❝THE FIRST WEEK OF COLLEGE❞
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ chapter three,
Gilmore Girls — Season Four

𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝐧𝐝, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟑
―୨୧⋆ ˚ LUCY'S POV

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𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎 𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒, and now I'm sat learning about... Freud. June looks awfully fascinated by the professor discussing the psychodynamic theory proposed by Freud, but she would enjoy learning about this crap because she's a psychology major. The only reason I have to be here is because I'm dragging her to an Intro to Game Theory class── something I really hope I enjoy because it's one of the classes I definitely want to take this year.

  I power through the long, painful hour of learning about psychology, and when the class finally ends, I skulk away with a very, very happy June. "Oh, my God. That class was amazing. I can't wait to learn more." She claps her hands together, practically skipping next to me. "What did you think?"

  "Oh, it was..." I shrug. "...fine."

  "You hated it, didn't you?"

"What?" I jerk my head back, but I can't exactly lie, not when I look visibly disturbed after walking out of that class. "No. No, I──" June gives me a pointed look. "Okay, fine. I hated it. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine." She pulls out her notepad, crossing the class of her list. "I think I'm going to hate your Game Theory class so we'll be even."

"Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it."

She's totally going to hate the Intro to Game Theory, but at least we'll be even.

  As we're walking to our next class, I stop by the famous coffee cart that's been approved by the Lorelai Gilmore according to Rory who I chatted with this morning in my first class. I buy myself and June a coffee, and then I'm greeted by my infamous, no-longer drunk boyfriend.

  After the other night, Tristan apologised profusely, swearing on his life to make it up to me, so tonight we're going out for dinner which I desperately need because it feels like forever since we just went for dinner and talked. We haven't seen each other since the morning after he fell asleep in my suite as we've both been busy, so I'm just glad we get to have dinner tonight. I've missed him.

  He presses a kiss to my lips. "Hey, Blue." He swings an arm around my shoulders. "Hey, June." He and June have also become acquainted after we told him that he crashed into June while she was trying to carry him out of the bar. It's nice to see my new friend and my boyfriend getting along. "What are you two doing?"

  "Lucy is dragging me to a Game Theory class."

  "June dragged me to a psychology class," I argue, smiling innocently at her when her mouth gapes, pretending to be offended, but she knew before I went to that class that I'd hate it.

  Me and June have been getting along beautifully. Last night we sat in our room and chose all the classes we wanted to sign up to this week as it's "shopping week". Shopping week is where you get to try out as many classes as you want before you pick the ones you want to stick with for the rest of the semester. We ended up picking over fifty classes so we have a very jam packed schedule today, but I'm definitely feeling a whole lot better about being at college.

  My breakdown with Logan gave me a few days to reflect on how utterly ridiculous I'm being. Being at Yale is my dream── it has been for years── so while I really needed that cry, it was totally unjustified. I haven't cried since that day, and I don't plan on shedding anymore tears until there's something to actually cry about.

  "Well, I have a science class or something..." Tristan shrugs, and I stare at him strangely. "What? I can be... scientific. You never know, I might change majors after this class."

  "I don't think it'll be that life-altering, babe."

  "Well, I'll see you tonight, okay?" He brushes a kiss against my cheek. "Pick you up around seven?"

  I nod, smiling widely. "Sounds good. Oh!" I grasp his hand, keeping him here for a quick second because there's something I need to ask him. "Lindsay called me last night and asked if you wanted chicken or beef."

  "Chicken or beef for what?"

  "Her wedding," I reply bluntly.

  "W-When's the wedding?"

  "The eighteenth. It's a Saturday, and──" I stop talking because Tristan is giving me a look I'm very familiar with after two years of being together, and it's a look I don't like. "What?"

  "I can't go to the wedding."

My heart sinks, disappointed, and I look to June who nods, knowing well that I need to speak to Tristan alone after discovering that he won't be coming to my best friend's wedding. I then look back to Tristan who looks guilty as sin. "What do you mean you can't come? I told you about the wedding date weeks ago, and you said you would go with me."

  "I know, Blue, and I'm sorry, but Logan and his friends are taking me out for that weekend── you know, for my birthday?" He says it like I don't know that it's his nineteenth birthday on the same week as the wedding, and I scoff at his tone.

  Tristan's birthday is on the sixteenth, and we have plans to go out to dinner for his birthday. He then told me he would be going out with Logan and his friends on the seventeenth, but now he wants to switch it to the weekend── the weekend that one of my best friends is getting married on when he knew this date weeks prior.

"I thought you were going out with Logan on the Friday." Because that's what you told me.

"Well, now he wants to make it a weekend thing."

"And you didn't tell him you had a wedding to go to── one that you agreed to weeks ago?" My voice is raising, and I don't mean for it to be because we're in the middle of a large crowd, and yelling at my boyfriend is the last thing I want to do.

"I'm sorry, Luce. I just──"

"I'm the maid of honour, Tristan, I have to be there, and I want you there with me."

Lindsay made me her maid of honour which is, well, a huge honour, and I refuse to bail on her when I promised her I'd be there regardless of what's going on at school.

  He steps towards me, and he places his hands on my shoulders. "Yeah, I know, and you should be there── you're the maid of honour." He just repeated my words, but whatever.

I swallow my annoyance. "Yeah."

"Look, I'll make it up to you, I promise──" He's said that a few times recently, but his promises are starting to feel cheap. "──but I've really gotta go, okay? I'll see you tonight." He pushes his mouth against mine, and I can't even say anything else because he's walking away from me and off to meet──

  Logan and his friends.

  I stand in the middle of the courtyard, my hands holding onto a hot cup of coffee, staring after my boyfriend and his cousin. He's not going to a science class. From the looks of it, he's going to go and hang out with Logan── no surprises there.

I shouldn't be salty, I know, but dammit, he just told me he's not coming to my best friend's wedding when Lindsay and Dean are expecting him to be right next to me. He said he'd come weeks ago, and now he's cancelling two weeks before she's supposed to be getting married when I could really do with him being by my side. Attending a wedding alone when everyone else in town will have a plus one irks me, but I also don't want to argue with him.

I can't argue with him because we'll get nowhere no matter how long we spend discussing the issue.

I've always known that he and Logan were close, but now that they're at the same college, I'm starting to think they'll get too close. Don't get me wrong, I like Logan a lot, and after his help the other night, he's a really great guy, but I don't need him derailing my boyfriend's future.

Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic, but I know Logan's reputation. He isn't exactly somebody who enjoys school or working so his influence may impact Tristan, and in turn, derail his future and our relationship from the looks of it.

However, this is college, and he is allowed to have fun. I just wish he'd come home with me for one weekend so we can attend my best friend's wedding and spend time together. He was supposed to be coming to Sniffy's with me that weekend too, and now he won't be showing up for Maisie, Buddy, or my dad which I'll have to explain.

I end up being late to my Game Theory class, and I walk in to find everybody staring at me, and I'm suddenly transported right back to high school. One time, when I woke up with a cold, I ended up being late to my first class, and I had to walk into class to find everybody staring at me with disgusted, annoyed faces which is similar to how everybody is looking at me now.

I look away from the other freshman who actually made it to class on time, and I look to the professor who──

Wow. She looks awfully young to be a professor. Not to be stereotypical, but professors are usually middle-aged white men who wear suits and stern looks on their faces. This woman might be the youngest professor I've ever seen, but despite how young she appears, she's still damn scary. She has her arms crossed over her chest, staring at me intensely, and all I can do is muster up an innocent smile.

"What's your name?" she asks, her voice polite and calm. Okay, maybe she's not as bad as I'm imagining her to be.

She unfolds her arms, picks up her pen, and she moves her eyes down her list as I say, "Lucy Danes." Her pen stills, her eyes stop scanning the list, and she instead looks up from the list to me. The second she looks at me, I feel this odd feeling low in my stomach that I can't explain, but I suspect it's nerves because this woman is looking at me... strangely.

Am I not supposed to be here?

I've never felt this anxious about anything in my life, and if she doesn't stop staring at me like she's trying to read my mind, I might turn around and run out the door but June would never, ever forgive me.

Speaking of June, I shift my eyes over to her, and she waves her hand over at me. I don't look at her for too long as this professor is still looking at me. I snap my head back to her, smiling awkwardly. "I-Is, uh, everything okay?"

She shakes her head, obviously snapping out of whatever daydream she was in, and she looks back to her list. My eyes also move to the list, and I can see my name from here but I don't point that out just in case she chews my head off.

"Lucy..." She swallows thickly. "Danes."

  She says my last name like it's a curse word, but I don't question it── I don't dare.

"Welcome," she quickly says, pushing a sheet of paper into my hands which gives me a paper cut that shouldn't hurt, but I really want to shout the F-word. She ticks off my name, turns away from me abruptly, and moves back to her desk. I'm stood frozen for several seconds, confused by that entire interaction, but if I don't move, she might kick me out of this class.

I quickly move away, sitting in the empty seat next to June who leans in close to me and whispers, "What was that about?"

"I think she hates me."

And I can't figure out why.

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𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐘 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐅𝐈𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐈𝐅 𝐈 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐈'𝐌 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Without Addy, I'm practically useless at dressing myself, and while I'm half-tempted to call her, I don't bother. I miss my best friend, but I have three suite-mates who will be able to help, so I ask each of them what they think.

June thinks I look beautiful but I think she's bias. Joanna says I should change my shoes, and when she doesn't like any of my shoe options, she lets me borrow her heels── that's a sign of friendship, right? I then ask Amara and she throws a cardigan at me, telling me that I'm insane if I don't cover my arms because it's freezing outside which she isn't wrong about.

It's nearly seven o'clock when I finally stop staring at the mirror and accept my outfit. My cellphone buzzes on the bedside table, and I grab it, thinking it'll be Tristan, but it's somebody I miss a lot.

I answer quickly while sitting myself down on my bed. "Hey, Dad."

Dad has called me every morning or night depending on how my schedule is, and we've arranged for me to come home this weekend so we can have our dinner at Sniffy's Tavern. I did want to go home during the week but this week is so busy with me trying out so many classes, but my weekend is completely clear. Next weekend I'll be visiting again because it's Lindsay's wedding, and I might invite him to come with me instead of Tristan.

"Hey, kid. You okay?"

"Yeah." I rest back against the wall. "Oh, I have a question for you."

"Shoot."

"Did you piss off a Yale professor at any point in your life?" I ask, and there's a long pause on the other end because my question probably sounds odd, but I thought I'd ask.

"Uh, not that I can remember. Why?"

"Nothing. Just this professor I had today looked at me like she was trying to... I don't know, figure out where I come from," I laugh, realising how ridiculous this sounds, but that professor definitely looked at me for far too long. "She also said our last name like it was a curse word."

Dad huffs out a laugh. "She sounds lovely, Luce. What's her name?"

"Uh, Dr. Violet Bennett," I answer.

"V-Violet?" Dad splutters out, and I find that to be a little strange, but I don't question it. Perhaps he just tripped over his words.

I exhale a laugh. "Do you know her?"

"No. No, not a──" He clears his throat. "No, I don't."

"Okay..." I drawl, still finding his behaviour to be a little weird but I don't comment on it. "Anyway, I had a good day today. Went to a few classes. Decided I'm definitely going to take Game Theory despite the strange professor, and..." I peer over at the clock, seeing that it's now seven. "...I have a date with Tristan soon."

"Well, that's great, kid. I just wanted to check in." It's sweet of Dad to check in, and while he says it's for my sake, I think he likes to check in on me for his sake. "We still on for the weekend?"

"Obviously," I scoff. "Sniffy's every week. I wasn't kidding, Dad."

"Alright. Well, have a good date, okay?" I hum, nodding my head. "Get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I beam. "Love you, Dad."

"I love you too."

Dad hangs up, and I stare at my cellphone for a long moment, trying to figure out why he seemed so freaked when I repeated that name back to him. He seemed to know the name Violet, but he wasn't familiar with her surname. I shake it off, knowing that Dad would just tell me if he suspected something, and I tuck my cellphone away into the pocket on Amara's cardigan.

I had a really great day today── my first great day since starting Yale, so it can only get better from this, right?

I've chosen to pursue Game Theory as a class despite how odd my professor acted towards me. Throughout the introduction, I'd catch her staring in my direction, and when I'd ask questions, she'd not look at me. Her behaviour was... peculiar, let's just say that.

  I don't want to dwell on the past, not when I've got a date that I've been looking forward to for, well, days. After our talk earlier, I took some time to reflect on it and move on. It doesn't matter if he isn't coming to the wedding, I'll still have fun regardless. Sure, it would be nice to go with him, but I'm going to the wedding to be there for Lindsay on her special day, so it doesn't matter if Tristan is there or not. Nothing can ruin her wedding day.

  Half-an-hour passes and Tristan still isn't here. I'm sat with the girls in the common room, watching Friends on the flatscreen that Joanna brought from home. I'm hardly paying any attention as my eyes keep peering up at the clock in quiet desperation that Tristan will show up.

  "What time did Tristan say he was picking you up?" Amara asks, peering over at me.

  "Around seven," I reply quietly, looking down at my hands. Subconsciously, I've been picking at the skin around my nails── so much so that the skin around my thumb is bleeding.

  "Well, there's still time," June assures, and I nod, still picking at the skin of my nails.

  I don't know why I'm so anxious lately, I just... am, I guess. I lean back against the sofa, trying to focus on the TV screen but I can't focus my mind on anything but the clock that's now inching closer and closer towards eight o'clock.

  At eight thirty, somebody knocks on the door, and I bounce off the sofa to answer it, a little too eager. I swing open the door to find Tristan standing there, a sheepish look on his face. He's still wearing the same clothes from earlier, but maybe where we're going is casual. Unless──

  "I can't go."

  For the second time today, I feel my heart plummet to the floor, but this time I think it actually breaks through the wood.

For the second time today, he lets me down.

  "W-Why?" If he can come to my door and tell me that he can't go out, why can't he go out?

"My sister called. She needs me to come pick her up from some slumber party because my parents won't do it." He doesn't look at me as he's talking, instead choosing to look at the floor, the wall, the door── anywhere but at me.

I clear my throat. "Is that the truth?"

His eyes turn to mine── blue clashing with blue── and he nods. "Yeah, that's the truth."

"Okay," I sigh, dragging a hand through my hair. "We can..." I shrug. "...do it another night."

He steps towards me, placing a hand on my cheek, and every time he touches me, my entire body betrays me despite how frustrated I am with him, but if he's telling the truth, and his sister does need him, I can't be upset about that. "I'll make it up to you," he says for the third time in three days. "I promise, okay?"

I nod mindlessly, not looking at him.

His thumb swipes across my cheekbone, raising my face. "I'm really sorry, Luce."

"It's fine. Your sister needs you."

I don't ask why he was an hour and a half late to pick me up before coming to tell me this news that may be a lie. Maybe I should ask why he was late to tell me this, but I don't.

I let him kiss me. I let him say goodbye. I let him walk away.

I close the door behind him, and I lean back against it. My suite-mates look over at me, and then shift their gaze back to the TV like they weren't eavesdropping our conversation. I don't sit down with them, I just walk straight to my room, shut the door and grab my college bag.

I throw my pjs, clothes, my cellphone, my books, and my keys into the bag before I sling it over my shoulder and walk out of my bedroom. My suite-mates look at me, asking where I'm going, but I don't respond as I reach for the door, pull it open and slam it shut behind me.

There's only one person I really, really need to see right now.

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          𝐈'𝐌 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐔𝐃𝐃𝐘 𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 because it means I can drive home whenever I want, and Lord knows I need to be home right now. Until half-an-hour ago, I was feeling okay── I was having a good day── and then it was crashed by my boyfriend of two years.

  I knew I needed to be at home the second I closed that door behind him, and now I'm getting out of my car after parking in front of the diner, and I'm forgetting my bag so I can run headfirst into the diner.

  I push open the door to the diner, and everybody sitting inside turns to look at me, but it's not embarrassing like it was earlier in the classroom. No, it's nice to see the familiar faces of those who live in my beloved town. However, I'm not interested in those around me. No, I'm interested in seeing the one who serves them.

  Dad turns around last, and when he does, his eyes widen in surprise. I charge forward, engulfing him in a hug. He stumbles back, but keeps an arm around my back. Everyone around resumes eating, and I stay hugging my dad in the middle of the diner.

Dad rests a hand against my hair, sighing softly. "Hey, kid."

"Hi, Dad." I squeeze my hold on him, my eyes closing.

"You want coffee?"

I smile against his shirt. "Please."

Twenty minutes later, I'm sat upstairs with a cup of steaming hot coffee. Dad sits across from me, waiting for me to talk, but I don't know if I want to talk. I just had a "I need my dad" moment, but I didn't have any intention of talking to Dad about Tristan.

Discussing my concerns about Tristan that aren't even that concerning or worrying would only worry Dad, and that's the last thing I want to do. If I talk to him about how Tristan is acting, he'll probably go over to Yale and kick his ass── something I'd find amusing, but something I really, really don't need right now.

  Dad's being incredibly patient with me, but I imagine he has a thousand questions── ones I don't want to answer. I place my cup of coffee down, pushing it towards him so he can pour me another cup.

  "I know I said you could come home whenever you want, Luce, but you seemed fine earlier..." He pours me another cup of coffee, pushing it back towards me. "...so what happened after we talked?"

  "Nothing, Dad. It was──"

  "Was it Tristan?" he interrupts, and I tense, afraid that he's figured it all out. "Do I need to kick that jerk's ass?" See what I mean about him jumping to conclusions?

  "No," I bite out. "It's nothing, Dad."

  "I thought you had a date tonight."

  "We did. He..." I stare down at my coffee mug, feeling awfully anxious again but I don't want to pick at my nails, not in front of Dad. "His sister needed him, so he had to cancel, and then I had a──"

  Dad grasps my hand, startling me. "You've been picking your skin, Lucy." I wince, yanking my hand back, and Dad frowns. "Kid, please talk to me. What's going on?"

  "Dad, I just really needed to see you, okay? Yes, I was a little anxious earlier..." I hold up my hand, showing the skin I picked at earlier while waiting for Tristan. "...but I'm in college now, I'm always going to be anxious."

  "I'm worried about you."

  I scoff. "You don't need to be."

  "You're my kid, I'm always worried about you."

  "Well, you really don't need to worry, Dad."

I stand up, moving away to my side of the room. I sink down onto my bed, relieved to be in a bed that I'm familiar with. I pull my pillow to my chest, and I turn my back to my dad who I know is likely watching me── worried and confused, but he doesn't need to be.

  I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine.

My eyes close, my breathing deepens, and I feel my chest tighten. I sense I'm going to cry, but the tears don't come quickly like they did the other night. No, they fall slowly this time, spilling past the barrier I'm trying to hold up because Dad is sitting nearby. I hate to feel like this, but for the past few days, sadness and loneliness is all I've been feeling.

  I've never been a sad, lonely person── not ever in my life── but now I feel so lost and confused and alone. I can't explain it, and I'm not sure I want to because I can't make sense of my situation. I think, since coming to college, I've become a little more cautious and nervous which I find, well, strange because I never heard to be like that.

There's this pain in my chest that tells me I'm not cut out for college── that I'm too weak and vulnerable, and it makes me think.

Perhaps I am too weak to handle the pressure of college. I know it's a big step from high school, and with how I've been acting lately, I don't feel like I'm college material. Being at college for four days has been more painful than any day I spent at high school, and it shows with how much I've been crying lately.

I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore, but once I start crying, I can't seem to stop.

And when my quiet, controlled cries become loud and broken sobs, Dad is at my side, pulling me towards him. He holds onto me, wraps his arms around me in a protective and warm way, and I try to cling on, but I feel too weak and tired.

I fall asleep with my dad watching over me, and I sleep better than I have since starting college.

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authors note:

lil bit of tension with our favourite couple . . .

there's a lot of pain with lucy lately . . . i kinda used my experience with going to university and how i really struggled at first to deal with the new pressure

next chapter is a little happier & contains my favourite girls <3

ALSO . . .

VIOLET BENNETT
(          𝗃𝖾𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖿𝖾𝗋 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗍          )

she's going to be quite significant in this story . . .