ii. ๐ƒ๐จ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐š๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐š๐ฒ ๐จ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐Ÿ?



"No, you got it." Elliot leaned over Lydia's paper after coming up from snorting a line. "You just need to remember to carry the two. You have the number right."

"Oh." Lydia frowned, erasing. "Yeah, got it."

"Everything else looks good though." he nodded, catching her eyeing the coke that Rue was doing. "Did you want some?"

"No." Lydia spoke in return with a shake of her head. "No, thanks."

"You know what I feel like no one in my life understanding?" Rue fell onto the bed, her head hung between Lydias and Elliots. "That like drugs are honestly the only way I can be myself."

"Yeah." Elliot agreed as he checked Lydia's paper again. "I don't think that's true."

"No, it is true." Rue pointed out, Lydia turned her head to look at her curiously. "Oh, man. There's a look in your eye."

Lydia reddened. "There's no look."

"Are you judging me?" Rue rolled on her stomach.

"No." Lydia turned her body to face her more. "I was just curious why you think or feel that way."

I really fucking hated how smart and intimidating she always sounded, made me feel like she was judging me, even when she wasn't. I always had the urge to ask her if she thought I was judging her.

"When I first met you, I would have never had the balls to just, like, come up to you and talk to you." Rue explained to her with risen eyebrows. "Both of you."

"Why?" Elliot looked back at her.

"I'm just, like, a deeply shy person." she gave a faint laugh.

"Me too." Lydia agreed with a tight lipped smile, her knees coming to her chest.

"I know." Rue nodded, because the only things she really knew about Lydia was she was shy, she went to a school that had a shooting, and that she made her nervous. "And with Jules, right, like, when I first met her I was just immediately in love."

"In love?" Elliot frowned his eyebrows slightly.

"Yeah." Rue hummed. "I mean, saying it out loud kinda sounds small. You know?"

"Yeah." Lydia hummed, writing her name on her paper.

"You're in love too?" Elliot peaked over at her.

"No, I just mean, a big word can still feel small when describing a feeling." she swallowed, looking over at him with a small shrug.

"But, what's a bigger feeling then love?" Elliot looked to Rue this time.

"Loss." Rue spoke, looking over quickly when Lydia dropped her pen and rubbed her face. "Get her a joint."

"I don't wanna do drugs." Lydia shook her head.

"It's not really drugs." Rue rolled over with a loud exhale. "It helps with anxiety. Swear."

Elliot lit one up and passed it to Lydia, looking to Rue again. "Loss?"

"Yeah, I think so." she inhaled. "Maybe that's what it was, right? As soon as I saw her, I was just immediately afraid to loose her."

The both jumped when Lydia flooded the room with loud coughs, holding the joint away from herself as she gagged and slapped her chest. Rue cracked a grin, patting her back. "You didn't say that was your first time."

"Take it away." Lydia inhaled as she spoke through coughs, pushing it to Elliot. "I'm sorry."

"Everyone is different." Elliot laughed, smoking the rest of it.

"You were having a very sentimental moment and I ruined it." she came back from her loud coughs, leaning back and shutting her eyes. "Proceed."

"Who have you lost?" Elliot asked Rue curiously.

"Ugh, my dad." she took her hand off Lydia's back and rolled over again.

"Meaning..." Elliot trailed off.

"Meaning he's dead." Rue turned to look his way.

"Shit, i'm sorry." Elliot mumbled.

Rue laughed slightly. "It's fine. You didn't, like, kill him."

Lydia shut her eyes again. She knew that neither of them meant it, nor where they in the wrong for her own triggers, but all the talk about loss and death was doing her head more harm then good.

"How was he killed?" Elliot asked curiously. Lydia thought, even though it was ridiculously unlikely, she was gonna say he was shot during a school shooting.

"Oh, he wasn't." Rue shook her head, laughing as Elliot looked back in disbelief. "It was cancer."

"Shit." he mumbled.

"Yeah." Rue exhaled.

Lydia turned to look at her, opening her eyes. She didn't want to talk, talking wasn't something she ever enjoyed. She just looked at her, Elliot talked for her. "How old where you?"

"I was fourteen." Rue exhaled loudly, adjusting to try and get comfortable in the bed.

"So, recently." Elliot blinked.

"Not really." she gave an odd look.

"I feel like that's kinda recent." he explained in return.

"I don't know, I guess." Rue shrugged in the slightest. "Honestly, it feels like fucking forever ago."

"Weird." Lydia mumbled.

"What is?" Rue heard her.

She didn't expect her to, looking back with a blink. "Just, when bad stuff happens, it usually moves slow instead of fast."

"I don't really remember a lot of what happened between." Rue explained with a knowing look. "Maybe that's way."

Lydia looked away. "Maybe."

"Is that why you started doing drugs?" Elliot looked to her in questioning.

Rue laughed again, scratching the side of her neck. "That's funny. That's what- that's what everybody asked in rehab."

"You were in rehab?" Lydia gapped.

Rue had to laugh at her shocked features. "Don't looked so surprised."

"What do you mean?" Elliot brought the conversation back to before.

"Just that, you know, like I wish it was that simple, you know?" she repeated herself, Lydia let her words sink in each time. "Like, 'Oh, my dad died so I started doing drugs.' "

"I feel like everyone's looking for, like a, cause and effect." he agreed with her. "Sometimes, it just, like, is what it is."

"Yeah." Rue and Lydia spoke on sync.

"To be honest, if my dad was still here, i'd probably still be doing this shit." Rue rolled onto her stomach and looked at the two. She poked Lydia in the side of the head. "So, do you wanna talk now?"

Lydia looked back with a blink. "About what."

"With what happened at your old school." Rue propped herself up on her elbow, her hair covered any view of Elliot. Not seeing him was different, it was just her. And even though she didn't know much about Rue, she hadn't even known her a full twenty four hours, she managed to show up every time she was slipping into a panic attacks stage.

"I'm okay." Lydia stared at her, exhaling. "I don't wanna talk."

It wasn't long before Rue and Lydia were leaving, walking outside in the dark. She wasn't sure when it got dark, looking over at Rue. "What are you doing right now?"

"Now?" Rue rose her eyebrows. "Should get to a meeting."

"After that?" Lydia laughed, her face fell. "Oh my god, i'm so sorry. That wasn't funny."

"No, no, yeah. It's a little ironic." Rue returned the smile, rubbing her eye.

"Well..." Lydia trialed off, biting the inside of her mouth. "Do you want to lay on my roof?"

"Why?" Rue gave her an odd look.

Lydia shrugged. "Why not?"


โ€ข

kylie speaks

elliot, my girl just wants to
pass her classes, not get a
while drug recap

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