( gif by ; -tzarrion )

━ CHAPTER NINETEEN ...

' look for the light , part. 2 '

TRIGGER WARNING : talks of attempted suicide !

The trio were now walking through a long tunnel that lead them to another opening, and was getting closer to the hospital the more they travelled.

They walk out into the opening, seeing it was abandoned like normal with greenery growing, leftover supplies with vehicles broken down off to the sides. It looked like some sort of a camp, with medical equipment in the ripped makeshift huts.

"Was this is a FEDRA thing?" Ellie questioned curious as they stroll through the camp, and look around the area.

"No." Joel replied to her beside the older Williams, as they walk along the path through the camp, "Army. They put these places up all around the first few days after the outbreak. Emergency medical camps. Obviously didn't last. They had me in one just like this."

"With Sarah?" (Y/N) hesitantly asked the male next to her, and glances at him with nervous eyes remembering the last time they talked about his dead daughter.

"No, she was gone already." He steadily told her and shook his head, not as scared to talk about Sarah anymore with the two girls.

Her shoulders slumped at this, giving him a sorrowful expression as her hand holding Ellie's dropped, "So what was wrong with you?"

"It was for this." He pointed to his wounded ear, and he finally turned a little to face her as they continued walking slowly.

"Ah, the guy who shot and missed. I figured that would've happened later." (Y/N) remarks with a bit of confusion, walking forward as she didn't notice Joel coming to a stop behind her.

"No. Second day." He said to her lowly, as his head was down and he lingered back near the cement broken on the ground.

"Well, I've gotta hand it to the Army people." She starts off her somewhat tease, and relief about his injuries getting fixed up, as she saw Ellie reading through some of the old papers inside the tents ahead, "They were way better at stitchin' you up than we were."

"It was me."

His sudden words made her pause in her tracks, and spin around to see him standing still in the middle of the pathway, fiddling with his bag strap, "I was the guy who shot and missed."

Her face dropped at his heavy confession, feeling her heart start to clench with heartbreak for him as she turns back to Ellie, seeing her giving her a thumbs up, and the older girl took that as a signal to go comfort Joel.

Joel leant against the broken chunk of cement , as (Y/N) comes back to sit on it, and made sure their shoulders just touched as she waited patiently for him to continue.

"There's no story." He starts off with a nose twitch, and swallows hard as he keeps his gaze away from hers, "Sarah died...and I couldn't see the point anymore. Simple as that. And I wasn't scared either. I was ready."

He nods his head to the air with a distant expression, "I couldn't have been more ready. When I-" His voice gets a bit strangled up, causing her heart to ache more for him, "When I...went to pull the trigger, I-I flinched. Still don't know why." He shuffles his boots nervously hearing no response from her, "Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all this-"

"I know why you're tellin' me all this." She interrupted gently, as she moved a tad bit closer to him so now their shoulders, and arms touched each others, while glancing up at his handsome face.

He released a shakily exhale, emotioned filled eyes staring away from her still as his heart starts to beat faster, "Yeah, I reckon you do."

It was comfortable silence between the duo, before (Y/N) tipped her head up to Joel, and her lips lifted up into a lopsided grin, "So time heals all wounds, I guess."

He finally took a brave turn to her, knowing his next words would change everything between them, and gulps down his remaining nervousness, "It wasn't time that did it." He confesses wavery, looking at her earnestly, and leans into her space.

The words suddenly hit her like a heavy truck, as her face breaks out into a bright smile that made her eyes scrunch up, happy tears appearing understanding what he was implying.

Joel reaches out with one of his trembling hands, gently, tentatively cupping one of her cheeks in his palm, eyes so full of warmth and love and goes to close the small gap between them, knowing she felt this too.

(Y/N)'s stomach flipped with her heart fluttering rapidly seeing this happen, and then he gently crashed their lips together. An overwhelming warmth washed over her body finally feeling his lips against hers, as both their eyes go fluttering shut tightly.

He molded his lips against hers, realising a content sigh against them as their lips moved together in soft sync, while he gently rubs his thumb over her cheek, relishing in this very special moment between them.

She released a small muffled giggle onto his lips feeling his mustache tickling her, as she had one of her hands behind his neck, and threaded her fingers into the soft locks as she played with it, and pulled him more into her lips.

His heart squeezed with utter adoration hearing the noise, now smiling against her lips as he pushes them into hers more also, and presses his nose against the side of hers, tilting his head to make the kiss deeper.

Ellie, who was a little away from them at the makeshifts tents, looks up from reading something on the table, and bits back her squeal seeing the pair together on the cement. She was so happy for her older sister, she deserved this after everything that's happened, everything that will happen.

Before the kiss could go on any longer, much to (Y/N)'s misery, Joel pulled away with a deep inhale as their lips made a small smacking sound. Their foreheads rested against each others, noses touching for a few seconds till she moved a bit back to glance into his warm eyes.

"I'm glad..." She trails off with a harsh swallow, her brain now only registering that she and Joel just kissed, and she ignores all her thoughts about the consequences, and cupped his jaw in her hand, "that didn't work out. I'm so fucking glad it didn't." She breathed out with a relieved smile, brushing her thumb over his skin softly.

A look of hurt flashes across his face when she didn't say the words he thought she would, but it quickly faded as he smiles weakly, and nods his head tightly in agreement, "Yeah, me too."

She bites her bottom lip with hesitation as she goes to move forward again, but instead pressed a hard kiss against his forehead, causing his eyes to flutter at her touch with a longing heart.

"We should probably get going." (Y/N) now speaks in a whisper, removing her hold on the male who meant the world to her, and sat back to watch his reaction with conflicted emotions.

Joel clear his throat as he wipes his glassy eyes, and once again nod with his answer as he glances away from her, "Yeah- yeah we should."

He goes to silently stand up with his belongings, and goes to walk towards where Ellie was waiting patiently for them a she reads her puns book.

(Y/N) watched Joel's figure walk away with an aching heart, mentally kicking herself for how she acted after finally getting to kiss the man who she truly loves so much. It destroyed her seeing him looking so slump, and upset at her rejection, but she couldn't help it.

She was just terrified.

Terrified of what could happen if they actually got together, terrified of opening herself up to someone else, and most importantly was scared of the frown upon their age difference. She didn't care what people thought of her, but she damn well wouldn't let Joel get shit because of it.

She reminds herself again that there wasn't much people left for that to happen, but her fear of their relationship and losing him overpowered her, no matter how much, how badly (Y/N) wanted, needed Joel.

With a heavy sigh, she placed her bag over her shoulders, and her bow as the taste of him was still lingering on her lips, and goes to trail behind the two talking in front.

Ellie was pulling out her pun book from her bag, hoping to break the duo's upset moods up. She knew her sister like the back of her hand, and automatically knew she was acting selfless for someone else again, that someone being Joel.

"'People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.'" Ellie reads a pun from the open book, as she makes a funny face at the two walking either side of her, while they gave her incredulously looks, "Too soon?"

"No, it's topical." Joel assures with a nod head, briefly glancing (Y/N) with an conflicted frown, having a very good idea why she brushed him off like she did after they kissed.

Ellie breaks into laughter, as she spots one she knew (Y/N) would love to hear, and leans her way with intent, "'Moon rocks taste better than Earth rock. Why?'"

(Y/N) shakes her head with an amused chuckle, and ruffles Ellie's hair as she answered the joke, "Cause they're meteor."

"Oh, that's terrible." Joel scoffs jokingly with a grimace, as he rubs the back of his head, and Ellie exclaims her prosest while (Y/N) smiled a little bit, but it faded as soon as her eyes made eye contact with his.

"Alright, alright. 'What did the green grape say to the purple grape?'" Ellie once more questioned with a pun, skipping to keep up with the adults walking pace, "'Breathe, you idiot.'"

Joel's lip twitched up into a smirk, pondering on what rate the pun should get, "That was three outta ten."

The (H/C) haired girl scoffed in disbelief, nuding her shoulder against his, and momentarily forgets what happened with them before, "Come on, that's gotta be at least a seven."

"Fine. Five outta 10." Joel was easily persuaded by her, but enjoyed seeing her grumpy look as she snorted at his rate, and grabs onto his arms as he turned to look at her.

However, the sound of something dropping behind them as the trio spinning around to spot a canister on the ground, with smoke coming out of it and making air resales noises.

Joel, who realised what this was went to grab (Y/N) against his chest, as he shields her and she protected Ellie as a small explosion goes off from the canister, causing the trio to be pushed apart and fall to the floor, hard.

Smoke was around them as they all cough from it, and the sudden force of the explosion on them. A high-pitched ringing was heard in their ears, as (Y/N) tries to reach for Ellie through blurry eyes, but instead was met with rough hands pulling her up, and away from the area.

Joel hears her panicked yells for him, and Ellie as both sisters were being taken away by people through the smoke, "Girls?" He grunts as he tried to stand up with his ringing ears, not finding them anywhere which made him yell more alarmed, "(Y/N)?! Ellie?!"

Before anything more could be done, someone behind him with a gun hits the back of his head with the blunt bit, and caused him to black out unconscious.

...

Joel's eyes slowly opened up from after what happened, as he groggily sees that he was in an hospital with the Fireflies logo on the object near the bed he was placed in.

"Welcome to the Fireflies." A familair voice talks lowly behind him, causing him to spin around quickly with a spinning head, "Easy. Ya got hit pretty hard. Patrol didn't know who you were."

Joel was still trying to get his bearings after the hit received, and once his mind cleared more his thoughts were straight away on the sisters as he couldn't see them anywhere, "Where are they? Where's (Y/N)?"

"They weren't hurt. Not even a scratch." Marlene assures him with her hands folded over her chest, and smiles a little remembering how frantic the oldest Willam's was over him, "(Y/N)'s mostly worried about you."

His eyes snap up hearing his beloved's name, and goes to sit up on the bed with a grunt and demands, "Where is she?"

"We lost half our crew crossing the country." Marlene ignores his question about her, "I had five men whose only job was to protect me. And I still almost got killed. How'd you do it?"

Joel inhales strongly, sitting on the edge of the bed as he glances down at his hands she held and touched, "It was all her. They fought, she fought like hell to get here."

"They would've been dead on day one." She disagrees with his statement, not really believing him which made him stare sharply at her, "You are the one person I never wanted to be in debt to. But I owe you. We all owe you."

"Just take me to her." Joel pleads as he didn't care for her words, as all he wanted was to see (Y/N)'s face, apologise while holding her in his arms and make sure the sisters were alright.

Marlene pursued her lips, and shakes her head sadly as she sees the look on his face, "I can't. She's being prepped for surgery."

He narrowed his eyes at this, glancing around the room as he sees the two more Fireflies male with guns, and turns back to Marlene with a grumble, "What surgery?"

She takes a deep breath for explaining the truth to him, "Our doctor...he thinks that the Cordyceps in (Y/N) has grown with her since birth."

"Why is she in surgery?" Joel was now standing up with a confused, and protective look as he didn't know why she needed to be in surgery for this.

"It produces a kind of chemical messenger." Marlene continued her explaining over the agitated male, "It makes normal Cordyceps think that she's Cordyceps. That's why she's immune. He's gonna removed it from her, multiply the cells in a lab, produce those chemical messengers... and then we can give it to everyone. He thinks it could be a cure, Joel. A cure."

A looks of realsition crosses his face at the news, as his expression drops with defeat, and his heart breaks into pieces, "Cordyceps grows inside the brain."

She gives him a knowing look, and nods her head tightly with guilt, "It does." She walks over towards the door, and stands near it as Joel was back on the bed from the shocking news.

"Find someone else." He rumbles from deep within his chest, knowing that his beloved didn't get a say in the decision to use her life for this so called cure, and it was her choice alone, no one else's.

"There is no one else." Marlene remarks truthfully as she faced him in the doorway, frowning heavily, "We didn't tell her, nor Ellie, we didn't cause her any fear, there won't be any pain."

"No. No-" Joel was shaking his head in quick denial, his rage and desperation spiking up at the fact that this surgery would take away (Y/N) from him, and the fact they didn't give her choice in the matter, "You take me to her right now-!" His loud shout was cut off when the male Firefly elbowed his gun into his stomach, making Joel double over in pain on the ground.

Marlene raised her hand up to the male next to her, signalling to stand down from the grunting Joel on the hospital floor.

Joel presses his hand against the floor, breathing heavily with his eyes burning with emotion, and begs feebly through a horrible voice crack, "Please...I can't lose- you don't understand-"

Marlene now understood how much he's grown to care, and love for (Y/N), and was currently seeing how much he did by his desperate begging.

"I was there when she was first born, Joel." She starts off telling him with a sadden expression, "I promised her biological mother, who died giving birth to her that I would save her child. I promised. And I will keep that promise to her." She blinks back her emotions also, and stares down at the shaking Joel, voice only a whisper, "I'm sorry. I have no other choice."

Joel slowly looked up from the floor, knuckles scrunching against the ground as his eyelashes were damp, and his expression suddenly becomes very dark, "I do."

Marlene's shoulders dropped at his threat, giving him a bitter head nod as she motioned to out of the door, "Walk him out to the highway leave him there with his pack." She unclips the sisters knife from belt, and pulls out (Y/N)'s dogtag necklace from around her neck, "Give him these."

The male Firefly beside Marlene takes the object's out of her hands, as (Y/N)'s dogtag clinks from the movement, and it caused Joel to scowl coldly at their grubby hands all over it.

"He tries anything..." Marlene trails off with not so friendly look on anymore, "shoot him."

The male next to her roughly grabs Joel up from the floor, as his hatred, ragefull gaze was stuck on her with a clenching jaw. He gets forcefully pushed out of the room by the male's gun aiming at his back, and keeps his eyes ahead of him as he was lead out of the hospital.

Like hell Joel was going to leave here with the sisters, without (Y/N), the one he loves the most in this shitty world, despite after their last interaction that made him believe she didn't feel the same way.

Everyone in that hospital were about to find out exactly what they took away from Joel, and this time, he wasn't going to show mercy to anyone.

( gif by ;
sporadicstarsx )

AUTHORS NOTE;; my bad this chapter is pretty short compared to my others, but its super close to the end and i wanted it to drag out because of that lmao 💀💀

i actually suck at writing kiss scenes good lord, i wasn't supposed to go down the angst path with it but i guess i did (so sorry guys) 😭😭😭

anyways, i hope you guys enjoyed this somewhat good chapter and i'll see you in the last chapter for season 1 :((