●・○・●・○・●
CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO,
like him

-

༇ NORMALLY, Arisu or Usagi would stay home with a sick, feverish Kaede, or maybe even Baya. But today, everyone else had something unavoidable. Except for Chishiya.

And so he got pushed into being the babysitter of the day.

Arisu and Usagi dropped Kaede off this morning, who's now curled under a blanket, hair damp, cheeks pink. He sits up when Chishiya hands him a cup of tea, wincing. He peers into it. "It's not gross medicine, right?"

"If it were, do you think I'd waste honey on it?"

That earns him a faint smile, which Kaede tries to hide by sipping. He breathes easier almost immediately.

Chishiya disappears into the kitchen again. A minute later, he returns with a bowl of cut fruit.

"You cut that?" Seven-year-old Kaede asks.

"I'm capable of using a knife for more than surgery."

Kaede grins and pops a piece of apple into his mouth. Hours pass. The boy drifts in and out, sometimes murmuring, sometimes asking questions about Chishiya's laptop or books.

By afternoon, Kaede wakes up, disoriented until he realizes where he is. "Shush...?"

"Mhm."

"What's your job?"

"Surgeon."

"Did you always want to be a surgeon?"

"Something like that."

Kaede nods. "I'm going to do something really great when I'm old. I'll be someone important. Or I'll just be someone people love. That's important too, right?"

"People love you already, Kaede."

"That's just because I'm a kid. When I'm big, it'll be harder. I'll have to earn it."

"And how do you plan to earn it?"

"By... being brave, I think," he says in a serious tone. "Even if it hurts."

"Bravery and recklessness aren't the same thing."

Kaede frowns. "But sometimes you gotta be reckless to prove you're brave."

"Or sometimes you just end up dead."

The bluntness makes Kaede gasp, but he recovers with a smile. "Then I'll be remembered forever. I'll show you someday. I'll do something so big even you can't make fun of me for it."

"Mm. I'll be waiting."

"Shush?" He then asks.

Chishiya sighs. "What?"

Why don't you like me?"

That gets Chishiya's eyes to flick towards him. "Who says I don't like you?"

"You. You never smile at me. You always look like I'm annoying you. You... you like Hana and Kaoru more."

"Hana and Kaoru are my children. It's different."

"But I've known you my whole life, too," Kaede defends. "And I try really hard not to be loud when you're around. And I say thank you even when you don't do much. And I don't know what else I can do to make you like me."

"I never said I didn't like you."

"You don't have to say it." Kaede frowns. "I can tell. You always sound so mean to me. And you never ruffle my hair or anything. Even today, you're only here because everyone else is busy."

"You're perceptive. I'll give you that."

"That's not an answer." Kaede sniffles, eyes watering for reasons that have little to do with the fever. "I was thinking... maybe we could play a game and say what we like and dislike about each other."

"And what do I get if I play this game?"

Kaede taps his chin. "Um... you get to know me better? And... and if you win, I'll be extra quiet next time we see each other."

"Fine. You start."

Kaede perks up instantly. "Okay. Things I like about you: you're really smart. And... you're calm. You never yell at me. And you always look cool. Even when you don't try."

"And dislikes?"

"Um... sometimes you scare me. You're so quiet, like you're thinking a hundred mean things about me. And you don't smile at me. That's it." Kaede clasps his hands together, nervous. "Now you."

"Things I like: you're persistent. You don't give up. And you're very caring."

"Really?"

"Dislikes: you're loud. You talk too much. And you fidget so much I'm tempted to tape you to the wall."

"Okay, okay, round two! I like that you saved me from Hana's prank. With the mud in the bucket above the door. I dislike... that you don't tell me stories. You'd be really good at stories."

"...Noted."

"See? This is good. Now we know each other better." He looks stupidly proud of himself for having gotten even the smallest crumb of affection from Chishiya. "If you really hated me, you'd have left me home alone instead of taking care of me."

"I wanted a free experiment subject," Chishiya replies dryly.

Kaede giggles, coughs, then giggles harder. "You're so weird, Shush."

They go back and forth like that, although Kaede's energy begins to fade. His eyelids droop, his head feels heavy, and his stomach starts to knot.

"What is it?"

"N-nothing," Kaede mumbles. "Just-" Before he can stop himself, he's retching all over the couch and the floor.

His eyes go wide. "I'm sorry! Please don't be mad, I know your stuff is expensive..." He vomits and sobs at the same time. "I'm sorry, Shush. I'll clean it."

Chishiya grabs a box of tissues and wipes at Kaede's mouth and chin. "Stop. Breathe."

"You're not... you're not mad?"

"It's a couch. It can be cleaned. You're the one I'm looking at right now."

"But it's gross... and it's your stuff-"

"It's not the first time someone's vomited near me, Kaede. I'm a doctor. Do you think I cry every time someone ruins a set of scrubs? You're sick. That's all. Nothing you need to apologize for."

Kaede presses his face into his hands, sobbing harder. Chishiya sets the tissues aside and rests a hand on the boy's back. "It'll pass."

Kaede hiccups through tears. "You really don't hate me?"

"No." After handing Kaede a glass of water, he cleans the mess up. Kaede's face is blotchy by the time he finishes. He looks drained and relieved at the same time.

"Alright. Up. You reek," Chishiya states flatly, holding out a hand. "Shower."

"But I-"

He grabs the boy under the arms and hoists him up. When they reach the bathroom, Kaede's half-laughing, half-whining. "You're really just gonna... wait, don't you dare-"

Chishiya twists the knob until the water sputters on, then drops Kaede into the shower, still in his pajamas.

Kaede yelps. "Shush! What are you doing?!"

"Fixing the problem."

Kaede sputters. He swipes water from his eyes. "I'm not a problem!"

"You smell like one."

"You're so mean! I just threw up because I'm sick and now you're bullying me-"

"If I were bullying you, I'd have used cold water." Chishiya adjusts the knob so the water warms to a more comfortable temperature. He tosses a cloth towards Kaede. "Scrub. Get it over with."

Kaede grumbles. "Bossy, bossy, bossy..."

"You prefer sticky, smelly, and miserable?"

Kaede sticks his tongue out at him but obediently wipes at his face and neck. He barely finishes before the water shuts off.

Chishiya grabs a towel from the rack. "Out."

Kaede sits at the bottom of the shower. "What if I faint on the floor?"

"I'll step over you."

"You'd really leave me lying there?"

"Yes." Chishiya hauls the boy upright by his armpits again. The towel is shoved against his head. "Dry."

Kaede rubs it over his soaked hair. His arms are weak, though, and before long the motions slow. Chishiya sighs, takes the towel back, and begins briskly working by himself.

Kaede closes his eyes at the sensation. "That feels nice," he mumbles.

"Don't spread lies."

"You're a secret nice person. Nobody will believe me when I say so, not even Sushi."

Chishiya ignores him. He tosses the towel away and crouches to wring some of the water from the boy's pajama sleeve.

Laughing, Kaede throws his arms around Chishiya.

"What are you doing?"

"Hugging you," Kaede chirps. "You've been so nice to me today. You deserve a hug." He squeezes tighter, water seeping from his clothes into Chishiya's.

"You're getting my clothes wet." Chishiya grips him by the shoulders. "Stop. This isn't funny."

"It's hilarious!" Kaede insists. "You should see your face-"

"Kaede."

Kaede only laughs harder. "You're not scary when your clothes are wet!"

●・○・●・○・●

Chishiya stares at Kaede. Even sixteen years later, he remembers the day Kaede was sick like it was yesterday. He remembers it all. How he got angry at him for piercing Hana's belly button, how he helped him with his biology homework, how he confronted him after he hurt Hana, how he patched him up the first time he hurt himself.

Now, Kaede is peacefully asleep. Soft breaths escape through his parted lips. One of his arms is wrapped around Hana's waist. The other rests next to him, sleeve ridden up high enough for Chishiya to catch sight of both the burn scars and cut marks.

Chishiya himself is wide awake. He's holding a syringe in one hand, the tube filled with euthanasia.

Not enough to kill Kaede, though. Just enough to make his heartbeat slow down to the point where he'd be considered dead, and for Kaede to be left in a coma for a few days.

The same amount of euthanasia Chishiya used on himself to go to the Borderlands.

Slowly, he lowers himself into a crouch. He tries not to think too much about the consequences of this. Or rather, his daughter's mental state after she finds out about this.

Chishiya presses the needle into Kaede's skin and releases the euthanasia as fast as he can. Kaede's body twitches a bit, then stills again.

Instead of waiting for it to fully hit, Chishiya walks back to the door. He had debated to drag Kaede's body out of the bed, but considering Kaede's body is a muscle mass and Chishiya's body... isn't, he figured it would be smoother to leave it like this.

And so he closes the door, gets rid of the evidence of the syringe, and sits down at a table, drinking from a mug. He's not quite prepared for tomorrow. Baya might be saved, but this might also be the last straw.

On the other hand, Chishiya would rather live in a world where she's alive but hates him, than have her die loving him.

"Dad?"

Chishiya's heart undeniably skips a beat at the sudden greeting. "Kaoru," he whispers. "Why are you still up?"

His son sits down across from him, yawning. "I woke up again. Nightmare."

"Does that happen often?"

"Every night," Kaoru murmurs with a sigh. He rubs his forehead. "It's fine. Why are you still up?"

"Worried," is all he says. Kaoru doesn't ask anything else, either. So Chishiya wonders: "How are things with you and Suzume?"

It's like a switch turns in Kaoru's head. He instantly starts smiling. "Good. Really good."

One of Chishiya's eyebrows rises. "Go on."

"Oh." Kaoru looks surprised. "Um... well, it's good. That's all."

"What's it like?"

"You're weird when you try to chitchat, Dad."

"Exactly. I'm trying. You're the one making it weird."

He snickers. "Okay, fine. But I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you!"

"Do you... understand her well?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've always said people confuse you. That sometimes you don't know what they expect. Do you feel that way with her?"

"Sometimes. But she doesn't get mad about it. If I ask her what she means, she just tells me. Like, if I don't get a joke, she explains instead of calling me slow."

Chishiya nods. "That's important. And you? Do you think about what she needs?"

"I ask her a lot of questions, maybe too many. But she said she likes that I listen. And I notice things."

Something stirs in Chishiya's chest at that. His son, who once struggled to tolerate the sound of his own sister humming at the table, now paying that kind of attention to another person.

Kaoru looks up at him. "Do you think you like her? As my dad?"

"If she makes you smile the way you just did, I can't not like her."

"Wow. Suzume gets special treatment but Kaede doesn't?"

Chishiya tenses up at the mention of Kaede's name. "Suzume didn't make you cry."

"Kaede made Hana cry once. And it was like ten years ago."

"I never said I don't like Kaede."

"I think you did, though."

"No comment," he says robotically.

Kaoru laughs again. "Do you really hate the idea of Hana and Kaede being together that much?"

"No," Chishiya admits. "Hana is happy. Kaede is respectful. It's tolerable." A pause. "Do you sleep with her?"

Kaoru nearly chokes on air. "Dad!" His whole face goes red. "You can't just-"

"I can. I just did. It's a father's job to ask. To know whether his son is being safe."

Kaoru drags a hand down his face. "This is... weird. You're weird."

"Answer the question."

"No! I haven't. I don't-" He waves his hands. "I don't even think about that stuff. Like, ever."

"Not even once?"

"No. Not even once. Not with her. Not with anyone. It doesn't exist in my head the way it does for most people. I can't untangle the fear from the thought of... intimacy. I just don't want it. Ever."

"Because of your neurodiversity? Or Hotoke?"

"Both."

"You don't have to want it. There's no rule that says a relationship requires it. If you're not interested, you're not interested."

"But what if she does want it?"

"Then you tell her the truth. If she's worthy of you, she'll understand. If she doesn't, then she was never the right person in the first place."

"It's just hard. Everyone else makes it sound like it's the whole point of being in love."

"That's a lie the world sells you. Not everyone thinks about it the same way. Not everyone needs it. Some people want closeness without the body."

"And what if, one day, Suzume and I do get there? What if she wants it? And I don't know how to handle it? I don't want to ruin things by panicking or shutting down. But I don't want to fake it either." His leg bounces under the table. "How do I even start?"

"You don't 'learn' to like it because you feel obligated. That will only hurt you. And her. That said," Chishiya continues, "if you want to explore, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can take small steps."

"Like what?"

"Holding hands or kissing more. Or you please each other individually until you reach the actual part- you get what I mean. Talk about it with her."

"Thank you, Dad. I don't think I could've asked anyone else this."

"You could've asked your mother," Chishiya points out.

Kaoru makes a face. "Are you kidding me? No way. She's going to tell me every detail of what you and her have done or get way too excited. Probably both at the same time."

"Would that be so bad?"

"Yes! I do not want to hear anything from you guys about any of this." He scowls. "I'm going back to bed. Good night."

Chishiya chuckles lowly. "Good night."

●・○・●・○・●

Hana listens. The sounds of people rummaging in the kitchen. A bird outside. Her own heartbeat in her ears. And Kaede, whose arm is over her waist.

She stretches and nestles closer. "Good morning," she whispers as she opens her eyes. Kaede remains still, but that's not what makes her brows furrow: the exhale that usually tickles strands of her hair isn't there.

"Kaede?" She props herself up on her elbow, staring down at him. His face looks peaceful. His skin cool where it should be warm. "Kaede?"

Hana shakes him wildly. His body moves along with it, limp. "Kaede!" At last, she presses her hand to his chest, right above his heart.

When she's unable to feel his heartbeat, she screams at him. "Kaede!" She shakes him even harder. "Wake up! Kaede!"

Her fingers dig into his shoulders. She presses her ear to his chest, but there's nothing. Then she presses her cheek to his lips, but there's still nothing.

Tears blur her vision instantly. "No! Don't you dare!" she cries, pounding her fists against his chest as if she can knock his heart back into rhythm. "Kaede!"

She presses her palms to his sternum and starts pushing. She counts in her head, sealing her lips over his, blowing air into him, then pushes again.

Her tears spill over, falling onto his cheeks. "Kaede, please!" She's sobbing so hard she can barely see him.

"Hana?!"

The voice cuts through her sobs. She doesn't hear whose it is and just screams back, "Help me! He's not breathing! Help!"

Hands are on her shoulders, trying to pull her back. She fights against them. "No! Don't take me off him, I can bring him back, I can-"

The figure, Ann, leans over, checking Kaede's throat. The expression that crosses her face splinters something in Hana's chest. She crumples forward, collapsing onto Kaede's chest. "No! He can't be gone! He was fine yesterday!" Her sobs wrack her entire body.

Ann pushes Hana off Kaede and drags his body onto the ground. She begins CPR the same way Hana did, but much steadier. By the time she's at the third push, half of their group has gathered in the room.

"Hey!" Shirabi pushes Aguni to the side to get a better view of the situation. "What is-" he stops dead in his tracks.

"What happened?" Sakiko tugs desperately at Hana's sleeve. "What happened to Kaede, Hana?"

"I don't know," Hana sobs. "I woke up and he wasn't breathing!" She drops to her knees next to Ann. "Will he make it?"

Ann shushes her and continues working. Seconds drag into minutes.

Shirabi paces in circles, his hands clutching at his hair. "He was fine yesterday! He doesn't just stop... he can't just-"

"It's okay!" Sakiko grabs Shirabi's hand. "Ann will fix him. I promise."

Once Ann stops compressions, everyone seems to hold their breath. Sweat drips down her temple. She places her fingers against Kaede's neck. "There's a pulse."

Hana's head jerks up. "He's alive? He's alive?!"

Ann gives a small nod.

"Then why won't he wake up?" She shakes his shoulder again. "Kaede. Just open your eyes-"

"Stop shaking him." Chishiya's voice cuts in. "You'll make it worse."

Hana glares at him. "Don't you tell me-"

"Look at his veins," he interrupts, pointing at Kaede's arm. In the crook of Kaede's elbow, the skin is reddened. There's a pinprick.

Ann traces the mar. "He's been injected. Something we're familiar with. The same way we thought Chishiya died all those years ago: it slows the heartbeat."

Hana wipes her face with the back of her hand. "So... he's not dead. He's sleeping?"

"Coma."

"But how do we get him back? We can, right?"

"If I had the exact formula, maybe. But I don't. And none of us are chemists. Kaoru did study chemistry, though..." Ann looks up. "Maybe he can help. I mean, this wasn't random. And if it was planned, then there's always a solution."

Shirabi slams his fist against the wall. "Then who the fuck?!" He glares at Chishiya. "Who's got a stash of this shit? You, maybe? You've always been a shady bastard-"

"Doesn't matter who. What matters is keeping him alive. If that pulse fades any further, you'll all have your answer: the plan was to kill him," Chishiya says.

"Aguni," Ann snaps. "Get Kaede to a room that has fluids."

Aguni immediately hauls Kaede's limp body off the floor, supporting his head. Hana and Shirabi sprint after them.

"Where's his father?" Shirabi is still pacing when he asks the question. "He should know about this."

"I sedated Arisu because he was hurting himself," Chishiya explains. "And I'm not planning on waking him up anytime soon. He can't handle the Borderlands anymore. He's got enough days on his visa to wait until all the games have been played."

"How long will it take for Kaede to wake up?"

"Depends on what injected him."

Shirabi grunts. "Just give... give me an average amount of days or something! I don't know!"

"A week or two, considering he has a healthy body and it doesn't seem like he has brain trauma," Chishiya murmurs. He hurries towards the door. "Keep Koko restrained. I'm checking up on Yuzuki."

"I'm checking up on Yuzuki," Shirabi mimics in a high-pitched, mocking tone. "As if Kaede isn't hurt."

"Hey." Offended, Sakiko slaps his arm. "Mama is doing very bad. She can barely breathe without her heart hurting. She has to stay super still!"

"Yes, yes. Sorry, LC." Shirabi sits down on the bed, groaning into his hands. "This just really sucks."

She winks. "I'll ask Reo if he can cheer you up."

"You ain't asking Reo shit," he spits back at her.

●・○・●・○・●

"Shuntarō? Where are we going?"

Chishiya keeps pushing the hospital bed further into the elevator and presses the button to go down. "I'll explain in a minute. Let us get out of here first."

"Why are we leaving? Kaoru, Hana, and Sakiko are still in there! What about Kaede? Shuntarō?"

"We're not leaving them behind. We just have to visit Kiyoshi for something." Once they're out of the elevator, Chishiya fastens his pace as he pushes her towards the bunker, about ten minutes away from the hospital.

"What for?"

"I'll explain once we get there," he repeats.

Baya looks like she's about to protest, but doesn't say anything. Her eyes say enough as she stares back at the hospital.

Kiyoshi is already waiting in front of the bunker. He carries Baya out of the bed and down into the bunker, onto a different bed. Chishiya follows with a backpack in his hands. He drops it onto a desk chair.

"Do you have it?"

"Yes." Kiyoshi points at a table, on which a strange-looking, mechanic device is displayed. "I followed the exact instructions. She was right. There is no way to manipulate this. I couldn't find any chips. I made it from scratch. It's one hundred percent safe."

Baya sits straight up. "What's that?"

After taking a deep breath, Chishiya begins to explain. "Your heart is unstable. The more time passes, the closer you're getting to... dying. But Kiyoshi and I got this mechanical heart to save you."

She automatically presses a hand to her chest. "What do you mean? Where'd you get that from? Kiyoshi made it from scratch? I'm dying?"

"Nobody could've permanently saved you from the knife in your chest. Your fate has been sealed. The only way is that we insert this. Don't freak out, but-" he stops to take a breath. "Kaede isn't dead, Yuzuki. I had to manipulate Hotoke into thinking he is. That way, we got the necessary supplies to build the heart. And like Kiyoshi said, it's totally safe."

Ten different emotions flash onto Baya's face. She stares at the device on the table, frowning. "What?"

"I need to perform surgery on you again."

"But your hand is still hurt. You've barely recovered from your stab wounds-"

"If we don't do this now, I don't know how much longer you'll live." Chishiya motions at the other supplies on the table: everything he needs to operate on her. "It's safe. Trust me. It'll be okay." He picks up a syringe and steps closer. "Lie down carefully. It shouldn't take too long until you're out."

"No."

Both Chishiya and Kiyoshi seem to freeze in their spot. "...No?"

"You're not putting something that came from Hotoke in my body," she stammers. "I don't trust it. I don't trust that Kiyoshi build it himself. You don't know how he build it or what it includes. I don't want it."

"It's about need. You won't last long otherwise," Kiyoshi responds.

"Yuzuki, your heart isn't giving us a choice. You know it. I know it."

"I don't care!" Her voice rises high enough that it echoes. She pushes herself further up against the headboard. "You're talking like I'm a patient in some lab. I'm not. I'm your wife." Her eyes dart between him and Kiyoshi. "You're not listening to me."

"I am listening. I hear you. You're scared. But fear won't keep your heart beating."

"I don't want it," she whispers this time. "Don't... don't force me."

Chishiya's hand reaches for her wrist. She flinches back so violently that her elbow bangs against the wall. Pain shoots up her arm. "Don't touch me!"

His hand pauses midair. "This is the only option left. I lied, manipulated, and risked a lot to get it, because the alternative is watching you die in front of me. I won't watch you die."

"But you're not giving me a choice. That's not saving me."

"She's too panicked. Sedating her would be safer than letting her work herself into a cardiac episode," Kiyoshi murmurs. "Baya, we won't operate on you without your consent, but maybe a sedative would help you calm down-"

Baya's head snaps toward him, horror in her wide eyes. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare touch me!"

Chishiya shoots Kiyoshi a look as well, then he looks back at Baya. "Listen to me. No one's going to hurt you. No one's going to lay a hand on you without your permission. But if you keep refusing... your heart will decide for you."

Baya shakes her head. Tears slip down her cheeks before she even realizes she's crying. "I don't want something that came from Hotoke."

Chishiya's fist curls at his side. "You don't understand. I can't lose you."

"I'd rather die as myself than live with something inside me that I don't trust. You think it's safe, but you don't know. You can't know."

"You'd rather throw your life away than accept the one solution that's in front of you?"

"I don't want it."

"Then take mine."

"...What?"

"My heart," Chishiya says. "If it's about trust, then trust mine. Take it. I'll give you my heart, and you can live." He points to his chest. "I'll make Kiyoshi do it. If it keeps you breathing, you can have anything. Anything of me."

And yet, her head shakes. "No, Shuntarō. Not even yours."

He kneels by the bed. "Why? Why not? If it's me, why not? You can't ask me to stand by and watch you die. Do you think you don't deserve a new heart because you used to take them away from others?"

Baya clenches her jaw. "It doesn't matter whether or not that is the reason. I still don't want Hotoke's stuff or your heart."

"Mine," Kiyoshi says. "You can take mine. I don't care anymore-"

"No!"

Chishiya's hands fall limply to his sides. He stares at her. "So you'd rather die?"

"Yes."

His breath stutters once. "I don't know how to let you go."

"Then don't let me go. Just stay with me until the end. That's all I want. You killed Kaede for this. Or pretended to. Made a deal with the person that raped our son. Lied to me. What else will you do, Shuntarō? How far are you willing to go just to keep me breathing?"

"As far as I have to." Chishiya rises to his feet. He doesn't look at her when he starts laying out the instruments, adjusting the light above the bed, and snapping on gloves one finger at a time.

"Shuntarō." She backs all the way to the corner of the bed. "Stop it. You're not listening to me! You can't just take my choice away!"

"And what choice are you making? To let yourself die, when there's a way to live?"

"It's mine! It's my choice! My body! You don't get to decide it for me!"

He turns fully. She looks at him like he's the enemy. It slices something deep inside him. "I will not sit here and watch you waste away."

Her suspicion turns into dread. She has been through it all, the way men with power made choices for her body and her life. And now it's her husband standing over her with that same look, telling her what she will and won't do.

"You're terrifying me."

"Better terrified and alive than calm in a coffin."

Baya scoots even further back until her spine hits the wall. "No. No, if you love me, you'll stop. You'll let me go."

He looks like he might drop the tools, but he doesn't. "Yuzuki. Please. I'm begging you. Let me insert it. Or let me find a different stable heart somewhere. Let me save you."

"Don't you dare! Don't touch me!"

His control slips. He gently pins her wrists to the bed before she can thrash away. Kiyoshi, frozen until now, speaks, "Chishiya, this isn't right-"

"Quiet. If we wait, she dies. I can't-" His throat closes.

Baya stares up at him through tears. The man she trusted most is now a shadow looming over her. He's not saving her because of faith in the heart or faith in science. He's saving her because he cannot bear the thought of losing control. "You'll take my choice away, just like Niragi did. Just like everyone who stole my body before you. If you do this, you're no different. You'll be just like them."

Chishiya stills, syringe hovering millimeters above her skin.

"You can't save me by becoming the very thing I fear most," she whispers. "If you do this, you'll lose me long before I die."

The syringe slips from his hand. It clatters to the floor, rolling under the bed. Chishiya stumbles back a step and sinks into the chair nearby.

Logic says 'save her'.

Love says 'save her'.

It doesn't make a difference to him. The only right answer is to save Baya.

"Shuntarō. I'd rather die on my own terms. Don't you understand?"

It makes his chest ache with something so deep he almost falters again, until he sees the color of her lips. They're not as pink as they used to be. He sees the way she's in pain with every heartbeat. He sees death, waiting just behind her shoulder.

Slowly, he stands to adjust his gloves.

"Shuntarō. No. Don't you dare."

He wheels the tray closer. Metal clinks softly against metal. He reaches for the syringe again.

Her panic erupts. She scrambles to the other side of the bed, knocking over a tray of instruments. "Stop! Don't touch me!"

"Yuzuki. You'll thank me later. You'll be alive to hate me."

"No, no, no-" She kicks the tray off the bed as he approaches, tears streaming. "I beg you! I don't want this!"

But he climbs onto the bed, pinning her legs with his knees. Her nails rake down his arm until they draw blood. She screams as loudly as she physically can. "Shuntarō, please! You're taking my body away from me. You're supposed to be the one who never-"

He closes his eyes for half a second, then plunges the syringe into her arm.

Her screams become louder. Her legs kick desperately, then they weaken. The fight drains from her body. Her wrists slips from his grip. "Please... don't... please..."

"Prep the table," he tells Kiyoshi. His hands hesitate for a long time before obeying.

Chishiya straps her wrists and ankles. He brushes the hair from her forehead. His mask slips as his lips press against her temple in an apology she'll never accept.

Then he turns away, takes the scalpel, and lets the mask settle over him again.