"Oh yeah! Remember when you totally freaked out at my party, and then just ran out of the room, like this?"

Ava acts out silent screaming and hands thrown up in the air.

"Ha ha, very funny." I smile halfheartedly.

That was not my best time. No, it was actually my WORST time. I freaked out over absolutely nothing and humiliated myself in the process. What in the world made me want to look so ridiculous?    

"Can we just get over that?" I moan. "Seriously, it was a whole month ago!"

"Well, it sounds pretty funny to me." Tiegan pipes up.

That's right, still hanging out with her. Trust me, it was not by choice.

At first, she was really bitter about not being invited to the party. But when she learned of my embarrassing moment, that little devil mind of hers found out ways to bring it up every single possible chance she got. Like today.

She somehow turned a conversation about some random song Nicole heard to that. She's an evil mastermind.

"It WAS funny." Lillian remarks.

Now you join the conversation? Typical Lillian.

"Uh huh. Is your class going on that field trip tomorrow too, Talia?"

I raise my eyebrows questioningly at Nicole. This is her first time even trying to save me. Why couldn't she do that before?

Well, I AM grateful to her for changing the topic. I know it was to help me, since I already told Nicole two weeks ago about that field trip.

"Yeah!" I exclaim. "It sounds fun enough. I've never been to a planetarium before." 

"I have." Tiegan boasts.

"Of course you have." I mutter.

Unfortunately (and fortunately), nobody hears me.

"We'll be on a different bus from you, though." Ava informs me.

"Oh." I say, my heart sinking. "I didn't know that."

I imagine how the seating will be for them. Will the three of them sit together, leaving Tiegan to find her own seat? That's my hope.

    "I heard there's a gift shop!" Lillian adds excitedly.

"Seriously? That's the part you're excited about?" I ask incredulously, then laugh. 

But for some reason, nobody joins in on my laughter.

***

There's something about the few moments before a field trip that makes me EXTREMELY excited.

Even if it's a really lame one, like that time where they just made us walk to the park and clean up all the garbage, forbidding us to touch the playground. We were only in the third grade! It was terrible.

I have no idea what it is that makes me so excited like this, but it's always been that way.

Maybe it's the thrum of anticipation that does it. All those kids talking and laughing, all happily waiting for the field trip to commence.

Or maybe it's the looks that all those jealous kids from other classes give us, when they wish they were you. That's always nice.

Or maybe it's just the idea of a field trip that excites me.

"In LINE, everyone!" Mr. Ester calls out exasperatedly, seeming like he doesn't really expect anyone to listen.

Mrs. Perashi, at the moment, looks much more in charge than Mr. Ester. Her hair is in a tight bun and her clothes look clean and stylish. Mr. Ester on the other hand, has a huge thermos of coffee in his hand, and his hair is sticking up in every direction.

He doesn't look very excited.

"Hello."

Someone taps me on the shoulder and I turn around.

"Oh, um, hi Owen."

I'm confused. This is seriously the first time he's even acknowledged my presence other than at Lunch.

"Do you want to sit with me on the bus?"

I want to say yes. I really do. It would be great to have him as a friend that I don't just hang out with at Lunch. Plus, I actually do like hanging out with him.
But there's a problem. Well, more than one.

If I sit with him, all my classmates will be like: Ooh, looks like they're a couple or something.

And then I would never have a chance with Jared, which would be the ultimate tragedy.

Also, I still haven't told Ava about me being friends with him. Yes, yes, I'm a coward. But I'm pretty sure that if she saw us sitting together, she'd go BALLISTIC.

So yeah. Can't sit with him.

"Sorry, I already told..." I scan the hallway. "Annalise. I told her that I'd sit with her."

Fine, I lied.

"Really?" Owen's eyebrows shoot up. "I thought she was sitting with Rheana."

"Well, I'm sitting with both of them."

"Ok." Owen shrugs casually. "See you at the planetarium."

And he heads off to join his other friends.

Great. Now I have to ask Annalise and Rheana if I can sit with them. I'm just glad I didn't say I was sitting with someone like Shay (Too popular to ask) or Candice (Too annoying to ask).

When we board the bus, Annalise and Rheana immediately choose a seat and I bite my lip nervously.

"Hey, would it be okay if I sat with you?"

I hold my breath. Here comes the verdict...

"Sure."

I do a happy dance on the inside, but on the outside, I remain very chill.

"Okey dokey." I squeak.

So much for chill.

I take my seat just as the bus driver and the teachers start giving the lectures. Blah, blah, blah...We get it. Do they really think we're dumb enough to just walk off the bus while it's moving?

Probably.

Annalise and Rheana are really nice to me on the way to the planetarium. We even start a game of Truth or Dare.

"Truth." I answer confidently.

"Who's your crush?" Annalise asks slyly.

"Seriously? I thought you were better than that."

"Nah, I'm just as curious as the next person. So, who is it?"

Even Rheana looks like she's on the edge of her seat.

Should I tell them? I know they wouldn't tell anybody. Besides, I don't want to ruin the game by not participating.

"Fine." I lower my voice to a whisper. "It's Jared."

"Really?" Rheana looks surprised.

"What is it?" I ask, offended for some reason.

"We just thought you'd have a crush on someone like Brennon."

That means they've TALKED about who they thought my crush was? Well, I'm glad that it's not very easy to guess.

Fifteen minutes later, the bus screeches to a halt.

We practically run out of there. The fresh air does look pretty tempting compared to this smelly school bus.

Except something's off. People are staring. At me. And whispering. What's that all about?

Reggie steps forward and smirks at me. Uh oh. Wherever this is leading too, if Reggie's involved, that's not a good sign.

"Talia, I'm not so sure Jared likes you back."

What?! Oh god, is this Tiegan's fault again? I mentally go through all the times I've hung out with her. Nope, I've never mentioned my crush in front of her.

So who in the world did this? Annalise and Rheana look just as shocked as me, and they're not that great at acting, so it must not have been them. 

Then WHO?

I moan when I have a sudden memory of Shay taking the seat next to us and...
Shoot! That girl must have supersonic hearing. And incredible gossip powers to get the whole class to know about it in just fifteen minutes.

I glance at Shay and she smiles back. She probably thinks she's doing me a favour somehow.

No, no, NO. This can't possibly be happening to me. This is what happens to people in the teen dramas, not in real life!

I break apart from the crowd and run into the planetarium, hoping nobody will follow me in fear of getting scolded from the teacher for lagging behind.

Phew. I was right.

I lean against the wall and bury my face in my hands so I can maybe stop the tears that are welling up in my eyes.

It's not like it really matters. I tell myself. Jared probably will never find out, and your mega crush on him will only be known by a few people.

I repeat this over and over in my mind, willing myself to believe it.

I take a deep breath and wipe my eyes.

I can't help wondering what Nicole will think of all this. She'll probably hug me and say something sympathetic and pitying.

I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.  

"So, I heard about your big drama."

Ava's here. It seems like none of my other friends are though.

She chuckles and I slowly lift my face.

"You did, huh?" I sniff.

"Yup. When I heard it, wait-oh wow, Jared's looking at you!"

"Really?"

I spin around and spot him staring at me a few feet away. Maybe something good will actually come out of this.

I meet his stare, asking a question with just my eyes: Do you like me back?
A smile tugs at the corner of his lips. My heart leaps...but then comes crashing down when he gives me a slow shake of his head.

"Wow, that rejection couldn't have been any clearer." Ava whistles.

I turn on her, and I know my face is turning as red as a tomato, which my friends helpfully pointed out last summer.

"Shut up, Ava." 

"What did you say?"

"I said. Shut. Up." My fist clenches, unclenches, and then clenches again.

Her eyes narrow dangerously.

"Why should I?" She challenges.

"Because if you don't stop talking, then I might have to take more drastic measures." I reply, struggling to keep my voice even.

"Wow, even in an everyday conversation, your words are STILL nerdy."

I take a step forward. And another. Then I place both hands on her shoulders and push as hard as I can.

She stumbles backward, her eyes widening and her teeth bared like an angry dog.

"Are you freaking kidding me, Talia?" She hisses. "What was that for?"

"For being a bad friend." I reply simply.

I turn on my heel and hurry away.

This field trip has got to be the worst one ever. First the whole Jared thing, and now that fight with Ava?

I was out of my mind, just shoving her like that. Imagine if a teacher had been watching! But I was just so angry and so tired of pretending her stupid comments didn't hurt.

I wonder if Jared saw my courage and changed his mind....

Whatever. Don't think about that now. I'll think about it in a few hours, when I can curl up on my bed, call Nicole, and tell her all about it. Of course, I'll have to give her a warning beforehand that she's forbidden to pity me.

"Talia, how did you get here before everyone else?"

Mrs. Perashi stands in the doorway of the planetarium, hands on her hips, my classmates standing in a jumble behind her.

"Er, sorry. I...I just got lost."

I wince at the obvious lie. Why couldn't I have said I was trying to find the washroom or something like that?

I feel her suspicious gaze on me. But then it goes away.

"Next time, pay attention." She says cooly.

I nod quickly.

Whether it was how pathetic I looked or if she heard the (true) gossip about me, she decided to let this slide. I'm more grateful than she could ever imagine. Getting in trouble would only add to the problems of today.

So I find a seat and sit down, after checking to make sure no one else is near me. I pull up the hood on my sweater, attempting to go incognito. Now if only I had one of those pairs of dark sunglasses...

The space show begins and I tilt my head up, admiring the colours. This is the perfect way to unwind after all that stress. Not yoga, not a soothing bath. Nope, what works for me is a planetarium show.

I laugh quietly to myself at the thought.

"Laughing to yourself now? Am I witnessing your spiral into insanity?" 

I give a start when I notice Owen next to me.

I place a finger to my lips and shush him. 

"I was whispering!" He harrumphs.

I roll my eyes. "Sure you were."

His playful smile slowly turns into a frown, or maybe it's concern.

"I, uh, heard about the Jared thing."

Ok, so it's concern. I decide to pretend that it's all behind me. 

"Shocking." I reply sarcastically. "And here I was, thinking my secret was safe."

"Don't be annoying." Owen grunts. "You okay?"

I give up the facade. "Of course I'm not!" I snap, a little hysterically.

"Right." He sighs. "I thought so, but I didn't want to assume anything. Look, you have to show everyone that you do NOT care about this in the slightest. Got it?"

"Got it." I agree, although I think it's a bit too late for that advice.

"Hey Talia..." Owen begins to speak, then stops suddenly, biting his lip nervously.

"What?" I murmur, immersed in the stunning beauty of a black hole.

"You remember the Winter Dance? It's happening in a week."

"Yup."

"Doyouwanttogowithme?" He lets out all in one breath.

"Huh?"

He grumbles something. Then clears his throat. "Do you want to go to the dance with me?"

"As friends?"

I can't help but ask that. I mean, I JUST got rejected by Jared. Plus, I haven't thought about Owen in that way ever since I became friends with him.

Yes, I admit it. I used to have a crush on Owen. He was number two on my list.

"Right, of course. As friends."

"Ok then. I'll go with you."

We grin at each other, then turn around, staring anywhere but at each other.

We go silent, continuing watching the show. Well, one of us is. My thoughts are in a whirl. Unsurprisingly, they're all pretty unimportant. When I have important things to think about, I tend to do the opposite.

For example, one of my unimportant thoughts are: Too bad. I guess there's no chance Jared will ask me to the Winter Dance now.

Another one is: Ava was surprisingly easy to shove.

And the one I just CAN'T stop thinking about, no matter hard I try: I'm in the mood for lasagna tonight. Maybe Mom will make it if I ask.

By the way, that night, I never call Nicole.

Oh, I remember it.

But I just don't