"Hey, Lydia!" Jules cheered as she hung out the window when Lydia ran out of her apartment building. "About time!"

"Where you been!" Elliot called from the drivers seat.

"Had to submit my english paper." she climbed in next to Rue.

"Oh, the personal essay?" Elliot looked back. "What'd you write about?"

"Oh, you know, Peace and Love and for sweet baby Jesus Christ." Lydia shrugged, buckling up.

"I will drink to that." Jules cheered.

Rue looked over at Lydia as Elliot drove off, the street lights in the dark sky shining through the windows, making her light up orange ever few seconds. Elliot pulled up to the same store Lydia and Rue went to when they got the orange soda and purple Doritos. He looked back. "All right. I'm gonna distract the clerk, you're gonna steal the beer, and you two do nothing. Cool?"

"Word." Rue agreed.

"I can do nothing." Lydia agreed as she leaned onto the seat more. The pair got out, leaving Rue and Lydia in the car together. She looked over at Rue as she did the same. "My dad got mad we left such a mess."

Rue gave a minor giggle. "My bad."

Lydia smiled, nodding. "I'm going back to school on Monday."

"Good." Rue gave a slow blink, very high but trying hard to listen to her. "I promise i'm listening, i'm just, like, stupid high."

"Understandable." Lydia nodded as she looked out the window. "Rue?"

"Yeah?" she looked to her, but Lydia didn't seem to want to look her way.

"I feel a lot better about life when we hang out." she admitted, Rue gave a blink as she let that sink in. "I'm just saying."

"Me too." Rues gentle tone made her turn her head to look at her, a small smile on her face.

"Lydia, do you want one!" Jules laughed as she tried to pass her back a beer, Elliot driving down the road.

"I'm okay." she said back with a tight lipped smile.

Lydia never told any of us, but her dad use to have a drinking problem and that's the reason her parents got divorced. It's not that he ever hurt her or traumatized her, but she feared that she carried the alcoholic gene after getting super shit faced drunk a few days after the shooting. It was really the only time she didn't feel like the world was sitting on her chest, and that really fucking scared her.

"Yo, could you put the fucking drink down?" Elliot looked back to Rue as he took a turn.

"Are you fucking drinking?" Jules gapped in disbelief.

"Mm, yeah." Rue mumbled. "It's just one drink."

"I don't care. Why are you drinking?" Jules continued on.

"I mean, what do you expect someone to do?" Lydia defended Rue oddly quick. "Both of you are throwing them back."

"So, that's why you aren't drinking?" Elliot spoke up curiously.

"I'm not even into alcohol like that." Rue sighed loudly to get Jules off her back.

"Then why are you drinking it?" Jules went on, dumbfounded.

"Why aren't you?" Elliot voiced his question toward Lydia.

"Jesus, why do you care if I drink cheap ass liquor or not?" Lydia spoke defensively and suddenly.

Elliot laugh. "Woah, now. Where'd Lydia go?"

"Elliot, just take me the fuck home, please." Rue sat up with a loud exhale.

"Wait, Rue-" Jules tried with her.

"Nah, I just want to go home." Rue shook her head. "Lydia does too. She's clearly not having a good time. Just, take us back."

"No, no, i'm just saying, like, don't drink." Jules continued to try and back track it.

"I want to go home." Rue repeated.

"Why?" she exhaled.

"Because I can't fucking stand you." Rue admitted honestly as Lydia gapped slightly, trying not to look at anyone.

Jules was silent a second. "What?"

"Yeah, I don't wanna fuckin- I don't want to argue about this shit. I don't wanna fight. I'm sick of fuckin fighting." Rue sunk deeper into the seat in annoyance and exhaustion. "I'd rather be home."

"Rue, we aren't close." Elliot pointed out.

"Then leave us on the road, what the fuck." Rue spoke in annoyance as he pulled over.

"It's dark." Lydia looked to her. "Let's get dropped off at the next gas station and I can call someone."

Rue ignored her and got out of the car, leaving Lydia to follow her as Elliot drove off. Rue looked back. "You didn't have to come if you didn't want to."

"I know." Lydia walked next to her as they took the side of the road. She laced her hands in Rues as they walked. "I have money for a uber."

Lydia cried out as she pressed harder into the side of the wall, the man outside throwing himself against the door to try and get it open. Lydia let out a yell as he shot the handle, her hands pressed onto her ears as she curled into a ball. The door yanked open, the fear of God shaking her entire body as she stared up at the gun rose to her face.

A shot fired. Lydia expect to feel excruciating pain, to be put out, to see if God was truly real, or if the afterlife was an actual place you go to. Blood splattered across her face, the warmth something she'd never be able to wash off. The man infront of her fell, shot in the side of the head by a group of officers running down the hallways.

"Lydia, Lydia." Rue shook Lydia awake quickly. She'd passed out in Rues bed not long after they got back, leaving her awake to fall into the deep drugs. But, Lydia crying in her sleep had brought her back. Her eyes opened quickly as Rue held her face, she was so still. "Hey."

Lydia swallowed, her breathing shaky as she laid completely still. Rue held her face better. "Are you okay?"

She was silent again, her eyes shut for just half a second. "I'm okay."

Rue helped her sit up, rubbing her eyes to try and stay as alert and attached to earth as she could right now. She held Lydia's face again, because it seemed to help. The Mars girls hands held both Rues wrist as she came down for the panic attack that she received most nights she slept. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Rue promised her. "Do you want to talk about it."

Lydia shut her eyes as slow, soft tears fell from her eyes and onto Rues hands. "No one understands."

"I know." Rue whispered to her. "You can still tell me."

"I just want to stop." Lydia cried as Rue scooted in closer. "It never goes away."

Rue frowned, her arms going around her tightly as they fell into the bed. Rue held her tightly as Lydia cried softly, but with Rue it wasn't so bad. With Rue, she didn't feel like constantly dying, constantly in fear of someone hurting her. She felt safe with the one person she probably shouldn't with, but that's how the world worked, she assumed. You couldn't help who made you feel okay again, and for whatever reason, Rue was that person for Lydia.

•

kylie speaks

rydia? lynnett? rulydia?