This is the longest I've ever gone without Nicole. Three days and one morning. It's very difficult.
But today is Ava's birthday. So I'm thinking maybe I can pardon Nicole for her crimes.

Her first crime was lying to me about the Halloween party. Her second crime was actually going to my house after that, not even considering that I might be there!

At first, I was mad at ALL my friends. But then I realized Lillian and Ava didn't lie to me. It was Nicole who did. All they did was go to a party. So I'm not mad at them.

Lillian's on my side, though that doesn't mean much. All she does is aim a disapproving huff at Nicole every once in a while.

It would be much more useful to have Ava on my side. She would give Nicole the silent treatment and wouldn't even hang out with her like Lillian does.
Unfortunately, Ava has decided to ignore the fact that two of her best friends are fighting. So she's on neither side.

But I'm too nice to fight with Nicole on Ava's birthday. That would just be downright selfish of us.

So I pick up the phone the morning of her birthday and dial Nicole's phone number.

"I thought you were ignoring me."

It's like she doesn't want to be forgiven.

"I was. Now I'm not."

"And why is that?" Nicole demands.

"Because I'm the kindest being on Earth."

"Hmmm...but that doesn't make sense. I'M the kindest being on Earth."

I don't even try to hide my laugh.

"Well, I'm the kindest being in the universe."

"Yeah, right."

A pause.

"Am I forgiven?" Nicole asks quietly.

"I'd say no, but I can't, since I'm the kindest being in the universe."

"I don't think so. See you at school?"

"See you at school."

Who knew such a short phone call could be so calming?

I tell Ava happy birthday when I get to school and she reminds us about her home party she's having after school. We tell her we'll be there and then head our separate ways.

The school day is so much easier and less stressful now that I'm no longer fighting with Nicole. Math is a breeze. French is facile. (French for 'easy'.) English is relaxing. Art is fun. Science is interesting. Health was fascinating.

Yes, even Health. The one subject where I'm in danger of dozing off. Music may be dull at times, but Health is worse. And sometimes awkward.

Anyways, it was a pretty good day. And it gets even better when I walk with Ava and Nicole down the hallway and see a poster advertising the Winter dance.

"It's not even Winter yet." Ava scoffs.

Me and Nicole's reactions are a bit different.

"A dance!" I exclaim excitedly. "An actual dance!"

"Do you think anyone will ask me to go with them?" Nicole swoons. "Maybe Brennon?"

"I think dances are the last thing on his mind."

I silently agree with Ava, but I don't say it out loud, since Nicole looks a bit crestfallen when she hears that.

"Maybe you could ask him?" I suggest.

"I'll do that if you ask Jared," She points to me, smirking. "And if you ask Owen." She gestures to Ava.

Ava and I immediately cry out our protests.

"Owen's always surrounded by a crowd..."

"What if Jared says no? He might like Shay."

"I can't do that! Someone else is probably going to ask him first. He's so popular..."

"Ok, ok." Nicole waves down our complaints. "I get it. But if you don't ask them, I'm not asking Brennon."

"Fiiine." We agree.

I start wondering about that dance. WILL anyone ask me? I'll try to keep my hopes up that Jared will, but I'm not counting on it. Perhaps Brennon will ask me. I always thought he might have a mini crush on me.

But the question is, would I accept his offer? He IS Nicole's crush. It would be really mean of me to go to the dance with him. But wouldn't she want me to be happy? Going to the dance with a boy, even if it's Brennon, would definitely make me happy.

But he's kind of my crush too. Me and my friends have lists of boys we might like. Brennon IS my fifth one. So I think that counts.

So would it be so bad if I said yes to him?

We start following Ava out of the school, since we're going with her to her party. She says it's already set up and everything. Lillian would have gone with us, but she's going to get her "party dress" before she leaves.

We take turns guessing what her "party dress" will look like.

"Ok..." I pretend to be deep in thought, although I already know my answer. "I think her dress will be all frilly and pink, with lots of ruffles, and a bunny face on the front."

"That sounds EXACTLY like something Lillian would wear." Ava snickers.

"You basically took the words right out of my mouth!" Nicole giggles. "I was thinking the same thing!"

"Do you think she'd wear something like that to the Winter dance?" I shudder, imagining the scene it would make.

"She better not!" Ava wags her finger. "Or I'm gonna pretend I don't know her."

"We all will." Nicole nods.

Soon enough, we arrive at Ava's house. (It's on the same street as mine, so we're both close to the school.)

Her grandmother greets us at the door. She looks like a much older version of Ava, with her curly black hair (With some white in it now) and large brown eyes. She welcomes us in with kisses on our cheeks and pockets weighed down by caramels.

When we enter the house, I ooh and ahh at the decorations. So does Nicole. They're in Ava's signature colours; blue, black, and white. Those colours mix well together. It all looks very elegant and sophisticated.

We follow Ava into her room, which is even more heavily decorated. Except I've always thought Ava's room was a bit too...mature? I don't know. Would it kill her to hang up a drawing? I like hanging up random stuff on MY walls. I think it personalizes the room more.

While we wait for Lillian to arrive, we play with Ava's little brother, Rehan. Not usually a birthday activity in my opinion, but oh well.

When the doorbell rings, we exchange looks.

"Let's see this dress." Ava declares grimly.

She flings open the door and we all stare, openmouthed. The dress is almost exactly the one I described. We all burst into a fit of giggles, leaving Lillian clueless.

"What is it?" She demands. "What's so funny?"

We're all too busy laughing to answer her.

It may have been a tiny bit mean to play that guessing game about her dress and then leave her in the dark as we laugh our heads off. But that's just how friends are. And she's just WAY too easy to mock. 

Then a thought hits me. Are they like this to me when I'M gone? I shuffle in my spot uncomfortably and stop laughing.

Once Ava and Nicole are over their laughing fit, we start the actual party activities. First, we/Ava decide to paint our nails.

I think for a long time, (I take all my decisions very seriously!), and finally choose the fuschia bottle. Ava chooses dark blue, Nicole chooses turquoise and Lillian chose pale pink. We're all pretty predictable when it comes to colours.

We inform Lillian about the Winter dance as our nails dry.

"So are YOU going to ask anyone?" Nicole asks as she fans her hands goofily. "Like Adrian?"

"Nope." Lillian huffs. "I DON'T like him."

"You DEFINITELY do!"

"Don't try to deny it!"

"It's pretty obvious, you know."

Once we're done drying our nails, (And teasing Lillian), we move on to our next activity, selected by Ava: Eating.

I'm not really all that hungry, but by the way Nicole and Lillian are reacting to it, you'd think they hadn't eaten in weeks.

Set down at the kitchen table are the usual birthday foods and drinks: Pizza, vegetable tray and soda.

I take a few cucumber slices and an orange soda. The pizza only has cheese. Nonsense! Pizza isn't pizza without pepperoni!

But no one else objects to it, so I keep my mouth shut.

"You know, we're doing an art project that involves pizza boxes." Nicole comments absentmindedly as she chews on her bread with tomato sauce and cheese. (I decided that it doesn't deserve to be called "pizza.")

"Really? That sounds fun." I answer, although it really doesn't sound like much fun at all to me.

"It is." Ava smiles.

Sure it is.

Once they finish eating their bread with tomato sauce and cheese, Ava's grandmother brings out the cake.
It's actually really pretty, with lots of flowers and "Happy Birthday Ava!" written in fancy cursive.

"Where did you get this?" I marvel.

"She made it!" Ava informs me proudly, pointing to her grandmother.

"Wow." I breathe.

My cakes are always store bought. I don't really mind, but this cake looks AMAZING. It looks professional, like something from a baking show would look like. I guess it's one of the perks of having your grandmother live with you.

We sing to Ava, (With her conducting it. That was only slightly frustrating.), and her grandmother is about to cut it into very large slices for each of us, when Rehan rushes into the kitchen. At first, I think he's just there to maybe take a little piece of Ava's slice. But then he sticks his hand into the middle of it, grabs a chunk of cake, and runs away.

Did he seriously just do that? Yes, I think he did.

I'm about to let loose a string of very angry words when Ava bursts into laughter along with my other friends.
Even the grandmother joins in!
Isn't she upset that all her hard work is lost so quickly?

And how do my friends find this funny? If Austin ever did that to me, I'd kill him. Maybe literally. But Ava and Nicole HAVE always acted like their little brothers were practically angels, even though they're really not.

It's one of my pet peeves for them.

Even after that spectacle, they STILL eat the cake. Even with the little boy handprint in the middle of it. I excuse myself from the table so they don't have to hear me making disgusted noises.

After they're done, we decide to watch a movie.

It's the first activity that we all agree on. Lillian didn't want to paint our nails, and I hadn't wanted to eat. But everyone's happy with this.    

"What movie?" Ava asks. A mischievous smile is on her face. "The Parent Trap?"

Lillian and Nicole gasp simultaneously.

"NO!" They yell.

"Huh?"

I cross my arms. What's the matter with the Parent Trap? I love that movie! And they did too! So what's the matter with it now?

I voice those thoughts aloud.

"You wouldn't understand." Lillian sighs dramatically. "Mr. Ester made a comment about it and now I can't watch it without thinking about what he said!"

"Same." Nicole grunts. "He cursed the movie."

"Don't worry." Ava soothes them. "I was just joking."

"Good!" They cry.

"Oh, and do you remember what Gemma replied to him?" Nicole covers her mouth, but the laugh still escapes.

I wish this conversation could already be over. 

"Oh yeah!" Lillian snorts. "That was SO funny."

Maybe I could sneak out of here so I don't have to listen.

"And did you see Mr. Ester's face after she said that?" Ava's eyes widen.

Just ignore them. Pretend that you understand what they're talking about. Don't be a buzzkill to their conversation.

"Yeah, that was AWESOME. I will always remember how he looked in that moment."

Don't let it annoy you...

"Can we just not talk about this thing and watch the movie?!" I shriek.

Too late.

They all spin around and stare at me.

"Jeez Talia, we were just talking."

"Well, can you talk about it when I'm NOT around?"

"Calm down."

"I am being calm. Calm and reasonable."

I don't know what I'm so upset about. What Ava said was true; They were just talking. Then why do I feel like I have this giant pit in my stomach?

It's because they were talking about something that I wasn't a part of. Yeah, that was a bit annoying. I should be able to laugh at that story and someone else should be excluded from it. That's how our group works.

For example, let's say that it's recess. I want to dance. Ava wants to talk. Nicole will obviously agree with me. We're two parts of the same mind, her and I. Lillian will simply repeat: "I don't know" over and over and over.
Because that's just how things roll. And I liked it that way.

But suddenly, it feels like everything that kept our friend group together has shifted. Ava is now Lillian's favourite. Ava, it seems, likes Nicole the most now. And Nicole...Am I still her best friend? Or has that shifted as well?

This feels out of control. Completely out of control. My friends are talking again, but their voices seem distant, far away.

Is this all because I'm in a different class? Because we can't have as many inside jokes together?

Or is it because of a person? A certain person: Tiegan. This must be her doing. She's trying to rip our friendship apart.

Unfortunately, it might just be working.

I look closely at each of my friends. They look happy. Like nothing is wrong in the world. Like mine didn't just go crashing down around me.

Of course, how could they know how I'm feeling? They've never been alone in a class. Never. I'm the only one.

Alone. The word reverberates in my mind. I am not alone. They are still my friends. My best friends.

Alone. But am I? What type of friends are they, to not even try to sympathise with my problems?

Alone. Owen is not my friend. He never was. He was just someone who one day sat with me at Lunch and pitied me too much to leave.

Alone. Maybe I am.