[a/n: after thinking about it for days, i've finally reached to the conclusion that liam won't be a main character in the story. i just didn't want him to be an asshole, so i kept him away from harry's group. i had already decided to keep a certain amount of people in lou's group. i'm sorry if this is hurtful to you in some way. i love liam and this is just some fiction.]

•••

//past//

❝ L O U I S ❞

"lou?"

"yes pheebs?" i looked up from my book and smiled fondly at my sister. she smiled back and climbed on my lap.

"is harry gonna come today?" she asked with a glint of hope in her eyes.

i sighed. "i don't know. mostly?" it was more of a question. harry looked quite angry today and we didn't talk about the tuition thing. although, i don't really care much about it because it is him who needs me for good marks, not the opposite.

"he's so pretty, louis. he has curls and dimples. i want them too." she muttered shyly. seems like someone has a crush, i mentally cringed at the thought.

"you are pretty too. so gorgeous. you don't need curly hair or dimples to be pretty. you have such a kind heart. a heart filled with love and kindness makes a person beautiful," i kissed her temple.

"thank you, lou." she blushed. "is harry's heart full of love and kindness?"

'he doesn't have one'; i wanted to say. "i-i... maybe." she seemed to contemplate for a while and then beamed at me. "you are beautiful. you have such a big heart. you love all of us so much, just like mum!" hearing this from her made me so happy. at least, i'm being a good brother.

"aw love," i hugged her tightly. my sisters were a blessing to me. i love them immensely as much as I love flowers. everyone has their happy place. flowers are mine. everyone i love, resembles a flower, as i love to think. i know that might seem unnecessary, but i love flowers, it's like they elicit so many traits and emotions, just like us. it's beautiful. it is something i've been doing for years now. whomever i like or love or adore, i assign them a flower. that is my thing.

phoebe is a white carnation; full of innocence and her love for everything- so pure.

daisy, like her name, is a gerbera daisy; though they are twins, daisy is totally different from phoebe. she conveys cheerfulness, liveliness.

lottie or charlotte if you say, is a proper dahlia; so bold, bright and beautiful.

felicite is my freesia; extremely sweet and thoughtful. although a teenager, the girl is so mature and dedicated to her passion.

my mother was a delphinium; so vivacious and lighthearted. she was beautiful inside out.

taylor is a cornflower; fun and whimsical, bright and fresh. her wits and cheerfulness made me admire her more.

gigi is an orchid; with her exotic beauty and femininity, refinement and mature charm.

niall is a sunflower; represents warmth and adoration. the boy is always so uplifting and happy.

now, there are so many other people i would like to list out, but that's just too much work. however, i was snapped out of my thoughts when i felt something poking my side. i pretended to huff. "lottie, what?" she was giggling at my annoyance. "bugger!"

"there's this hot stranger having a tea party with dee and pheebs."

"harry," i grumbled and got up from my place. what's with my sisters and them fawning over that asshole. also, was i that deep into my thoughts that i totally missed to notice phoebe's absence from my lap? as i walked out, i saw harry sitting criss cross on the grass, drinking tea and chattering with my sisters with his infamous dimpled grin plastered on his face. wanker! "um...?" there was a fake crown perched on harry's mop of curls.

he looked up and his grin turned into a tip lipped smile. am i that ugly? and somehow i always end up with this question in my mind around harry-the beautiful tosser-styles.

"oh... i have to go now," he pouted jokingly and my little sisters giggled.

"s'okay, you should study." phoebe smiled shyly.

while daisy just tsked. "sad."

"we'll continue this tomorrow." harry smiled and leaned forward to place a peck on both of their cheeks. my sisters looked genuinely sad at his departure and i felt like an asshole of a brother for causing that. but on the flip side, i don't want this. i don't want my sisters to get attached to my charming bully. this was bad. what if they kept hanging out with him and realized he is better than their fat brother? what if someday they'll choose him over me? what will i do? i know i am exaggerating, but as i've mentioned earlier, i love them a lot and they are the closest thing to my mother that i'm left with. i don't want to lose them because of some arsehat stranger.

"when you are done, come upstairs." i whispered bitterly and turned around and left. for some reason tears were threatening to spill out of my eyes and i didn't want to cry in front of my sisters or that harry, who would have loved it, i'm sure. i hate how i have to teach my bully, i hate it that my sisters took a liking to him, i hate how charming he is!

when harry came upstairs, he sat on my bed; more like lied and smirked at me. "your jealousy was showing, fatty. i mean, of course i'm beautiful and people would want to be around me. you don't have to be jealous if your sisters love me more than you!"

that was it. i know he just loved to insult me, but his words always sting. i turned around to look outside the window, scared that maybe he's right. maybe my sisters don't love me 'cause their brother is a fat freak. maybe i'm not that good of a brother. what if they leave me just like mom did? this caused my heart to pick its beat irregularly.

"what happened fatso?" i heard harry's voice faintly, but i couldn't care less. fuck him!

i looked down to watch phoebe, daisy and lottie play and felicite sat across from them reading a novel. she loves reading, she is very smart. they remind me of my mom, retaining one of her qualities. the fear of losing them scared me to death, it was like losing mum twice. mum; i miss her. fuck! i don't want to have a full on break down in front of harry for him to hold this against me and make fun of me later.

"louis?"

his voice was too close, he was too close for my liking and when he tapped my shoulder, my felt a weird jolt throughout my body. i cannot do this. not today.

and for the first time i stood up for myself and pushed him away with as much force i could muster up. this surprised him as much as it has surprised me "pl-please leave me alone... please. i c-cannot- not today. get out of my house, please!"

without any other word, harry picked his satchel up and left. and when i heard my door shut, i couldn't help but sob. i cannot do this without my mom. and at that moment i can think of only one thing to calm my nerves. cigarettes. if she would have been here, she would have flipped the shit. however, that's the gist now. she isn't here anymore to take my pain away like these cancer sticks do.

i wish she was here.

-

❝ But then the devil took your breath away,
And now we're left here in the pain. ❞
— Ed Sheeran

____________________________

<if you found some mistake while reading, please inform about it kindly. i'll change it as the chaper is unedited and pre-written by the original author of this book (obviouslarreh) . i'm just publishing>

12/12/2020

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🎣: what are some of your favorite fan fictions? (Y'all can recommend me, strictly bottom Louis)

🌮: Mine—

(I recommend y'all to read them if you haven't till now. They are amazing!)

Locker 17 (Larry),
Baby heaven's in your eyes (Larry),
Daddy (by LonghairedIrwin) [Larry],
A model and A fan (Larry),
When the smoke is in your eyes (Larry),
Imperfectly perfect (Nouis),
Assassin after my heart (Zouis),
Groom for rent (Ziam),
The brother I never wanted (Larry),
Wicked (Larry),
I'll throw away my faith (just to keep you safe) [Larry],
Wanted Most (Larry)
Love me until the end (Larry),
And many more...

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i hope you liked the chapter x