●・○・●・○・●
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN,
reunited

-

༇ SHIRABI kicks a loose piece of asphalt with his foot. "You're quiet."

Hana shoots him a look but doesn't smile.

They round a corner and head into what remains of an old store. Hana sits down on a bench and slumps into the seat.

Shirabi leans on a nearby column. "Alright. Out with it."

"What?"

"Whatever you're thinking about, out with it."

Hana rests her head in her hands. "I'm not good at anything."

He blinks. "Okay. That came out of nowhere."

"No, it didn't," she mutters. "I've been thinking about it since that last game. And the one before. And basically, all of them. I just... I suck."

"You don't suck."

"I don't contribute," she says, lifting her head. "Like, when the games start, everyone else has some kind of skill. Hearts? People like Nanaka can read others like books. Diamonds? Kaoru's a smartass genius. Spades? You and Kaede are abnormally good. Clubs need teamwork, right? But I'm always the weakest link in the group. I don't have a category."

Shirabi walks over and drops into the seat beside her. "So, let me get this straight. You've survived all these games. You've outlasted people twice your age. You've seen hell and came out on the other side. And you're telling me... you're useless?"

"Yes," she says flatly.

He whistles. "You really are dumb sometimes."

"Thanks, that's helpful."

"No, really. Do you think these games are about what kind of cards you're good at? You think being a calculator or a kickboxer means more than staying alive?"

"It does when everyone else wins things," Hana says. "I don't win. I follow."

"You adapt," Shirabi corrects. "That's your specialty."

"That's not a specialty."

"Actually, it is. You're pretty emotionally intelligent, Hana."

"That's just a nice way of saying I cry a lot."

"You feel things. You care. That's your strength. Do you have any idea how many people die because they couldn't trust anyone? Or couldn't connect? Or panicked because they had no one when everything went to shit?"

She says nothing.

"You kept Kaede sane," Shirabi continues. "You bring people back down to earth. That's powerful, Hana."

"But—"

"No buts," he says firmly. "The Borderlands are about who can hold on the longest. That's you. You're glue. Glue doesn't get the spotlight, but without it? Everything falls apart."

Hana blinks rapidly. "I just want to be good at something," she says. "Not average. I want to be the reason someone makes it out alive. Not just the reason they're not sad."

"Focus on saving yourself first," Shirabi decides.

At that, she meets his eyes. "Would you... always save yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you... I mean, if, hypothetically, you'd have to choose who'd survive, would you choose yourself? Over the rest of our group?"

"Over the entire group? Yeah."

"And what if it was only one person?"

"Depends on the person."

"Elaborate," she mutters.

"I'm going to be brutally honest here." Shirabi pauses. "I would not sacrifice myself for anyone but two people."

"Who?"

"Kaede," he says with ease. "Kaede I'd save."

"And?"

"And..." Shirabi looks her up and down. "Someone else."

"Charlotte?"

He seems to consider that. "Obviously."

"You hesitated, but she's your wife."

"We're... not on good terms right now."

"Do you think she's here, too?"

"Here?" Shirabi scoffs. "No."

"Shouldn't we try to find her?"

"No."

"Why would you let your wife—"

"I don't have a wife," he blurts out. "Charlotte is fake. There is no Charlotte who had a miscarriage, Hana. It was a lie to... yeah, it was a lie. For no reason."

"No reason?" She repeats, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh."

"Ehm, okay." A deep frown forms onto her face. "So it's not Charlotte who you'd sacrifice yourself for. Is it at least someone from our group?"

"Maybe."

Her other eyebrow also raises. "Are you crushing on someone?"

"No," he says simply.

"Then what? You're not close to anyone from our group but Kaede. Why would you save them?"

"I didn't say it's someone from our group."

"Can you at least tell me why you'd save them? You don't have to tell me who it is."

"I'd save them because..." he trails off for a moment, then picks his sentence back up. "Because someone else cares about that person. And I don't want that someone to lose their person."

Hana hums. "That's sweet."

"Are you truly that oblivious?"

She pulls a face. "No."

"I don't believe that. You're definitely oblivious."

Hana shrugs. "Whatever." She looks around, spotting a piercing shop across the street. "Did you know that Kaede—"

"Yeah."

"I didn't finish my sentence."

"I know everything about him."

"I don't believe that, either."

"Try me."

"Did you know he gave me a belly button piercing when I was, like, twelve?"

"Yes."

"Did you know he once threw controllers at my dad's head, cussed him out, then fled into the woods for a few hours?"

"Yup."

"Did you know he had about ten pet reptiles when he was young?"

"He still has reptiles."

"No, he doesn't." Hana frowns. "I didn't see them last time I was in his room."

"He has a snake, a bearded dragon, and a gecko. All in these gigantic glass cages."

"I would've seen them."

"Nope. Remember when your dad finally allowed you to play at Kaede's house? When you were six or something?"

"Why do you know that?"

"Because Kaede told me, duh. Anyway, he showed you his reptiles, and you got scared and called your father to ask if you could come back home."

She smiles a little. "I remember."

"Well, Kaede didn't want that to happen again, so ever since, he puts all the cages in his parents' bedroom before you come over. To avoid you leaving again."

"Oh." Her cheeks catch a blush so red that she moves her hair in front of her face. "That's really kind."

"Told you I know everything."

"I bet you don't know..." Hana looks up at the sky, thoughtful. "That he ran all the way to the hospital when my mom went into labor and my dad didn't update for a long time—"

"I know that."

"Oh. Well, do you know that he, apparently, went to this illegal—"

"Hana, how do you think Kaede and I met?"

"Oh," she says again. "Eh, what about this: do you know about all his tattoos?"

"Yes."

"All of them?"

"Even the one..." she makes a weird movement with her hands.

"Go on."

"If you know about the tattoo, you'd know what I mean."

"Just making sure we're thinking about the same one."

"Does that mean he has more tattoos in inappropriate places?" She gasps.

Shirabi grins widely. "You never know, huh?"

Hana stares at him. "You're kidding."

"I am."

"For real?"

"Yes. The only inappropriate one is the one near the equipment we were talking about yesterday."

"I need to know everything." Hana sits up straighter. "When did he get it? Why? How did he come up with that? How do you know about it?"

"For starters, I was there when it got tattooed. I actually have trauma from that, by the way. He was as white as a ghost. I think the pain of placing a tattoo there feels like getting kicked in the balls. Repeatedly. For more than an hour."

Hana looks slightly more horrified. "Okay, and how did he come up with it?"

"He's obsessed with those paper cranes of yours, wanted a tattoo of it, but wanted it to be meaningful and for only a few eyes to see, so I helped him decide."

"Isn't... the placement kind of..."

"Pervert-y?"

"Yeah, exactly. If he wanted me to see the tattoo, then he must've expected..." she clears her throat.

"Must've expected to dive into the sheets together?" Shirabi finishes bluntly.

"Eh, yes. That."

"We have high hopes," he sighs out.

"What's that supposed to mean? You and Kaede are so sure that..." again, she trails off.

"Yes, we're sure you two will have sex someday."

"Ew! That is indeed incredibly pervert-y, Shirabi! What the hell!" Hana shudders. "I'm never looking at Kaede again. You're both weird."

"Hey, hey, I'm just joking! My mindset is that he put it there for you to see during the deed. His mindset is... just that it's an intimate place. He didn't put it there only for you. He just wanted it to be private."

"So you're the pervert."

"I fear so."

Hana groans, hiding her face in her hands. "You do know everything about him, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Like, actually everything?"

"You're wondering if he'd tell me he jerked off on a specific date at a specific time?"

"For example. He can't actually be telling you those things."

"He'd tell me if it was phenomenal," Shirabi says thoughtfully.

"I don't know if I wanted to know that," she whispers.

"Now you do. If you ever need to know something about him, I'm your best friend. Did you know Kaoru was the one who explained Kaede what a blowjob is?"

"I— no, I did not."

"I explained everything else," Shirabi goes on, way too proud. "He's well educated."

"I don't want to know."

"I think you do. You didn't even know what a nocturnal emission is!"

"Because it has a weird name!" Hana protests, scandalized. "You can't blame me for that. Why don't they just say, like, accidental man fountain in the night?"

Shirabi almost chokes laughing. "That is so much worse. Man fountain?! You could've gone with, I don't know, wet dream, but man fountain?!"

"I don't know!"

"Nocturnal emission is the most dignified way to say something disgusting. You've got to respect that."

"No, I do not have to respect that," she mutters, cheeks turning red again. "And why are you so comfortable talking about all this?"

"I'm comfortable with anything. I've had these conversations with Kaede a hundred times."

"Yeah, but I'm not Kaede!"

"I know," he says. "But you kinda are, too."

She pauses. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Shirabi leans back, stretching his arms across the back of the bench. "You talk like him sometimes. Same metaphors, same kind of humor, same drama. You'd think you were his long lost twin or something."

"We're not twins. That would be disgusting. Do not say that again."

He smirks. "Why, because of the sexual tension?"

Hana yelps and slaps his arm. "Shut up, Shirabi!"

He laughs harder, rubbing his bicep. "Okay, okay, I'm done."

"I hate you. But... you're really not as cold as you pretend to be."

That catches him off guard. The grin softens. He tilts his head. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You joke a lot, but you listen, too. You always have something to say that makes people feel better."

He chuckles under his breath.

"Kaede talks about you like you're a cockroach," she goes on. "But I think you're more like... one of those stray cats that act mean but secretly follow you home."

"Wow. I open up to you, share deep intimate facts about your future lover's private tattoos, and this is how you repay me?"

"Uh-huh."

"God help Kaede."

They lapse into silence for a moment.

"I don't want to lose any more people," she says eventually.

"Neither do I."

"But I'm scared."

He reaches over and gently nudges her knee with his. "You're not going to lose us. We're not going to let that happen," he continues. "Not Kaede. Not me. Not Kaoru. You're our glue, remember?"

She laughs softly, and unexpectedly, moves closer—

"Hana."

"Yeah?"

"I'm gay," he says. "I'm so, so gay. So don't lean on me. I'm so fucking gay, don't consider anything romantic with me. Think about other people."

"This is the same as Charlotte. You're not gay. Just tell me the harsh way."

He looks her in the eye. "Dear Hana Chishiya, do not touch me unless one of us is saving the other's life. Do not dream about me. Dream about Kaede. I am indeed not gay, thank God—"

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you homophobic?"

"No, no. I just really, really appreciate women. But not you. Well, I do appreciate you, but don't even consider pulling a Kiyoshi situation on me."

"A what?"

He leans closer, whispering, as if it's a secret. "Don't go for any of Kaede's friends ever again."

She blinks. "Why?"

"Oh my God." Shirabi runs a hand down his face. "I told you you're oblivious!" A pause. "Or... is this you denying something?"

"Denying? Me? No. There is nothing to deny." Hana stands up suddenly and walks across the street, towards a vending machine.

Shirabi watches her fiddle with it, muttering threats She punches the vending machine, and a bottle drops. She lets out a triumphant 'hah!' and raises it above her head. Then she walks back to Shirabi and offers it to him. "You want it?"

He blinks. "You just fought a vending machine for that. Shouldn't you drink it?"

"I don't like orange soda."

"Then why did you...?"

"It was about principle," she says, then grins.

Shirabi squints at her. "You confuse me."

"Thank you."

"No, that wasn't— never mind." He twists the cap off and takes a sip. "Can I ask you something? About the denial?"

"You can ask," Hana says, flopping onto the bench with a dramatic sigh. "I may or may not answer, though."

"Kaede's was your best friend. In your childhood. Right?"

"Right."

"And you've basically grown up together."

"Yep."

"And you trust him a lot."

"True."

"So how come you never... liked him?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Curiosity."

She doesn't buy it for a second. "Curiosity my ass. Did he tell you to ask?"

"No. I was just wondering. I mean, he's a pretty decent guy. Smart. Loyal. Good cheekbones."

"Why are you—"

"I'm making a point."

"What point?"

"That he's got a lot going for him. And you two are close. You sleep on top of each other. It's like... statistically improbable that you haven't fallen in love."

She frowns and picks at her fingernail. "He's just Kaede."

"That's not an answer."

"That is my answer," she says, now clearly a little guarded.

Shirabi sighs. "So, you've never liked him. Not even a little?"

"Nope."

"Not even in that awkward puberty phase where everyone likes everyone?"

"No."

"Don't you ever wonder if maybe there is something there? Like, deep down?"

"Nope." Hana leans her head back and closes her eyes. "Not even a little bit. Kaede is like... I don't know. I don't think about him that way."

"Okay, but what if he thinks about you that way?"

Her eyes flick open. "Does he?"

Shirabi stiffens. "I don't know. I'm just theorizing."

Hana sits up straighter, curious now. "You brought it up."

"I said 'what if.' That's hypothetical."

"You're so bad at lying."

"I am not."

"You are horrible at it."

"Take that back."

"No. Now tell me— what do you know?"

"Nothing."

She glares. "Shirabi."

"I'm loyal!"

"To who?"

He zips his lips dramatically. "I plead the fifth."

"That doesn't exist here."

"Still counts."

"Fine." She sits back with a huff. "If you won't tell me, I'll just ask Kaede myself."

Shirabi chokes on his soda. "Don't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because he'll combust."

"That sounds like his problem."

"Okay, listen," Shirabi says, moving to face her seriously now. "This isn't about teasing him. Kaede would rather bleed quietly in the corner than risk making you uncomfortable."

Hana stares at him. The teasing edge is gone now. "I know that."

"So don't play with him if you're not sure."

"I am sure," she says. "I love him. Of course I do. But I'm not in love with him."

Shirabi nods slowly. "Fair enough."

"I just don't want to hurt him."

"Is that why you're denying that it's kind of obvious that he's, like, crazily in love with you?"

"Maybe."

"Ha! I knew someone couldn't be that oblivious. Well, why haven't you told him anything? He's been yearning all these years and you're letting him, knowing you don't like him back. Or do you like him back? Wait, do you?"

"No, I just told you I don't."

Shirabi pouts. "Why not? He is everything you need."

"As much as I'd love to try to... maybe, hypothetically, spend more time with him and see what happens, I think I need to focus on myself first. I'm a shitty person. He doesn't deserve me."

"So? How long is that gonna take? And what are you gonna do?"

"I... need to find my personality again, get over Seika's death, properly make things up with Kaoru, and just become... better. I need to have a goal. A dream job or something. Oh, and I need to pay my father back."

"How much?"

"Too much."

"One million yen?"

"A bit more."

"Two?"

"...more. Way more."

"How much?"

"About twenty-six," she sighs.

"Thousand?" He asks hopefully.

She shoots him a deadpan look. "Million. Twenty-six million yen."

"Wow. You are doomed for the rest of your life."

"I know!" Hana peeps. "And he hates me now. Probably more than my mom, Koko, and Kaoru."

"Being hated by him is a skill," Shirabi assures.

"Have you even met him?"

"Have I?" Shirabi thinks for a moment. "Maybe, I don't know. I don't think so. Do you have a good relationship with him? Or, at least, did you use to?"

"Yeah, we were pretty close, I guess. He'd help me with homework, answer all my questions... all that."

"Is that not what every normal dad should do?"

"He's not exactly normal."

"I see. Why is that?"

"I don't know. I can't tell if it's his personality or if it's the way he grew up. I'm guessing a bit of both, but mostly the way he grew up. He never talks about it. Ever. Mom doesn't say much about the past either, but she'll answer most of our questions about it, while my dad just... neglects it. I know nothing about his childhood. Sometimes, I wonder if my mom even does."

"You should ask him about it."

"When?" She sighs. "He's not here and I don't know if I..."

"If you what?"

"If I'll make it out of here alive."

"What's that supposed to mean? Do you seriously think you're so bad at everything that you'll die?"

"I... don't know how much longer I want to live."

Shirabi looks more alarmed now. "What?"

"Nothing." She shakes her head, facing away from him now. "Never mind."

"No, no— Hana." He stands up to pace around. "Don't go on some weird ass suicide mission."

"I didn't say that," she mumbles.

"You didn't have to," he responds. There's a pause, long and uncomfortable.

"I'm not saying I want to die," she adds. "It's not like that."

"But you don't think you'll make it out alive?" he asks. "That's not really much better."

She shrugs. "Some people just aren't built for survival. Not everyone has that instinct."

"You have it," Shirabi says instantly, a little too fast. "You wouldn't have made it this far if you didn't."

"Or maybe I'm just lucky." Hana gives a half hearted smile. "There's a difference."

"Well, that doesn't sound like something someone who wants to live would say."

"I told you, I don't not want to live. It's just... I'm tired. Do you ever feel like you're standing on a train track, and even if the train's not coming yet, you can feel the tracks rumble?"

He frowns. "That's kind of a messed up metaphor."

"Yeah." Her lips twitch. "But you get it, right?"

He doesn't answer for a while, until he asks, "Are you okay?"

Hana gives a laugh so soft it could be mistaken for an exhale. "That's such a big question."

"You could answer it anyway."

"Okay. No. I'm not okay." That comes out blunter than both of them expected. "Everyone has their own shit and it's my own fault I'm feeling this way."

"That doesn't mean you're not allowed to hurt," Shirabi says.

"Yeah, but what am I gonna do? Dump this on someone who's barely holding it together too? There's no good time to admit you feel like it wouldn't be so bad if you just didn't wake up tomorrow."

"Hana—"

"I wouldn't do anything," she adds quickly, sensing his panic. "I'm not planning it. I'm just saying... sometimes I think about what it would feel like if it all just stopped. If I didn't have to keep trying so hard to fix everything and be someone I'm not even sure exists anymore."

Silence. Then she laughs again. "I sound insane."

"No, you don't," Shirabi says firmly. "I know what will make you feel better."

She raises an eyebrow and sighs.

"Kaede. We need to find Kaede. If the three of us are together, we'd be, like, amazing. We can cheer you up and help you find yourself again. No toxicity of people who are still angry at you. It's valid that they're angry, but we're in a deadly situation. No time for all that, you know?"

She nods slowly.

"So let's go find him. We've been sitting here for long enough." Shirabi puts his hands on his hips, stretching. "If we were that guy, where would we go? Or what would we be doing?"

"Wandering around, writing sad poems, screaming into the void..." Hana lists.

Shirabi snickers. "Definitely. But where would he do that? Keep in mind that we also have to hide from the King of Spades. So does he. Wait, did we see him go anywhere last time we saw him?"

"No, he just pushed me towards you. We ran away too fast. I couldn't see where he was going."

"What if he's back at the house? Or his own house?" Shirabi wonders out loud. "At least someone from our group must be there, right?"

"Wait— we don't even know if everyone is split up! Maybe we're the only ones lost."

He laughs even louder at that. "That would be embarrassing."

"Yeah, so let's go find them."

●・○・●・○・●

The morning after, Kaoru, Nao, and Kiyoshi sit at the dining table, all three of them eating from cans of food.

"Where is Hotoke?" Nao asks finally, the words so hurried that it sounds like she's been waiting to ask it.

Kaoru stiffens. Kiyoshi shares a glance with him, swallows, then looks at Nao. "We sent her away."

"Why?" She asks unsurely.

Kaoru opens his mouth, probably to come up with an excuse, but Kiyoshi is faster: "She sexually assaulted Kaoru. So don't hang out with her again."

The color drains from Nao's face before it becomes completely red. "Oh. I... I'm sorry to hear that," she stammers, eyeing Kaoru. "I didn't know she was that kind of person—"

"It's fine. It's over now." Kaoru stuffs another spoonful of food into his mouth. "How old are you?"

"Twenty."

"Older than I thought," Kiyoshi notes. "Do you have a job or are you studying?"

"I work a part-time job at a restaurant and I'm studying to become a chef," she explains, still speaking quietly. "What about you?"

"Mechanic. And Kaoru has been studying toxicology."

"Nice—"

"Anyway." Kaoru stands up hurriedly. "We should go look for everyone else."

"Or we wait here. Eventually, they'll realize some people might've gone back to your house, right?"

"Not with the King of Spades around. I need to find Hana and Nozomi—"

A loud bang on the door.

All three of them freeze.

"Let me check," Kiyoshi whispers. He grabs a knife from the kitchen counter.

Kaoru also grabs one. "We'll go together."

"Nao, if something happens, run. Don't worry about us."

The girl nods shakily.

Kaoru and Kiyoshi tiptoe towards the front door, both of them half bending down to make theirselves less visible. Kiyoshi grips the handle and counts from one to three, then slams the door open, knife up in the air—

"Aguni?!"

The man stands there with nothing but a backpack and a small knife.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kiyoshi gulps. He looks down at his clothes and starts wiping at them. "Wait, are we back in the real world? Or how long have you been here—"

"Car accident," Aguni grumbles. "Yuzuki, Sakiko, and Arisu— the four of us got hit. I haven't been able to find them yet. Maybe they're not here, that's possible, but I doubt it. I was furthest away from where we got hit. It's unlikely that only I got hurt."

Kaoru stares at him, eyes wide. His little sister. His mom. "What?" He whispers.

"Aguni—" Kiyoshi panics. "We're so doomed in here. All the games are here. From number cards to jokers— and we don't know what arenas are number cards and what arenas are joker cards. We lost Shoma and Seika and—"

"I know. They died in the real world, too." Aguni walks inside the house. "Things aren't going well on the other side."

"What do you mean?"

"Half the population is in a coma. The hospitals are full. Some kind of virus has spread around. It only attacks young adults. A lot of people have died already. We already suspected that you'd be in the Borderlands." He pauses shortly. "Now that Arisu is also in the hospital, Usagi is all alone with the other kids. Hikari had a hard time accepting that Nozomi was in the hospital, and now that I'm here too, I don't know how she'll respond. And... your dad," he looks at Kaoru, "is, I think, the only one from your family who isn't here. He and Yuzuki got in a huge fight."

But Kaoru already lost it when Aguni mentioned the virus. The virus. The virus. The virus that he spread around. The virus that's his fault. The deaths that—

"Hey." Kiyoshi slaps a hand on Kaoru's shoulder. "It'll be okay, dude."

"That's not the problem," he tries to say, but it comes out to quietly. Eventually, he manages to clear his throat and ask, "Why did my mom and dad fight?"

"Your father has been acting stupid. But that's not the issue. Knowing him, and assuming his whole family is here, he'll probably—"

"—consider going here, too," Kiyoshi realizes.

"Exactly. I won't be surprised if he shows up." Aguni closes the door behind him and walks through the house. When he sees Nao, he doesn't say anything, simply just nods. "Where is everyone?"

"The King of Spades attacked us. Our entire group split up. This is Nao. We met her as she got attacked. She got grazed by a bullet." Kiyoshi motions at her. "We don't know where the others are. We haven't looked for them yet, either. Did you see anything suspicious?"

"No. Who does your group consist of?"

"Hana, Kaede, Nozomi, Shirabi, Nanaka, Elikai, and Renji."

"Also Suzume," Nao whispers. "I saw her leave with others. She's Hotoke's sister, b-but I promise she's not as bad! Hotoke was nice to me, though she did give me... weird vibes. Suzume was never like that."

"Who?" Aguni asks.

"Hotoke and Suzume. They're sisters," Kaoru mutters. "And their father is... Niragi."

Aguni stares at him for a long time. "Wasn't he dead?"

"Yeah. By the looks of it, the sisters are a few years older than us. Their mother probably had them before the Joker Borderlands."

"Unwillingly?"

"Yes," Nao suddenly speaks up. "They told me about it. And told me to use the last name 'Niragi' if anyone asked."

"How do you know them?"

"I met them here during a game. Suzume helped me out. We spent a few days together before we met Kaoru, Kiyoshi, and all the others."

Kiyoshi coughs. "Would anyone care to tell me who Niragi is?"

"A rapist," Aguni says gruffly.

"Ah, so it's in the genes," he blurts out.

Aguni's eyes narrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"Ehh..." Kiyoshi peeks at Kaoru. "There's a reason why Hotoke is no longer in our group."

"Whatever." Kaoru brushes it off once again. "We should keep moving and somehow prevent my dad from going here."

"Why? He'd be a good help and I'd love to see him suffer after everything he did to Yuzuki," Aguni says below his breath.

"Yeah, and him dying would ruin 'Yuzuki'."

"There is no way to stop anyone from going here. It's not like a pigeon will fly to the real world and deliver a message," Kiyoshi argues.

"Scars and wounds," Kaoru says. "All the wounds you guys gained in the Borderlands also showed up in real life, right? The scars on my dad's back, my mom's stitches from the glass, your eyebrow slit." He looks at Aguni.

"What're you saying?"

Kaoru plays with the knife in his hand. "Hypothetically, if we'd carve a word into somebody's arm, it should also show up in real life, shouldn't it?"

"We are not carving anything into anyone," Kiyoshi decides.

"I'm just saying."

"So? You're planning to carve 'Chishiya, don't go to the Borderlands' into your forehead and hope he listens to that?"

"Wait." Kiyoshi gasps a little. "If we happen to find Hotoke again, we could just do it to her."

"Yes!" Nao yelps, a bit too loud, because she slaps a hand to her mouth.

"I like her," Kiyoshi comments. He walks into the kitchen and opens the cabinet full of canned food. "Aguni, do you want something?"

"I won't stay. I need to find—"

"The chances are high that the others will also come here," Kaoru interrupts. "I mean, my mom, sister, and Arisu, at least. The rest of our group... they'll appear. Someday."

Aguni looks puzzled. "Fine. I'll stay, but if they don't show up by tomorrow, I'm leaving."

"Yeah, and you're gonna have to play a game tonight. Best to prepare yourself."

"Are you saying you think I'd die?"

"What? No, no! Of course not. You're strong," Kiyoshi peeps. "Just... a tad older than last time you were here, right? How old were you? Wait, how old are you now?"

"Not as young as I wish, but not as old as you think."

"...what—"

"We should think strategically," Kaoru interrupts. "If we were... Arisu, where would we go?"

"Ehh... a gaming shop?"

"And my mom?" Kaoru thinks out loud. "I think she'd go look for us. The most logical place would be to look in the house. The same goes for Sakiko."

"How old is your sister?" Nao asks.

"She turned eleven a few months ago. I hope she's not alone. She's not very familiar with this world."

"Argh, this is so stupid." Kiyoshi groans. "Why is no one coming to the house? Is it not the most logical place to go?"

"We wait another day, then we go out there," Kaoru decides. "I'll join Aguni's game—"

"No. I'm going alone," Aguni insists. "You said all the games are here at once?"

"Yes. Numbers, faces, and jokers, but the faces are probably artificial intelligence. The King of Spades is inhuman. Doesn't smell or bleed the same way we do. We barely got away from him. He already attacked the house. That's why we left. I doubt he'll come back here, though."

"He goes to groups. At night, he can see the lasers going down. If one area has a suspicious amount of lasers, he'll know the jackpot is there."

"So we're pretty safe for now," Kiyoshi confirms. "You know what, I'll go with Aguni—"

"No," Aguni repeats. "I'm going alone."

"Well, please don't die."

"Just because I'm old now doesn't mean—"

●・○・●・○・●

He says I took a name
that didn't belong to me.

But it's just my name.
It always has been.
It fits in my mouth.
I pronounce it with ease.
I introduce myself with it.

Still, he watches me
like I got something
and haven't finished paying for it.

His silence is the kind
that slices you open
without touching you.

He doesn't shout.
He doesn't slam doors.
But I flinch anyway.

Because every glance says,
You are dangerous.
You are wrong.
You are near something precious,
and I am the only one who sees it.

He never says her name,
but I hear it
in the way he looks at her
and then looks at me.

As if I've already broken her
in a future he's convinced
I'm going to build.

I wish I could tell him
I'm not trying to hurt anyone.
That I never meant
to be this close
to someone he loves.
That sometimes I wake up
with my hands shaking
from a dream where he finally speaks
and every word is a blade.

But I don't tell him anything.

Because he doesn't ask.

Because I am still a boy
and he is made of something
older than logic.

I call him Shush
because that's all he ever gives me:
warnings in silence.
judgment without words.
the kind of quiet
that feels like drowning
in no water.

And the worst part is,
he thinks he's right.
I think he believes
he's saving someone.

But I'm just standing here
trying to be good.
Trying to be worthy
of the sunlight she gives me.
Trying not to shake
when he's in the room.

And every time he looks at me,
I feel smaller
than my name.
As if I should give it back.
As if I shouldn't be here.

As if maybe,
I really did steal something.

Even if I don't know what it was.

"Hi."

Kaede's head snaps up. It's as if whoever just greeted him waited for him to finish writing.

"Hi," he responds. Then his eyes squint. Bangs. Tan skin. Slight smirk. Piercings.

He scrambles onto his feet. "What do you want?"

Hotoke cocks her head to the side. "Nothing. Just company. I'm so glad I found someone. When the King of Spades attacked us, everyone ran away. I've been by myself the past days. And it looks like you've been, too."

"I don't want your company. You lied to Hana and fought her," he says stiffly.

Hotoke scoffs. "I have made mistakes in the past, yes. It's not like I wanted to fight. But if you assume that I wouldn't fight back when some crazy bitch starts pulling my hair—"

"She's not crazy," he says. "Don't call her that."

Hotoke sighs dramatically. "Fine. Maybe I pushed a few buttons. But you know how girls are, always getting emotional over nothing."

"Don't talk about her like that. And don't talk about girls like that either."

Hotoke clicks her tongue. "So polite. You'd be more fun if you loosened up."

She takes a step closer. Kaede backs away immediately.

"Don't," he warns.

"Don't what?" she says. "I haven't done anything yet. Relax. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I just think you're... what's the word? ...tense. All that devotion. I bet it gets heavy, huh?" Her fingers lift towards his chest. "I've been watching you fight in the ring for the past years. You're good."

Kaede jerks away. "If you're aware of the fact I fight, you should probably stop talking about Hana. And don't touch me."

Hotoke laughs. "Wow. I thought you were one of those good boys. No hitting women, right?"

"Leave."

"That's a shame. I think we'd have good chemistry."

"I'm not interested."

Hotoke pouts and drags a finger up his arm. "Are you sure? I thought guys your age would be crawling out of their skin to get touched by someone like me."

Kaede steps back again. "You're disgusting."

"And you're lonely," she hums. "Same as me. Don't act like you're some saint. I bet even Hana hasn't touched you like—"

"Don't say her name."

Hotoke smiles wider, enjoying the reaction. "Why? Afraid I'll say something true? She doesn't like you like that, Kaede. She never will. But I'm right here, and I—"

His fist lands across her cheek.

Hotoke staggers back, clutching her face in shock. "You— you hit me?"

"I told you not to mention her."

"You can't hit a woman!" she yells.

"I can hit you," he spits.

She glares at him. Her tone turns sharp. "So what, you're a little puppy now? Defending Hana like she even cares about you? You think that'll make her look at you different? You're pathetic. She's just like her brother. Scared, unable to fight, and—"

"Kaoru," Kaede breathes, head snapping up. "Where is he? What did you do?!"

"What do you think?" She asks innocently. "Kaoru's a big boy. He can handle himself—"

The world turns white when Kaede realizes what must've happened between Hotoke and Kaoru. He doesn't register the first blow. Or the second. Only the sound of her hitting the ground. Only the sound of his own breath and the crunch of his knuckles against her skin.

She tries to say something, but it comes out garbled as he grabs the front of her shirt and yanks her up.

"What did you do to him?" he snarls.

She spits blood. "He liked it."

Kaede slams her into the wall. His voice is shaking. "You touched him."

"So what?"

This time, he doesn't stop. Not until she's curled on the floor, whimpering, the smugness peeled off her.

Kaede stares down at her, chest heaving. "I'll give Hana the satisfaction of killing you."

With that, he stomps away. As much as he'd love to search for Hana and Shirabi specifically, Kaoru has become his priority. Hotoke sounded way too proud of himself, and though Kaede can't know what happened exactly, he assumes the worst. And what if Kaoru is all alone right now?

What would Dad do? He looks around, arms crossed, sighing lightly. He's probably doing exactly what his dad would also do.

Kaede bites his lip. He misses his parents. His siblings. Baya. Aguni. Kuina. Ann. Heiya. Shush— gosh, even Shush.

He turns a corner, exhausted, then stops.

There's someone up ahead. The figure is crouched near a fire, back turned, hair slightly too long. Kaede freezes.

"Dad...?"

The man turns.

For a second, both of them just stare.

"...Kaede?" Arisu whispers, stunned.

Kaede's breath breaks all at once. They crash into each other. Kaede wraps his arms around his father. Arisu holds him back just as hard, a choked sound coming out of him that Kaede has never heard before.

"What're you doing here?" Kaede cries.

"Last thing I remember is driving towards the city," Arisu responds. He holds Kaede's face between his hands. "Are you okay? You're covered in blood."

"No— no— Seika and Shoma are dead, I lost the group, I killed the King, she assaulted Kaoru, and—"

"Sit and slow down." Arisu drags Kaede towards a bench in an abandoned park. The plants are dead, crushing below their shoes with a sound. "Tell me again. What King did you kill?"

"Spades." He runs a frustrated hand down his face. "But—"

Arisu chokes on nothing. "Sorry, what? The King of Spades?"

Kaede nods. "But—"

"The King of Spades?" His dad repeats, eyes wide. "No way. On your own?"

He nods again.

"What—" Arisu sputters. "How? When? Where?"

Kaede lifts his fists. His knuckles are raw; half-bleeding from how he just beat Hotoke up, and leftover scars from fights in the past. "My fists, and I found a pole. I destroyed its face—"

"We needed a bomb," Arisu whispers to himself, staring at the ground. "A bomb and hundreds of people. And a gun." He looks at Kaede and cups his face again. "Are you okay? Are you hallucinating? I think you're dehydrated, Kaede. I hate to break it to you, but you didn't kill the King of Spades. Code on, let's find some water."

"Dad, I did kill him," Kaede says firmly. "I know I did."

Arisu subtly scoots away. "Be very careful. You're still my son. Let's never get into any arguments, okay? I would like your fists to stay away from me."

"You're insane." Kaede wraps his arms around his dad once again. "I love and hate that you're here— I'm just glad I've finally found someone. Like I was saying, we all split up on accident."

"And Kaoru? What was with him?"

"This girl," Kaede breathes. "Hotoke. I'm not sure what happened, but she's also the one who lied to Hana. She assaulted Kaoru. I don't know how far she went but I'm so, so worried, Dad. I don't know where everyone is."

"Where have you looked?"

"I haven't looked very strategically. I've been wandering around the past few days." He shrugs. "I'm not as smart as you. Where could they be?"

"Don't say that. You killed the King of Spades. That's insane, Kaede. No amount of intelligence goes against that." Arisu taps his chin a few times. "Hotoke," he repeats. "Where is she now?"

"Somewhere over there. I hit her. A lot of times. She was talking shit about Hana, too."

"Ohh, wait. Is it that Hotoke? Chishiya said something about it... Hotoke Niragi?"

"I guess?"

"I didn't know DNA works like that," Arisu murmurs. "But I guess it's all in there."

"What?"

"In the genes."

"What does that mean?"

"Her father—who's deceased, by the way—also assaulted many people. Including your mother and Baya."

"How bad?" Kaede whispers, afraid to hear the answer.

"Bad. Once, Baya saved your mother from it. The second time, I was almost too late. It happened during a game—"

"A game?! How desperate could he have been?"

"I know right," Arisu sighs.

"And Baya?"

Slowly, he looks at Kaede. "You don't want to know."

"Now I do."

"They lived together for about three months after the Borderlands. She didn't remember him. Let's say... it was the cause of his death." Arisu clears his throat, clearly not all too comfortable talking about this. "Anyway, I assume the most logical place to go to is the house. Ours, theirs— we'll find out once we go there."

Kaede inspects his father closely. "Are you not panicking or breaking down at all? Now that you're back here?"

"I already did that," he assures, as if that's a good thing. "Let's go to the houses."

●・○・●・○・●

She's in the shadow of an abandoned building, hunched behind a wall, legs pulled to her chest, hands over her ears. She's not crying. She can't even cry. Her body won't let her.

She's just trying to breathe, but even that seems impossible. The dirt beneath her nails. The ragged hem of her shirt. The copper taste of blood. It all feels unreal.

A metal clang echoes from a rooftop a few buildings over.

Her spine goes rigid. Her heart punches into her throat.

She's back there. In that room. That rotting banquet hall. The clink of knives. The smell of meat. The hollow eyes of the girl who didn't make it. Her voice. Her sobbing. The feast is made of those who came before you. The screaming. The screaming—

Baya presses her fingers harder against her ears, but the sounds are inside her now. She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to find something to ground herself. Chishiya's face. Hana's laugh. The feeling of Kaoru's arms around her. Sakiko's face when she's trying not to smile.

But it's no good. Every thought she tries to cling to melts. Her hands start shaking. Then her shoulders. Then her breath. She gasps for air. Her vision swims. Her body wants to bolt out of here and out of her own skin, but she can't move.

She tries to whisper to herself. All that comes out is a sound she doesn't recognize. And she hates it.

She hates this. She hates how weak she feels. How her body remembers things her mind wants to forget. She claws at the wall beside her, just to feel something solid. The brick scrapes her skin. She doesn't care. Pain is real.

She digs her nails in. Focus on that. Focus on that. It's over. It's over. You're not there anymore. It's over—

But it's not. She's back here.

She doubles over, gagging into the dirt. Nothing comes up. She hasn't eaten. But the retching keeps coming.

When it stops, she just lies there. On her side. In the dirt. Shaking. Eyes wide open. Mouth slack. Sweat soaking her temples and the back of her neck.

The building spins slowly around her, stretching and shrinking. She thinks maybe she's going to pass out. Maybe she should.

"Baya?" Nozomi's boots crunch over glass as she looks down at the woman. "Shit," she mutters, dropping beside her. "Baya? It's Nozomi. Elikai's here too."

Elikai kneels beside them, her braid swinging over her shoulder. "She's dissociating," she says softly. "Shock, probably."

Slowly, Nozomi sets her knife aside and removes her jacket. She gently wraps it around Baya's shoulders. Still no reaction, but Baya's fingers stop twitching.

"Good," Nozomi murmurs. "That's good."

Elikai scans the alley, then stands and positions herself in front of them. One hand on her blade, the other clenched.

"I'll keep watch for the King. You help her come back."

Nozomi nods and turns her full attention to Baya. She softens her voice even more, almost into a whisper. "Baya... you're here with us. You're safe. It's just me and Elikai." She reaches forward, placing a hand over Baya's, who flinches, her whole body jolting.

Nozomi smiles, even as tears well in her eyes. "Hey there."

Baya swallows hard. Her lips move, but nothing comes out. Just a rasp of breath. Her throat flexes as if she's trying to speak.

"You don't have to say anything," Nozomi assures. "Just stay with us. That's all we want."

Quiet tears trail through the dirt on her cheeks. Nozomi shifts closer, cradling Baya's head to her chest. She buries her face against Nozomi's shirt.

"Tell me it's not real," she finally whispers.

Nozomi swallows. "Let's just... go somewhere safe, okay? How about your house?"

●・○・●・○・●

"Stop," Nanaka says suddenly. She spreads her arms to prevent the rest of her group—Renji and Suzume—from walking. "I see someone. There." She points into the distance, where a figure is wandering around, shoulders slumped, head down.

Suzume also takes a look, while Renji stays behind. He still has the dark circles below his eyes. Still has the chapped lips, red waterlines, and greasy hair.

"Wait." Nanaka creeps closer. "I think it's..." Another step, then she yells, "Sakiko?!"Nanaka's boots slam against the pavement as she sprints toward the girl. "Sakiko!" she yells again.

Finally, the girl turns her head. It is Sakiko. Nanaka lets out a laugh and crashes into a kneel before her, gripping her by the arms. "Sakiko," she breathes. "You're here? You're— how the hell—?"

Sakiko doesn't answer. She blinks slowly.

Nanaka swallows. "Are you hurt?"

"No," Sakiko replies. Her voice is small but flat. "But I think I might've been asleep for a while. Or dead. I don't know. Everything's blurry."

Behind them, Suzume catches up, panting. She slows when she sees the girl. "Who's that?"

Renji arrives last, dragging his feet, eyes dull until he sees Sakiko. His breath catches. "No way."

Nanaka rises slowly, her hands still braced on Sakiko's arms. "Suzume, this is Sakiko. She's Kaoru and Hana's little sister."

Renji stares at Sakiko like she's a ghost. "Does she know?"

Nanaka looks down.

Sakiko speaks before she can. "I know about the Borderlands. I know where I am."Her voice is too steady for someone so small. Her eyes flick over Suzume briefly, then back to Nanaka. "Who is that?"

Nanaka clears her throat. "This is Suzume. She's our friend."

Sakiko nods once.

Nanaka kneels again and gently pushes Sakiko's hair back from her face. "How long have you been here? You've been alone?"

"Mostly," Sakiko replies. "People either ignored me or tried to trick me. I've been hiding."

She pulls Sakiko into a hug. "Okay," Nanaka whispers. "Okay, we've got you now. I promise. You're not going to be alone again."

"We should move. It's getting late."

"Where to?"

"I was on my way to the house. I wanted to check if one of my parents is there. Mom, Aguni, Arisu, and I were together until I suddenly ended up here. I don't know where they are."

Suzume stares at her. "You're gonna have to play a game tonight. I promise we'll protect you no matter what—"

"I'll be fine," Sakiko says simply. "I'm smart."

"I'm... glad you're aware of your own abilities."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't— yeah, okay, let's go to the house."

"I think my dad will be here soon," Sakiko says, loud and clear and confident. "He'll probably try to kill himself to make his heart stop beating."

"Oh. That's... um, good to know, Sakiko."

"Has anyone attempted yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"Suicide."

"Eh, no, Sakiko."

"Oh, okay. I assumed too fast."

The walk to the Chishiya house isn't all too long. They're there in what feels like seconds. Inside, they hear faint rumbling.

Clutching a knife, Nanaka bangs on the door.