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CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO,
deal

⚠︎︎⚠︎︎ — This chapter contains a more detailed SA scene. Nothing is explicit (this scene is comparable to the SA scenes in Sweven), but I understand it may still be triggering for some people. You'll notice when the scene starts. Please skip ahead if you're uncomfortable.

I am not glorifying or romanticizing anything. This is part of the story + to raise awareness about (male) SA, because it does happen to anyone, no matter your age, gender, or clothes. If you or anyone you know has gotten in touch with something like this, please alarm adults, an SA center/number, or anyone who could help you. Take care <3

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༇ THEY drag Shirabi in. His body is limp and blood leaves a dark trail behind them. One of his eyes is swollen shut. His gloves are still half-on.

Kaoru is stands and watches as they dump Shirabi onto the ground without care, his body jolting from the impact.

"You're welcome," one of the guards mutters with a smirk. They toss a medical kit into the room, then they turn.

"Where's Sakiko—"

But the heavy door clangs shut behind them.

Kaoru stands completely still for a moment, progressing. Shirabi is deadly still next to him, covered in blood, and his little sister is nowhere to be seen, which could be both a good and a bad sign— but likely a bad one.

He rips the med kit open and pulls out a pair of scissors. Starts cutting away the blood-soaked shirt, revealing a network of bruises blooming across Shirabi's ribs and abdomen. There's a split across his left shoulder.

He checks Shirabi's pulse first. It's shallow, but there. Then his breathing. Next, pupils. One eye is swollen shut. The other reacts slowly. A possible concussion.

He starts cleaning wounds first, spraying antiseptic over cuts. Shirabi's skin twitches, even unconscious. The deeper gash along the shoulder takes priority. Kaoru threads a needle and begins stitches, even as blood keeps welling up. There are bruises forming along the ribs that concern him more than the cuts. He gently palpates the sides. Shirabi moves— his ribs are broken, definitely.

He straps the ribs in a tight wrap, then injects an IV drip into his arm.

Kaoru cleans his face last, wiping the blood from Shirabi's nose, lips, and the bruised skin under his eye. A cracked cheekbone. There's nothing he can do about that down here. He sits back, sweat along his hairline, hands shaking now that the adrenaline has passed.

He sits against the wall, watching over Shirabi's unconscious body. He doesn't stir at all. Sakiko. Sakiko. Sakiko. Sakiko. Sakiko. Kaoru shifts restlessly. His knee bounces. Every few minutes, he glances at the ceiling as if listening for footsteps that never come.

He rises abruptly, the metal chair screeching against the concrete. He moves to the steel door and pounds on it once. "Hey!" His voice echoes, dead against the concrete. No reply.

He grabs one of the table legs and rocks it hard. The metal groans but doesn't budge. He tilts the whole thing onto its side and slams his foot against the joint. A bolt clatters loose. He snatches it Next, the chair with thin, iron legs. Sweat beads on his forehead as he kicks at the leg. It snaps eventually.

He takes both items to the door. He jams the leg into the hinge, levering upward. The metal screeches. He bites down on his lip, not stopping even when sparks flash from the friction.

After minutes, maybe longer, the hinge shifts. Encouraged, he works on the second hinge. This one is tighter. Rusted nearly shut. He uses the loose bolt as a chisel, hammering it with the leg. Blood blisters on his palm from the pressure. His breath becomes ragged.

The hatch clangs open, a square of dark space barely big enough to fit a head through. He climbs up onto the table, crouches, and pushes his face through the hatch. Blinding hallway light stabs his eyes. He squints.

He kicks the door next, wild with frustration, testing every edge, looking for screws, hinges, anything. It's sealed tight.

He turns and scans the ceiling. There's a small vent, maybe eight inches wide. He drags the table under it and climbs up, standing tiptoe as he reaches for the grate. He uses the bolt again, prying at the screws.

He nearly drops the bolt twice before the grate clatters loose, and dust falls into his face. He coughs, waving it away, and stares into the shaft. It's narrow, but maybe he could fit in.

He looks back at Shirabi and climbs back down. If he leaves and Shirabi wakes up alone, he might not survive. If he doesn't leave, Sakiko might already be...

Kaoru paces. Runs his hands through his hair. Breathes, hard, trying to think.

He sets the grate aside and climbs up again, this time using the chair for a second step. He looks into the vent one more time.

What stops him are footsteps down the hallway outside. Kaoru jumps down and grabs the chair leg.

The door swings open.

A man steps in alone. Kaoru's heart sinks as he asks, "Miss her yet?"

The moment the guard steps fully inside, Kaoru slams his shoulder into the man's gut, driving him backward against the wall with a crack. The man's breath explodes from his lungs. The leg Kaoru grips in his fist swings up and crashes across the side of the guard's skull.

The guard drops to a knee. A punch hammers into Kaoru's ribs. He stumbles back, wheezing. The chair leg clatters to the floor.

The guard lunges again, swinging sloppily. Kaoru ducks under and slams his elbow into the man's throat. The guard chokes. He grabs his wrist, twists it behind his back, and shoves him forward into the steel door. Something pops in the guard's shoulder. Kaoru drives his knee into the man's spine.

The third time he does it, the guard drops.

Kaoru grabs the chair leg from the floor, panting, and turns the guard over to crouches and grab his vest, hissing through clenched teeth, "Where is she?"

The guard laughs, blood bubbling at the corner of his mouth. "In lockdown."

Kaoru's hands tighten around the guard's vest. His mind spins, images of Sakiko restrained, dragged through the halls, shoved into one of the trucks, locked in a darker room, or worse.

"Where did they take her?!"

But the guard only smiles. "Ask Hotoke."

Kaoru's fist crashes into his face until the man slumps fully unconscious.

He rips a comm from the man's belt, smashes it open, and grabs the ID chip inside. There's also a swipe keycard, a small blade, and a stun baton.

Kaoru takes everything. Then he turns to Shirabi. The IV drip is empty. He changes replaces the line with the last bag of antibiotics, checking the pulse again: still steady, but he can't wait longer.

Kaoru grabs one of the cleaner blankets, wraps it around Shirabi's torso, ties it tight to keep the ribs from shifting, and tapes a handwritten note to the table. Then he moves back to the vent.

He ties the blade to the rod using a torn strip of cloth before he begins climbing.

The vent is tighter than he'd hoped. His shoulders scrape the sides as he crawls through the darkness, the metal groaning under his weight. Dust chokes him, and every breath feels like breathing through sand.

Though inch by inch, he moves. He reaches the next grate, peering through it.

Bright lights. Empty hallway. He snaps the grate loose and drops into the hallway below.

Kaoru moves like a ghost through the halls, running on nothing but the image of Sakiko being dragged away while Shirabi bled. The stun baton is clenched in his right hand, ready. The swipe card hangs around his neck, swaying with every step. He checks each corner before passing.

There's a door. The observation panel is covered from the inside with paper. The swipe reader shows signs of recent entry.

Kaoru steps closer, heart hammering. He presses his ear to the steel.

"Let me out, you bastard— let me out!"

Kaoru nearly collapses. He swipes the card. Red light. Denied. He swipes again. Still denied.

He jams the end of the chair leg into the plastic, smashing the panel open. Wires spill out. He begins twisting them, remembering everything he'd ever picked up from watching engineers like Kiyoshi.

The door clicks. Kaoru throws it open.

It's a small room, no bigger than a supply closet. The lights are flickering and dim. There's a bucket in the corner and a steel chair bolted to the ground. Sakiko is curled in the corner, knees hugged to her chest, hair tangled and lip bleeding. Her arms are bruised. The right side of her face bears the imprint of a hand.

Kaoru stares for half a second too long.

Her eyes widen. "K-Kaoru?"

He rushes in and drops to his knees beside her. "It's me. I've got you."

She lurches forward and throws her arms around him, clinging so tight it hurts. "I thought—I thought they were going to kill me. I bit her. She hit me. And then they just left me here."

Kaoru holds her like something fragile. "She will regret it," he whispers. "I swear to you."

She pulls back slightly, gripping his shirt. "Is Shirabi—?"

"He's alive. Badly hurt. But alive. I stabilized him before I came. We'll get him out."

Tears slip from her eyes. "I thought he was going to die. I watched them keep sending men in. I couldn't do anything. So I screamed. I tried to run to him— I—"

"You did good," Kaoru says, brushing the hair from her face. "You did better than anyone."

He helps her to her feet. She stumbles, her legs weak from sitting on the concrete. Her fingernails dig into his shoulder as she straightens.

They exit the room. Outside, Kaoru shuts the door behind them, then jams the tip of the stun baton into the access panel. It fries with a loud crackle, locking the door permanently.

"Let them wonder," he mutters.

He guides Sakiko with one arm wrapped firmly around her waist. They don't speak as they move. Kaoru listens to every footstep. The guards must be changing shifts, or else Hotoke's overconfidence has let the security grow poor.

Kaoru pushes the card into the final scanner. Green light. The heavy door slides open.

Shirabi hasn't moved. He lies still on the ground. The IV drip has finished, the last drop hanging at the end of the line. Sakiko rushes to him, stumbling the last step to his side. She drops to her knees beside the bed and takes his hand between both of hers. "Shirabi," she whispers, voice breaking.

He doesn't stir.

Kaoru hauls the guard out of their room and slams the door closed, then hides the swiping card in the cushions of the couch.

"I gave him enough to keep him under a while," Kaoru says. "I didn't know how long I'd be gone, and if he woke up alone..."

The door opens almost gracefully, revealing Hotoke with a smile wider than ever, even with a bandage wrapped around her wrist. "Hello," she says. She doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact Sakiko is there. "Kaoru," she taunts, and motions for him to follow her.

"Stay with him," Kaoru whispers. "She's just going to make me clean the boxing ring. Alright, Koko? Stay with Shirabi."

Sakiko nods. "Be careful."

He gives her a tiny smile, then follows Hotoke out the door. They turn a corner. Another. She presses her keycard to a scanner, and a door slides open.

Kaoru enters. The door seals behind him with a hiss. The walls are red. The bed sheets black, made so perfectly that it looks disturbing. A low table holds a carafe of water and a glass. A single camera in the corner blinks. Hotoke disables it without a word. She locks the door manually, with a twist of a small key she keeps on a chain around her neck.

Kaoru stands still near the door. She walks toward him like she has all the time in the world. "You broke protocol," she murmurs. "You broke panels. Assaulted my staff. Freed a locked subject."

Kaoru says nothing. His jaw tightens.

She stops in front of him and lifts her hand to his face, brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead. "Fine, Kaoru," she says. "I think I understand what you want now."

Kaoru stares straight ahead. His thoughts scramble, trying to focus on anything else.

"I think we can make a deal. I will leave everyone alone. Sakiko, Shirabi, your father, your mother, your entire group— if you give me yourself and Hana."

"Why Hana?" He asks stiffly.

"Because she ruins everything. She's a little bitch, Kaoru. A naive one. So, do we have a deal? Give me all of you and Hana, and I'll leave everyone else alone."

Kaoru bites the inside of his cheek to steady himself. "I'll do anything," he says. "I'll do anything you want. I'll devote myself to you. I'll cooperate, I'll please you, I'll never protest, I'll do whatever you need to me to do as long as it doesn't have anything to do with my friends or family. Can we make that deal instead of involving Hana?"

Hotoke hums. "You want to... devote yourself to me... as long as I don't hurt anyone from your group?"

"Exactly," he says. "I'll do it. Whatever you want me to do."

"Hmm... okay. I'll think about it. But," Hotoke pouts a little, "you won't enjoy doing it, and that ruins it."

"I'll like you. I'll love you. I'll respect you. I'll enjoy doing everything for you. I promise," he pleads.

Another hum. "Alright, alright. I'll definitely consider it." She circles him. "Take your shirt off."

Kaoru doesn't move.

Hotoke steps behind him, close enough that he feels her breath at his neck. "This may be the first step of our deal," she says.

His hands tremble as he undoes the buttons, each one slower than the last. He slips the shirt from his shoulders.

"Good," she murmurs, reaching to touch the bruises along his ribs. "You're healing nicely."

He stares at the wall. A small scratch runs down the paint in front of him. He focuses on that.

Her hands slide around his waist. Her cheek presses to his shoulder. Kaoru closes his eyes. His jaw tightens. He imagines what it would feel like to scream. To run. To shove her off him. But if he does, someone else pays the price, and it won't be him.

"Kaoru," she says, turning him to face her. Her fingers curl under his chin, lifting it. She leans in and kisses him. His hands stay at his sides.

She pulls back, eyes dark. "Kiss me properly."

He hesitates. She waits.

He lifts his hands with effort, touching her jaw. His fingers are cold.

She hums softly. "That's better."

She uses her hands like tools, gripping his jaw, sliding down his bare chest. Kaoru doesn't move until she moves him. His mouth moves only when hers demands it.

He tells himself: This will protect them. This will protect Sakiko. Shirabi. Hana. Everyone.

He imagines Sakiko's eyes when she saw him, full of disbelief and hope. He imagines seeing Hana again after what feels like another six years. He imagines being cradled by his mom—

"Focus," Hotoke whispers. "You're too distant. I don't like that."

Kaoru forces his eyes to meet hers. Forces the smallest twitch of a smile to curve his lips. "Sorry," he says.

She seems pleased.

"You're beautiful when you're obedient." Her voice drips sweetness, but it's not real. It's just a performance she makes him play along with. "Why do you want to please me?"

"Because I want to keep the people I care about safe."

Wrong answer. He sees it immediately.

Her smile vanishes. "I didn't ask why you agreed to the deal. I asked why you want to please me."

"Because I want you to be happy," he lies.

Hotoke stares at him, unmoving. Then she laughs and walks to the table. Pours herself a glass of water. Sips it casually.

Kaoru breathes carefully. His arms are stiff. He wants to put his shirt back on, but doesn't move.

"Do you want water?" she asks.

He shakes his head.

Hotoke finishes her glass and sets it down. "You'll stay here with me tonight."

His stomach knots, but he nods.

She sits on the edge of the bed. "Come here. Lie down beside me."

Kaoru obeys. He lies down next to her, facing the ceiling. The light overhead is red-tinted. He watches the reflection of the camera's disabled light in the mirror across the room.

He breathes in through his nose. Holds it. Exhales slowly.

Hotoke turns onto her side, placing one hand over his chest. "This is the part where you pretend to like it," she says.

"Why?" His voice cracks. "Why must you do it to someone who doesn't want it? Won't it be more pleasing if you do it with someone who does like it?"

Her thumb runs over his bottom lip. "I like a challenge, and I really, really like you, Kaoru. You're smart, and handsome, and fit, and kind, and you have money. And if I take you, I can finally show my sister that I've always been the better one. I can show Hana she should've never blamed me for the fact she left you for many years. I'll show Kaede and Kiyoshi that at least you were smart enough to choose me."

Her hands slide over his torso. Kaoru breathes through his nose, a rhythm. In. Out. In. Out.

"If... we actually make our deal— and since you seem like you want a genuine relationship with me, can you also... respect boundaries? I'll still do anything you want, but you could, uh, notice when I'm getting too much sensory information," he stammers. "I can't focus if I get too much information, which means I also won't be able to obey—"

"Can you quit yapping?" She snaps. "Touch me back. If you want to protect your friends, you need to be convincing."

His fingers curl slowly, forcing themselves into motion. He rests them against her hips. The contact is lifeless, but she doesn't seem to care. Maybe she likes it better that way.

"Good," she whispers. "See how easy this can be?"

Easy. Kaoru feels like his lungs are filled with water. He nods faintly. "Yeah."

Kaoru feels like he's floating above himself, watching it all from a great distance. He wants to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.

She adjusts her weight on top of him. She smirks wider. "See? You like it."

"I don't," Kaoru says.

"But your body does."

He shuts his eyes for a second. Not long enough to let the tears fall, just long enough to hide them. "Doesn't matter what I like," he whispers.

She cups his face. "Yes, it does. I want you to like me. I want you to love this. You will. Eventually."

He doesn't argue. There's no point.

He lets her keep going. Every now and then, she instructs him— touch here, kiss there, make a sound, smile. He obeys so no one else will suffer.

He imagines a wall of glass between them. He imagines walking into the ocean. He imagines Hana's laugh, Sakiko's bravery, Shirabi's bad jokes. He imagines everything good he's ever had.

●・○・●・○・●

Sakiko is curled on the couch, knees tucked under a blanket. Kaoru is back by now, across the room, freshly showered but stiff.

"Did she make you clean the ring?" she asks, trying to keep it light.

"Yeah."

But it's a lie. Sakiko can tell. There's something in his eyes, some flicker that wasn't there yesterday. Or maybe it was. Maybe she just hadn't noticed because she'd been too busy crying over Shirabi, who still hasn't woken up.

Kaoru walks past her and sinks down onto the floor. He sets a bottle of water beside her and rests his arms on his knees. He doesn't say anything.

"Your lip's bleeding," Sakiko mumbles.

Kaoru wipes it with the back of his hand. "It's nothing."

"Did she hit you?"

"No."

Sakiko stares at him. Her chest feels tight. "What does she do to you?"

Kaoru's jaw tightens. That's the one question he didn't want to hear.

"I've seen how she looks at you," Sakiko adds. "I'm not dumb."

He glances up. Her face is pale in the lamp light, her eyes huge and round.

"You're not dumb," he says softly.

"I think she's gross. I think she's a snake and a liar and I hate her voice."

Kaoru chuckles under his breath. It's the closest thing to a laugh he's managed all day. "She is a snake."

"And she likes you. I see it."

Kaoru closes his eyes.

"Does she... do stuff to you? Like... bad stuff?"

He opens his eyes again, staring straight ahead. He shakes his head. "I can't tell you everything."

"Why not?"

"Because you're eleven."

"I'm not stupid."

"I know. That's not the point."

Silence falls between them, and slowly, a memory begins to unfold in Sakiko's mind.

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A knock comes at the door. Barely audible. Chishiya doesn't move.

A moment later, the door creaks open.

It's Sakiko. Her hair is tousled from crying and sleep. She's still holding her plush to her chest and is blinking up at him with wide eyes.

"Papa?" she asks. "Why are you in Kaoru's chair?"

Chishiya turns his face away, wiping his face. "Just thinking."

Sakiko stops beside him, then places her hand on his sleeve. "I heard Kaoru yelling. Why was he yelling? What does ra-"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Koko," Chishiya interrupts. "Forget that word. Don't ever think about it or pronounce it until I educate you on it."

"Am I too young?"

"Yes. You're too young."

Sakiko nods, understanding. "Okay. I'm sorry Kaoru's mad at you. I'm sure-"

"Kaoru should be mad at me. Be mad at me too, please."

"I don't want to get mad at you, Papa," Sakiko whispers, wrapping her arms around him. "I love you!"

"Don't love me," he mutters, yet he picks her up and places her on his lap. "How about you go back to bed? I'll take care of Mama. She'll be okay. Hana will come back."

"You promise?"

"I promise," Chishiya states. "We'll give her a few months before we contact her, and assuming she still won't talk to us, we'll let her finish her course at the university before we go pick her up, okay? I promise you."

"Okay." Sakiko hugs him. "I love you, Papa."

"I love you, Koko."

●・○・●・○・●

It was not long after Hana left them behind and went to Australia. Sakiko had overheard Kaoru yelling loudly at her father. When Kaoru stormed out of the room, her father remained seated, and she came up to him to ask what Kaoru had been yelling about.

She leans forward, brushing her fingertips lightly against Kaoru's arm. "Kaoru?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you... is what Hotoke does... is it rape?"

Kaoru's eyes wide. "Koko, how—"

"Like, you know," she says, stumbling over the words, "when someone makes you do things you don't want and you can't say no... that's rape, right?"

He sighs deeply, eyes closing briefly. "It is."

She waits, but he doesn't say more. Her brow furrows. "Why didn't you say that before?"

"Because you're eleven."

She blurts out, "Did she... does she make you... do all those bad things every time? Like all the time?"

"Sometimes."

She presses on, biting her lip. "Does it hurt?"

"Sometimes."

"Does she hit you?"

"No."

She's silent for a moment, then her voice sharpens, trembling with frustration. "Why don't you fight back? Why don't you scream? Or run away? Why do you just let her do it?"

Kaoru's eyes flicker with a mixture of anger and exhaustion. "Because if I fight back, it gets worse. For everyone."

Sakiko's hands ball into fists on her lap. "That's not fair! You shouldn't have to let her do anything!"

"I know."

She wants to yell, to punch a wall, and to scream at the unfairness of it all. "But Kaoru," she whispers, "you don't have to protect. You don't have to protect anyone if they hurt you like that." She bites her lip, trying to understand but feeling like she's drowning in a sea of things too big for her. "Kaoru, you can tell me anything. You can tell me everything. I won't be mad."

He looks at her, a faint flicker of hope in his tired eyes. "Thanks, Koko. That means more than you know."

She wipes a tear from her cheek. "I just want you to be safe."

He squeezes her hand lightly. "I'll do everything I can."

She moves off the couch, dragging her blanket with her, and sits beside him on the floor. Her small arm wraps around his. "I don't want you to have to protect me like that."

"I'd do it again," he says. "A thousand times. I just didn't want you to know."

"I'd rather know," Sakiko says. "So I can be on your side."

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🂱 A/N: I felt a bit strange while writing this but I also felt like the scene would be important to show what, sort of, happens between Kaoru and Hotoke every time she takes him away, etc

anygays um I've published Lucid on ao3 too now!! It takes a while to copy each chapter from here to there but I'm working on it :))

(My user is also mazewriterrr on ao3)