●・○・●・○・●
CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO,
buzzed

-

༇ HANA rings the doorbell of the Arisu house three weeks after Kaede lashed out on her.

Three.

The idea sounds too insane for words. She didn't think Kaede would ever lash out on her, let alone not contact her for three weeks.

It's Usagi who opens the door. Her face lights up when she sees Hana. "Oh, hi, Hana. You look so good!"

The nerves in Hana's stomach turn into a comforting, fuzzy feeling. "Thank you," she responds. "I was wondering if is Kaede home?"

"He's up in his room," Usagi explains.

"Did he... did he say anything? About him and I?"

She shakes her head. "Kaede doesn't say much these days. We've tried to talk to him, or to even get him out of the house, but he refuses. He only left once on Shirabi's birthday."

"So he hasn't really been talking to anyone the past weeks?"

"Exactly. So don't take it personally. You can come in, though. Maybe you can break through his walls."

The nerves return as Hana follows Usagi into the house, then up the stairs to Kaede's familiar room. The door is half-open. She catches sight of him sitting at his desk, staring at a dark computer screen.

"Hey," she says softly, careful not to startle him. "Can we talk?"

Awfully slow, he turns his head to look at her. He gives a tiny nod.

Hana steps into the room and sits down at the edge of his bed, rubbing her hands together. "First of all, please know that I'm here for you. Always. I want to help you get through this, Kaede."

No response, so she continues. "And... I've applied for jobs. I want to buy a house. I was hoping you'd change your mind about what you said. We're fiancés, right? And we'll adopt Mikasa and Kiyoshi's baby?"

"I..." he whispers, barely audible and painfully slow. "I can't... do it. I can't... move on."

"You don't have to move on immediately," Hana assures. "I'm not moving on. And I'm not doing okay. Not at all. But by trying to be okay again, I'll actually succeed. Sitting in my room all day won't make me feel better. I already experienced that back in Australia."

No response. Hana's afraid those few words that just escaped his mouth are the only ones she'll hear today.

"I don't know what you feel like. I can't imagine what you feel like," she goes on. "You and Shirabi had a bond like no one else. And... I hate saying this, but it's true: he'd tell you to suck it up and move on, Kaede. He wouldn't want you sitting here all day, not eating, not talking. It will only make you think of him more and more, and even though you shouldn't try to forget him, it's better if you don't have him on your mind all the time."

"Everywhere I go," Kaede speaks again, even slower this time, "I recognize him. In places."

"I know," Hana says, helpless. "But you can turn that into something positive. You can appreciate the memories you got to make. You can imagine how Shirabi would laugh at you for adopting a baby or how proud he'd be when you marry."

He stares down at his hands. "I can't..." he starts, then cuts himself off.

"Can't what?"

He looks at her. His eyes are bloodshot.  "I can't... figure out if I want to live or not," he says hoarsely. "Every morning, I wake up and wish it was my funeral instead of Yoshiro's. I can't stand the thought of breathing when he doesn't."

"Kaede—"

"But then I think of you," he whispers desperately, almost angrily. "I think about you, Hana, and suddenly I don't want to die. Suddenly I want a house, and a family, and even that baby. I picture us together and I want to live so bad that it hurts. But when you leave the room... it all goes away. The world gets so empty again, and I... I can't fight both sides forever."

Hana crosses the short distance between them. She kneels down in front of him, taking his trembling hands into hers.

"You don't have to fight it alone. You're not supposed to. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you, not for a second if that's what it takes. You think Shirabi would want you gone?"

Kaede squeezes his eyes shut. A tear escapes down his cheek. "I don't know what he'd want. I don't even know what I want."

"You want me. You said it yourself. You want me. And I want you. I don't care how long it takes, I'll keep reminding you of that until you believe it."

He presses his forehead to hers. His tears drip onto her hands. "I love you so much it's killing me," he chokes out. "And I hate that. I hate that you're the only reason I'm alive right now. Because what if something happens to you, Hana? What then?"

Hana lets her tears fall too. "Then don't let anything happen to me. Stay with me. Protect me. Raise a baby with me. Be stubborn enough to outlive me if you have to. Just don't give up on yourself, Kaede."

Kaede makes a sound that's somewhere between a sob and a laugh. He pulls her into his lap, crushing her against his chest. "I swear I'll try."

Hana clings back just as tightly. "That's all I need."

Kaede squeezes her hands until she winces. "You know, I have always wanted this. Since I was a kid. I didn't even know that's what love was, but I knew I wanted you close. We hardly spoke for years after that and then... then you were gone and I kept you in this stupid little safe box in my head."

"In a box?"

"You do these things when you're young," he says. "You keep things that don't make sense in boxes so they don't explode. I stuffed you in there and when you came back after six years... I thought I'd find the same box. But everything's expanded and it's all too loud and I don't know how to fit."

"We'll make the box bigger together."

He wipes his face on the back of his hand. "You sound like Dad when he tries to be inspirational. It's working."

They talk until the bedside lamp paints the room amber and it's dark outside. Hana asks the practical questions: 'do you want to eat, do you want to sleep, do you need me to call anyone?' and Kaede says yes to food, no to phone calls, maybe to sleeping best with the door open, definitely yes to staying near Hana. He promises that he will go with her to everyone's funeral.

He tells her about the nights he wakes up thinking the world is wrong because Shirabi is not in it, and about the moments when the thought of ending it seemed like the easiest answer.

Hana's face changes when she hears that,. It becomes steady and fierce at once. She sits up, positions herself so she can look directly at him. "Listen to me. You tell me anytime it gets too loud. You tell me when you want to hurt yourself. We will get you help."

"I'm scared I'll be a burden."

"When you're a burden, I'll carry you. When I'm a burden, you'll carry me. That's what being together is."

And so they continue talking. Kaede says he's the one who taught Shirabi how to swim. When the subject of Mikasa's baby comes up again, Kaede pictures failure, a house he can't afford, and a child he cannot be patient enough for, but Hana walks him through the steps.

"I can't even stand myself most days," he admits. "But when it comes to the idea of this baby... all I can think is that I want her safe. I don't care if it makes me break, I want her to..."

"To what?" Hana asks softly.

Kaede wipes at his eyes even though his tears keep slipping. "I want her to have everything Yoshiro never had."

Hana lays her head against his shoulder. "You bend too much for the people you love to ever break."

"I used to think perfection was the only way anyone would ever stay with me. Yoshiro didn't care," he murmurs. "He said he liked me the way I was, but I never believed him."

"You don't have to be perfect, Kaede. Not for anyone." Hana pulls him down so they lie side by side on his bed. She snakes an arm around his waist. His shirt rides up. Her nails drag across the tattoos, feeling the tension in his shoulders give way piece by piece. His head tips closer to her chest.

Kaede's grip on her hand loosens. His lashes flutter, then still: he's fast asleep.

Hana can't close her eyes. She stays awake, watching the ceiling. Her fingers keep moving up and down his back.

Twenty minutes later, his body jolts so violently that Hana nearly loses her hold on him. His eyes are wide before they snap to her.

"Kaede," she whispers. "It's okay. You're safe. I'm here."

He grips her wrist with both hands. "He drowned," he chokes out. "I pulled him up and he drowned anyway."

"That's not real. That's a dream. It's not happening. You're in your room. With me."

It takes minutes before his breathing calms. Eventually his eyes flutter shut once more.

The second time comes not an hour later. There's a shudder as his body curls in on itself. Hana brushes her hand through his damp hair. "What is it?"

He shakes his head, muttering something incoherent. "Fire... can't find you... can't find anyone."

She intertwines her fingers with his. "Kaede. You're safe."

He squeezes her hand with such desperation it aches. Again, after long minutes, he drifts back.

The third time, he sits up abruptly, swinging his legs off the bed. Hana scrambles upright too, wrapping her arms around his torso from behind before he can stand. "Kaede, stop! Where are you going?"

"They'll kill you," he breathes. "If I don't stop them—"

"No one's here," she interrupts. "It's just us. Just us, Kaede. Look." She guides his chin around the room. "No one's here."

He stares blankly until the truth sinks back in. He lets her pull him back into bed.

The fourth time, it's nearly dawn. He trashes and trashes around. Hana manages to shake him awake.

"I was at his funeral," Kaede panics. "And they buried me instead of him. Everyone looked at me like I was supposed to die. And they were right. They were right."

Hana holds his face between her palms "No. They were wrong. You deserve to live, Kaede. It's not your fault."

He leans into her hands. Hana doesn't stop whispering until his body softens against hers again.

The fifth time comes just as the first birds begin to chirp outside. He wakes up with another gasp, followed by a whimper.

"Shh. Shh, it's okay," she whispers. "It's okay. You're safe.

He cries silently into her shirt until he's too drained to stay awake. Hana kisses his temple and stays upright even as her eyes burn from lack of rest.

She watches how the morning creeps in. Streaks from outside paint the room orange as she runs her fingers through his hair. Her back aches from staying in the same position, but she doesn't move, afraid the smallest movement might wake him again.

When Kaede does stir, it's finally not because of a nightmare. He blinks against the light. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine."

He sits up. "Shit—"

"You're not late for anything," Hana reminds him.

His gaze flicks down to her shirt, stained with tears. Shame crosses his face. "I woke you up every hour."

"I only care that you're still here," she says with ease. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

She coaxes him into the bathroom, where she runs the tap until the water steams. Kaede splashes his face, grimacing at his reflection.

Back in the kitchen, she sets him at the table while she makes food. He slouches, rubbing his wrists absentmindedly. When she gives him the food, his hands shake a little, but he eats anyway.

After a while, Kaede clears his throat. "Hana... you shouldn't... you don't have to do all this. I'm a mess. You shouldn't tie yourself to me like this."

"I chose to."

"I don't want you to get sick of me."

She reaches across the table and squeezes his hand. "I'll never get sick of you. But I do want you to get help."

His eyes snap up. "Help?"

"I called someone today. There's a clinic a few blocks away. I signed you up for therapy. The first session's in the afternoon. The therapist survived the same Borderlands that our parents survived, so nothing you're about to say will sound crazy."

Kaede stares at her, blinking.

"Kaede, you can't do this alone. I can't keep you alive by myself. You need more than just me. That's all I ask."

Then he nods furiously. "Of course."

Now Hana becomes confused. "Wait, really?"

He nods even furiouser, if that's possible. "Of course. If you want me to. If you think it'll help. I'll do it. I'll do anything you ask."

"That's all I need." She smiles a little. "One try."

"Not one," Kaede corrects immediately. "As many as you tell me to. If you want me there every day, I'll go. If you want me to stay an hour after, I'll stay. If you want me to talk, I'll talk."

"Let's just start with today, okay?" She chuckles, moving to the sink to rinse the dishes.

Kaede trails after her.

"Do you want to help?"

He exhales a breath that sounds almost like relief. "Yes."

She scrubs, he rinses. He stands close, brushing her elbow sometimes, his focus locked entirely on the task of being useful to her. When she pauses, shaking the water from her fingers, he steps in with a towel, drying her hands before his own. He doesn't even care about the water that soaks his sleeves.

"You don't have to do everything for me," Hana teases softly.

"I want to," Kaede replies. "I want to do everything for you."

●・○・●・○・●

The prison is completely gray. It's all fences, watchtowers, and electricity running through barbed wire. Hana's hands shake as she signs in at the visitor's desk. It's the first time she has found the courage to visit since she last saw her parents in court.

Hana forces herself through the long corridor until she steps into the visiting room. It has rows of tables and guards posted at every corner. In the second row from the left, sits Baya.

She looks smaller in the gray jumpsuit, her hair pulled into a messy braid over one shoulder. There's no makeup, no jewelry, and no color, but when she lifts her head and sees Hana, her face lights up. "Hana!" she calls, rising to her feet.

A guard allows them their brief embrace. Baya pulls her into a hug that smells of antiseptic, but it's so, so warm.

"My girl," Baya whispers against her hair. Hana clings to her, suddenly eight years old again, desperate for her mother's arms. When they sit down, she has to hold back tears.

"You look tired," Baya says, brushing a stray strand of hair behind Hana's ear the way she used to. "But you're still glowing. What's on your mind?"

Hana laughs shakily. "Everything. Kaede. Dad. You. Sakiko. All of it."

Baya sighs. "I hate that you have to carry so much."

"I hate that you're in here," Hana responds.

Baya's smile is small. "I know. But I don't regret why. Your father did what he thought was right for me, even if the law calls it wrong. And I'll never stop being grateful to him for that. This—" she gestures around the room, "—this is just the consequence."

Hana bites her lip. "But—"

"Better now than twenty years ago, right? You probably wouldn't have existed had the police caught us back then," Baya adds positively. "I'll survive it. Because I have you, Sakiko, and Kaoru. And because I know you'll be okay out there. That's what keeps me breathing."

"I'm not okay, though. Kaede... he's falling apart. Shirabi's death crushed him, and he told me he doesn't know if he even wants to live. I... I don't know how to help him."

"And yet, you're helping him. Every time you stay by his side. You've got a stubborn heart, Hana."

Hana nods.

"And you signed him up for therapy, didn't you?" Baya adds.

Hana blinks. "How did you—?"

Baya smiles. "You're my daughter."

The warmth in her voice nearly undoes Hana. She wants to curl up against her mother, wants to hear her laugh in the kitchen again, and wants to forget that locked doors separate them.

Instead, she squeezes her mother's hands. "I just want us all together again. I want a family that isn't broken."

The guard signals that their time is almost up.

Baya leans across the table and kisses Hana's forehead. "Be gentle with yourself. And with Kaede. Don't let anything hold you back from creating the life you deserve."

"I know," Hana whispers. "I recently heard back from a company: I'm a receptionist at a dentist and I've started my own English tutoring business. Kaede and I are about to sign the adoption papers for Mikasa and Kiyoshi's baby, and in about a year or so, we'll officially be her parents. We'll have a house by then, too."

"That's amazing." Baya smile stretches impossibly wide. "What about Kaoru and Sakiko?"

"Kaoru's been spending most of his time at Aguni's and Suzume's. He doesn't talk much. Keeps claiming that it's his fault," Hana mumbles. "But I think he'll be okay. Eventually. Sakiko... she's too much like Dad. I can't see through her. She claims she's fine, but I doubt it. Her teacher called."

Baya sits up. "What happened?"

"They had to give a presentation at school about someone they love. Sakiko chose Shirabi. She lost her composure near the end of her presentation and started crying. Her teacher mentioned a girl came up to Sakiko and told her Shirabi sounded really cool. They walk to school together now. Sakiko didn't tell me about any of that at all."

"Bring her with you next time," Baya requests. "And ask Kaoru if he can come, too."

"I will," Hana promises.

A guard escorts her out of the section. However, instead of leaving the prison, Hana walks back to the visitor's desk.

"Can I visite Shuntarō Chishiya?" She asks politely. "I'm his daughter."

The man at the front checks paperwork and texts on his laptop, then shakes his head. "He can't receive visitors yet. We have to assess the inmate's risk level first."

"Well... how long until he can? And what kind of visits?"

"Up to a few months. You can visit once every four weeks with glass partitions. Thirty minutes."

Slowly, Hana nods. "How many months do you think?"

"Five. Although here, I see..." the man squints, reading something on screen. "The inmate added a note. He doesn't want visitors."

"Oh." She tries to swallow the lump in her throat away. "Why?"

The man turns the laptop and allows Hana to read the note.

'No visitors allowed due to my now glabrous head. Only visitors with glabrous heads allowed.'

Hana frowns. "What?"

"Male inmates have their heads shaved."

"So... he doesn't want people to visit because he's bald now. Only people who are also bald are allowed?" She snorts.

"Correct." The man nods. "Don't worry, he's not the first. I'll allow you to visit him anyway— in five months."

Hana brightens a little. "Thank you so much, sir."

"Have a nice day."

"You, too." She nods, then turns to leave, on her way to the next location: Satoshi and Okabe, Seika's parents.

●・○・●・○・●

Kaoru sits at the dinner table with his knees pressed close together and his shoulders hunched inward. The plate in front of him is simple: rice, soup, and a small portion of vegetables. The chopsticks rest next to it, perfectly parallel. Kaoru hasn't touched them yet.

Suzume chews, swallows, and then softly nudges her rice bowl toward him. "You should eat a little," she says.

Kaoru stares at the rice. His throat feels swollen. His brain repeats the same words, over and over: It's my fault. I did it. I killed them all.

He forces his fingers to pick up the chopsticks. He manages a single bite of rice, but when it touches his tongue, nausea curls in his stomach. He sets the chopsticks back down. "I can't," he whispers.

"That's okay. Just sit with me, then."

Kaoru presses his nails into his thighs under the table. He feels like his skin doesn't fit. He remembers the way the Borderlands looked when he first opened his eyes there. He remembers realizing it was his fault.

"They died because of me," he says suddenly. "Shirabi, Nozomi, everyone. If I hadn't- if I hadn't—"

Suzume immediately moves around the table and crouches beside him. She takes his clenched fists into her hands. "You didn't kill anyone," she says. "You couldn't have known. It's not on you."

He wants to swallow her words whole and let them rewrite the guilt seared into his mind, but he can't. "I destroyed the world," Kaoru says shakily. "Everyone's blood is on my hands. I should've died there. I should've never come back."

"Don't say that."

"It's true! I think about killing myself every single day because maybe... maybe if I go, then the world will balance again."

Suzume freezes before she cups his face. "You don't have to die to balance anything."

"I can't stand the noise. The way everything feels. I can't stand me."

Suzume presses her forehead to his. "Let me stand with you."

His face buries into her shoulder. Suzume wraps her arms around him. "Why don't you leave me?" he asks.

"Because I love you." She guides his hand back to the chopsticks.

He picks up one small bite of rice. "I love you, too," he whispers, fingers trembling as he eats.

When they finish, they move to the couch. Kaoru sits with his knees pulled up, a blanket draped over his legs. Suzume has tucked herself beside him. She leans her head sideways, half on his shoulder.

On the screen, a family sits around their dining table, arguing about who burned dinner. "See, I'd love that," Suzume says. "Not the burning dinner part, but... the whole thing. A house with a family. You know? I think it would be amazing."

Kaoru glances at her, then back at the TV. He shrugs.

Suzume lifts her head. "What about you? Do you ever... think about that? About having kids?"

"I don't think I can."

"Can't? Or don't want to?"

"Both. I can't even... live with you, Suzu. I can't cook by myself. I can't do chores. I freeze up when there's too much noise, or too many things to touch at once. I can't... I can't do anything right. I can't even eat half the time."

Suzume frowns. "That doesn't mean—"

"It does. You need someone who can fix the sink or make breakfast and... and take care of kids. I can't do that. I can't even take care of myself. You'll get tired of me."

"I will never get tired of you. You're struggling. You're neurodivergent. Of course it's harder for you. But harder doesn't mean impossible, and it doesn't mean you're unworthy of love or a future. You don't have to be everything. You don't have to do it all. If we ever had a family... I'd cook, and I'd do the chores, and you'd do what you can, and we'd figure out the rest together."

"I don't want you to regret me," he whispers.

"I will never." Her eyes trail over his face, stopping at his lips before she looks him in the eyes again. "Can I kiss you?"

He blinks, caught off guard even though they've kissed many times before. It always feels like the first time, anxiety buzzing in his chest. "...Yeah."

Suzume tucks her legs beneath her so she can face him. Slowly, she leans in, then pulls back just enough to whisper, "Okay?"

He nods. "Yeah."

So she kisses him again. Longer this time. Kaoru's fingers curl tighter into the fabric, trying to ground himself. When she pulls away again, he leans forward as if something in him already misses the contact.

She smiles. "You're shaking."

"I know." He groans. "It's... it's not bad shaking."

"Good shaking?"

"Good shaking," he repeats. This time, he leans in first. Suzume meets him halfway. Their lips move together.

When her hand slides to his jaw, his breath hitches. She pauses immediately. "Too much?"

He shakes his head. "No."

She kisses him once more before pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. "I need to ask you something."

"What?"

"How far do you want to go?"

"...I want to try."

"Try what, exactly?" She murmurs, thumb brushing his cheek.

He flushes. "To... to really do it. With you. Especially after Hotoke. I need to know if it can be different. If I can... actually want it. Enjoy it. Not feel sick."

Suzume opens her mouth to reply, but he interjects, panic creeping I. 

"I know it sounds messed up. Like I'm trying to prove something. But I'm not, I just want it to be mine this time. With you. Something I choose."

"That doesn't sound messed up at all," she assures. Again, she kisses him.

Slowly, Kaoru feels something strange claw its way up from deep inside him. His fingers hover uncertainly before finding her wrist. It's him who leans in harder.

Suzume makes a sound against his mouth, startled, and brushes his thigh with her knee.

That little contact sets Kaoru's nerves alight. His chest aches with the force of it. For so long, his body has felt like a prison, but now, his own body betrays him. He pulls back for a breath. "Why do I... why do I feel like I can't get close enough?"

"Because you want this."

The bluntness makes his stomach flip. "I didn't think I'd ever be able to."

"You are. And it's okay to want it."

He leans in again, more urgent this time, pressing his mouth to hers. His hands, hesitant only minutes ago, rise to her shoulders, then slide down her arms.

Kaoru's breath comes faster. His chest rises and falls as if he's been running. He breaks away only to scatter quick, clumsy kisses against the corner of her mouth and her jaw.

"Kaoru," Suzume breathes.

"I don't—" he stammers. "I don't know what's happening to me. I just—" His grip tightens on her arms. "I can't stop wanting you closer."

"Then don't stop," she whimpers. With that, he realizes that the way his name left her mouth wasn't a warning or question— it was a sigh of pleasure.

He kisses her again. He feels a need he never imagined himself having. When she shifts into his lap, his whole body feels fuzzy. He grabs her waist.

At the same time, fear pricks at the edges of his mind. Shadows of hands that weren't Suzume's, but the want overrides any hesitation.

"I thought I'd hate this," he admits quietly. "I thought it would feel wrong."

"Does it?"

He shakes his head. "It feels like... like I've been starving without even knowing it."

They kiss again. Her free hand slides into his hair, tugging gently until he groans into her mouth. He breaks away, panting. "Why do I want more? I didn't know I could want like this."

"Because it's yours this time," she says tentatively, moving again. "Do you want to stop?"

He shakes his head. "No. Don't stop." He kisses her until his mouth feels swollen. When she moves on his lap, he gasps aloud, his head tipping back against the couch.

Suzume pauses instantly. "Kaoru."

"I'm okay," he breathes out. "I want more."

●・○・●・○・●

His eyes snap open. Suzume is next to him, hair spilling over the couch. Their legs are tangled under the blanket, their clothes scattered on the floor.

Kaoru's heart kicks hard against his ribs as he lies perfectly still, afraid the shadows will crawl back in. But instead, all he feels is the lingering heat of her skin against his. His throat tightens. His eyes sting. The tears come before he even realizes he's crying.

Suzume stirs. Her gaze shifts to him, and instantly she pushes up on one elbow. "Kaoru? Hey. What's wrong?"

He tries to wipe his face with the back of his hand, but it's useless. "I... I don't know. I thought it would feel wrong after. That I'd hate myself. But it feels good. It feels like I finally have something back. And that makes me cry harder because I'm so scared I'll lose it. I never thought I'd be able to want anyone again. I thought Hotoke ruined me forever. And then you made me feel like it was okay to want."

She holds him, rubbing slow circles into his back, letting him shake and shudder until he's wrung dry. He murmurs hoarsely, "I don't deserve you."

"Then I guess I don't deserve you, either. And we can just keep being undeserving together."

He smiles, although he doesn't the chance to respond— his phone rings.

Kaoru straightens, dragging the blanket over his bare body as he picks up. "Hello?"

"Hey," Ann says on the other side. "It worked."

One second later, Kaoru drops his phone, puts it on speaker, and fumbles with his clothes as he attempts to get dressed. "It did?" He calls out. "How? How long does he have left?"

"Baya gave me the numbers of some workers at the black market. I contacted them. I was able to buy the papers from them. Living proof. Showed it to the police. We just got out of the courtroom."

"Details," Kaoru urges. "Give me details."

"Suzume's mom was there. She told them the story about how Niragi raped her. Your dad kept up the lie and said that he's the one who killed Niragi, but now they're finally starting to believe him when he says it was self defense. Since they can't check Niragi's body, they don't know he got stabbed over fifty times. Your dad simply told them Niragi tried to kill him after he confronted Niragi about the rape situation. Said he killed Niragi with a knife and destroyed all the evidence, then once again explained the abortion situation. He did tell the truth about that one. The lawyer was also in the Borderlands, so he understood the situation of Baya not knowing she was pregnant."

"What else?"

"We also found some of Niragi's belongings at the black market. The drugs he used in the tea and birth control."

"Birth control?" Kaoru frowns.

"He also put that in the tea," Ann explains. "But he was too late. Anyway— they confirmed it was self defense."

"With how many years does that leave Dad?"

"Seven. But if he behaves well, he can get up to two years off."

"Five years," Kaoru gulps. "That's... that's amazing, Ann. You did it."

"Come visit. Where are you right now?"

He looks at Suzume, who's now also getting dressed. "With Suzume. We're at her house. Will be there in an hour or two, alright?"

"Alright," Ann says. "See you."

●・○・●・○・●

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes," Arisu urges. "Take it off."

"No," Chishiya grumbles from the other side of the glass.

"I beg you."

"No."

"Ah, come on!" He slams his hand on the table so hard that the guard shoots him a look. "Remove that cap... or whatever it is. What even is that? You look Kuina when she's waiting for a hair mask to settle in."

Chishiya touches the cloth that's wrapped around his head. "I'm not taking it off."

"Please. I need to see you bald—"

"I'm not bald." He scowls. "It's buzzed. There's a difference."

"I don't see much of a difference. Just a few millimeters."

"That's what your urologist said, too."

Arisu gapes at him. "Are you kidding me? We haven't seen each other in months, and this is how you treat me?"

"Consider it special treatment."

"You must be missing your wife," Arisu mocks. "Having to wait nearly two years."

"You must've missed her too, jumping off a building like that."

That silences him. "Anyways... what's up? You made some friends yet?"

"Lots of men who insist they know my wife."

"How come?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because she used to work illegally?" Chishiya raises an eyebrow.

"So you went as far as mentioning who your wife is. That's good. You're finally improving—"

"I was forced to join a socializing class."

"Ah. Anything else?"

"No. Did I miss something in the half year that I haven't seen you?"

Arisu taps his chin. "Hana and Kaede found a house. They'll get the key in a week. And they have about a month left before they can officially adopt Mikasa and Kiyoshi's baby."

Chishiya stares at him. "What."

"I'm curious about what they'll name her—"

"Rewind."

"They found a house and are adopting a baby...?" Arisu says slowly.

"I knew it." Chishiya taps the table. "He'd take his chance the second I'm gone. In fact, it's his fault I'm in this jail—"

"How the hell would it be Kaede's fault that you're in here? He wasn't even born when you committed your crimes!"

"And?"

Arisu sighs. "Whatever. Kaoru was doing very bad at first, but he seems to have recovered. I don't know... one day, he was just himself again. He might move in with Suzume, but he's not sure if he's capable."

"Right. And Koko?"

"Uhh." He scratches the back of his head. "Hana put her in therapy and she hates it. She kind of hates everything. She's the old one."

"Old one?" Chishiya repeats.

"The person she was before she met Shirabi. You know, all cold and... Chishiya-like. He called her 'LC' for a reason." Arisu sighs. "I mean, she's not particularly mean, but no longer as bright, you know?"

Chishiya nods slowly. "How's Kaede dealing with it?"

"He sleeps like shit," Arisu says. "And he eats like shit. Yuzuha and I had to force Hana to stop spending her nights with him because his nightmares would wake her up at least five times every night." A pause. "He's been going to therapy, too. Now it's three times every night instead of five."

"And Kuina? Ann? Aguni?"

"They don't mention Nozomi a lot, but I think there's a lot of sadness behind closed doors. We just can't see it."

Chishiya hums, nodding yet again. There's a silence that lasts a little too long to be comfortable, until Chishiya ultimately asks, "Have you visited her?"

Arisu doesn't have to ask who he means with 'her'. "Yes. She's doing alright. Seems to look at it positively. More worried about you than about herself. Said the people are nice and have interesting stories."

"Mhm." His tongue pierces the inside of his cheek. "Let her know I'll be writing to her."

"You're allowed to write to each other?"

"Obviously," Chishiya says, like it really was that obvious. "The guards do check the letters."

"So no funky notes," Arisu teases.

"They don't care about that. They only check the letters to ensure we aren't planning to escape or intimidating others."

"Was that... a confirmation?" He mumbles, slightly terrified. "Anyway, just another year until you see her. Now take off that cloth."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!" Arisu pleads. "It would make my day. I'll never visit you again. I'll tell Kaede to give up on the baby. I won't tell Baya that you're bald."

"I'm not bald—"

"Prove it!"

Finally, with a deep sigh, Chishiya unwraps the cloth from his head, revealing a brown buzz cut. "Happy now?"

Arisu stares, and stares, and stares, and then bursts out laughing. "Ha! You look— you look ridiculous! Why have I never seen you with short hair before? Why is your face so puffy? Oh my God, I'm gonna pee—"