●・○・●・○・●
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN,
cowgirl

-

༇ GRIEF sleeps in the middle of their bed.

Baya lies curled on her side, facing the wall. The sheets are damp from tears. She's long given up on trying to keep quiet. Her sobs are not gentle at all. They sound like she's vomiting and choking through them.

She turns toward Chishiya. Her face is blotchy, eyes swollen, lashes clumped with tears. A mess of tissues surrounds her on the bed. "I want him back," she whispers.

His hand slips under her pillow to find hers. Their fingers intertwine with desperation.

"I want him back, Shuntarō."

"I know," he says quietly. His voice is hoarse with exhaustion and sorrow. "Me, too."

Baya sobs again, burying her face against his chest. "I didn't get to hold him one last time. He was probably scared— he was scared, Shuntarō— I should've been there! I should've... we should've—why wasn't I there?"

Chishiya wraps both arms around her to draw her closer. "Don't do that. Don't punish yourself for something you couldn't control."

"I would've switched places," she says. "Without even thinking."

"I know you would have."

Baya's sobs go on for several more minutes. Chishiya strokes her back.

Eventually, her voice softens into broken muttering. "He was only twenty-four. I remember when he was two. When he used to call apples 'applesh.' Remember that? He couldn't pronounce the 'S'."

Chishiya lets out the smallest huff. "And when he thought the word 'surgery' was 'cirgery.'"

"Cirgery, because you were a 'cirgeon.'" Baya says with a shaky smile. "We made such a sweet boy."

Chishiya pulls the blanket over them both. The movement is instinctual, something he's done for decades when comforting someone: control what little you can.

But there's nothing controlled about the tear that finally slips from the corner of his eye.

"I thought I could handle the day it would happen," he says finally. "I've seen children die before. I've told dozens of parents. And I thought that made me strong enough for this."

Baya lifts her head, startled by the crack in his voice. He looks at the ceiling. Another silent tear slides down the side of his face and disappears into the pillow.

"But this..." His voice fades breaks away. 

Baya lets out a new sob and presses her forehead to his. Their noses touch. His hand finds the back of her head.

"I don't believe it," she gulps. "I won't believe it. It's not him. It can't be him."

She can feel him swallow heavily. "Yuzuki—"

"No!" Baya jerks away from him. "It's not Kaoru! That body is not Kaoru's!"

"But—"

"It's. Not. Him," she raises her voice. "I gave birth to him! I would know— and it's not him. Why won't you believe me?" She turns her back to him, crying into her knees. "Why don't you ever believe me?" She whispers.

"Because... if that's not Kaoru— if that body is not Kaoru's... that means he's somewhere else right now. I'd much rather have him here, even if he's not breathing, than have him disappear, knowing he's suffering."

"But at least he'd be alive," she cries out.

"You don't know that, either." Chishiya sighs a little. He grabs her hand again. "I don't want to fight."

"Then believe me when I say it's not him."

Chishiya falls silent for a moment, stilling completely. His other hand hovers near Baya's shoulder. Only when he speaks does he put it on there: "Okay. I believe you."

Slowly, Baya turns back around. "Thank you," she whispers, wrapping her arms around him. "Do you... think it has to do with another linchpin?"

He hums. "Maybe. But I'm not sure. They don't randomly choose a linchpin."

"How do they choose one?"

"It has to be someone who has very few reasons to leave the Borderlands. Kaoru has an entire family. It would be hard to sabotage him into staying in the Borderlands."

"But the same goes for everyone in our group. So if the linchpin is not with us, then... what does it have to do with Kaoru?"

"We don't know anything for sure. Maybe there's no linchpin. Maybe Kaoru is actually... dead," Chishiya mutters.

"I can't imagine it. He is— was, I don't know— smart. He loved playing with cards. I don't believe death would meet him so quickly. What are we supposed to do?" She grips Chishiya tight, her eyes wild. "Should we go search for him?"

"I think that would be a waste of time. We need more clues."

"Where are we supposed to find those?" She grunts in frustration.

"Well think about it tomorrow," Chishiya responds. "You should rest now."

Her entire body is taut, like a wire about to snap. She lies down, curled into his side, but her muscles never soften.

"Yuzuki," he murmurs, brushing a strand of hair off her forehead. He grabs the spare blanket from the end of the bed. Even though the room is warm, but he drapes it over her.

Then he reaches for her feet and starts to tuck the blankets around them. It's the same way he used to swaddle Kaoru when he was a baby. He smooths the edges.

Still, Baya doesn't relax.

Chishiya wraps his arm around her waist. "Close your eyes."

"I can't," she whispers back. "Every time I try, I see him. Or I don't. And not seeing him is worse."

"I know," he says, voice flat, but warm in its restraint. "But your body needs rest."

"He always slept with the blanket up to his nose. Remember? Even in summer. Said it made him feel safe."

"I remember." Chishiya's voice catches. He clears his throat. "And he'd fall asleep with his hand on his stomach."

Baya lets out a laugh. "Because he thought it helped him digest faster."

They both fall quiet.

"Hum," Baya whispers.

"What?"

"Hum to me. I like it when you hum."

He raises one eyebrow— he nearly looks offended. "A song?"

"Anything."

For a moment, he wants to tell her it's ridiculous. That he will not be humming some stupid song. But then he remembers— this is wife. They might've just lost their child. Whether or not he wants to hum doesn't matter. He should.

It's awkward, breathy, and a little off-key. Her fingers relax slightly. Her body leans just a little more into him. Her breathing evens out.

"Thank you," she whispers—

There's a soft knock on the door.

Chishiya stops humming. Baya's eyes snap back open. "Who's that?"

"Me," Hana says. Her voice is high and shaky. "Can I come in? Please?"

"Yes."

The door creaks open. Hana stands there like a little kid telling her parents she can't sleep. Her cheeks are stained with tears. Her hands, even though she hides them behind her back, shake heavily. "I..." Her bottom lip starts shaking. "I can't stop thinking about Kaoru and I couldn't sleep so I grabbed scissors, a-and I wanted to hurt myself— I wanted to hurt myself so badly but it felt selfish so I dropped the scissors— and I'm such a horrible— Mama, I'm such a horrible monster," she wails. "I can't live—"

Baya speeds towards Hana faster than light, wrapping her arms around the girl so hard that it knocks the breath out of Hana's lungs. "Don't hurt yourself," she pleads. "Don't hurt yourself, Hana."

Hana collapses into her mother's arms. "I didn't know what to do," she cries. "It hurt so much and I wanted it to stop but I didn't want to die, I just— I didn't want to feel like this anymore. I didn't want to be like this anymore!"

Baya is crying again. "You're not a monster," she chokes. "You're not horrible. You're not. You're grieving. You're just grieving, baby—"

"I should've been the one to die!" Hana shrieks.  "It should've been me! Kaoru was good! He was good and I was— I am nothing! I've always been nothing—"

Chishiya rises slowly from the bed. He walks over and kneels beside the two women, reaching for Hana's trembling wrist. His fingers are gentle but firm. "Let me see your hands."

"No—"

"Hana. Let me see."

She then slowly extends her arms forward, palms up. Her hands are shaking. The skin is red where she had clearly clutched the scissors, and there are bruises running along her knuckles, as if she punched something.

His thumb brushes over the faint lines. "This isn't the answer."

"I know," Hana sobs. "I just— I didn't know what else to do. I hate myself so much, and now Kaoru's gone and it feels like— like I ruined all the time we had. I'll never be able to tell him I'm sorry."

"If he were here, right now, and he saw you with those scissors... he would blame himself for your pain. Just like you're blaming yourself for his."

That stops her. The image of Kaoru crying—of Kaoru thinking it was his fault Hana hurt herself—makes her stomach twist. "I don't want him to blame himself," she whispers.

"Then don't blame yourself," Chishiya says simply. "It's the same thing."

Baya presses a kiss to Hana's temple. "Stay with us tonight," she says. "Don't go back to your room. Just... stay."

Hana nods quickly, almost desperately.

Without another word, Chishiya helps guide them all back to the bed. Baya lies down first, pulling Hana into the middle, cradling her daughter. Chishiya gets in last.

"Why do you still like me?" Hana hiccups.

"What do you mean?"

"There's nothing to like about me. Do... do you like me because you have to? Because I'm your daughter?"

Baya's breathing hitches. "I love you. Because you're Hana. Not because you're my daughter."

"I don't understand," she weeps. "I'm a horrible person. What's there to like about me?"

"We've seen you grow up," Chishiya says. "And yes, you're horrible for leaving to Australia, but we're beginning to see how much you regret it."

Baya nods. "Exactly. You're clearly trying to be better, Hana. You lost Seika, Kaoru, and then yourself. And you have to find yourself again."

"I want everyone to hate me. I want you to yell at me and tell me mean things. Everyone either acts like nothing ever happened or avoids me. Kaede said I'm perfect— Kaede says he loves every piece of me— but I hate it! I hate it! I hate him for saying that. Why can't he understand? I don't want him to think I'm perfect. But then I feel bad for being mean to him— but he just doesn't understand! He doesn't listen." She pulls at her own hair. "And now I'm talking about my own struggles while Kaoru is gone. I'm so horribl—"

"You shouldn't feel bad for Kaede because you were mean to him."

"You just say that because you don't like Kaede," Hana sniffs.

"No. You are allowed to reject people. If he's being pushy—"

"He's not being pushy! That's the problem. There's no reason to be mean to him, yet I am."

"Hana, if you've clearly told Kaede you're rejecting him, then he shouldn't keep pushing."

"I told Shirabi I would see if things worked out between Kaede and I, and at the same time, I told Kaede I don't like him," she whimpers. "I don't know anymore."

"Do you want him to leave you alone or not?"

She bawls loudly. "I don't know. I want him to leave me alone for his sake. But I want him to cradle me for my sake— but I'm so afraid I'll hurt him. I will hurt him. I've already hurt him."

"You don't have to hurt him," Baya says. "You won't. If you truly want to be better, then you won't have to hurt him."

"I feel like I'm already hurting him because he can't see my imperfections."

"Then the whole world might as well be hurting him. Kaede doesn't see anyone's imperfections, only his own. I don't think we can change that." Baya gives Hana a small smile. "Nobody is perfect, Hana. We've all made mistakes, some worse than others, and that's just how it is."

"You all forgive way too easily."

"We've also done horrible things. You did no worse than any of us. I... have to admit that I partly understand why you left, Hana," Baya says. "I'm just sad that you also abandoned those who didn't hurt you, like Kaoru and Sakiko."

"Me, too," she sobs. "I regret leaving in the first place. I should've just talked to you. You've all changed. I... I can't be angry at you for the things that happened in the past."

"But you're allowed to feel betrayed that we didn't tell you," her mother admits.

Hana shakes her head. "I understand why you didn't want to tell us. I sometimes wish I didn't find out about it. But, either way... I'm glad you're my parents," she whispers finally.

●・○・●・○・●

Kaede is standing in the hallway of the hospital Chishiya works in.

He feels twelve years old again, powerless and small. The corridor stretches longer than it should. He walks, and the hallway keeps going. Door after door, each one labeled with names that disappear the moment he tries to read them.

One door is open. Inside, a familiar voice speaks: "Close the door behind you."

Kaede obeys.

The room is cold. Chishiya stands beside an examination table. There's a body on the table, hidden under sheets.

"I always knew something like this would happen. I just didn't think it would be because of you."

Cold beats of sweat drop down Kaede's spine. "What...?"

Chishiya turns to face him. He peels off his gloves and places them on the tray beside him.

"You killed my son, Kaede."

Kaede staggers back a step. "No... no, I didn't, I- I didn't mean to— I tried—"

"You didn't try hard enough," Chishiya snaps.

"No— I didn't want him to die. Please... don't say that—"

"You think your wants matter? He trusted you. And you killed him."

Kaede backs up until he hits the wall. "I'm sorry— please..."

"Sorry doesn't give me my son back."

Kaede tries to speak but the words get stuck. His throat closes. The panic floods his lungs.

"You know what he looked like when we found him? You know what was left of him?" He steps closer, lowering his voice.

Kaede chokes on a sob. He turns to run, but the door behind him is gone.

"You're a plague," Chishiya says. "You infect everyone you love. Kaoru, Hana, your parents, Miyu, Souta, your best friend—"

Kaede falls to his knees. He claws at his scalp. He wants to rip himself open. "I'll do anything. I'll die— please, I'll just—"

Chishiya crouches in front of him and grabs his chin. In his other hand, he's holding a match.

The tiny flame dances at the tip.

Kaede freezes.

"I wonder what guilt smells like when it burns."

He presses the match against Kaede's sleeve.

Fire erupts. The flames lick up his arms, across his chest, into his throat—

Chishiya watches. "You deserve this," he says. "You asked for this."

The smell of burning flesh fills the air. He screams again. He claws at his arms, his neck, his face. And yet, no matter what he does, the fire doesn't stop.

He sees Kaoru in the doorway.

Kaede reaches for him—

His hand burns away in the flames.

●・○・●・○・●

Kaede bolts upright in bed, drenched in sweat. His screams echo in his ears.

Just a dream. But it feels real. Because it is.

Chishiya never said those things. Maybe he never will. But Kaede believes them. Every. Last. Word.

He gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror.

You killed my son.

Kaoru is gone.

And Kaede is still here.

He digs his nails into his skin until it stings. It helps. A little. Just enough to stop the thoughts from getting worse.

He stands up. Opens a drawer. Stares at the blades of his razor. Picks it up.

He wants the proof of how deeply this grief  and guilt has carved itself into his body.

He holds it to his arm, but he doesn't move.

Another thought comes.

What if someone sees it? They'd think he was just trying to get attention. To deflect from Kaoru's death. To center himself in a pain that doesn't belong to him.

And suddenly the blade feels embarrassing in his hand.

He lets it fall onto the ground. It clatters like it's mocking him for even considering it.

He grips the edge of the sink, breathing hard, shame rising in his throat. His eyes burn. It's not about him. Kaoru died. And he's still here, thinking about himself. Thinking about his own pain like it matters.

He wants to hurt, but not if it looks like he's asking for comfort. Not if someone might try to help. He doesn't deserve help.

And yet Kaede's feet drag him towards his parents' room.

He stands outside the door for a moment. The light underneath is off.

Kaede knocks anyway. There's no answer, so he knocks again.

Still no answer. When Kaede turns the knob, it opens with a groan.

Arisu is sitting on the edge of the bed. His arms rest on his thighs. His eyes are open but glazed, staring into some invisible place between the wall and the floor. His face is grey, like whatever color used to live there has fled for good.

"Dad?" He walks over slowly and stands a few feet away, unsure if he should sit, or speak, or leave. "...Dad?" he says again.

Arisu doesn't move.

"Did you know... I used to think monsters were real? I used to think they lived in closets. In basements. Behind the washer." Kaede clears his throat and sits down beside him. "Kaoru would scare me on purpose sometimes. Just jump out and yell. Then he'd bring me those cookies and... and promise he'd never let anything hurt me." He smiles faintly. It dies fast. "That was stupid. Because he's the one who—"

He cuts himself off. "I think I'm the monster now, Dad."

Kaede leans forward to look at his father.

"Dad..." he says, voice barely there. "Do you still love me?"

The question hovers in the air. He regrets asking it as soon as it leaves his mouth.

Arisu finally blinks. He turns his head and looks at his son. His eyes are bloodshot, but they do land on Kaede like it's the first time he's really seen him since the game.

"...Kaede," Arisu whispers.

"Do you still love me?" he repeats. "Even after what happened?"

Arisu pulls Kaede toward him, so hard that Kaede gasps. One arm locks around Kaede's shoulders. The other cups the back of his head.

He sinks into him, breath heaving, sobs silent at first and then loud. Arisu tightens his grip. For the first time in what feels like centuries, he holds his son like a father.

"I'm sorry," Kaede chokes out, again and again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"

"You're not the monster," Arisu murmurs against his hair. "You're my son."

"I should've saved him."

"No," he says fiercely. "No, Kaede. It's not your fault. It was never your fault."

"I keep dreaming you and everyone else say that it is."

"Then wake up. I would never." Arisu pulls away from him and inspects him, a look of sorrow in his eyes. "Kaede, I'm sorry you were the one who had to take care of me."

"I don't care. I—"

"Nothing is your fault. You did everything you could. If anyone, I'm the one who should be blamed. You were distracted because of me—"

"Don't say that. It's not your fault, Dad."

"It's not yours, either." 

Kaede rests his head against Arisu's shoulder. "I miss Mom. And Miyu and Souta."

"Me, too," Arisu whispers.

"How long will we be here for?"

"Probably long. The first time I was here, sixty days. Second time... eight months or something. So we'll likely be here for ten months."

"Why so long? Shouldn't the games be cleared quite fast?"

"No. Sometimes, they give you very long visas for joker games. It's misleading. Why would you join a game if you have a visa of a hundred days? They're trying to trick you into believing the Borderlands aren't that bad. Like gambling— first, you make a lot of money, then you get addicted, and suddenly you lose all your money."

"So we should continue playing games, even if our visas are long?"

"If you want to get out of here fast, then yes. But don't put yourself at unnecessary risk. And never, ever, join a game alone without discussing it."

Kaede nods. "Okay. Can I... sleep here tonight?"

"Of course."

●・○・●・○・●

Everyone is silent during breakfast. Nozomi and Shirabi returned early in the morning, and Shirabi–for once–took care of the food. Now that they're all sitting at the long table, the only sound that cuts through the air is the clinking of cutlery and the soft chews– yet it's unable to cut through the tension.

Baya and Hana sit deadly still, staring at the bread on their plate. Elikai is literally feeding Sakiko dry cereal, spoon by spoon. All Sakiko does is chew and blink. The rest just eat in silence, each pair of eyes filled with such hollowness that you can't even say they're filled with anything.

Then, by the time they're almost finished, Baya clears her throat. "I don't believe Kaoru is dead," she says. "That body in the office is real, but it's not Kaoru's body. Chishiya and I suspect it might have to do with another linchpin. We need to find Kaoru. He's out there somewhere."

Nozomi perks up. "Really?"

"Possibly," Chishiya corrects. "Don't hope too much."

"So... how do we find him?"

"We should check the swimming pool area first. Just to see if anything is suspicious. We'll move on from there. One day, the truth will surface."

Kaede glances at Chishiya from the corner of his eye. Chishiya doesn't even acknowledge him. But that doesn't matter. He said it himself: one day, the truth will surface. One day, everyone else will find out about what happened the day Kaede got stabbed.

"We should split up," Baya says. "Aguni, could you stay here with Sakiko and Hana?"

Aguni simply nods.

"Kaede and I will team up," Shirabi says.

Suzume raises a hand. "I would also like to help."

"Me, too," Nozomi says.

"You two can pair up."

"I think that's enough people." Baya smiles softly, although it's clear the smile is forced. "Thank you."

●・○・●・○・●

"Do you really think we'll find something here?" Shirabi wonders, kicking at a loose stone before they enter the building. Baya, Chishiya, Nozomi, and Suzume walk ahead of the two friends.

"If Baya says it's not Kaoru, then I believe her," is all Kaede says.

Shirabi comes to a stop. "Arisu."

Kaede also stops. "What?"

He opens his mouth. Nothing comes out. His lips stay parted for another moment, then he shakes his head. "Never mind. Let's go."

They walk into the main area. Kaede stares up at the diving board, unblinking. It's covered in blood. Next to the pool, he can see Chishiya–for some reason–almost desperately try to make Baya look anywhere but at the pool itself. Kaede inspects it, but isn't able to notice anything strange about it.

"Let's look on the diving board," Shirabi says.

Kaede follows him up the stairs in silence. It's the highest diving board of all, yet the second last diving board is also coated in sprinkles of blood, as well as the stairs. Atop the diving board, it's no different.

Shirabi sighs. "Nothing here. You know what's strange, though?"

Kaede makes a questioning sound.

"He wasn't facing us," Shirabi states. "He stood right here." He walks to the edge of the diving board. "But instead of facing the pool, he was facing the wall." A pause. "If Baya is right and it wasn't him, then he was probably facing the wall because he didn't want us to see his face. Only when the collar exploded, he became unrecognizable."

"Makes sense," Kaede mutters. He stands next to Shirabi, the tip of his shoe just past the diving board. With a perfect, full view of the pool, Kaede notices something round and dark at the bottom. "There," he says, pointing. "What's that?"

"His head, obviously."

"Oh. Right."

"We could check it."

Kaede immediately gets ready to protest–Shirabi must think he's crazy if he thinks Kaede will be picking that head up–but then he stops. He's not sure why. And with a shrug, he says, "Okay."

"Should I jump in from here? For the effect?" Shirabi looks back down at the pool. "Hell nah– you're coming with me. I'm not picking that head up."

"It was your idea!" Kaede hisses.

"I didn't expect you to agree on it!"

"Sure, we'll go together, but you're lifting it!"

"Dude, my ribs are still cracked!"

"Yeah, and my shoulder was dislocated yesterday!"

"Why did we even come with?" Shirabi groans.

"Because you volunteered to seem like a hero and then, against your plan, nobody stopped you and said 'oh, no, Shirabi, your ribs are cracked, you can't damage them'! It's on you."

Shirabi sighs. "Okay. We jump in. We pull the head out together. The one who backs out is a pussy."

They shake hands and start undressing until they're left in their boxers. "Ready?" Kaede asks.

"This will be an original experience." Shirabi nods. Then, at the same time, they jump from the diving board and swim all the way to the bottom of the pool, towards the head.

Now that they're closer, they notice that not much is left of it. Yet, each of them awkwardly grabs a piece of the headset and begins swimming back up.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew," Shirabi whispers as they drop it onto the surface. "I can see his teeth through his cheek–"

"Yeah, no need to say it out loud." Kaede stares at the destroyed head in disgust. "I can't really tell if it's him."

"Me, neither. But at least we can say we did it." Shirabi coughs excessively. "Okay. Ehm. And now?"

"I don't know... lighten the mood or something. Say something fun."

"Can I finally tell you the details?"

"About?"

"Nozomi and I." Shirabi rests his elbow on the edge of the pool, leaning his head on his palm as his feet work to keep himself up. Even though the water is ice cold, they stay in it.

Kaede sighs. "I don't know. I've known her since forever. I don't think I want to know."

"Ah, come on!"

"Okay, okay. I'm allowing you to... explain what you mean with 'we went at it'."

"We just went... at it, you know?"

"I don't know. Starter pack? All inclusive? Flight was cancelled?"

"All inclusive."

Kaede chokes on nothing. "Seriously? I thought you just kissed each other."

"Oh, no." Shirabi laughs like he's gone crazy. "We went to her house at some point because everyone else was at Hana's house. I'm not sure how it happened, it just did. We were on her bed, right? And then– wait, I can't explain it like this. Get out of the pool."

Kaede, mumbling protests under his breath, follows Shirabi out of the pool.

"Lie on the ground," Shirabi instructs. "I'll reenact it for you."

"This is what I meant by not wanting the details." And yet Kaede lies down on the cold, hard ground.

"Alright. Now your legs," Shirabi grabs his ankles, "need to go up, and your arms," after bringing Kaede's legs up, he grabs his wrists, "are, like, pinned to the mattress. You following me?"

"Uh-huh..."

"So when she put me in that position, she–"

Kaede's jaw drops. "Woah, hold up– I'm in your position? I.. what– I thought I was Nozomi!"

"No, dude."

He bursts out laughing and points at Shirabi. "HA! She put you in this position?"

"Only for a second," Shirabi says. "Okay, so this was the first position–"

"Why were your legs in the air?"

"I said they were only in the air for a minute!"

"Couldn't you just say 'cowgirl'?"

"No. Anyway, secondly, I tried to roll out from under her, right? She anticipated it and she did this move where she just spun and pinned me again," Shirabi continues, now pressing Kaede's shoulders back down as Kaede attempts to sit up. "And then–"

"Oh!" Comes a surprised peep.

Kaede and Shirabi both freeze. In their boxers. With Shirabi straddling and pinning Kaede to the ground and Kaede's legs still lifted slightly in the air.

"Oh, hi," Shirabi says. "We were just... mourning Kaoru's first moments."

"What," Chishiya says flatly.

"Does that mean what I think it means?" Kaede whispers, traumatized.

●・○・●・○・●

🂱 A/N: what can I say

As you can clearly tell, I'm back from vacation and I have nothing to do so I'm just making edits and writing all day lol. Sorry for the rapid updates

I should honestly also work on Torpe (Arisu fanfic) but too much is going on in Lucid lmao

I put a picture at the end of a chapter once and now I'm obsessed with doing it 😭

Anygays I also published a misc (kind of like a yap/'about me' book) so check it out!! Lmk if you have recommendations or requests for things I should put in there

Here you have Shirabi and chinchillabishiya in one pic because ofc every Japanese actor has met the other

Also these cuties:

I actually hate the fact that the King of Spades in this fanfic was a robot but these people are living in 2036 so obviously AI plays a big role in their life (UNFORTUNATELY). It just made sense to me and otherwise, I didn't know which random ahh people would be the face cards and jokers

Should my grandma and I watch All Of Us Are Dead, The Glory, Bloodhounds, or Squid Game?

I'm kinda scared to show her Squid Game bc I think aib traumatized her enough... so maybe not SG

I knowwwww people have been asking for scenes that include certain characters but after all, the main characters of this book are Kaede, Hana, Kaoru, and Shirabi, so I can't provide as many scenes of other characters. Sorry!! It's a bit difficult to balance it

Sucky tan ducky doo goodbye

WAITTT one more thing, pleaseeeeee don't hate Hana because she rejects Kaede? I totally understand if you dislike her because she went to Australia, but don't dislike her only because she rejects a man lol