to do the same. Her heart pounded, but she refused to let herself back down now.

Spencer turned to face her fully, his body tense with barely restrained irritation. His hazel eyes burned with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine. "My problem, Romero, is you,: he shot back, each syllable laced with unfiltered frustration. "You don't belong here. You're fresh out of medical school. You haven't seen the things we've seen. The things we've lived through. This isn't some sanitized hospital where you diagnose patients and send them on their way with a treatment plan. We deal with monsters. Real-life monsters. And no amount of training can prepare you for what that means. People die on our watch, and we can't just save them."

Valerie felt the words hit her like a slap, her breath catching in her throat.

A few officers in the precinct turned to glance in their direction, sensing the argument unfolding between the two agents. Valerie felt a surge of anger and embarrassment, her face burning humiliation as her hands balled into fists at her sides.

"You think I don't know that?" Her voice trembled. "Yes, I'm trained in medicine a psychology, not criminology and law like you, but I've studied as much as I could for this. I worked just as hard to get where I am today. Just because I didn't start with a badge doesn't mean I don't deserve to be a part of this team." Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, but she fought to keep them at bay. "I just want to make a difference like the rest of you."

Spencer's expression didn't soften. If anything, it grew colder.

"Wanting to make a difference isn't enough," he said flatly. "You have to prove yourself."  The doctor shook his head, his voice cold as ice. he insisted, his tone cutting through the air like a knife. Despite the pang of guilt that tugged at his conscience, he stood firm in his belief. "And frankly, you haven't done that yet."

Valerie swallowed back a sob, fighting to regain her composure. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. "If that's how you feel, then I'll go," she whispered, barely able to force the words out. "You'll never have to see me again, and I won't be around to mess up your precious case." She took a shaky breath, blinking back tears. "You're right, Spencer. I don't belong here."

She turned away before he could see her break.

"But I thought I found somebody who was like me."

As Valerie disappeared down the hallway, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders like a curtain of shadows, Spencer stood frozen in place,  conflicting emotions swirling within him. "Goddammit." he muttered under his breath as he raked a hand through his short curls. He felt a pang of regret gnawing at him, a gnawing sense of loss. He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head before walking out to the vehicle that JJ and Rossi were sitting in.

Valerie walked away without another word, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as though trying to hold herself together. Spencer stood frozen in place, his eyes watching her vulnerable, retreating figure, his mind replaying the last few seconds over and over again.

"Goddammit," he muttered under his breath, raking a hand through his hair. A pang of regret twisted in his gut, sharper than he expected. He pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply as he forced himself to push down the guilt clawing at his chest. 

JJ and Rossi were already waiting by the SUV, watching him with knowing expressions. He didn't need to hear their thoughts to know what they were thinking.

As he slid into the black SUV, shutting the door behind him with a little more force than necessary. His mind was still spinning, replaying his last words to Valerie as the truth weighed heavily on his mind.

He hadn't meant to be so harsh.

He hadn't meant to push her away.

But the words had tumbled out, cutting deep in a way he couldn't take back. And the worst part? He understood exactly how she felt.

He knew what it was like to be underestimated, to feel like an outsider in a world that demanded proof of worth.

Hotch, Morgan, JJ—they had all been there for him when he needed it most. Gideon had guided him when he was lost.

And now, when he had the chance to do the same for someone else... he had pushed her away instead.

The thought settled heavily in his chest, gnawing at him as the SUV pulled away from the precinct. Rossi, who was sitting in the passenger seat, immediately picked up on the tension radiating off of the younger man. He exchanged a small glance with JJ, who was already watching Spencer through the rearview mirror with concern.

"Spencer," Rossi said, his voice calm but firm. "Why isn't Valerie with you?"

The young genius exhaled sharply, shifting his gaze out the window as he took a moment to gather his thoughts. "She didn't want to come with us anymore," he admitted, his voice quieter than before. "We got into an argument." His jaw tightened as his lips drew into a firm line. "I was too hard on her."

JJ's fingers drummed lightly against the steering wheel, nodding empathetically. "You should talk to her, Spencer. Try to make things right," she suggested, her eyes flicking back to him in the mirror. The blonde looked over at Rossi as muttered something under his breath, shaking his head. JJ sighed softly, pressing her foot on the gas, the SUV pulling away from the precinct and heading out towards the crime scene.

And for the first time in a long time, Spencer Reid wasn't sure if he had just made a terrible mistake.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ✧ ★ ✧꒱ ˎˊ˗

Valerie didn't know where to go.

Her vision blurred with tears as she wandered aimlessly through the cold, fluorescent-lit hallways of the police precinct, each step heavier than the last.  The weight of Spencer's words clung to her, suffocating, pressing down on her chest with an unbearable heaviness. You don't belong here. The accusation echoed in her mind, cutting deeper with every repetition. Her breathing hitched, uneven and shallow as she hurried past the break room where Hotch, Cassidy, and Emily sat. The faint aroma of coffee and the quiet murmur of conversation barely registered, drowned out by the deafening rush of blood in her ears. She quickened her pace, desperate to escape, to find a place where she could break down without an audience.

A secluded corner at the far end of the hallway became her sanctuary. The walls were cold against her back as she slid down to the floor, her body curling in on itself. Trembling hands covered her face, muffling the choked sobs that wracked her frame. Tears spilled freely, hot and unrelenting, tracing streaks down her cheeks. She had known this world would be different—harsher, more brutal than anything she had faced before—but she hadn't expected this. Hadn't expected him to be the one to push her away.

"Agent."

The voice was calm, controlled—yet it cut through the suffocating haze of her anguish like a blade. She knew who it was before she even looked up, the sound of soft footsteps behind him. Hotch's usually stern demeanor softened as he approached, assessing the situation. 

Valerie hastily wiped at her face, trying to compose herself, but the evidence of her breakdown was undeniable. Red-rimmed eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, shoulders trembling from the effort of holding it all in.

Hotch crossed his arms, keeping a respectable distance, but his sharp gaze missed nothing. "Valerie, what happened?"

She tried to speak, but her throat tightened, the words lodging painfully behind the lump that refused to go away. Instead, she lowered her gaze to the marble floor tiles, her silence speaking volumes.

Cassidy, always attuned to her best friend's emotions, took a hesitant step forward before kneeling beside her. The dark-skinned woman wiped away a stray tear on Valerie's cheek, her hand lingering there for reassurance. She searched Valerie's face, reading the hurt etched into every line.

"Was it Reid?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Valerie nodded, her breath hitching as fresh tears welled up. She struggled to steady herself, to find the words that wouldn't make her sound as weak as she felt. "We... we got into an argument," she finally choked out, her voice raw, broken. "He said I don't belong here." Her fingers curled into fists in her lap, nails digging into her palms as she whispered, "And I think he's right."

The confession hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.

Hotch and Emily exchanged a look—one that spoke of experience, of understanding more than they let on. Without a word, Emily took a quiet step back, already forming a plan, already knowing exactly who she needed to speak with.

Looking up, Valerie found solace in Cassidy's reassuring gaze, finding the older doctor's presence a comforting. Her best friend had always been her anchor, but right now, even Cassidy's presence felt like a lifeline she wasn't sure she deserved. 

Cassidy glanced back at Hotch, silently asking for a moment alone.  "I think I can handle this if you give me a few minutes, Hotch," she said softly, her hand gently smoothing Valerie's dark hair in a comforting motion. "Maybe you should go deal with Reid."

Hotch studied them for a moment, his sharp eyes assessing Valerie's vulnerable frame, the way her shoulders curled inward like she was trying to disappear. He exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Of course. Take all the time you need," he murmured, his voice quieter than usual. "We'll be in the conference room when you two are ready."  With a small nod, he turned and walked away, leaving the two women alone in the dimly lit hallway.

The moment he was gone, Cassidy pulled Valerie into her arms. The younger woman clung to her, fingers fisting the fabric of Cassidy's jacket as fresh tears spilled over. The elder woman held her tight, her voice a soothing whisper against Valerie's ear. "I got you, Val. Just breathe."

Valerie shook her head against her shoulder, her breath hitching between sobs. "I can't—I don't—" She broke off, pressing a hand to her chest as if she could physically hold herself together. "It's too much. I don't belong here, Cass."

The woman sighed, tightening her grip. "Don't you dare say that," she murmured, her voice fierce but gentle. "You are brilliant, Valerie. You are strong. You just had a shitty day, and a shitty genius who doesn't know how to talk to people made it worse."

Valerie let out a shaky laugh, but it was hollow, lost beneath the weight crushing her. "It's not just him," she whispered. "It's everything."

With a sympathetic nod, the older woman held her tighter, cradling the younger girl in her arms. "I know, Val, but maybe—"

Valerie swallowed hard, her lips parting like she wanted to say something, but the words caught in her throat. She stared at Cassidy, eyes red-rimmed and glassy, before finally forcing out the truth she didn't want to admit.

"I want my life back."