( gif by ; -tzarrion )

━ CHAPTER TWENTY ...

' look for the light , part. 3 '

The two males armed with guns continued to push Joel through the hospital away from the girls, as he walked ahead of them quietly, with his brain thinking of a quick plan.

They come to another hallway as they turn a corner, and Joel saw the directions sign on the wall, where one pointed to where he thought his girls were.

"I didn't hear anyone say, 'stop'." One of the Fireflies spoke up from behind him, as the male paused his walking near a flight of stairs.

"Which way?" Joel's voice rumbles out a question, briefly glancing around his surroundings for later as he knew he had to act rather sooner than later.

"Down the stairs." The same Firefly orders as he pushes Joel towards the stairs, and they start to walk down it with the light flickering above them.

Joel came to another slow stop the more they got down the stairs, as the two behind him share a confused look at his pause, "The fuck are you doin'? Keep walking."

One of the Fireflies go to shove him down to the platform between the stairs, and Joel just stopped once more with his figure tense and tall, "I said keep walk-"

Before the Firefly could get his sentence out, Joel had swung his elbow back and hit him hard in the face, causing him to fall back against the wall surprised. Joel acts hastily, grabbing the Fireflies gun and shoots the other one about to attack him, killing him instantly.

Joel snatched the other gun from the still alive Firefly, and shot a bullet right in his upper leg. The Firefly groaned in pain, a hand placed over his move as his back slides against the wall, and all the way to the floor.

"Where are they? Where is she?" Joel lowly demands with the gun aimed at the male, finger itching to pull the trigger on him as his unhinged rage was resurfacing.

The wounded Firefly breathes heavily, scowling at Joel with deep hatred as he keeps a hand on his bleeding leg, "Fuck you."

"I don't have time for this." Joel doesn't think twice and aims another bullet at the male, right in the middle of his chest as he his body jolts, and stops breathing.

The gunshot echoed around in the stairwell, as the voices of other Fireflies were yelling over the radio at the sudden gunfire. Joel bends down to once alive male, and takes the knife and dog chain necklace who he knew belonged to the sisters.

He grips (Y/N)'s dog chain tightly in his hand, rubbing his thumb somewhat over it as his thoughts drift back to the promise he made to himself. He swore that he'd never leave her side again, and that's what he was about to do. He was going to save the one who meant the everything to him.

Placing the chain around his neck, and the knife into his pants pockets, he grabs more ammo from the Firefly's body, stocking that away, and picks up his brown bag.

He walks up the few stairs to the doorway, bag over his shoulders, as his gun was ready and aimed to fire at anything that got in his way of rescuing them.

Joel spots an armed Firefly through the glass window, and fires a shot at him, making his body drop and the glass to shatter.

Everything went numb to his ears, as he continued his walk and slaughter through the hospital, shooting and killing anyone who moved and breathed.

He ducks as he just hears and feels the enemy's gunfire on him, as he turns down the long hallway, and fires his gun right back at them. When he was low on ammo, he hides behind some of the doors in between, reloading quickly.

Once he was ready to shoot again, he takes a deep breath to try and control his flared up desperation with wrath and fury he was experiencing. He turns his body into view, and shot a bullet at the one attacking him, adding another kill to the long list he had.

Some of the Fireflies were trying to escape from his rein of fury, but Joel wasn't letting any run free from this hospital. More gunfire was shot at him, causing him to press his back against the blue wall near some shelves, and appeared out again when the other male was out of ammo.

One of the Fireflies had shown him surrender, as the male has his hands up, and places his weapon on the ground in hopes to go free. However, Joel didn't even blink one eye seeing it, and shot the defenseless male dead.

As he gets closer, and closer to where he hopes where the sisters were, he has to keep reminding himself that this was all for them, all for her. The trail of dead bodies he was leaving behind also reminding him of the monster he is.

Joel easily clears all the levels of the hospital, as the gun he had taken from the first dead Firefly ran out, and he takes another smaller gun from the last person he had murdered.

He opens the door into another hallway, and saw the 'Pediatric Surgery' sign on the wall pointing straight ahead. He walks into the eerie quiet hallway, and continues to move down it as he ignores everything around him, until he gets to the end of the path

Another door was there as it was closed shut, and he steps into it as his eyes catch doctors all in scrubs surrounding (Y/N), who was unconscious and layed down on a medical bed as the doctors were getting ready to work on her.

The sound of the monitor beeping hits his ears as he pushed the door open to the medical room, and noticed Ellie who had lifted her head up from her spot at the back of the room, eyes going wide seeing Joel with a gun.

Joel didn't pay mind to her, as he just motioned for her to get behind him, and Ellie does with a confused expression, the girl not knowing why he was here with a gun inside the operation room.

She thought her older sister was about to save the world, and didn't need rescuing as she knew (Y/N) wanted this. However, Ellie had no clue that this operation would kill her sibling, Ellie had no idea that she would be taken away from her because of her immunity.

"Unhook her." Joel's voice speaks up lowly, making sure he was placed in front of Ellie as his eyes didn't leave his beloved's unconscious figure.

All the nurses gasped at his sudden voice, turning their heads towards the armed male as they momentarily paused what they were about to do.

"How did you get in here?" The surgeon questioned warily, as he goes to take small steps forward with authority towards the two behind them.

"I said unhook her." Joel once again ordered, tone and expression cold as ice as he motioned with his gun to (Y/N), itching to sweep over and take her away.

Jerry, the surgeon glanced between where he was pointing, and back to Joel as he grabs a scalpel off the small high table, and attempts at threatening the ruthless killer, "I won't let you take her."

Joel doesn't hesitate as he rises his gun up, and shoots Jerry straight in the head point blank, causing his body to drop dead onto the floor. Joel's eyes didn't move once from (Y/N), as he orders the shaking, scared nurses this time, "Unhook her."

The panicking nurses followed what he said, fearing for their lives as they quickly and hurriedly removed all the stuff off of (Y/N)'s body, and they took off the drip in her arm, creating a somewhat cut in it.

"Cover her arm." Joel demands as he moved closer to where they were, gun still raised at the nurses but didn't pull the trigger.

The closest nurse to (Y/N) placed a bandage on her bleeding scratch, making sure it was placed on firmly before standing back with her friend, both their hands raised up.

"Turn around." He ordered once more as he walked around to where (Y/N)'s body was, gun still up at the nurses, and they did as they were told, facing away from them.

Once they were turned away, Joel turned his attention back to the sleeping (Y/N) as his entire expression softens seeing her peaceful face. He gently goes to cup the back of her neck with his hand, pulling her up into his arms, and he momentarily rested the side of his head against hers.

"Come on, sweetheart, I gotcha.." He whispers faintly as he picks her up bridal style from off the bed. One arm going underneath her knees, and the other was wrapped around her back, being careful not to mess up her hospital gown.

Joel looks over his shoulder at Ellie, who had her sisters bag around her shoulders, and was waiting for them at the door. She didn't understand what was really going on, but had a slight suspicion that Marlene and the Fireflies had lied to her about (Y/N) surviving after the operation. She could tell that much at least.

Joel walks right by Jerry's dead body on the floor, holding the young woman he loved securely in his arms, as her face had ended up falling into the crook of his neck like usually.

The two walk side by side silently, as Ellie sends worried and sad glances up to her unconscious sisters body in Joel's arms from time to time.

They arrived at the elevator, as it had opened up for them, and they walked inside as Ellie pressed the button for the lowest floor, and leans against the wall away from Joel as the elevator starts to move.

Joel moves his gaze away from the doors, and towards (Y/N)'s peaceful looking face resting against his collarbone. A lot of different thoughts were swimming around in his mind, majority of them being about her, and where this incident would place their relationship.

He presses his lips against her forehead, letting them linger as he slowly removes them and replaces his mouth with the tip and bridge of his nose, resting them against her forehead also.

A shaky sigh escaped his lips, closing his eyes shut tight, and let himself sink into her warmth, his comfort place. Joel knew the world could of been saved if the operation went ahead, but then again, he already did save the world.

His world being the girl cradle inside his arms.

She was a cure, his cure. He didn't save the world, he saved his.

The elevator door dinging, and opening has Joel opening his eyes slowly and moved his face from hers, as he gently adjusted (Y/N) in his arms, and nods his head at Ellie, who gave a small understanding smile back.

He walks out first quickly as Ellie was right next to him, as they pause to scan the parking lot to find a car, and Joel spotted one that was already on, and ready to use.

"Over there." Joel quietly said to the young girl beside him, as he motioned to it with his head, and she grips her sisters bag straps. She follows Joel over to the car, both not knowing someone was lurking in the shadows with a gun.

"You can't keep her safe forever."

The familiar voice of Marlene has them freezing mid fast walk, as Ellie quickly stands behind Joel a little bit and holds her sisters hand loosely as Joel turns around also.

"No matter how hard you try, no matter how many people you kill, she's gonna grow slower then you, Joel." Marlene starts off her words as she slowly walks towards the trio, gun pointed at Joel in warning, "And then you'll die. She'll leave. Then what?"

Joel just somewhat listened to her impactfully words, already knowing the ends of her speech were correct as his heart breaks painfully just thinking about it. He subconsciously rubs his thumb over (Y/N)'s back, ands he pulls her closer to his chest, as the top of her head brushed against his chin.

"How long till she's torn apart by infected? Or murdered by raiders? Because she lives in a broken world that you could have saved." Marlene remarks bitterly.

"Maybe. But it isn't for you to decide." Joel states with the same attitude, and tightened his hold on (Y/N) as she was the only one who could choose what she wanted to do with her life.

"My sister should have a choice, Marlene, it isn't fair for you to take that away." Ellie speaks up faintly from beside Joel, frowning guilty as she let (Y/N) put her trust into the Fireflies, into Marlene, and they just threw it away as soon as they learnt their was a chance she was a cure.

"It's none of yours either." Marlene retorted back as she glances between the awake ones, gun still aimed at Joel as she steps closer, "So what she decide, huh? 'Cause I think she'd wanna do what's right. That's the kind of person she is."

Marlene catches the drop in Joel's expression, herself knowing she had hit his weak spot, "And you know it. It's not too late. Even now..." She starts to lower her hands holding the gun, "even after what you've done. We can still find a way."

Joel drops his head at her words, eyes automatically landing on (Y/N) in his arms as he knew he couldn't give her up again, wouldn't let her go ever again.

He didn't know what she would want, but he be damned if he let her sacrifice herself for an already shitty world. The world didn't deserve to be saved, but she did.

And with that, Joel had his final answer.

...

Joel was inside the driver's seat as he drives the car down the long, quiet road and his face had a solemn expression on. He closes his eyes for a second, letting everything that he just did to sink in, and the sound of (Y/N) groaning catches his attention.

He looks into the wing mirrors, and spots her slowly waking up with her head resting in Ellie's lap. (Y/N) groggily opens her eyes up, blinking rapidly as she met her sisters worried gaze, and glanced around lost seeing they weren't in the hospital anymore, "What? Where are we-"

"It's all right. You're with me." Joel gently coaxes the girl watching her panic a little bit, and continued to look at her through the mirror, "Take it slow. The drugs are still wearin' off."

(Y/N)'s hand found Ellie's as she grips it weakly, and lies back down on her lap with a puff of air, "We were with the Fireflies and then-" She pauses as his words only just hit her, "What drugs?"

Joel swallows hard, and goes to speak like he had rehearsed it, "They were runnin' some tests on you...and some others. Turns out there's a whole lot more like you...people that are immune. Dozens of 'em."

Her stomach dropped at his confession, eyes going wide feeling like her entire reality just crumpled around her as the one life changing, life saving purpose she had, was all just a made up lie.

She thought her life actually mattered, but finding out this proved her terribly wrong.

"And the doctors, they couldn't make any of it work. They've actually st-"

Joel pulls the trigger on the gun, as he watched Marlene double over in pain as the bullet hits her, and he cradles the girl in his arms more at the sound.

"They've stopped lookin' for a cure." Joel finished his heavy, choked up words as he keeps his attention up front, knowing it would be harder to lie looking at her.

(Y/N) bites down on her wobbly bottom lip, squeezing Ellie's hand more as she glanced down at her blue gown on her body, "Where are my clothes?"

"Raiders attacked the hospital. I barely got ya two outta there." Another lie Joel told the woman whom he holds dear, "We'll find you some new ones on the way."

She nods a little bit with a distant look, gazing up at her sister who was turned away to stare outside, making her even more upset as she looks back at the chairs seat, "Were people hurt?" She croaked, ignoring the pang of betrayal and confusion in her chest.

He pauses at her question, the heavyweight of his guiltiness getting bigger and bigger the more he talked, and touches her dog chain around his neck, "Yes."

Her (E/C) eyes drift to the back of his head, and saw how tensed his figure was because of the conversation, and goes to ask unsurely remembering the older woman she raised her, "Is Marlene okay?"

He didn't answer that, couldn't answer that after what he did to insure her safety, and hastily changed the subject at hand, "I'm takin' us home."

(Y/N)'s eyes shut close hearing his wavery answer, and turns her back to him, as she face away from the one male who she thought would never lie to her like this.

Joel watches her do this with glassy eyes, and swallows back all his emotions as he thinks back prior to this, "I'm sorry."

A gunshot went off from Joel's gun as he had one aimed at Marlene under (Y/N)'s knees, and he swiftly made his way over to the car as Ellie was already in the backseat now waiting for them.

Joel opened the backseat door, as he gently places (Y/N)'s body down onto the seat, and made sure she was comfortable. He brushed his fingers faintly over her cheek, heart aching knowing she would most likely never forgive over what he did today.

Ellie gives Joel a sorrowful, but understanding smile as she gently places her older sisters head in her lap, running her fingers through her (H/C) locks, while Joel had leaned back up hearing Marlene's pained groans.

He closes the back seat door, and makes his way back around to the Firefly queen with his gun in hand, ignoring Marlene's coughing, and gasping for air from the hit to her.

"No, wait. Wait, wait, wait." She pleads desperately, as she holds up one of her blood covered hands, and pants for breath, "Please. Let me go."

"You'd just come after her, take her from me again." Joel coldy said through a clenched jaw, aiming the gun up and didn't hesitate to shoot.

...

The car had stopped driving down the long road, as (Y/N) sits on the seat of the car, legs out the door and she stares at her bite on her arm. She was donned in new clothing, and trace her fingers faintly over the scars while Ellie watched with a guilty expression.

"Well, she got us close enough." Joel's voice sounds from the front, as he slams the car hood down and sighs as he moves around to the siblings, "We gotta walk the rest of the way. Probably about a five-hour hike..." He leans against the cars window, smiling between them knowingly, "but we can manage that. Remember?"

(Y/N)'s lips lift up into a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes like normal when around him, "Yeah."

...

The trio were now walking through the wood along a pathway, as Joel leads them like usually and (Y/N) walks a bit away from the other two, listening to the nature sounds around them.

It was quiet for a couple of minutes until Joel talked, "You know, Sarah and I used to hike like this all the time." He glances back at the girls, who somewhat looked up at his sudden words.

"I wouldn't say it was her favorite thing. She wasn't a fan of the mosquitoes and such. But she was a big climber....or scrambering. That's probably the right word." He rants fondly, and freely about his deceased daughter, not afraid to talk about her anymore, "That girl she'd see a big rock, and just...pew" He makes a air release noise, and motions upwards to the path, "She woulda liked you two."

Joel turns back again, flicking his gaze between the girls before landing back on Ellie as he directs this at her, "Not to say the two of you are the same. Definitely different kids."

"How so?" Ellie questioned cursiolsy, and amused as she waits for her older sister to catch up beside her.

"Well, she was a lot more...I wanna say girly," He tells her before quickly adding sheepishly, "And I'm not sayin' that you're not girly."

"I'm not." Ellie deadpans, and (Y/N) smiles a little briefly at their interaction with each other.

"Yeah, you're not. So that." Joel chuckles, as he goes to list some more different things, "She was taller. She had a killer smile." He turns his head to her, once again adding quickly, "Again, not sayin' that you don't. But you know why I think she'd like you?"

"Why?"

"'Cause you're funny." He admits truthfully as the girls come up to now walk closer behind him, and Ellie stifles her bright proud grin, "I know you would've made her laugh." His gaze finds (Y/N)'s figure again, before turning back around, "Anyway, I bet you two would've liked her back."

"Yeah, bet we would've." The (H/C) haired girl whispered faintly as she stares at the back of his head, sensing how much he loved and cared about his daughter when she was walking this earth alive.

The group come up into a clearing within the woods, arriving on top of the hill and saw the beautiful view of Tommy's town, that they had left behind all those months ago.

They all came to a stop near the edge of the hill, as Joel glanced back and forth from (Y/N) and to the next pathway, debating what to say, "Not much further now."

He goes to start to walk down the hill, and Ellie steps forward to follow right behind him, but (Y/N) doesn't move, and clasped her hands together in anxiousness, "Hey, wait."

Joel turns back around hearing her voice, as Ellie does the same and walks back a few steps to her sister, and watched (Y/N) curse softly under her breath, and walk up to stand in front of Joel.

"Back in Kansas City, you asked me about the first time I killed someone." She starts off in a firm voice, and sees him paying attention to her now, "When I was younger and my adopted mom was pregnant with Ellie, we were hiding away from infected chasing after us."

She looks off to the side remembering what happened like it was yesterday, chest feeling tight, "Until one got in, and started to attack her...And I knew, I knew I had to kill it before it took two more people I loved from me." She shuffles in her spot, and fiddles with her blue flannel shirt, sniffling, "Soon after that, she was still bit, and past. Even with me killing the infected, it didn't prevent anything, didn't save her. And there was Riley, who got bit when I did, and I had to-"

Joel feels his heart clench in sympathy listening to her words, deeply paining him that she had to experience all this and still take care of her younger sister in this shitty world. He'd do anything to prevent her from having to suffer from all that she's been through.

(Y/N) exhale shakily as she now looks up into Joel's emotion filled eyes, and Ellie came to stand beside her older sister with a solemn look, "Those two were the first to die. And then it was Tess. And then Sam."

Joel was straight away frantically shaking his head hearing (Y/N) blaming herself, "That's not on you, it won't ever be on you."

"I know, but-"

"Look, sometimes things don't work out the way we hope." Joel continues off from his last words, and interrupted her quiet voice, "You can feel like...like you've come to an end...and you don't know what to do next."

He swallows the growing lump in his throat, and subconsciously grazes his finger against her dog chain around his neck hidden away, "But if you just keep goin'...you find something new to fight for. And maybe that's not what-"

"Swear to me." (Y/N) cuts him off strongly, as she takes a few steps forward towards him, leaving Ellie behind them with a nervous expression, and makes her eyes stare intently into his dark ones, "Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true."

Ellie's gaze automatically darts to Joel's figure, seeing how tensed up he became, and knew whatever he told her older sister here, would determine their future relationship.

If he didn't tell (Y/N) the truth, she wouldn't either, not matter how much it hurted her not to.

Joel grips her dog chain under his shirt, posture becoming defensive as his holds eye contact with (Y/N), the girl he thought the world of, the one whom owns his very heart and soul, and all the memories of them throughout this long journey start to flood through.

With two simple words, he breaks everything they once had. A simple lie and cover up to keep her safe from the agonising truth.

"I swear."

To be continued....

AUTHORS NOTE;; i can't believe season 1 is already over omg ☹️ thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for sticking with this story and reading it. i literally couldn't of done this without my supporters. i love you all so very much 🫶🫶

and yes, i am in need of someone like joel miller in my life, i mean who wouldn't?

but this story isn't over. stay tuned for the next part when season 2 hits, and airs. im hoping you guys don't forget about this until then, and i hope to see ya'll around again soon :)

thank you for the support once again, and until next time beloved readers <33

love,
moni
🕊🧟