[a/n: i just wanted to say i'm writing another larry book. i'm insatiable. also, this chapter is kind of dull? whatever. maybe next chapter will be dull, too? idk. but the drama is coming— coming to an end in a way. whatever 🤷‍♀️]

//past//

❝ H A R R Y ❞

red tulips, purple hyacinths and yellow carnations. harry recalled the flowers mentally and walked inside the flower shop. The little shop looked and smelled so pleasant early in the morning. it was so colorful and aesthetic that harry was reminded of some instagram posts. quickly, he told the florist his specific order and got the bouquet of his choice.

today was louis' birthday. undoubtedly, harry had wished him at midnight. at first, he was a little antsy about it, but figuring it might make louis happy, he did it. now that he had accepted his feelings, it felt actually easy. louis was livid when harry had wished him through a message. though he had sent just a 'thank you', harry had felt giddy and slept with a stupid grin on his lips.

in the morning, he had decided to drop by louis' place and give him some flowers, as the boy seemed to be obsessed with flowers. however, while showering, he got an idea to subtly make louis aware about his feelings for him and being sorry that they can't be together. flowers were the best way to tell louis, as he would understand quickly. also, it will be better than to speak it out loud. delightfully, he had googled about some flowers and their meanings. once sure what he had to buy, he skipped out of his house.

the ride to louis' was dreadful. this was the first time he will be confessing his feelings for someone, indirectly but still. a little part of him was sad that he could not be with louis and he had to break louis' heart. because even if he likes this boy, he possibly cannot jeopardize his reputation. it just stupid crush. he will get over it, louis will get over it. he really hopes though. also, louis will understand when he'll see the flowers. louis doesn't look like he is into him. how embarrassing, harry thought. he fell for the fat boy, not the other way around. nonetheless, they were some stupid feelings. they'll go away once he gets done with the dare and distance himself from louis.

-

❝ L O U I S ❞

last year this time they had lost their mother. but his lovely sisters still baked him a cake, frosting was a little messy, topped it with strawberries and their love. his dad had smiled a little for the first time after so many days. all of this for him and his heart was full.

this year it was different. this time harry was there too with his family. harry had come in the morning and surprised him with his sisters. that was the first time he met louis' dad. last night, when harry had messaged him, louis was really overwhelmed. harry told him his sisters told him about his birthday and louis wasn't sure how to respond. so, he had sent a little thank you. they really were friends.it made him tear up a little. it, for some reason, was such an intimate gesture. never in a million years he had thought his bully will be celebrating his birthday with him and his family. what a movie-like incident!

"happy birthday louis." they exclaimed, as the twins crawled on his bed, hugging him simultaneously. louis smiled brightly at them, mumbling thank you. he made eye contact with harry and felt his heart race a little too fastly. what? quickly, he averted his eyes, bringing his attention to the cake his family baked for him. they sang the birthday song embarrassingly loudly as louis cut the cake. instead of a wish, he had thanked god for giving him a new friend. if only he knew...

after cutting the cake and handing their gifts, his father and siblings waltz out of his room, leaving him and harry alone. it felt a bit awkward, but he shrugged it off and looked up and smiled. "thank you."

harry smiled softly, knowing very well that louis was happy to see him. the shorter one of them patted on the mattress to motion harry to take a seat. harry was quick to obey, bouquet still clutched in his hand. he even made a flower crown with the help of phoebe and daisy before they woke louis up. it was quiet for a moment.

"harry..." louis was the first to break the silence. he smiled gratefully, "i am actually very happy that we got past our spat. i am happy-

harry quickly shook his head and butted in "it was never you, louis." well, it is true. louis never started anything, it was always harry and his friends. "it was always us. you are very sweet." wow, what the fuck? now, louis will think he is just some simp.

contrary to this thought, louis had lurched forward and hugged him. harry heard a little cry from louis and was startled. louis was crying. it was overwhelming for harry too. consciously, he wrapped his arms around the boy, sighing. "thank you." louis mumbled softly, pulling away from the hug, much to his dismay. "i'm, i'm really glad that we could become friends."

of course, friends. louis is just too dense. does he not understand what harry is trying to convey? however, harry felt his heart shattering. he knew he was giving louis false hopes, only for him to crush them. why does everything have to be this hard? he really, really liked this boy. thinking this might not be able to hug louis after this, harry hugged the boy again, a little too tightly. "i'm sorry..." for everything. for everything which is coming towards you. he thought the last part, feeling the hot tears stinging the corner of his eyes.

"i-i made this for you..." harry pulled away, putting a beautiful flower crown made of fresh flowers. "and this." he handed him a bouquet of flowers, blinking back the tears. he just hoped louis would get his message.

there were a lot of tulips, few hyacinth and few carnations. and when louis' eyes widened a little and his body froze, harry knew he got the message. he took a shaky breath and smiled. that's it. louis knows about his feelings. the lad slowly looked up from the bouquet, giving harry a bewildered expression.

"i have to go now." harry muttered softly, bringing his lower lip between his teeth. this is hard. "i- i... merry christmas." he mumbled, leaning forward to peck louis' cheek. with another shaky breath, he pulled away and got up to leave. louis was still motionless. "i'm glad too, y'know." and quickly turned to leave, feeling the tightness in his throat. weren't they just some stupid feelings? then why is it so hard? with slow steps, he trudged down the stairs. his hand flew in haste to wipe the hot tear that rolled down his cheek. what the fuck, harry?!

he was almost out of their house when he was stopped by a little yelp from lottie, who came running toward him, a red tulip in her hand. "from louis." she smiled softly, handing it to him. what?

harry looked down at the flower with tearful eyes and then at louis' window. the boy was indeed standing there, with a very sorrowful look etched on his face. he really ruined louis' birthday for him.

'fuck.'

harry thought. this wasn't supposed to happen. now it wasn't just his misery anymore. sighing deeply, he turned around to leave, the tulip loosely gripped in his hand. he really shouldn't have agreed for the dare. this was his biggest mistake. is this how it feels when a heart falls out? it was the first time in two years when harry let himself cry. why is life so unrelenting?

-

❝I don't wanna be your friend, I want to kiss you lips.
I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath.❞
— Girl in Red

____________________________

24/04/2021

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🍀 : is 2021 how you thought it would be?
🎋 : not so much actually. it is kind of scarier than 2020.

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was it okay? or a little dull?
excuse my mistakes. i hope you liked the chapter x